My 13-year-old son said all the kids on his bus yesterday were talking about the shooting in Orlando. At some point, we cannot shelter our children from news such as this. But how do we talk about it with them?
My son actually first heard about it online, when he searched for something else and saw the black ribbon Google put up in honor of the victims. I explained what I knew at the time—he’s old enough that I didn’t need to sugarcoat too much—and asked him first how he was feeling. He said he felt it was awful that we lived in such a world, where someone could just walk into a nightclub and start shooting people. He knew that some people would unfairly blame all Muslims.
We talked about Stonewall and gay bars, and how there has generally been an increase in acceptance of LGBTQ people over the past few decades. I said we are privileged to live in an area where violent incidents are rare, although that is not true for everyone—and that we are also privileged by the color of our skin. I told him that most of the victims were Latinx.
I said I thought that security in public places, including schools, had gone up in the wake of 9/11 and recent school shootings. (I didn’t mention that I wasn’t sure it was enough.) We discussed the need for stronger gun control laws—and used his love of Nerf guns to explore why restricting access to real guns was such a hot-button issue.
I avoided talking about the spate of anti-LGBTQ bills passed or introduced around the country recently. I wavered between full disclosure about the realities of the world and a parent’s desire to protect her child from anxiety and nightmares. It is enough for now that he knows there is anti-LGBTQ sentiment in our world. I want him aware, but not paranoid.
Did I succeed? Time will tell. In the meantime, here are some resources I’ve found that shed some light on discussing tragedy with children. I wish we didn’t need them.
- “Helping Children Deal with Traumatic Events,” from Open Circle, the elementary-school social emotional learning (SEL) program at the Wellesley Centers for Women. The article was first posted in the wake of the massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut. (I work at the Wellesley Centers for Women, though not in the Open Circle program. I post here as an individual, not on behalf of the organization.)
- “Helping Children Cope with Tragedy Related Anxiety,” from Mental Health America.
- GLSEN offers ways of “Addressing the Orlando Shooting at Your School” that parents may find useful as well.
- The Pulse Orlando Syllabus, compiled by librarians and teachers. offers a wealth of resources on numerous topics related to the tragedy, including stories of LGBTQ lives, LGBTQ equality, queer people of color, gun control, self care, and much more.
- [Updated to add:] School Library Journal offers a more focused list of “Books to Help Kids Cope with Tragedy.”