In Memoriam: Brendan Burke

Last November, I posted about Brian Burke, the gruff president and general manager of the Toronto Maple Leafs, who very publicly supported his gay son Brendan, a hockey player for Miami University. Today I just learned of the sad news that Brendan was killed in a weather-related two-car accident in Indiana Friday afternoon.

My deepest condolences to Brendan’s family, who loved him unconditionally.

They Might Be Allies

I was thrilled to hear indie band They Might Be Giants performing the theme song for Rosie O’Donnell’s recent HBO special, A Family Is a Family Is a Family.

Unfortunately, the song, “And Mom and Kid,” isn’t yet available online. I give you instead “Roy G. Biv,” from their generally awesome album Here Comes Science. At least it has a rainbow theme. (It’s from their weekly podcast, so there’s a short spoken intro.)

This also serves in lieu of our vlog for the week, which won’t be happening because of unforeseen circumstances. Stay tuned for one next Thursday. (And please leave a comment if there’s a topic you’d like to hear us address!)

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Weekend Reading: Reaching Across the Lines

Two stories caught my eye today that show the value of making personal connections, even when the barriers between people seem insurmountable. They make a good pair of pieces for weekend reading.

One is Steven Goldstein’s piece at Blue Jersey, which I mentioned in my Political Roundup this week. Steven is the chair of Garden State Equality, which is now on the front lines of the marriage equality battle. He tells us not of an organizational initiative, however, but a very personal conversation with a member of the Hasidim, the ultra-orthodox Jewish community. They were protesting GSE’s rally and lobby day for marriage equality—but the conversation is not what you’d expect.

The other piece is by actor and lesbian mom Cynthia Nixon at HuffPo. She writes of lobbying New York State Senator Ruth Hassell-Thompson, who told her that she was going to vote “no” on marriage equality because of her deep religious belief that marriage should be between a man and a woman. Nixon writes that Hassell-Thompson nevertheless considered not only the opinions of the many constituents who contacted her, but also several very personal matters. In the end, Hassell-Thompson voted yes. I won’t spoil Nixon’s narrative by giving too many details here, but you should go read.

New Blog on Gender and Pop Culture

A friend whom I’ve known since college has launched a new blog with her husband, in which they offer their perspectives on gender and popular culture. They’ve only been at the blog, The Two Body Solution, for a short time, but they’re both English professors and have been writing about this sort of thing in other venues for a while. So far, the blog has covered topics such as The Bachelorette, Sarah Palin, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Urban Dictionary, the running of the bulls, obesity, and the “he-cession.”

They explain:

This is a blog about gender and American popular culture, written by two English professors. We both see the world through the lens of cultural studies, which means that we think that things like advertising, television, mainstream films, popular music and the internet are worthy of serious academic study and commentary. Our goal here is to focus on the way gender is constructed in the mass media. . . .

Our two body “solution” is to offer two distinct yet coordinated narrative voices, sometimes individually, sometimes collectively. Professor Moss (a woman) may comment on masculinity and Professor Bean (a man) may comment on femininity. Our point is not to provide a woman’s opinion on femininity and a man’s on masculinity (or at least not always to do so) but rather to open up gender for discussion on any terms we think are appropriate. We may post together, and usually we will comment on each other’s posts, but we also want to create a space in which each of us is free to stake out her own territory. We see this as a joint venture, but one that still allows for individual commentary.

You will find that each of us has a distinct way of positing a problem, analyzing a text, etc., but you will also notice the ways in which we see our shared, and often perplexing, culture similarly.

We talk a lot about gender in the LGBT community, but we certainly don’t have an exclusive on such matters. I think, in fact, that our understanding of gender can only benefit by including all perspectives, LGBT and not. Profs. Bean and Moss are also among the strongest LGBT allies I’ve ever met, in any case. If you’re interested in issues of gender and culture, check them out.

LGBT Parenting Roundup

Politics and Law

• Amicus briefs are coming in to Florida’s third district court of appeal from LGBT and other civil-rights groups, in support of a circuit court decision that allowed a gay couple to adopt two brothers, effectively overturning the state’s ban on adoption by same-sex couples.
• Despite new legislation in Victoria, Australia, to allow lesbian couples access to IVF treatment and donor sperm, many couples have had their applications delayed due to a lack of the government resources needed to carry out the record checks required.

Schools

• Oregon Gov. Ted Kulongoski signed the sexual-orientation inclusive Oregon Safe Schools Act, which requires schools to have clearer rules, processes, and educational tools to deal with bullying.
• A leaked report from the Dutch government says that religious schools can refuse to employ gay teachers if their behavior is contrary to school beliefs, even if such behavior is outside the classroom. Read the rest of this post »

An Unlikely Friendship

Last week, I pointed out a moving post from Blogging for LGBT Families Day written by Haley Montgomery, a conservative evangelical Christian who was struggling to work through the issue of marriage equality, trying to reconcile her beliefs with the stories of loving LGBT families she was reading online.

This week, I want to highlight another contributed post, this time from the blog May the Beauty. The author describes herself as “a 6 feet tall, spirited, wordy, loving, coffee serving, cheese-ball. Also known as a Mother, Wife, Partner, Daughter, Sister, Aunt, Cousin, Lesbian, Friend, Neighbor and Christian.”

In her post, she describes a close friend who nevertheless voted Yes on Prop 8. She, like Haley, tries to navigate the often complex intersection of belief, friendship, and family: Read the rest of this post »

This Is How Change Is Made: A Story from Blogging for LGBT Families Day

Of all the posts submitted to Blogging for LGBT Families Day, the one that has made the greatest impression on me is: “The One Where I Come Out… And Say It,” by Haley Montgomery, aka eyeJunkie. Haley describes herself as “a politically conservative, white, heterosexual, middle class evangelical Christian from Mississippi. And, I’m probably pretty close to who you think I am when I write those words.”

In her post, she makes the surprising admission of being a regular reader of LesbianDad, a blog likely familiar to many of you. For those who don’t know Polly and her wonderful blog, Haley’s description is actually pretty accurate: “one of those crazy, liberal Californians, Berkeley graduate, feminist, Buddhist, lesbian activist. She’s also a ‘Baba’ of two children and an excellent writer and photographer. She and her wife have one of the 18,000 marriages that were upheld by the California Supreme Court last week when it also upheld Proposition 8.”

Haley observes that her reading of Polly’s blog “is likely to ilicit [sic] the same ‘duh’ response of outrage from both the LGBT and conservative reader-types, but I’m sitting squarely on the (barbed wire) fence on this whole gay marriage issue.” Read the rest of this post »

Blogging for LGBT Families Day: Thank You!

I am once again dazzled by the range of contributions to Blogging for LGBT Families Day. We heard from LGBT parents across the gender spectrum, children of LGBT parents, other LGBT people, and allies. There were a number of posts in Spanish. There were old timers, who have contributed to all four years of this event, as well as many new voices. Thanks to all of you who participated and who continue to define and illuminate the great diversity of LGBT families.

Over the next few days, I’ll be reading through the posts and highlighting a few that catch my eye. Please leave a comment if there are some that catch yours (other than your own).

(And if you didn’t participate, but would like to, go ahead and sneak in your post. I’m a parent. Late is standard.)

An Ally’s Response

After I published my story on the 20th anniversary of the Gay-Straight Alliance at Phillips Academy Andover, I received this letter from alumna and writer Robin Chotzinoff, who now lives in Texas. She shares not only her reaction to how times have changed, but also what her 11-year-old daughter is doing to support LGBT rights. She’s given me permission to repost it. (Robin also blogs about gardening at People with Dirty Hands and about writing at Letters to My Agent.)

It’s heartening to me to find such allies, especially of the younger generation. As I said in my article, I think the future is in good hands.

I read your story with great interest and optimism. In 1973, when I entered Andover in the first class of females, there was no such thing as a gay prep-school student, either male or female. At least, not until I got a few years older and realized there are gay students everywhere, always had been, always will be. I remember a wonderful story in the Andover Bulletin at least ten years ago, by K. Kelly Wise, simply called Gay At Andover, in which he interviewed alumni who were old even then, as well as openly gay. As a writer, I was fascinated by the truth and the history. I was also proud of Andover for acknowledging its gay history, even if it took several hundred years to get around to it. I’m also impressed that your student group was the second oldest in the country. [Not really "my" group; just one I covered for the article. —Dana] Read the rest of this post »

Julianne Moore Gets LGBT Families

Actor and mom Julianne Moore just did a video interview with the Advocate to promote her Valentine’s Day project with Save the Children, selling cards designed by top children’s illustrators to raise money for fighting poverty in America. Along the way, she talks about engaging children in social change, how LGBT families in particular have a history of activism and charitable giving, and how she’s bringing her own kids up with a healthy dose of reality about LGBT families:

That’s the other thing about my children growing up in New York is that, for them, you can be married to a girl or a boy. . . . That’s been a given since preschool because there are plenty of gay families in New York City. . . . You can say as much as you’d like, and say this is how the world is, but when they walk out and see it and they know that Ethan has two moms, and that Jackson has two dads . . . . Kids are able to handle everything, anything, as long as it’s exampled for them.

(Bonus trivia: Both Moore and never-quite-come-out lesbian mom Jodie Foster played FBI Agent Clarice Starling, in Hannibal and The Silence of the Lambs, respectively.)