Overall, this is a great film, aimed at the elementary school ages, that focuses on children of various backgrounds speaking about their families. There are children with same-sex parents, opposite-sex parents, single parents, parents of different races, adoptive parents, children living with grandparents, and more. It is a wide-ranging sampling of the great diversity of family life in our country. If there is one gap, it is that there are no children with transgender parents—or at least none that speak about having them.

This is not primarily a film about Rosie and her family, although there is one segment in which she speaks with her daughter Vivienne Rose about her recent separation from her partner Kelli. Divorced and separated parents will appreciate their dialogue, in which Rosie assures Vivienne Rose that they are still a family.

The musical guests, including They Might Be Giants, Sweet Honey in the Rock, and Ziggy Marley, are terrific. I hope HBO puts out a CD or DVD of just the music, in addition to a DVD of the whole show.

Here’s the tricky part. The latter part of the film talks a lot about how families came to be, and necessarily gets into explanations of sperm and egg. The explanations here are age-appropriate for elementary school children. One scene involves an animated sperm wooing an egg to the strains of Frank Sinatra. Some of the children also discuss amongst themselves their understanding of sperm meeting egg. Most are clinical and unrelated to any sexual activity, and may even help parents to realize that they can explain these issues without freaking out about discussing sex with their kids. One child, however, does state that a man and a woman “have sex” in order to make sperm meet egg, but there is no further explanation of what “sex” is.

Don’t get me wrong—I think it is important for children to receive honest and age-appropriate explanations of these issues. For parents looking for a way to start these conversations, Rosie’s film is a great tool.

My concern is that by mixing discussion of family structure with discussion of reproduction (no matter how simplified and age-appropriate), Rosie will turn away parents who do not feel their children are quite ready for the latter. They will therefore not reap the benefits of the former.

Also, the right-wing has already tried to ban family diversity films that do not touch on reproduction at all. In fact, one of their main arguments for keeping LGBT-inclusive media out of schools is that it is not “appropriate” for young children—with the implication that it necessarily involves talking about sex. It doesn’t. As most readers here likely know, embracing family diversity is first and foremost about family structure.

By blurring the line, and discussing both family structure and reproduction in one film, however, Rosie risks adding fuel to the right-wing argument that “all” discussion of LGBT families is at root a discussion about sex. That is not to say that she shouldn’t have done this—but we as a community should be prepared to deal with the reaction.

Perceptive and open-minded parents will understand the difference, though, and will appreciate A Family Is a Family Is a Family for what it is—a celebration of family diversity and the various ways our families came to be.

(HBO, through various ad networks to which I belong, has purchased advertising for “A Family Is a Family Is a Family” on this site.)

Politics and Law

• A committee appointed by the Bombay High Court has created draft guidelines for the adoption of Indian children by foreign nationals. Under the guidelines, which are not yet final, single parents would be able to adopt, but not a same-sex couple.
• On a related note, “Can the LGBT community adopt Haitian orphans?” asks Joe Mirabella at the Seattle Post-Intelligencer. (Short answer: yes, but only if you’re single, and you should see a good lawyer before proceeding.)
• Matthew Pilecki at the Edge gives us a good overview of several cases involving nonbiological parents’ rights, both with respect to child custody and surrogacy. (It’s an issue I’ve covered a lot here at Mombian, too. We each cover a few cases the other hasn’t, though.)

Personal Stories

• Paige Schilt talks about kids and body image at Bilerico.

Media

• School Library Journal catches up with Lauren Myracle, author of Luv Ya Bunches, which made headlines last fall when Scholastic Book Fairs asked Myracle to change the two moms of one character into a mom and a dad. Myracle talks about the controversy, and also about her “top-sekrit” upcoming mystery book, By Curious, which involves a hate crime, homophobia, child molestation, and meth. Perhaps not as cheery as some of her other works, but given her ability to delve into the adolescent psyche, I’m looking forward to it.

I am a member of the Amazon Associates program, and get a small referral fee from all purchases made at Amazon.com via links on this site. You are under no obligation to purchase through them.

Much of the film features children talking about their families, including ones with same-sex parents, single parents, adoptive families, and mixed-heritage families. Part of it features Rosie talking with her daughter Vivienne Rose about how their family came to be—and how, even after Rosie’s recent separation from Kelli, the children’s other mom, they are still a family. There are musical and animated interludes, including original songs by They Might Be Giants and Sweet Honey in the Rock.

For one segment, however, I have to fall back on the HBO description:

O’Donnell’s tongue-in-cheek performance of “My Science Project” tells the animated story of a young girl whose class project describes the scientific way she came to be. And Frank Sinatra’s rendition of “Too Marvelous for Words” is accompanied by an animated sequence of a sperm in top hat serenading a glamorous egg.

It looks like a wonderful film, but parents should be alert that it could raise some questions about biology and reproduction. Be prepared to provide fuller explanations to your kids if these are topics you haven’t discussed with them yet. For those looking for a way to explain those issues, however, the film could be just the help you need. It seems like the bulk of the film is rightly on the children and their family interactions, though, not on the mechanics of their origins.

Trailer after the jump:

I am very happy we continue to find evidence that same-sex parenting is not, as the ultra-right says, unnatural. I just hope all of this doesn’t mean same-sex parenting is for the birds. I prefer to think of it as an egg-cellent adventure.

(Photo credit: Mila Zinkova. Distributed under the GNU Free Documentation License, Version 1.2. Not the actual albatrosses described above.)

I have a full review up at Bay Windows, so you can go read it there. Bottom line: Go buy this book, along with Who’s Your Daddy?. Both are the kind of rich explorations of LGBTQ parenting we need more of today. (And despite their origins, both volumes include writers from the U.S. and Australia as well as Canada.)

You can also visit editor Susan Goldberg at her blog, Mama Non Grata, and editor Chloë Brushwood Rose at her York University faculty Web site.

Like Who’s Your Daddy?, though, the book is not yet available in the U.S. (The publisher says it’s coming next March.) It may, however, be ordered from the Canadian publisher, Insomniac Press, or Canadian online bookstores such as chapters.indigo.ca and amazon.ca. Or use it to justify that ski trip up north you’ve been wanting to take.

(And no, I’m not getting any referral fees from those links, although I do for the links to Amazon.com on this site. But the book is so good I didn’t want to keep anyone waiting for the U.S. publication. If you feel guilty, go and do some other holiday shopping at Amazon.com through this link (for which I will get a small fee) and help me justify the time I spend on Mombian.)

Tonight, our 2 1/2 year old, adopted son asked what his daddy’s name was. I said I didn’t know and tried to change the subject. He said my daddy lives far away. I said yes and then we began talking about Dora. Any wisdom?

I admit, most of my thinking about “the daddy question” has been with regard to children conceived through donor insemination, because that is how we created our family. At this point, our son hasn’t started asking questions about reproduction, although I’m guessing some of his animal books may have raised them in his mind. Right now, we’ve stuck with, “All families are different. Some people have a mother and a father, others have two mothers or two fathers, some have only one parent.” As our son starts asking, we will get into more specifics about how we needed a special cell from a man and found a donor—but it’s not our preference to call him a daddy.

I’m wondering where others see similarities and differences in handling the question with adopted children. I suspect much of the answer  depends on how a family talks with a child about her or his birth mother as well.

Thoughts? Personal experience?

Take the COLAGE Donor Insemination Survey

COLAGE, a youth-driven national network of people with lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or queer parents, is thrilled to announce the debut of the ART Project, a program to highlight the experiences of COLAGErs born through assisted reproductive technologies. Over the past 30 years the number of people born through these technologies to LGBTQ parents has steadily grown, yet let little, if any, work has been done to bring this community together or address the experiences of these youth and adults.

The first major effort of the ART Project is to conduct a national assessment of COLAGErs born through donor insemination.    As part of this project, COLAGE is calling all youth born through donor insemination and their parents to take an online survey. In the upcoming months, COLAGE will be using all the great information we collect through these surveys to develop and debut new programs and resources giving COLAGErs born through DI tools to talk about their family, spark open dialogues within families and communities about donor insemination and equip both COLAGErs and parents to navigate schools and other institutions.

There are two surveys, one for COLAGErs born through donor insemination and one for their parents.  Both the surveys will be available online between now and November 30^th.  Each survey will take between 15 and 20 minutes to complete.  The links for both surveys can be found below.  If you have any questions about surveys or the ART Project in general, please contact Jeff DeGroot, COLAGE Fellow at jeff@colage.org.

Thanks so much!

Survey for LGBTQ identified parents with a donor conceived child:

http://tinyurl.com/parentdisurvey

Survey for people born through donor insemination with a LGBTQ identified parent:

http://tinyurl.com/colagerdisurvey

In the Life television will be airing the first 20 minutes of the 90-minute film (plus an interview with Reed) in November. Check their site for local airtimes or to view it online.

The full DVD is for sale at www.preacherssons.com.

Reed says she made the film specifically for middle America, however, not just for the LGBT community. She is hoping for investors to fund further distribution and showings. If you know of (or are) an angel investor, please contact her at preacherssons@gmail.com.

On a related note, President Barack Obama, in his proclamation of November as National Adoption Month, said: “By continually opening up the doors to adoption, and supporting full equality in adoption laws for all American families [my emphasis], we allow more children to find the permanent homes they yearn for and deserve.”

Preacher’s Sons underscores why we have to hold him to this.

After the jump, a trailer for the In the Life presentation of the film:

Hello!

We have assembled the following survey intended for donor conceived youth and adults who have one or more LGBTQ identified parents. Over the years the Donor Sibling Registry (DSR) has gathered information from a myriad of families, but we believe predominantly more heterosexual. We think the issues for LGBTQ families are both similar and quite different. The results of this survey will be used to both better understand and to begin to construct resources that are designed to meet the needs of our families. Our goal is to provide an accurate reflection of experiences and to assist families in having meaningful dialogue related to the challenges specific to our community.

Please note that this survey tool was designed by members of the DSR who are also identified as LGBTQ. Two are also licensed therapists.

A NOTE TO PARENTS: This survey is designed for mature school aged youth and above. Please review the questions to make sure that they are age appropriate for your child. Some of the questions deal with potentially difficult topics for families. Again, our goal is to understand our children’s experiences so that we can design and provide better resources for families as we go forward.

If you only have one parent, please answer questions for Parent B (bio parent).

PLEASE NOTE: Many questions will allow more than one answer.

We appreciate your time (should take no more than 15 minutes). Thank you!

The Donor Sibling Registry

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=RX_2fluti77pCoF1yS3HQybA_3d_3d
Wendy Kramer www.donorsiblingregistry.com
303-258-0902

Mary has hardly been a beacon of the LGBT movement, even donating to anti-LGBT political candidates, but she is one of the country’s most recognizable lesbian moms. This means, as I’ve said before, that despite her lackluster record, she may in fact be the kind of bridge we need to win over more people in support of our cause. The fact is that we’re not going to gain equality by turning everyone into liberals (much as I might like that). We’re going to win equality by convincing centrists and conservatives (though perhaps not ultra-conservatives) to join liberals in supporting our rights.

Mary Cheney, despite her weak record as an activist, is one of the few LGBT Americans with national recognition whom the mainstream won’t write off by virtue of being an entertainer, subject to that industry’s tendencies toward liberalism and general eccentricity.

This leaves Mary in the headlines as an LGBT American, a parent, not dismissible as a knee-jerk liberal, and connected to the corridors of power. The LGBT community is mad at Mary for not having been vocal about LGBT rights, and for backing the campaigns of those who are against them. We should be. But her mere existence may help persuade people that LGBT rights are more than just some liberal hogwash. Imagine what could happen if she really applied herself.

One further point: When Mary had her first child, many criticized Dick Cheney for appearing in a publicity photo with his wife Lynne and their grandson, but not Mary and Heather. As Abigail Garner of Damn Straight pointed out, however (via Michael Petrelis, with whom I don’t always agree, but who seems right in this case), that was consistent with the publicity photos for his previous grandchildren via his straight daughter Elizabeth. Two grandparents, grandkid, and no parents. I have never before defended Dick Cheney, but I do prefer to get my facts right. Having said that, I also think it would be a tremendous step if this time around, he and Lynne did appear with Mary, Heather, and their kids. Wishful thinking? Yeah, probably.

Regardless of what any of us may think of Mary, however, I wish her and Heather the same I would for any expectant parents: a peaceful final months of pregnancy and time with their expanded family.