Even the Mulleted Deserve Equality

Sometimes, in our efforts to correct one instance of intolerance, we forget others.

Two weeks ago, a Miami-Dade judge declared Florida’s anti-gay adoption law unconstitutional and allowed Vanessa Alenier to adopt the one-year-old she and her partner Melanie Leon have been fostering.

The ultra-conservative Orlando’s Florida Family Policy Council (FPC) sent out an alert to its members last week, describing the ruling. It included a photo of a lesbian couple sporting mullets the likes of which I haven’t seen for many years. Neither woman is smiling, and I doubt most people would consider it a flattering photo.

The couple in the picture, however, is not Alenier and Leon. Orlando Sentinel writer Scott Maxwell rightly calls the Family Policy Council to task for this, and offers up a strong endorsement for allowing loving same-sex couples to adopt.

He calls the mulleted couple “abnormal-looking,” though, and says: “The couple look so odd (you literally can’t tell whether they are male or female) that one might wonder how any judge could place a young child with such a disturbing-looking duo.” Read the rest of this post »

What’s In a Name?

I am not “Mrs. Rudolph.” That should not surprise readers here, for lesbians who take a partner or spouse’s name (and are thus eligible for the “missus” title) are few and far between. Rudolph was the last name I was born with, and despite the inevitable jokes at Christmas time, it’s the name I’ll keep for the rest of my life.

My son’s teachers, however (and, I venture to guess, most of the teachers in the school), insist on calling all of the mothers “Mrs. [Lastname].” All of his peers also seem to use “Mrs” for adult women.

Maybe it’s just my inherent feminism, not to mention too many years in the corporate world, where “Ms.” was de regueur. I twitch involuntarily when I hear someone address me as “Mrs. Rudolph.”

I’m trying not to make a big deal of it. I also really don’t want to come across as the uptight, oversensitive, PC type. I’m not, really.

I try to gently correct. “Ms. Rudolph,” I say —but it never seems to stick.

On the other hand, I am out to my son’s teachers, so the fact that they call me “Mrs.” is in some way a positive acknowledgment of my relationship status. That’s progress of a sort, even if feminism still has a ways to go.

Anyone else ever encounter this? How do you handle it?

Gay and Lesbian History for Teens

(Originally published as my Mombian newspaper column, October 2009.)

October is, among other things, LGBT History Month, which makes it the perfect time to write about Gay America: Struggle for Equality (Amulet: 2008), by Linas Alsenas. The book is a history of gay men and lesbians in the U.S. from the mid-nineteenth century through 2005. It fills a much needed gap, not because of the subject (there are a small but a growing number of LGBT-specific histories), but because of its audience: teens.

LGBT histories for that age group have been sorely lacking, consisting mostly of Becoming Visible: A Reader in Gay and Lesbian History for High School and College Students (Alyson: 1994), by Kevin Jennings. (Yes, the same Jennings who is now heading up the U.S. Department of Education’s Office of Safe and Drug-Free Schools). Jennings’ volume is useful, but is more a source book than a narrative like Gay America. Both are needed. Read the rest of this post »

Transgender Day of Remembrance

Today marks the 11th International Transgender Day of Remembrance, a day to memorialize those who were killed due to anti-transgender hatred or prejudice. My thoughts are with all of the transgender community today, but especially with transgender parents, transgender and gender variant children, and their parents.

Here are some resources to help spread understanding:

• Trans Youth Family Allies is a terrific organization helping parents of transgender and gender variant children, as is Gender Spectrum Family.
• The Transgender Child: A Handbook for Families and Professionals, by Stephanie Brill and Rachel Pepper, is a great resource for parents and educators. The Kids of Trans Resource Guide, by Monica Canfield-Lenfest of the COLAGE Kids of Trans program, looks from the flip side. Here’s my review of both.
• This American Life On Transgender Children: The NPR show did a great piece in February profiling two eight-year-old transgender children. The segment starts about 29 minutes into the show.
• 10,000 Dresses, by Marcus Ewert, is a delightful picture book with a transgender protagonist. My review and author interview is here.
• Another great read is Transparent, Cris Beam’s gripping book on homeless transgender teens. Here’s my post about it.

I am a member of the Amazon Associates program, and get a small referral fee from all purchases made at Amazon.com via links on this site. You are under no obligation to purchase through them.

Take the COLAGE Donor Insemination Survey

Passing this along on behalf of my friends at COLAGE. Please contact them if you have questions.

Take the COLAGE Donor Insemination Survey

COLAGE, a youth-driven national network of people with lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or queer parents, is thrilled to announce the debut of the ART Project, a program to highlight the experiences of COLAGErs born through assisted reproductive technologies. Over the past 30 years the number of people born through these technologies to LGBTQ parents has steadily grown, yet let little, if any, work has been done to bring this community together or address the experiences of these youth and adults. Read the rest of this post »

Sesame Street and LGBT Families

In honor of the 40th season of Sesame Street, which starts tomorrow, I thought I’d rerun this video, which made the rounds earlier this year and is based on a much older episode of the show.

Yes, this is exactly what marriage equality proponents want to teach children. The horror.

I was two when Sesame Street first launched. As one of the first generation of children to grow up with the show, I’ve always had a soft spot for it (although I raise a skeptical eyebrow at Elmo and Abby Cadabby). It remains not only one of the best children’s shows in terms of pedagogy, but also in terms of inclusivity. That inclusivity has not yet extended to LGBT families, but as I’ve said before, they have a new chance now, under a federal administration that is not likely to yank funding if they do so, and an increasing number of LGBT-friendly corporations who wouldn’t be afraid to sponsor them.

They’ve been a pioneer in diversity before, unafraid to incorporate characters of various ethnicities, languages, and physical abilities. They had a multi-episode storyline with an adoptive single mother in 2006. Really, throwing in an LGBT-headed family wouldn’t be that much of a stretch, and would help them prove that even 40 years on, they remain a leader in teaching children not only the ABC’s, but also the diversity of the society around them.

What Really Constitutes Family

Happy Monday, everyone! To start the week, here’s a passage I like from a Bay Windows article by Rev. Irene Monroe, one of the officiants at the wedding of Cambridge, Mass. Mayor E. Denise Simmons and Ms. Mattie Hayes. Mayor Simmons is also the mother of four and is raising her three grandchildren. She and Hayes wed August 30 at St. Bartholomew Episcopal Church in Cambridge, making it possibly the first mainstream African American church to hold a same-sex wedding.

Monroe writes:

Historically, as African Americans, we have always focused on spiritual content of family and not physical composition of it. . . .

These multiple family structures, which we have had to devise as models of resistance and liberation, have always, by example, shown the rest of society what really constitutes family. A family where a grandmother raises her grandchild or a lesbian couple raises their children. Just like in the Simmons-Hayes household. A household that is now legal by the state and blessed by the church.”

The Shooting in Tel Aviv: Everybody’s Children, Everywhere

A gunman opened fire at the basement location of the LGBT Tel Aviv Community Center on Saturday night, killing two and wounding 11 others. He remains at large.

The Center was a haven for LGBT youth and their friends. The two who died were Nir Katz, 26, and Liz Trobishi, 16. Katz was gay and a counselor for the group. Trobishi was straight, and had written at the Center’s online forum: “Although I am not a part of the Igy community I really love being with them. I connected with a lot of people, met a lot of nice people and am not sorry for any moment.” (Haaretz via Law Dork.)

LGBT-related hate crimes and harassment are not solely a “gay” issue. Until we pass LGBT-inclusive hate crimes laws and more importantly, take steps to educate people and create a more understanding and welcoming society, everybody’s children are at risk. Read the rest of this post »

TV Alert: Trans Parent on Primetime: Family Secrets

Tune in to ABC’s Primetime: Family Secrets at 10 p.m. ET tonight for the story of Chloe and Rene Prince and their two sons, ages six and seven. Chloe, formerly Ted, underwent gender reassignment surgery last year, and the show explores how her transition has impacted her and her family.

Six-year-old Barry explains, “She had a girl inside her. So she went on a surgery to get, get it out.”

There’s a text article about the family here. While there seems to be a little of the sensationalism that tends to accompany mainstream coverage of trans issues (”Click Here to see photos of Chloe’s transformation”), it also seems like one of the more balanced mainstream pieces I’ve seen. The article quotes Michele Angello, a clinical sexologist who has worked with transgender families for the past 10 years, who observes, “This, if handled like any other family transition . . . meaning, a move, a new job, a divorce in the family. If it’s handled where the children feel safe . . . and they’re allowed to talk about it, then it’s not going to be traumatic. In the long run, they’ll be perfectly fine.”

Thanks to COLAGE for the heads-up, and for a reminder about the COLAGE Kids of Trans program.

New Blog on Gender and Pop Culture

A friend whom I’ve known since college has launched a new blog with her husband, in which they offer their perspectives on gender and popular culture. They’ve only been at the blog, The Two Body Solution, for a short time, but they’re both English professors and have been writing about this sort of thing in other venues for a while. So far, the blog has covered topics such as The Bachelorette, Sarah Palin, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Urban Dictionary, the running of the bulls, obesity, and the “he-cession.”

They explain:

This is a blog about gender and American popular culture, written by two English professors. We both see the world through the lens of cultural studies, which means that we think that things like advertising, television, mainstream films, popular music and the internet are worthy of serious academic study and commentary. Our goal here is to focus on the way gender is constructed in the mass media. . . .

Our two body “solution” is to offer two distinct yet coordinated narrative voices, sometimes individually, sometimes collectively. Professor Moss (a woman) may comment on masculinity and Professor Bean (a man) may comment on femininity. Our point is not to provide a woman’s opinion on femininity and a man’s on masculinity (or at least not always to do so) but rather to open up gender for discussion on any terms we think are appropriate. We may post together, and usually we will comment on each other’s posts, but we also want to create a space in which each of us is free to stake out her own territory. We see this as a joint venture, but one that still allows for individual commentary.

You will find that each of us has a distinct way of positing a problem, analyzing a text, etc., but you will also notice the ways in which we see our shared, and often perplexing, culture similarly.

We talk a lot about gender in the LGBT community, but we certainly don’t have an exclusive on such matters. I think, in fact, that our understanding of gender can only benefit by including all perspectives, LGBT and not. Profs. Bean and Moss are also among the strongest LGBT allies I’ve ever met, in any case. If you’re interested in issues of gender and culture, check them out.