A new study in the journal Child Development has found that babies who are the result of unplanned or mistimed pregnancies “had fewer resources [including parental support and learning materials] than intended siblings” and “Parents’ emotional resources to older children decreased after the birth of a mistimed sibling.” (H/t, Lilsugar.)

Given that most lesbian pregnancies are planned with more logistics than it takes to move an Army battalion (yet another reason they should welcome us in the military!), wouldn’t it follow that the children of lesbians have way more parental support and other resources than children of opposite-sex couples?

When I was pregnant with my son, I heard a comedienne talking about the aftereffects of childbirth:

“I’m peeing all the time. I’m actually peeing right now,” she said.

That will never happen to me, I told myself.

I was in denial—the kind of deep, pre-delivery denial that ensures the continuation of the species. This maternal defense mechanism sustained several calming delusions. I believed that my partner and I would take a pleasant walk during the early stages of labor. I believed that I would not beg for drugs. And I believed that my intimate geography would not be forever reconfigured into Frankenpuss.

Once my son was born, however, I had plenty of other things on my mind. The war in Iraq had just started. There was an anti-marriage amendment on the ballot in my state. Also, there was this new little person in my life, and his every coo and sigh was mesmerizing.

So it took me a while to come to terms with the fact that I had a pee problem.

My first moment of reckoning was at a Le Tigre show. It was summer, and I was surrounded by a sea of sweaty dykes. When the band launched into my favorite song, I instinctively started pogoing up and down.

Much to my dismay, each percussive bounce produced a corresponding trickle. I became increasingly less enthusiastic, finally slowing my movement to a cautious, tight-legged swaying.

I wish I could think of peeing on myself as a punk rock statement, like the time Donita Sparks of L7 threw a used tampon from the stage—but, in truth, I don’t have the rock-n-roll chops to pull it off.

My doctor prescribed Kegel exercises. I was dubious. My laundry pile was taller than my son. I was struggling to get to the gym twice a week to tone the muscles that actually show. How was I going to find time in my daily routine for three sets of Kegels?

A year later, at my annual exam, she asked, “how’s the incontinence?”

Ouch. The “I” word. I knew it was time to get serious.

My doctor referred me to a specialist, who asked, “How many pads are you using per day?”

“You mean for my period?”

“No, for your incontinence.” I guess a lot of women wait even longer than I did before they seek medical attention.

Although I wasn’t at the point of needing pads, the specialist recommended something called a Colpexin Sphere to help me practice my Kegels with greater precision and effectiveness.

At first I was skeptical—the name sounded so clinical. Then I saw it. A hard plastic sphere with a little string attached. If you’re familiar with the Toys in Babeland catalog, you might visually cross-reference “the Silver Bullet” (minus vibration) or the “Luna Beads.”

Right there on the exam table, I had an epiphany. Strengthening my pubococcygeal muscle was not another chore to be added to my lengthy to-do list. Strengthening my pubococcygeal muscle was going to be . . . fun.

There are surely less convoluted and less medical routes to this realization. Toys in Babeland has a whole page devoted to Kegels and a whole selection of toys that make the Colpexin Sphere look downright plain.

But I got mine for free.

I don’t have medical benefits at my job, so I have a no-frills private insurance plan. When the doctor said she’d submit the claim for the Colpexin Sphere, I thought “there’s no way they’re gonna pay for that.”

But they did.

After a few months with my Colpexin Sphere, I no longer think of Kegel exercises as just another chore. In fact, it’s remarkably easy to find the time to do them.

Now my problem is making it through all three sets. . . .

I haven’t read the whole article myself (not all of it is online), but After Ellen reports that they discuss the ups and downs of dual pregnancy hormones, food cravings, and sharing maternity clothes.

Now if only mainstream magazines would stop using the phrase “longtime partner.” Or start using the phrases “longtime husband” and “longtime wife” when referring to opposite-sex couples. Oh, wait. Life & Style is an entertainment magazine. There aren’t that many longtime opposite-sex couples in the entertainment industry. Sigh.

ESPN the Magazine’s cover story this month features WNBA superstar Candace Parker, with her hands cupping the round curve of . . . her pregnant stomach. It’s a striking picture for a magazine that rarely has females of any sort on the cover.

The article asks, “Can Candace Parker be the female Jordan?” meaning not only in her basketball skills but also in her marketing appeal. Can women athletes be marketed as athletes, not just sex symbols? Can they take time off for a pregnancy and return to an athletic career and motherhood?

Parker says:

“The baby will be along for the ride, with me on trips, at the court.” She sighs. “You don’t hear about male players doing that, do you? Women, we just have to balance more things. It’s harder for us. That’s just the way it is.” She offers a weary smile before adding, “For now.”

Parker is, of course, treading ground that moms and ball players like Sheryl Swoopes and Lisa Leslie have trod before her. Whether Parker’s record will stand up to theirs in the long term remains to be seen. She has yet only one professional season to her credit. One advantage she has that they didn’t however, is that she is entering an already established league, with a few more years of public awareness about women’s professional sports.

The article does start with a mention of Parker’s bra size, which seems gratuitous, but most of the article is about how she’s been able to capitalize on her success “by selling her game, not her body.” I’ll allow the writer a catchy lead for what is really a more balanced article.

The print magazine includes a chart of five women athletes who returned to competition—and victories—after motherhood: Leslie, swimmer Dara Torres, runner Paula Radcliffe, tennis player Lindsay Davenport, and softball pitcher Jennie Finch. It doesn’t seem like motherhood has slowed them down at all.

It’s a good read in a publication I’m guessing most of us don’t read regularly. (Which brings us to the issue of women’s sports and media coverage, but that’s a whole other post . . . .)

LESBIAN VOLUNTEERS NEEDED

For a Research Study on Partner Support and Postpartum Depression

• You must be female
• You must have birthed a child
• You must have been in one lesbian relationship through conception, delivery and at least 1 year postpartum
• You must have experienced Postpartum Depression after the birth of your child.

Participation will involve an interview that will take up to 2 hours, may be audio-taped, and can take place at your home, a library, or over the phone.

The interview will inquire about your experience with Postpartum Depression and your relationship with your partner before, during and after pregnancy.

IF YOU ARE INTERESTED PLEASE E-MAIL:

Janele Auranicky, M.A.
lesbianPPD@comcast.net
Advanced Graduate Student,
California School of Professional Psychology
At Alliant International University

Feel free to leave comments about what you liked/didn’t like about any of these books or others. More books for and about lesbian families, as always, in the Mombian Shop.

If you want to jump ahead and see what’s happening in their lives right now, check out their blog, Role Playing with Kids.

Discovery Health seems to have a thing about lesbians with large families. Last June, they aired Quads with Two Moms (which I reviewed here), about a couple with one child who then each got pregnant with twins at the same time. All this gives a slightly skewed view of our demographic as a whole, but if Quads is any indication, their coverage is positive and well balanced. I really can’t complain.

I suppose it’s progress when LGBT families are noted for the number of the kids rather than the gender of the parents. Two lesbians having a single child just isn’t news anymore.

(Thanks to reader Tracy of Twins & a Toddler for the heads up.)

From what Beatie says, the family is settling in to being a family. Can’t ask for more than that.

Some are questioning whether her accomplishments are possible without chemical assistance. Others note that she voluntarily enrolled in a U.S. Anti-Doping Agency pilot program and has had both her urine and blood tested 12 to 15 times since March. (Most Olympic athletes only undergo urinalysis.) She was clean each time.

I’m inclined to believe Torres has that lucky combination of genetics and drive that enable her to perform such feats. Martina Navratilova won her ninth Wimbledon title at age 38, not so far behind Torres, and was 47 when she competed as a member of the 2004 U.S. Olympic team in women’s doubles. (She also won the U.S. Open mixed doubles finals in 2006; do the math.)

As for the effect of motherhood, NBC noted on its Olympic site that “Nineteen so-called “working moms” have made or are strong contenders to make the 2008 U.S. team.” Ones that have made it include soccer players Kate Markgraf and Christie Rampone, as well as softball players Stacey Nuveman (in her third Olympics) and pitcher Jennie Finch (a gold medalist in 2004). Lisa Fernandez, a three-time gold medalist, was named an alternate.

Also notable, though not on this year’s team, is three-time Olympian Leah O’Brien Amico, who gave birth to a son between her second gold medal (in Sydney) and her third (in Athens). Motherhood, along with a desire to continue her professional career, led her and others to develop the idea for the USA Softball Child Care Fund. Amico says the fund made it possible for her to be on the 2004 team; Nuveman and Finch say it “has made all the difference” to them, too. (NBC also reports “it’s available to top-tier male players as well, though no men have tapped it.” Funny that.)

As training, equipment, and (legal) sports medicine improve, athletes will continue to play at top levels longer than ever. If other sports follow the lead of Amico and USA Softball to support their mother-athletes, motherhood and professional sports will no longer seem like such an odd mix, either. I could be wrong about Torres, of course. As methods for detecting drugs improve, so will methods for concealing them. This would be a misjudgment of Torres’ character on my part, however, not a statement about what is necessary for older athletes or mothers to compete.

Best wishes to the new family. May they have the privacy and peace their young one needs while they also continue to help shift attitudes. Kudos also to ABC News for referring to Beatie as a “new dad” in acknowledgment of his gender identity and stated parental role. (His wife said on Oprah that she would be the mother and Beatie the father.) ABC’s phrase, “Transgender Man Born a Woman” does seem redundant, but we’ll allow it in the spirit of being clear for the clueless.