Thirteen years ago, I launched this blog and started writing, hoping to help fill the gap in news and information that sat at the intersection of LGBTQ identity and parenting. Just as parents of newborns have no idea what their children will be like in their teens, I had no idea how the blog would evolve or where it would take me.
First and foremost, it has connected me to all of you, the most wonderful, resilient, creative, and kind community of LGBTQ parents, our children, and our allies. Thank you all for being you, the best blogiversary present of all.
I’ve been humbled to learn as I write—about the truly great variety of our families, the ways we nurture and celebrate them, and the challenges we face. As with any child, there are times I’ve felt tired and frustrated with the blog, when the words wouldn’t come or when I was chronicling some particularly odious piece of legislation. But then I’d get to share a joyous story about a family or a new children’s book that celebrated LGBTQ people or LGBTQ culture, and I’d be reinvigorated and excited about being part of this community-building work.
As a way of looking back on the past 13 years, I’d like to share part of the speech I gave when I was honored with Family Equality Council’s Hostetter-Habib Family Award in May:
When I started my blog, George W. Bush had just started his second term in office. Only a year before, Massachusetts became the first state to enact marriage equality. Florida still banned lesbians and gay men from adopting, and other states banned unmarried (and therefore same-sex) couples. I knew a mere handful of LGBTQ-inclusive kids’ books, and the idea of my son seeing a family like his on TV was only a dream.
Not that we were pioneers among queer families. The first discussion group for lesbian moms was in 1956. Broadening our scope of parents under the big queer umbrella, we go back, I like to think, to Alexander the Great and Sappho.
Today, no state has an outright ban on LGBTQ people becoming foster or adoptive parents. Marriage equality is the law of the land, and its impact on our children was a key factor in the 2015 Supreme Court decision.
The number of LGBTQ-inclusive kids’ books and magazines has grown tremendously, although there are still far from enough, and we especially need ones showing us in all of our varied, intersectional, everyday lives. We need authors, publishers, librarians, and advocates working together to make this happen.
We also have increased representation in other media. Both Disney and Sesame Street, for example, have started depicting families with same-sex parents, even in shows for the youngest children. For tweens and teens (and many of us parents), Freeform’s The Fosters has given us not only an image of a two-mom family, but also one of a gay middle schooler, and two very different portrayals of young transgender men. And there are other shows, too—but again, they are only scratching the surface of our stories.
On the personal front, my son is now almost 15, finishing his freshman year in high school. As you may know, though, navigating the teen years can be bumpy for any family. And as a society, we’ve hit some bumps in our progress towards equality as well—notably with a growing number of religious exemption laws that allow discrimination in foster care and adoption. I’m hopeful, though, that with both firmness and compassion, grounded in love for our families, we can facilitate greater maturity for both our children and our country.
Being a parent is the most awesome, frightening, and joyous responsibility in the world. For me, it has meant teaching my son what he needs to thrive, and trying to make the world a better place for him to thrive in. I am proud to do so in an amazing community such as this.
Thank you all for being part of this journey together.