Thanksgiving is almost here, and for many of us, that means dinner with extended family, not all of whom share our political views. Fear not—here’s a roundup of ways to survive the holiday without the cranberry sauce flying.
Obviously, these ideas and suggestions can’t cover every family situation. It’s ultimately up to you whether to engage, ignore, or go home. Still, it pays to have tools in your toolbox to help you make that choice.
- Howard Ross of diversity consulting firm Cook Ross lists “10 Ways to ‘Be-With’ the Election at Thanksgiving,” and “to prevent our political differences from becoming personal losses.”
- CBS News discusses “The politics of Thanksgiving: Keeping the peace post-election,” including the important tip, “Be aware of the kids.”
- HuffPo has “A Handy Self-Care Guide For When Politics Come Up At Thanksgiving,” which may help if things get tense.
- Showing Up for Racial Justice offers “two ways to help support white folks in having tough conversations with other white folks.” I mention this here not because I think all my readers are White, but because Black voters were much less likely to have chosen Trump—so if you’re a White, non-Trump voter (and I assume that if you’re LGBTQ you’re likely not to be a Trump voter) you’re more likely to have a mixed-politics extended family and need these resources.
- First, there’s a Thanksgiving Discussion Guide with talking points for those conversations, as well as suggested questions “to elicit feedback and avoid conversational shut-downs.” It also gives us helpful things to keep in mind, like “Conversations with Trump supporters aren’t about proving yourself right, they are about changing hearts and minds.”
- If that’s not enough, SURJ also has a Holiday Hotline: Text SOS to 82623, and you’ll receive some talking points right on your phone. If you need even more, they say, “we’ll even hop on the phone with you for a short 1:1 coaching call.”
- StoryCorps is holding its second Great Thanksgiving Listen, in which it asks younger listeners to record conversations with their elders through the StoryCorps smartphone app. Founder Dave Isay (who happens to have a gay dad) told NPR, “We’re not asking people on the app to argue about politics. It’s about talking about, you know, who they are, where they come from, what their dreams are…. Each interview goes to the Library of Congress…. So we’re hoping that a lot of people will participate, and it’ll be a moment of unity at this very difficult time when the country is ripped down the middle.”
- If you just need some inspiration, try the #WhoWeAre project from StoryCorps and Upworthy, “a series of real-life stories told by everyday Americans that speak to our best selves. Stories that amplify love over hate and empathy over fear. Stories that build bridges of understanding between people and help us recognize our shared humanity.”
- Politics isn’t the only thing that can make family gatherings awkward. Transgender writer and parent Jen Durbent shares an open letter to her in-laws about why their suggestion that she come to dinner as her pre-transition, “male” self is a bad idea.
- In a similar vein, Gender Spectrum offers a three-part video series on Navigating the Holidays for parents and caregivers of transgender, non-binary and other gender-expansive children.
- Let’s not forget that, election aside, Thanksgiving is part of a colonialist narrative that brings its own set of issues. Teaching Tolerance has a number of resources for “Teaching Thanksgiving in a Socially Responsible Way.” They’re aimed at teachers, but work for parents, too. Part of being socially responsible during this holiday, too, I believe, is understanding the current challenges faced by Native Americans, including the resistance at Standing Rock to the Dakota Access Pipeline. Need a primer or want to go more in depth? Check out the Standing Rock Syllabus or watch the “Standing Rock Syllabus NYC Teach In” on YouTube.
However you recognize the occasion (and even if you don’t) here’s wishing you peace and enjoyment this week with family and friends. Posting will be light here through the holiday weekend, but you can always join in the conversations on Facebook and Twitter.