“Writing has always been my political activism,” said Lesléa Newman, author of Heather Has Two Mommies, the classic 1989 children’s book that was the first to feature a child with two moms.

Her two new books, however, are sweet, simple tales of family life, without any overt politics or agenda. Mommy, Mama, and Me and Daddy, Papa, and Me (Tricycle Press: 2009) are sturdy board books for toddlers, with ink-and-watercolor illustrations by award-winning English artist Carol Thompson. They each show a child with two moms or two dads, respectively, going through everyday activities such as playing in the park and painting pictures.

“What I really wanted to do with these books . . . was show a loving family where there was no issue involved. It was just a kid with his or her parents having a great day together,” said Newman. She wrote them after her editor suggested there was a need for books for the very youngest children with same-sex parents, and that she would be the perfect person for the task.

Although she is best known as the author of Heather, Newman has in fact written over 50 books for children, young adults, and adults. Her other children’s books include The Boy Who Cried Fabulous, Gloria Goes To Gay Pride, and Saturday Is Pattyday. Her adult books have dealt with topics such as lesbian and Jewish identity, AIDS, eating disorders, butch/femme relationships, and sexual abuse. She is currently the poet laureate of Northampton, Mass., and has garnered an impressive list of awards, including Poetry Fellowships from the Massachusetts Artists Fellowship Foundation and the National Endowment for the Arts, the Highlights for Children Fiction Writing Award, and the James Baldwin Award for Cultural Achievement. Nine of her books have been Lambda Literary Award finalists.

Unlike Heather, her two new books do not discuss negative reactions to same-sex parents. “I think that Heather was the first of its kind, so I felt like it was important to address certain issues,” she explained. “Now, I think it’s just as important to just have a book that’s a fun day for a kid to read, which ‘normalizes’ his or her family. To a kid, especially a kid the age in these board books, there are no issues. The issue is: who is in my family? Do they love me and do they take care of me? Are we having fun? It’s not the gender of the parents. I just wanted to mirror some of the other board books that are out there that show a kid with a mom and dad. It’s just a really light, fun, happy story.”

She admits this is a change from her more didactic approach in Heather. “I think [Heather] was important, it served its purpose, and I’m proud of it, but it definitely is a book with a message,” she admitted, adding, “Twenty years ago, I was very naïve. I didn’t realize it would be such a controversial book. The whole notion of gay and lesbian families seemed to be very surprising to many, many people.”

Even though her latest books are less issue-driven, they still push boundaries. Unlike other recent children’s books about same-sex parents, such as And Tango Makes Three and Uncle Bobby’s Wedding, Newman’s books tell the story through human characters, not animals. Using animals “seems to be more of a safe way to talk about these issues,” she said. “I was very clear that I did not want these books illustrated with animals.”

She hopes children from all types of families, gay and straight, will relate to the books and see the same-sex parents as “no big deal” or recognize that they’re just like the parents of a kid they know. She feels, however, that it is still tough to get non-LGBT families to be aware of and read such works. “I think it comes back to the whole ‘personal is political,’” she observes. “Often, it takes someone whose kid is best friends with a kid who has two moms. . . . If they start caring about this family, then maybe they would be moved to do something like that.”

Getting LGBT-inclusive books into schools and public libraries can be an even harder task, she said. “Often all it takes is one irate parent, and then the whole thing starts to explode.”

For parents who are trying to promote these materials, she advises, “Be prepared. Anything can happen. Be brave. Have a support system around you. Stick to your guns. Know that what you’re doing is important, and it’s important for kids to know the truth about life, and that’s what they deserve.”

Newman plans to continue writing books that celebrate the truths of LGBT families. Her next book from Tricycle Press, called Donovan’s Big Day, “is about a little boy whose two moms get married. The whole book happens on the day of their wedding.” It is due out in 2011.

Before that, fans can look forward to a special 20th anniversary edition of Heather this fall from Alyson Books, with new, full-color drawings by Diana Souza, the original illustrator.

Even as she revisits her older work, though, Newman is looking ahead. “I have great hope for the younger generation, which has grown up hearing the word gay and lesbian with much more frequency than I certainly did,” she said. “I do think that things are changing and will continue to change for the better.”

“It’s the book I wish I’d read when I was 13,” says Vermont writer Jennifer McMahon about her new young adult book, My Tiki Girl (Dutton/Penguin: May 2008). “I wish I had a time machine to send it back to my 13-year-old self. When I fell in love with my best friend at 13, I thought I was the only freakish one in the world who ever had these feelings, and I felt completely alone and isolated. This is a book I wish I’d had then.”

McMahon, a best-selling author of adult fiction, has written a captivating story of outsiders and first love. The protagonist, Maggie Keller, lost her mother in a car accident two years ago and blames herself. The friends she used to have now seem shallow. They can’t understand the transformation she has undergone. Instead of the popular girl she was in junior high, she enters tenth grade as an outcast with a shattered leg. She befriends the new girl in class, Dahlia Wainwright, also on the social margins, who is dealing with a mentally ill mother and the challenges of being part of a poor family in a rich town.

The two girls find adventure with Dahlia’s mother and brother through elaborate games of alternate identities and make-believe. A crisis looms, however, when Maggie finds herself falling for Dahlia at the same time that friends from her previous life start to impinge upon her new world. The book distinguishes itself not only by its focus on a same-sex relationship, but by its sensitive treatment of how the lure of normalcy can cause people to make different choices. “I think the outsiderness of the characters in the book isn’t just about coming to terms with their sexuality,” McMahon explains. “Being a teenager is hard, no matter what you’re dealing with. Gay, straight, whatever.”

The story revolves around teen life, but McMahon gives it a depth and maturity one doesn’t always associate with teen literature. Part of the reason may be that she didn’t intend to write a young adult novel. “The original version of it was quite dark,” she says. Her agent convinced her, however, to revise it for a younger audience. McMahon says her earlier adult novel, Promise Not to Tell, has garnered a number of teen fans, and she’s delighted now to have something that’s targeted at this demographic.

McMahon’s career as a writer has been full of such unexpected transformations. She grew up in suburban Connecticut and wrote her first story, “about a haunted meatball,” in third grade. She “got really into writing” but dropped out of high school. Later, she went back to get a GED and go to Vermont’s Goddard College for a degree in poetry. It was while studying poetry in the MFA program at Vermont College that she realized her poems were growing longer and longer. “Oh my God, I’m writing a novel,” she thought. “What do I know about writing novels?” Support from both her partner and agent convinced her to take the plunge, however.

The effort seems to have paid off. Her novel Promise Not to Tell, which came out in April 2007, made the USA Today bestseller list. My Tiki Girl hits the shelves within weeks of her new adult book, Island of Lost Girls, about a mysterious kidnapping and coming to terms with the past.

As if two book launches within a month weren’t enough, McMahon also spends her days caring for her four-year-old daughter while her partner works outside the home. While she was pregnant, she says, “I had this complete fantasy of sitting at the desk and writing away while the little darling played happily at my feet and was quite content. You know, we didn’t have any moments like that.” She doesn’t begrudge the time, however: “It’s been an amazing experience staying home with her.” It has also helped her writing. “I’ve been able to train myself to write when I can,” she explains. “I always carry little note cards and paper and pens with me. I’d be pushing her on the swing and I’d get an idea for a scene I was working on and I’d say ’Hang on a second, honey,’ and I’d scribble down an idea and then go back to pushing her. I carved out little niches of time wherever I could. It’s a huge help now that she’s in preschool. She loves preschool, and I love preschool. She’s learning so much, I have time to write, and it’s wonderful.”

Parenthood has also impacted the content of her writing. When she was doing research for Island of Lost Girls, which deals with child abduction, she said, “It affected me in a much more profound way than it would have if I were not a parent. . . . I mean, it affects all parts of your life. . . . You’re just a changed person once you have a child.”

Or lose a mother, as My Tiki Girl conveys. McMahon’s book is a welcome addition to the growing genre of novels about LGBT teens, but should also appeal to anyone who has ever dealt with loss, felt like an outsider, or who remembers their first teen love.

McMahon will be reading and signing My Tiki Girl and Island of Lost Girls Tuesday, May 27 at 7 p.m. at the Galaxy Bookshop in Hardwick, VT. Visit jennifer-mcmahon.com for details and other readings in Vermont and Massachusetts.

Gartrell began the study in 1986, with the goal of following the first wave of lesbian families begun through donor insemination. “We started it at a time when there was no possibility of obtaining any funding, because there were no funding sources then,” Gartrell recalls. “Even now, it’s only possible to get small grants.” She and her small team remained committed, however, to providing information about these families from conception until the children grew up. “Our goals were to describe the experiences of the moms in raising their kids and to report on the effects of choosing to raise children on the moms’ lives, relationships, careers, and activism as lesbians—and of course to report on the growth and development and mental health of the children. It’s already been well established that children raised by lesbian mothers are happy, healthy, and high functioning, but we want to report on our population as well, and then, very importantly, to document the effects of homophobia on these families. Some of the stereotypes are that kids are going to be significantly disadvantaged by growing up in lesbian families, and that’s not the case.”

Gartrell speaks with the information to back these claims. “We had originally 84 families—70 couples, 14 single moms—that produced 85 children we’re following, including one set of twins. Twenty-two years into the study, we still have 78 families participating, which is an unheard of retention rate. If you look at longitudinal studies anywhere else, you’ll find the retention rate buried within very tiny type, and it usually looks more like 37 percent, or 29 percent for a study of this length. It represents both the commitment of the participating families and our efforts to keep track of everyone, which is a challenge on a national study, when people are moving and contacting us might not be the first thing they think of.”

One obvious gap in the study is a look at adoptive families. Gartrell explains “In a longitudinal study there are so many variables that come into play over time. We wanted to start with one basic focus. Also, again, it was an unfunded study, so there’s only a certain amount of resources I can garner along with people who volunteered as researchers to help. You have only a limited amount of time and no money—you do what you can.”

She also expresses regret that they didn’t have a greater racial diversity in the study. “We were limited by who volunteered. When we were soliciting for participants, this was in the era of flyers, and bulletin boards, just a little past mimeograph. It’s practically door-to-door, showing up at events and bookstores and stuff to solicit participants. No, we’re not happy with the diversity. We wish the population were more diverse. 93 percent of the mothers are white and 89% of the children are, and we wished we had greater diversity. We made a lot of efforts to do that, but we carry on with the folks we have.”

The children in the study are now between the ages of 15 and 20. Gartrell’s team first interviewed the moms when they were inseminating or pregnant, and then when the children were a year and a half to two years, five, and ten. When the children turned ten, they began interviewing them directly, along with the moms. Now they are interviewing the children as they turn 17, a process that will take three more years.

Gartrell thinks the children will be honest in their answers, even during the sometimes rebellious teen years. “When we asked the moms if their children had experienced homophobia by the age of 10, something like 42% said the kids had, and actually 43% of the kids had. It’s really close, at least at this age. The kids are being very straightforward about what is going on. I mean, teenagers are always more secretive about everything, so I’m sure we’ll hear other things from them. They’re filling out a confidential online questionnaire without anybody looking over their shoulders, so we’re going to be hearing about everything from academic accomplishments, career aspirations, to substance use, to sexual exploration, to homophobia experiences. It’s really a broad spectrum of pretty much everything we’re interested in knowing about them. Eating issues, body image, quality of life, overall happiness with their lives.”

Although nearly half of the children had experienced homophobia by age 10, “We found these children are fabulously resilient in terms of coping with it,” Gartrell reports. “In looking at the psychological functioning of these kids, we see that those who have experienced homophobia demonstrate more distress, but their psychological profiles are completely healthy. They do quite fine. Also, they demonstrate a tremendous resilience and awareness of diversity issues and appreciation for tolerance that is really quite sophisticated for 10-year-old kids. We see even more of that in the 17-year-olds. One of the things that I find most exciting about the kids growing up, and the moms’ efforts in this regard, is that not only are the moms educating the kids about discrimination against this particular group, but it’s much broader. It’s about racism and sexism and antisemitism along with homophobia. It’s the whole spectrum. So you hear that kind of language and that kind of association in these kids. That’s a really promising and needed transformation in our culture and in future generations. I feel very excited to see that these kids will be bringing that to the world that is to come.”

One other interesting result is that many of the kids are going to college on the early side. “Very often, people who live where I live are keeping their kids back a year,” Gartrell says, “starting elementary school a year later, for all the reasons they give—offering academic advantages and developmental advantages to the kids. The kids in this study are heading off to college at 17.”

Last year, Gartrell teamed with Henny Bos, a research psychologist from the Netherlands who is now conducting a longitudinal study of Dutch lesbian families comparable to the NLLFS. The two are now submitting papers together based on the international comparisons, “looking at a country where there is a lot more discrimination against lesbian and gay people, i.e., the United States, and a country where there’s a lot less, i.e., the Netherlands, and the impact on the kids and how out the kids are, and how much homophobia they experience. Surprise, surprise, the kids in the Netherlands are more out, experience less homophobia, and consequently, less distress.” As far as adding other countries to the list, Gartrell says “Not yet, but who knows?” There are also teams in Canada, Italy, and France studying lesbian families, and Gartrell says “Anything’s possible.”

Gartrell also wants to make the results available beyond the medical and academic audiences. “Not everybody can go to conferences; not too many parents have a whole heck of a lot of time,” she acknowledges. “More often people are looking things up on the Web late at night when the kids are in bed. I really try to make our information as user-friendly as possible.” Many of the study’s results are available through the NLLFS Web site.

Gartrell herself is not a mother, though she is “an aunt of many.” In fact, she adds, “It’s a really good thing neither I nor Henny Bos are moms. These studies wouldn’t exist if we were. Every single person who’s volunteered to participate as a researcher on this project has had to drop out when she got pregnant and had kids, because she had no time, as much as she loved the project. My current research assistant is pregnant with twins and about to drop at any moment. We’ll see if she is the unique person in this whole thing.”

Gartrell juggles her work on the NLLFS with a number of other commitments to career and community. “I’m a psychiatrist. I do this research. I’ve written a book that’s about to come out [My Answer is No . . . If That's Okay with You: How Women Can Say No and (Still) Feel Good About It], I’m on the faculty at UCSF. I used to be on the faculty at Harvard Medical School, I teach, write, do research. I basically like having diversity in my life, and so I like having a small, clinical practice. I like doing volunteer homeless work with chronically mentally ill people in downtown San Francisco. I like doing research and I just like having a lot of variation. When you’re taking care of chronically mentally ill, as I do with my homeless people, or distressed people as I do with my healthy, high-functioning, but nevertheless outpatient psychiatric practice, it’s sad work. It’s painful work, because people are suffering. This study is always new life, it’s always new energy, it’s always new enthusiasm. You really need that kind of balance if you’re a person who cares for the sad and the injured and the disheartened in the world.”

Looking back, she says, “I had no idea what 22 years would feel like when starting a study at the time I did. It’s a good thing naivité played a role, because it’s a huge amount of work—but very rewarding.”

Dr. Blase Masini wants to spend time with your family—or at least with data about you. The developmental psychologist and head of the research department at Howard Brown Health Center, a leading LGBT health care organization in Chicago, has launched a nationwide study of LGBT parenting, and hopes more families will participate by completing his online survey. He’s not just an ivory-tower researcher, however: He’s also the gay father of two sons whom he adopted with his partner. This experience, coupled with his professional training, motivates his work. He explains, “My graduate study was in early childhood development. I’ve come to know through the textbook and firsthand experience what it takes to raise kids to be healthy. I am convinced that sexual orientation has nothing to do with it.”

Masini acknowledges the growing body of research on LGBT families, but believes more can be done. He wants to collect empirical data on the development of children in LGBT families so policy makers have better information when it comes to passing legislation. The best approach, he feels, is to do comparisons against existing national data sets of families in general—in this case, a National Survey of Children’s Health conducted by the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) in 2001, encompassing over 100,000 households. He’s asking many of the same questions as the CDC, and adding a few extra to get at the impact of homophobic discrimination and bullying. “My goal is to get a control group from the national sample, based on like households with the same sort of socioeconomic status and the same geographic area and the same number of children and the same race,” he says.

He will then look at how the family environment and the children’s development compares to national norms. While he intends to promote his study mostly through academic channels, he hopes to partner with someone who has a policy background and can help translate his numbers into something that could be distributed to politicians.

He admits this is only a pilot study, with certain limitations: “I’m not able to do a nationally representative sample of LGBT parents. I can already tell you [my sample] is largely white, well educated and higher income. Those are just the people that are accessing this online survey. It’s unavoidable right now.” Masini asserts he would still love to hear from people outside these groups, and says he would print hard copies of the survey and mail them to anyone who asked. He plans to use the results from this study, furthermore, in grant applications for funding to do “more face-to-face, more scientifically based research,” avoiding the biases of online-only questionnaires.

Masini also says most of his respondents are lesbians, followed by gay men. He has at least two transgender parents so far, although he hopes to get more. Colleagues at other institutions have told him anecdotally “there are a lot of families out there where one parent is a transgender male, and the other is a woman who then uses a donor,” but he says “I’m not hearing from them yet, and I’d love to.”

Despite the underrepresentation of parts of our community, Masini’s work is broader in some ways than many previous studies of LGBT families, which have focused almost exclusively on lesbian moms. “I’m really pushing the men because there is a fair amount of good research about children raised by lesbians. [That body of research] is very small, and it’s not adequate by any means — but there is not a single published scientific article on children raised by gay men. I’m at about 30 percent men, which I’m really happy with,” he says.

He wants to look at all segments of the community, but admits, “I can’t help it, I’m a little more passionate about the men. Male couples—I feel like we’re frowned upon a little bit more. I think there’s some myth about this maternal instinct, that it’s required for normal development [of one’s children]. My boys are 11 and five and seem to be fine. We adopted them at birth. That’s part of it. I’ve never seen anything like that in the scientific journals and I want to pursue that.”

So far, he seems to be on the right track. “I know I have more data on the development of children raised by gay men that probably anyone has ever had. I’d like to eventually start a longitudinal study where I would visit face-to-face with families of young children, ages maybe zero to four, and start following them as the children mature into adolescence,” he sayd.

Masini can look to the model of the National Longitudinal Lesbian Family Study, the largest and longest-running study of lesbian families, which began in 1986. The researchers are now in the process of interviewing the 17-year-old children of the original subjects, after publishing studies of the families at four previous points in their lives. “That’s a tall order,” Masini recognizes, “but that’s what needs to be done. That’s what will show that our children are just fine.”

You can take the survey online through May by visiting the Howard Brown Web site, www.howardbrown.org. Scroll down to the orange “Howard Brown Current Surveys” box and select “LGBT Parenting.”

A big thank you again to COLAGE for asking their members to participate in these interviews. I’ll be taking a short break from this series for Thanksgiving, but back soon with more LGBT family voices.

Tell us a little about the family in which you grew up. Who was in it? Anything particular you’d like to share about yourselves?

I grew up with a family of five. My dad, mom, sister, cousin and myself. I am a black gay male.

What has been the most challenging thing you’ve faced as the child of (an) LGBT parent(s)? How did you handle it?

Well, I faced a lot of hardship because I grew up in the inner city. My sister told everyone that my dad was gay so it made it difficult for me. I basically denied his sexuality until I was about 16. My whole family always said my dad was gay so when he told me I was sad. My dad was a hairdresser, so a lot of the teachers knew him and so no teacher made me feel bad about his sexuality.

What, if anything, did your parent(s) do to help you understand their sexual orientation or gender identity, or to help you deal with any issues this raised at school or elsewhere? Any resources (groups, books, movies, Web sites, etc.) you found particularly helpful? Anything you wish they had done differently in terms of the above?

No, they did the best they could considering when my dad came out I was seven.

How does having an LGBT parent affect you in your adult life? Or how has the experience of having an LGBT parent shifted in adulthood?

Having a gay parent now that I am grown amazes a lot of people, but it’s almost like it’s cool to a lot of LGBT people.

What are the ways that having an LGBT parent has made you into who you are today?

I think having a LGBT parent taught me at a early age that a lot of people are ignorant to different people and things. There were parents who wouldn’t let me play with their son or daughter because they knew my dad was gay. It also taught me to love him no matter what people say about him.

What advice would you most like to pass on to other children of LGBT parents? To the parents themselves?

I want to tell all the children with LGBT parents to stand up for your parents!!! Do not let anyone make you or your home feel wrong. Let people know your mom or dad is normal and they love you. That’s all that matters. I would say to the parents don’t feel bad about the fact that your kids are getting teased because of your sexuality. Show your child love and support in anything they do and that’s what your child will remember.

Why did you choose to become involved with COLAGE?

Colage seemed like a wonderful organization and I wanted to be apart of a organization that understands what it is like for people to have a LGBT parent.

How else, if at all, are you involved in your community or in LGBT activism/politics?

I am involved with countless organzations. First I am a Literacy Americorp member with early literacy. Second, I do HIV outreach with a group called Youth Empowerment Project. We go to various places to promote safe sex and things like that. I am also apart of a gay performing arts group called Dreams of Hope. I am a part of a organization that uses youth to talk to the the planning community on HIV issues. The group is called Young Adult Roundtables. I am in the works to create two non-profits. The first is a fashion show company that will put on shows for different health and social issues. We have already produced two shows, one for The Andy Warhol Museum and the second for the Pittsburgh Aids Task Force. The second non-profit is a group for young black LGBT youth. This group I’m hoping will be a safe space for them in many different areas. I also go to school three days a week after I get off of work.

Please share a favorite memory of being a COLAGEr or having an LGBT parent.

The best memory of having my father was when I was scared about coming out. He let me know that he already knew and it was okay and told me to just be myself.

Tell us a little about the family in which you grew up. Who was in it? Anything particular you’d like to share about yourselves?

My family is really a melding of both biological and chosen family. I’ll start with my bio family. Like many COLAGE families, my mom came out later in life. Until I was 16 I lived with both my bio Mom and Dad who were married. Our family consisted of my Mom, Dad, and brother. At that time, my parents separated and it was a couple years into the separation that my Mom came out. Both of my parents have re-married after their divorce. My Dad and stepmom have had two children so now I’m blessed with two baby brothers! My chosen family includes my chosen sister, her bio mother, and some precious friends. I am second generation, being the queer daughter of a lesbian mother. In total, my family makes for 4 moms (3 are gay!), 1 dad, and three brothers, and many heart friends. I am an artist, drag king, femme, southern belle, sex radical, and drama queen. At heart though I’m a queer activist and have had the good fortune to work in the LGBT movement for the past 10 years.

What has been the most challenging thing you’ve faced as the child of (an) LGBT parent(s)? How did you handle it?

One challenge is when other adult queers freak out when they realize I’m second generation and ask me whether I think my mom contributed to my queerness. I feel like this reaction is an example of internalized homophobia. Why shouldn’t queerspawn end up with many different sexual orientations or gender identities? I really see my sexual orientation as immutable fact. I don’t think the sexual orientation of my many mothers are responsible.

What, if anything, did your parent(s) do to help you understand their sexual orientation or gender identity, or to help you deal with any issues this raised at school or elsewhere? Any resources (groups, books, movies, Web sites, etc.) you found particularly helpful?

My mom just talked to me lots and was really honest about what she was feeling. I’d say there were movies that helped me come out like The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love which happened to hit me at the exact right time.

Anything you wish your parents had done differently in terms of the above?

I wish my Mom hadn’t come out to me while she was driving. I felt trapped in the car—but then I guess that was the point, as I was a bit of a squirmy teenager. I also feel really caught on the idea of family, as in my mom sometimes had really poor taste in women, women who should not have been role models for me and were not good for her. I felt forced to interact with them and their families. I often felt that family in this way was forced upon me. I learned to chose my family and that every partner or girlfriend my mom had would not be my family, just the important ones. Also, my parents were in the middle of a messy divorce. My mom was afraid she wouldn’t get custody of my brother if my Dad knew I was queer. She asked me not to come out to my Dad, and I respected her wishes for a year. It was a mistake. I felt I had cut my Dad out of my life because I couldn’t talk to him about the most important thing in my life at that time. I also experienced a lot of hostility from my dad for being too much like my mom. Basically, families get messy sometimes but our love and relationships have been able to survive and heal past the hard times.

How does having an LGBT parent affect you in your adult life? Or how has the experience of having an LGBT parent shifted in adulthood?

Having lesbian moms really makes for an amazing life! We have such a strong and beautiful family. I feel extremely close to my mother and my other chosen “moms” as well. I feel held and appreciated knowing that I have so many strong women to turn to in any situation life might throw at me.

What are the ways that having an LGBT parent has made you into who you are today?

I am absolutely a product of my mother. She birthed me, shaped me, and watched over me so carefully. I’ve always been myself, but her intention and protection has allowed me to be the very best version of myself I could possibly be. My mom also raised me as a feminist, to be an activist to see the world as something that can be changed, improved.

What advice would you most like to pass on to other children of LGBT parents? To the parents themselves?

To the children: Live loud and proud of being the queerspawn that you are!
To the parents: Think ahead! Have a plan for the racial, class, cultural, sexual orientation, gender identity difference that your children may have from you.

Why did you choose to become involved with COLAGE?

Well, I’ve always been claimed as a COLAGER! I’m involved with COLAGE because it’s a radical organizing seeking to support, educate, and inspire the children of queer parents. I’ve had the opportunity to teach and learn with COLAGE and it’s an inspiring process full of connection.

How else, if at all, are you involved in your community or in LGBT activism/politics?

Queer activism and a commitment to social justice is the personal and professional passion of my life. It is both my paid work and heart passion. I’ve had the opportunity to do many incredible things and already have witnessed monumental changes. I have faith that we will see more change in my lifetime than my mother’s. I’d like to think that all my hard work will in some small way contribute towards that change.

Please share a favorite memory of being a COLAGEer or having an LGBT parent.

My favorite time with COLAGE was being a staff member for the Provincetown camp this summer! It was amazing to get to work with some many other queerspawn and learn about what young COLAGErs today are up to. It was an amazing time of action, tiredness, community, and learning. Everyone should go to camp!

Tell us a little about the family in which you grew up. Who was in it? Anything particular you’d like to share about yourselves?

The first seven years of my life my family consisted of me, my brother, my mother, and my father. When I was seven years old my parents got divorced and my mother came out as a lesbian. A few months later, my mother’s partner at the time moved in with me, my mother, and my brother, with her three children. A few years later, my mother and her partner at the time adopted a son together. My father has always been part of the picture. My mother is no longer with her partner but they still remain close, as my mother and father have.

What has been the most challenging thing you’ve faced as the child of (an) LGBT parent(s)? How did you handle it?

I didn’t really face many challenging things as a child because of my mother. I guess telling some people was a little awkward because you never know how people are going to react, but I didn’t get much negative feedback.

What, if anything, did your parent(s) do to help you understand their sexual orientation or gender identity, or to help you deal with any issues this raised at school or elsewhere? Any resources (groups, books, movies, Web sites, etc.) you found particularly helpful?

I think the best thing my mother did was to not make it a big deal. There wasn’t a big discussion about how she was now a lesbian and what that really meant. My father moved out and my stepmother moved in. Thats pretty much how it went.

The most helpful group to me was COLAGE. COLAGE is honestly the best thing that has ever happened to me. It provided me and my family a safe place to discuss how we feel, and to hear other peoples experiences. I developed many friendships and relationships that will probably last me my whole life. What other kid can say that they love to go away for a week every summer to go to workshops and meeting and teen panels? I don’t know of any.

Anything you wish your parents had done differently in terms of the above?

I don’t think my parents could have done anything diferently. We had six kids in my house growing up and we were all able to tell our friends in our own time, we were able to choose who we told and how much information we gave. I think that was also very important.

How does having an LGBT parent affect you in your adult life? Or how has the experience of having an LGBT parent shifted in adulthood?

I think having an LGBT parent has made me a better person. I think I am much more open-minded to people. The LGBT community that I have been exposed to is the most diverse population I have ever seen. There is such a mix of lifestyles, ages, genders, races, etc. If I wasn’t exposed to this community, I don’t know how I would have turned out, but I am pretty sure that I wouldn’t be as open to diversity.

What are the ways that having an LGBT parent has made you into who you are today?

I think that having an LGBT parent has made me want to be more of an advocate for equal rights for everyone. Not only LGBT people, but people in general. I think that the society that we all live in is always looking for something to classify people; whether it be gender, race, age, or sexuality. Everybody is so judgmental. Having such a diverse family myself, I am more aware of how differently people are treated and it make me want to share my voice with those who are willing to listen.

What advice would you most like to pass on to other children of LGBT parents? To the parents themselves?

To the children I would want to pass on the lesson to not be afraid to be yourselves. It is a very broad statement, but it gives them an opportunity to think about who they are. Your past, your present, and your future make up who you will become. Your family is part of all of these so they definitely shape who you are. Be proud of your family. If you aren’t proud, then that just gives people more of an opportunity to question.

To the parents, let your children be who they are. Just because you are a member of the LGBT community doesn’t mean that your child will want to be an advocate. Let your child choose who they tell and how much they tell. It is their life also. They need to be free to explore and learn on their own time.

Why did you choose to become involved with COLAGE?

Honestly, when I first because a COLAGEr, I didn’t have a choice. My parents forced me to go to workshops on my vacation. But now, I choose to return to Provincetown every year. I think that COLAGE is so important. I want the next generation to experience what I experienced.

How else, if at all, are you involved in your community or in LGBT activism/politics?

Sadly, I am not as involved as I would like to be. I have done two documentaries. One was aired in France, and the most recent one was aired in Italy.

Please share a favorite memory of being a COLAGEr or having an LGBT parent.

I don’t think I can pinpoint one favorite memory of being a COLAGEr. I love every workshop, every scavenger hunt, every bonfire, every dance, and everyone I have met. The entire experience is my favorite memory.

Tell us a little about the family in which you grew up. Who was in it? Anything particular you’d like to share about yourselves?

My name is Sara Elizabeth Berger, otherwise known as Pumpkin, Mean Bean, and Sugar-Booger by my moms and dad. Yeah, that’s right . . . moms . . . PLURAL. Although for those who are reading, this is probably not a hard concept to grasp for obvious reasons. However, growing up in a small conservative town in North Dakota, I didn’t have what one might call an “easy” time explaining this to people. Then again, I’ll admit my family is just a tad bit complex. I grew up in two houses, my moms’ and my dad’s, with a plethora of siblings and more than my fair share of furry critters. My biological mom, Vickie, and her partner, Sherri, blended a family together after they both found themselves in the midst of divorce. My mom, who had been previously married before meeting my dad, brought Andy (my older half brother) and myself to Sherri’s old four-floor home in northern Mandan when she and my dad divorced; I was only six months old at the time. Sherri had been living in the old house for a few months with her three kids, Steven, Sara Lynn, and Joy after getting a divorce with her husband (which ironically enough happened to be my dad’s best friend). Mom and Sherri were not out at the time, neither to the community (due to custody reasons) or even to themselves; they struggled years before they were able to integrate their sexual “orientation” into their religious views. However, because I was so young, none of the “behind the scenes” struggles ever entered into my mind. As I grew up, I never questioned the fact that I had two houses and my friends didn’t, or that I had two moms and a dad when my friends only had one of each; in fact, I thought it was pretty dang cool to have two of just about everything.

As mentioned before, I had two of each sibling, too, all of whom were many years older than me. Stephen, who was 12 at the time of our “family fusing”, and Andy, who was eight years my senior, I considered from the beginning to be my brothers. Sara Lynn and Joy, 10 and eight years older than me respectively, were without a doubt my sisters. When I think about it now, however, I’m almost positive they didn’t see our situation in the same light as I did. Because they were so much older than me at the time, and didn’t literally “grow into” our queer family like I did, they probably viewed me more as the cute little girl they babysat once a week or the annoying “tweeny-bopper” who spied on them when their high school girlfriends and boyfriends came over. With the exception of my biological half brother who I had always been close to, I think it wasn’t until I was in high school when Sherri’s kids had “grown-up” lives of their own did they really start to consider me a sibling, an aunt to their own children, and someone they could call from states away to talk about problems. I think it was also the fact that I had grown up into the situation that allowed me to become the passionate queer activist that I am—I really got to know my moms (collectively) and their LGBTQ friends more than my siblings, and in the end, it has honestly made all the difference.

What has been the most challenging thing you’ve faced as the child of (an) LGBT parent(s)? How did you handle it?

Although I’ve faced plenty of challenges during my life as a “queerspawn” thus far, especially in relation to school classmates and teachers, by far the hardest challenge I’ve had to overcome was one between my dad and me. Dad and I have always had a good and fun relationship, but we have never been what I would call “close”. As my moms and I became more and more out, dad became more and more uncomfortable, concerned that I was being brainwashed and manipulated into being a spokesperson and political tool for my moms’ agendas. He never understood that all of my advocacy was my decision and my own doing. The last straw came when I had been featured in the main front page article of the town’s tribune, my sixteen-year old smiling face plastered dead center, my hands holding a “Decline to Sign the ND Marriage Amendment” poster for all to see. I was thrilled when I saw it, knowing that a lot of people were going to see and read what I was fighting for.

However, dad was everything but thrilled. As word began to circulate, he became embarrassed and beyond furious, and that night, he gave me a call. He literally screamed, “Sara, you’re so confused right now. You don’t have two moms, you have one! You do not love Sherri because she is not real family. You’re embarrassing your family, so cut this out! Don’t let them brainwash you! Think of me, your only other parent. Think of God, Sara!” I was so shocked, but not entirely speechless just yet. Without thinking, and without hesitation, I said, “No, dad, you’re the one who is confused. Sherri is just as much of a parent as you and mom have been to me—she provides for me and takes care of me. She loves me just as much as you. And how dare you tell me who I can or cannot love, dad.” He repeated that I was confused and that he wanted to pick me up that instant, and I told him to “shut up”, and I hung up the phone, sobbing uncontrollably. He tried calling back several times that night, but after Sherri finally answered, telling him that he was severing his relationship with me by not listening to me, he stopped calling. It’s kind of like the saying that says “it takes a great deal of courage to stand up against one’s enemies, but even more courage to stand up to the people that you love”. And that is sooooo true! I was so upset because one, dad had never ever talked to me like that before—never called me confused or even yelled at me.

Second, I was appalled and hurt that he was trying to make me choose between three people that I loved and treated equally. It was the worst feeling in the world having to verbally choose something like that. And it stayed this way for three weeks because we stopped talking—no phone calls, e-mails, or weekly visits. I felt guilty and emotionally exhausted, especially when he finally called to tell me that he had just found out he had stage four colon cancer. But you know, life really works in mysterious ways. We were all devastated knowing that he had cancer, but even through such dark times, light shines through: my dad got a wake-up call. After the operation to get the softball-sized tumor removed, dad invited both my moms and I into the hospital room. They gave him a card and he gave them one, telling them to read it out loud. In it read, “I’ve decided to bury the hatchet on all of this ‘gay’ business. Life is too short, and what really matters is that the three of us raised an amazing young woman together.” The best part about the whole visit was that when we left, he gave both mom and Sherri a hug, which was the first time I had seen him hug either of them in my whole life.

What, if anything, did your parent(s) do to help you understand their sexual orientation or gender identity, or to help you deal with any issues this raised at school or elsewhere? Any resources (groups, books, movies, Web sites, etc.) you found particularly helpful? Anything you wish your parents had done differently in terms of the above?

Because I completely grew up within a queer family, when mom and Sherri came out to me in 4th grade, I really was not at all surprised, even though I hadn’t yet been exposed to/understood that stigma and hatred that came with such a label as “lesbian”. In fact, I had an incident when I was only six years old that gave them the opportunity to tell me about their sexuality. We were watching the Ellen Degeneres sitcom, the episode where Ellen’s character comes out in the airport terminal. As a kid, I loved watching the show (though I understood zero percent of the humor), and when she said into the microphone that she was gay, a little mini lightbulb went on in my little mini kindergarten head. Though I had no clue as to what “gay” meant, I understood the concept of it being between, for example, two women. I turned my head, remembering now how uncomfortable my moms looked on the couch during the scene, and innocently asked, “Mom, are you gay?” Sherri started choking on her Pepsi, and my Mom gawked at me, which I apparently found funny because I remember laughing at this. Collecting herself, mom calmly replied, “Well, sugar, what if I was?” That confused me, and I shook my head, dismissing what was at the time a non-issue for me. However, when they did finally come out to me, my moms did provide me full access to their, at the time, “secret LGBTQ library” in the basement, and I made good use of it. I read books that dismantled the biblical “clobber passages”, and I read and re-red a book called “Brain Sex” which explained numerous theories of prenatal sexuality formation (it was also this book that started my love of and interest in the brain, inevitably leading me to now major in Cognitive and Behavioral Neuroscience).

However, I think what most helped me understand their identity was that fact that both before and after they “came out”, they never hid their affection from any of the kids when in the house. Kisses and hugs were always around; the words to explain them were the only thing missing. In fact, if I were to have them change anything about the ways in which they helped me deal with issues or understand concepts would be that I wish they would have come out to me sooner as a child.

How does having an LGBT parent affect you in your adult life? Or how has the experience of having an LGBT parent shifted in adulthood? What are the ways that having an LGBT parent has made you into who you are today?

I think having lesbian moms has been the biggest gift I could have ever asked for in life. I mean that. I always tell people that I had the privilege of growing up in a conservative place with a liberal, queer family because all of the struggles and hard times (as well as minor victories) made me who I am today. I think that because I understand a little more of what it’s like to be undermined, ignored, hated, feared, and misunderstood, that I in turn have more compassion for those of different racial, religious, and socioeconomic backgrounds (although I will never compare my struggle to theirs’) whose experiences are at times full of these things as well. My moms have taught me to look at people with wonder, not judgment, and they taught me to believe in myself even when no one else does, which is probably why I have such high self-expectations and self-esteem.

However, my reflection on my experiences as a queerspawn has definitely changed as I’ve gotten older; I guess I’m a less naïve, more critical, and a lot more educated when it comes to queer issues now. Having been exposed to the literature and theory on queer subjectivity in college (I’m minoring in Women’s, Gender, and Sexuality Studies), I tend to look at my life differently than before, as one that is unique, nonbinary, and intersected with other social aspects. Although I’m still an advocate, I am for different reasons now—more for myself than my moms, and more for other children than myself.

What advice would you most like to pass on to other children of LGBT parents? To the parents themselves?

As for advice I’d pass on to other children who have parents of a different (or undefined) sexual orientation/gender identity, I’d say, above all things, be truthful with yourself and others. What I mean by this is that all too often, many queerspawn tend to cover up family problems (like arguments or separations) or strive to be the perfect student or child (as in over-achieving in school or pretending to be happy when they’re not) in order to both protect their parents/family, as well as prove to society that their family is just like everyone else. Well, in my opinion, doing such things only inevitably backfires at a larger level. When we don’t tell what really goes on in our families, we make them out to be something that they’re not. In reality, disagreements happen in all families. In reality, queer families aren’t and shouldn’t have to be perfect—there is abuse and sadness and arguments in our families, too. In addition, I don’t think that we should have to “prove to be just like any other family” because the truth of the matter is, our families are different, from each other and “normal” families; we don’t have to be the same, and by trying to fit into heteronormative ideals of what constitutes a family, we only strengthen heteronormativity AND in turn, we strengthen homophobia. So, be open and honest about everything, especially with your parents. In the end, we have nothing to hide.

Why did you choose to become involved with COLAGE?

I chose to become involved with COLAGE because I think it’s a great resource and support group for children growing up in queer families. I wish I would have known about it sooner so that I could have used it as something to turn to in times of trial when I was younger and in high school.

How else, if at all, are you involved in your community or in LGBT activism/politics?

At age 14, I testified before the state legislature on a safe schools bill that would add sexual orientation to the list of specific things, such as race, gender, and religion, protected in school from harassment. At age 16, I attended a press conference and rally with a campaign called Decline to Sign, which was trying to stop the North Dakota Marriage Amendment from being put on the voting ballot. My moms and I created Bismarck’s first Gay Pride, which has been going on strong since I was a junior in high school; I was involved in the planning and decoration of it, as well as in the meetings for the sponsoring organization, Dakota Out Right. I’ve participated in COLAGE’s workshops at the Minnesota Rainbow Families conference, and I’ve also contributed to Family Voices and their Just for Us publication. I’ve served on the scholarship committee for PFUND, and I’m an active member in PFLAG, touring colleges and high schools with/for PFLAG to talk about my experiences as a queerspawn. I am also a member of Queer Union at Macalester College (2nd consecutive year), and I lead panel discussions about queer family dynamics and intersectionalities during Coming Out Week. Currently, I’m on the Women, Gender, and Sexuality steering committee at school, and I’m planning on writing for Rainbow Rumpus, an online magazine made for queerspawn in different stages of their lives. This, to me, is only the beginning. The best is yet to come!

Please share a favorite memory of being a COLAGEr or having an LGBT parent.

My favorite memory that I have about being a queerspawn is when I actually came out to my moms. The night that they told me they were lesbians, they took me out for TCBY and then up to our favorite hilltop overlooking the river. Because the whole event seemed like such a big deal to me, I had the notion that everyone, gay or straight, was supposed to “come out” to their families. In 6th grade, I developed my first crush on a boy, and excited, I wanted to “come out” that I wasn’t a lesbian. So, on a Friday night, I begged mom and Sherri to take me to TCBY after supper. They didn’t really want to go all the way to Bismarck just to get a treat, but after a bit of prodding, they complied, and before I knew it, we were sitting at a TCBY table, eating white chocolate mousse and watching cars go by. When I finished mine, I quickly threw the cup away, and returned, trying to collect my 12-year-old self. “Um, guys,” I began, “I wanted to come here because I have something to tell you.” They both looked at me, confusion and concern diffusing into their expressions. “I’m not gay.” They frowned, looked at each other, and my mom said, “What?” Getting annoyed, I said a little too loudly, “I’m not gay, I’m not a lesbian . . . I like boys.” Some people from the booth over looked at me, laughing. Mom and Sherri stopped, pausing to think, and amused with my misunderstood yet heartwarming confession, began to laugh. A LOT. Pretty soon, the three of us were bent over, my moms’ frozen yogurt falling to the floor. Even though we looked like idiots, it is by far the best memory that I think only a queerspawn could have.

Tell us a little about the family in which you grew up. Who was in it? Anything particular you’d like to share about yourselves?

For the first half of my life I grew up with my parents, my Daddy who is my biological father, and his partner, Pappa. But I have severe cerebral palsy and need 24 hr care, so eventually it became too big of a task for them, financially and physically, so I went to live with my grandparents in England. My grandparents are also gay, Grandpa is my biological grandpa, and Grandfather is his partner.

What has been the most challenging thing you’ve faced as the child of (an) LGBT parent(s)? How did you handle it?

I have problems with people staring. Having severe cerebral palsy and being confined to a wheelchair, people stare at me quite frequently, but when they stare because my parents are both men, it is a very distinctive stare. Usually I get a: “Oh you poor thing,” stare because of my disability, but the homophobic stare sounds more like: “Oh . . . That’s one of those GAY families.” It bothered me for so long, but my Grandpa really gave me the tools to be accepting of my unique situation. So when people stare now because they recognize I am in a “different” family, I stare back confidently as if to say: “Yes, and I love my family, and they love me.”

What, if anything, did your parent(s) do to help you understand their sexual orientation or gender identity, or to help you deal with any issues this raised at school or elsewhere? Any resources (groups, books, movies, Web sites, etc.) you found particularly helpful?

My parents and grandparents have always been open about their sexuality to me, and have given me a great sense of history of the GLBT community. They really educated me by recounting the struggles they have gone through as well as those before them and those who continue to fight for equal civil rights. I was home-schooled so I can’t speak to issues concerning my treatment at school or educating other students about my family, however when I reached college, everyone whom I told was very open and thought it was rather cool that I had parents and grandparents who are gay.

Anything you wish your parents had done differently in terms of the above?

I really believe they educated me well on the gay community, but I know little about the LBT communities and their heroes and forerunners.

How does having an LGBT parent affect you in your adult life? Or how has the experience of having an LGBT parent shifted in adulthood?

Having a “gay” family, as it were, has been a wonderful experience. Coming into adulthood, watching my parents and grandparents and how they dealt with their differences and how the world dealt with them helped me deal with my own differences and pushed me to continue and accept and love my differences rather than hide away.

What are the ways that having an LGBT parent has made you into who you are today?

Not having any mother (she died during childbirth) or female figure has really made me gravitate towards men to confide in or ask advice of them. I just feel more comfortable around men, and even think it might have pushed me to be attracted to men. I don’t miss my mom as I never had one, but I wonder sometimes what it would have been like to have one, but I truly feel fulfilled with my family as they have always been there for me.

What advice would you most like to pass on to other children of LGBT parents? To the parents themselves?

Kids: It’s okay to be different, really you don’t want to be like everyone else, plus, you’re lucky to have parents (or a parent) who cares about you deeply. It will make sense once you are old enough to be a parent yourself, really!

Parents: Just love your kids, give them plenty of opportunities to seek out others who have the same family situation, and love them unconditionally.

Why did you choose to become involved with COLAGE?

I just thought it would be nice to talk to others who also had GLBT parents.

How else, if at all, are you involved in your community or in LGBT activism/politics?

I always try to write politicians to support pro-GLBT family legislation, as well as be a member of organizations that work towards equal civil rights for GLBT parents and their families.

Please share a favorite memory of being a COLAGEr or having an LGBT parent.

My favorite memory is watching my grandparents get married. They took the time to explain to me beforehand what it was like being in love with one another when homosexuality was outlawed, and how wonderful it was to finally be officially recognized by the British government after being committed to each other for 50+ years.

Tell us a little about the family in which you grew up. Who was in it? Anything particular you’d like to share about yourselves?

My family is a witch’s brew of geeks, dorks, and delinquents. We built secret passages in the basement for fun, and my father fought an eternal battle against right angles. My oldest brother just got married: he walked down the aisle with his wife to ‘Where Is My Mind,’ by The Pixies, my sister-in-law chucked a bouquet of dead flowers to the tune of ‘The Doom Song’ from Invader Zim, and then the entire place (a museum) was rocked by Britpop and New Wave until midnight. Because that’s the way my people roll. And by the by, my father is a transgender woman.

What has been the most challenging thing you’ve faced as the child of (an) LGBT parent(s)? How did you handle it?

My father came out as a transgender only when I was 21, months before I was to graduate university: the secret pact between her and my mother was to wait until my two brothers and I were fully grown. Consequentially, the biggest challenge has been just to juggle the split between my parents. They’re both the best parents a boy could ever ask for, and really quite happy living their separate lives: they endured the divorce with maturity and sensitivity, which is a testament to the strength of both their characters. They still talk all the time. But when they both live on separate sides of the country, plane fare just gets to be a pain after a while.

What, if anything, did your parent(s) do to help you understand their sexual orientation or gender identity, or to help you deal with any issues this raised at school or elsewhere? Any resources (groups, books, movies, Web sites, etc.) you found particularly helpful?

Nothing needed to be done. Before my father came out, she had been borrowing my books on gender theory for two years prior. My brothers and I all had gay and lesbian friends, and I had transgender classmates and professors by the time I was sixteen. When she finally came out, my initial instinct was to ask whether we could still make the 2:20 showing of X-Men 2. My oldest brother’s response was, in fact, ‘Well, duh.’

Anything you wish your parents had done differently in terms of the above?

Nope. They raised us to love our family, to battle bigots, to live life beautifully. Having a parent shift genders isn’t going to undermine any of that. Why would it?

How does having an LGBT parent affect you in your adult life? Or how has the experience of having an LGBT parent shifted in adulthood?

Considering that I use female pronouns for my father – my awesome father, who I inevitably mention in passing conversation, like any other member of my family whom I love – I become the de facto gender-theory ambassador. Conversations occur because of the ‘I Love My Trans Dad’ button that I place on my pinstripe suit. And for some reason, I find myself speaking on panels about my experience, because people have decided that my opinions are worth listening to. Wacky. Growing up – when my father was a man – all my friends thought that he was smoking hot. ‘Shawn’s Hot Dad’ was a local band, actually. Now that she’s a woman, our friends still think the exact same thing. And really, that never gets any less creepy.

What are the ways that having an LGBT parent has made you into who you are today?

Easy. My parents taught me how to be a man: how to come to bat for those you love, how to swing a hammer, how to wear a nice suit, how to read good books as often as humanly possible. We never gave a damn what bathroom my parents used, because that was never the point. We just cared that they were fantastic human beings, and they taught us to follow suit.

What advice would you most like to pass on to other children of LGBT parents? To the parents themselves?

My family was lovably bizarre before gender reassignment was even a glimmer on the horizon, so my experience is hardly applicable to any other families this side of the looking glass. So I recommend this: Have a damn sense of humour about it. Humour wins you friends, disarms enemies, forges bonds, relieves stress, helps people forget their troubles. Worrying only does so much, after which it only sours relations, rots potential, and undermines dreams. Laughter gets you the rest of the way.

Why did you choose to become involved with COLAGE?

I was working in Turkey, and a girl – an American girl, a co-worker – spoke ill of my father: called her a bad father, in fact, because she ‘obviously’ was so obsessed with her sex change that she ‘neglected to raise me well.’ One of the most vindictive things I’ve ever heard uttered by another human being, actually.

How else, if at all, are you involved in your community or in LGBT activism/politics?

I’ve definitely fallen into transgender activist circles, which as a smack-talking straight boy does make for hilarious stories. Like whenever I take a piss at a transgender conference, I realize that every FTM in twenty feet is staring at me (albeit in the most discreet way possible). And then they come up to me later that evening, half-drunk, yelling, ‘You’re so convincing!’ I tell them it’s from twenty years of practice.

Please share a favorite memory of being a COLAGEr or having an LGBT parent.

My father’s a woman who races cars in her free time, and she constantly embarrasses men by knowing far more about high-performance engines and independent suspension than they do. It’s hilarious, every single time.