Because I have workplace issues on my mind, I thought I’d ask all of you:

Please share your funniest (or most memorable) experience of being a parent in the workplace—or of transitioning to become a stay-at-home parent.

Mine has to be leaving a business dinner to go shoot up fertility hormones in the rest room. (Usually, I did this at home, but the last one before egg retrieval required very precise timing.) It felt very illicit, somehow.

Or maybe it was nine months later when I mentioned to fellow meeting participants—as I stood there very visibly flat-stomached—that if I ran out suddenly, it was because I was having a baby. (For those who don’t know: I provided the egg; my spouse carried it.)

Surely some of you can top that, especially those who have had occasion to bring your kids into the workplace. Leave a comment!

No, it’s not the start of a joke, it’s the start of a discussion panel on LGBT parenting that I will be moderating during the Out and Equal Workplace Summit at the Los Angeles Convention Center. The parenting session, “Our communities, our careers and our families: Being an LGBT parent in the workplace,” will be October 6, 3:00 to 5:30 p.m.

If you’re going, drop me a note or just drop by the session! I hope to see some of you there.

Here’s the description:

In many ways, our stories as working parents are no different than those of our straight colleagues. Being a parent who is also lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender, however, has aspects that are unique to our community. Listen to a panel of LGBT executives discuss how they experience the issues facing all parents who work—and those of special concern to those who identify as LGBT.

I’m looking forward to talking with the panelists—Renee Brown of Wachovia, Michelle Smith of Boeing, Stacy Smithers of Wells Fargo, and Mike Syers of Ernst & Young—about their personal parenting stories and their experiences, good and bad, as LGBT parents in the workplace. What would you ask such a panel?

Go read—Cora talks about growing up with a working mom, being a working mom, making her way in a male-dominated field, meeting Julia Child, coming out, and creating her family through shared egg donation and IVF with Jennifer (similar to what Helen and I did, though we stopped after one child).

Kudos to Working Mother for a great profile of a lesbian mom. Not every mainstream publication can do it in such an informative and balanced way, neither shying away from her orientation nor making it seem like the primary focus of her life.

If you’re going, drop me a note or just drop by the session! I hope to see some of you there.

Here’s the description:

In many ways, our stories as working parents are no different than those of our straight colleagues. Being a parent who is also lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender, however, has aspects that are unique to our community. Listen to a panel of LGBT executives discuss how they experience the issues facing all parents who work—and those of special concern to those who identify as LGBT.

My own brief workplace story is that I was working at Merrill Lynch (leading the LGBT employee group, in addition to my regular marketing job) when Helen and I decided to start our family. The company’s health insurance helped pay for our IVF; I received parental leave like anyone else (Helen was the pregnant one); and my coworkers threw us a baby shower. Say what you will about corporate America (and there are certainly criticisms to be made), but many companies have been leaders in extending benefits to LGBT employees and setting an example for others to follow.

Not everyone is that lucky, however. I’m looking forward to talking with the panelists—Renee Brown of Wachovia, Michelle Smith of Boeing, Stacy Smithers of Wells Fargo, and Mike Syers of Ernst & Young—about their personal parenting stories and their experiences, good and bad, as LGBT parents in the workplace. What would you ask such a panel of two lesbian moms, a transgender parent, and a gay dad?

Cat and her partner Jennifer welcomed their fourth son last July, with Cat giving birth to him not long after Jennifer gave birth to their third son last April.

In the past two years, Cat has also opened CCQ barbeque restaurant in Costa Mesa, CA and Kouzzina at Walt Disney World, and helped raise funds for Haitian relief through Chefs for Humanity, a charitable organization she founded. She also continues on Iron Chef America and as executive chef of Bon Appétit magazine.

I want to know if she ever sleeps.

Congratulations, Cat!

Human Rights Watch, a nongovernmental human rights group, is interviewing parents (including LGBT parents) about their experiences with paid and unpaid maternity and paternity leave, and the impact on their families. The interviews will be used for a report (using pseudonyms, not actual names of interviewees) and, depending on the findings, for making recommendations on US law and policy.

Paid parental leave is considered a human right under several international treaties (not ratified by the US), and 177 countries now have laws guaranteeing paid parental leave. Only a few, including the United States, Papua New Guinea, Swaziland, and Australia, do not have national laws on paid parental leave. Australia is about to fall out of these ranks by offering 18 paid weeks starting in 2011.

In the United States, the national Family and Medical Leave Act requires only unpaid leave. Only two states (California and New Jersey) currently offer paid parental leave, and a handful of others offer temporary disability insurance to mothers after childbirth. States that do offer such paid leave generally fund their programs through small payroll deductions, minimizing the impact on any particular business.

For the most part, it is up to employers to decide whether to offer this benefit. Some people are fortunate to work for generous employers, but the majority of US workers do not have paid parental leave benefits.

The lack of legally required paid parental leave with job protections hits low-income families the hardest. According to the US Bureau of Labor Statistics, as of 2008, only 9 percent of civilian US workers had paid family (including parental) leave, and among the lowest-income workers, only 3 percent had such leave.

Research shows that paid parental leave can reduce infant mortality, improve immunization rates and health outcomes for mothers and babies, increase fathers’ participation in child care, improve breastfeeding initiation and duration, strengthen women’s connection to the workplace, avoid family poverty spells, and reduce businesses’ recruitment and training costs. Studies in the US have shown negative health and economic implications of the minimal paid parental leave benefits in this country.

Please post a comment about your experience!

When you gave birth or adopted your kids, did you take parental leave? Was it with or without pay? How long was your leave? How did this affect breastfeeding? Your health? Your baby’s health and access to immunizations? Your family’s finances? How did this affect your work and career? How else did the lack of paid parental leave affect you and your family? Do you know other parents who have had little or no paid parental leave?

And contact Janet Walsh at Human Rights Watch (walshj@hrw.org) if you are willing to share your experience in a short interview.

To learn more about Human Rights Watch, visit www.hrw.org.

This is my contribution to the carnival.

My personal story of work/life balance as an LGBT person is pretty boring. My employers and my spouse’s employers have all offered full recognition and benefits to same-sex partners. We’ve never had any trouble with co-workers about our orientation. Heck, my co-workers threw us a baby shower. Sure, there was the amusing issue of sitting in a meeting, obviously flat-stomached, and having to mention that I might have to leave early because I was having a baby any minute now—but my straight, about-to-adopt co-worker was in a similar situation. (They threw her a baby shower, too.)

My work/life issues therefore are mostly the same as those faced by people of all gender identities and orientations—finding the time for both work and family, dividing household work with my spouse, and so forth.

There is some evidence, however (ably analyzed by sociologist Abbie Goldberg in her Lesbian and Gay Parents and Their Children), that same-sex couples as a whole divide household work more equitably than opposite-sex ones. Indeed, when I tell straight moms that my spouse gave birth to our son, and stayed home for the first eight months or so, at which point we switched because of shifting job opportunities, they look at me like I’m from Mars.

It’s nice to have that flexibility.

At the same time, the flexibility has limits.

I have my medical benefits through my spouse’s employer. Even though we are legally married in Massachusetts, however, she still has to pay income tax on my coverage, a burden straight people don’t have.

The typical current cost of health care insurance for the non-working spouse is $100-200/month. Those in the 28% tax bracket are paying $28-56/month or $336-672/year just in additional taxes on health insurance for the stay-at-home spouse. Assuming that health care costs rise at about 5%, and that the money could have instead been invested and earn an 8% return, a 30-year-old couple loses $114,000 – 228,000 that would have been available to them at retirement at age 65.

In opposite-sex marriages, when one person stays home to care for their children, the wage earner can also contribute $5,000 to an IRA for the stay-at-home spouse. Same-sex couples do not have this benefit. A 30-year-old opposite-sex couple can stash away over $860,000 for retirement, and same-sex families cannot. This becomes more than just a matter of retirement, however. Extra money needed to retire at a reasonable age means less money available for children’s everyday needs and/or college savings.

Same-sex couples may therefore be free of certain gender-based expectations related to who stays home with the kids, but we face financial burdens that may limit our ability to do so.

We also face the fact that we can still be fired in many states simply for being LGBT. The federal Employment Nondiscrimination Act (ENDA) has had a long and rocky journey in Congress, and its fate is unclear. Ask yourself: Do you know if your state, city, or employer has such protections anyway? Do you know if your employer (particularly large corporations) supports a federal ENDA? Have you contacted your own members of Congress about it?

It is perhaps no surprise that research from UCLA’s Williams Institute shows that same-sex headed families, especially lesbian-headed families, are significantly more likely to be poor than those headed by opposite-sex married couples. Children in gay and lesbian couple households have poverty rates twice those of children in heterosexual married couple households.

I am grateful to have had inclusive employers and to have lived in states that are among the best in terms of LGBT rights. The country as a whole, however, has a long way to go.

I would urge people, however, not to position LGBT employment issues as solely a matter of equality for the LGBT community, but as a matter of good economic sense. Running an effective company—or country—means helping all employees to be as productive as possible. That means treating them fairly and providing the resources they need to balance both family needs and the demands of their jobs. In an economy that needs all the help it can get, we should do no less.

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I’ll be speaking this afternoon on Fem 2.0′s “Work/Life in Our Communities Blog Radio Series” as part of a panel on “Work/Life and LGBT Families: Reimagining Policy for ALL Families in the 21st Century.” Thanks to Heather Holdridge and Gloria Pan for the invitation.

I’ll be joining Cathy Renna, head of Renna Communications, and Jaime Grant, Director of the Policy Institute for the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, both also lesbian moms. Good company indeed!

There will be a live chat and tweetup of the event (#fem2 and #worklife), and you can also dial in to participate: (724) 444-7444; Call ID: 74229. I hope you’ll join us, despite the short notice.

The show will air 1-2 p.m. ET, but will also be available for later listening. Go here to listen, or try the widget below. (Sometimes it needs a few seconds to load.)

I also want to offer outgoing Program Director Meredith Fenton my best wishes for her future endeavors. She was a great help in promoting Blogging for LGBT Families Day among COLAGErs and has always been willing to help build connections between the community of LGBT parents and that of our children (which aren’t always two separate communities, when it comes right down to it).

Please contact COLAGE with any questions about the below.

COLAGE is excited to announce two opportunities to join our team. We are hiring a full-time National Program Director and a part-time national Communications Coordinator.

The COLAGE Program Director is the lead staff for the program department of the organization. The Program Director serves an essential role in providing leadership, strategic direction, management, coordination, development, execution and evaluation of the organization’s programs. The Program Director also builds and maintains collaborative relationships and partnerships with other local, statewide, and national organizations, with the goal of enabling as many people with LGBTQ parents as possible to connect with each other and advocate for what matters most to people with LGBTQ parents.

The COLAGE Communications Coordinator performs a broad variety of communications functions. We are looking for a skilled, creative, and committed person to assist us in taking our print and online communications to the next level. Primary responsibilities include on-line organizing, editing the COLAGE publication, Just For Us, writing and publishing COLAGE Net News, producing membership communications pieces including an Annual Report, support of organizational media and advocacy efforts through action alerts and public education campaigns and managing the COLAGE website.

View the details of both job openings by clicking HERE.

The marriage recognition law went into effect July 6, 2009 July 7, 2009.  The partnership recognition law went into effect July 20, 2009 July 18, 2009. [Updated dates: The D.C. Insurance Dept initially posted the incorrect July 6 and July 20 dates. Thanks to Chris at HRC for the tip.]

If you are not yet hitched elsewhere, you will have 30 days from your happy date to make the changes.