In a guest post at the New York Times site, Amy and Marc Vachon, who wrote Equally Shared Parenting, take a closer look at the study and speak with one of the co-authors, Sarah Schoppe-Sullivan.

Schoppe-Sullivan told them:

To parent effectively in equal partnership takes a willingness by both partners to completely remake scripted gender roles. Mothers must separate their worth from their parenting prowess; fathers must redefine masculine success as far more than providing.

I’m sure you’re way ahead of me here. What about same-sex parents and how we define our roles, not to mention the impact of gender identity? The few studies that have been done on this seem to indicate that lesbian moms tend to divide household and childcare work evenly, and that gay dads tend to focus on parenting over career, at least when their children are young. Obviously, much more work could be done in this area to determine the effects of socioeconomic status, geography, race, and various other factors. The indications are, however, that perhaps same-sex couples do balance their roles more than traditional male-female couples.

The Vachons conclude their critique of the study by saying, “Perhaps for parents who are both happy to maintain separate family roles—typically Mom as caregiver and Dad as breadwinner—getting along can be relatively easy. For those of us who want something different, however, halfway to heaven is a tough place to stop.”

It just might be that studies of same-sex couples, aside from their value in understanding same-sex parents ourselves, will help opposite-sex couples who want that “something different” learn how it’s done.

On a related note, a recent study from Vanderbilt University found that children of opposite-sex parents who perceived that their fathers did not spend much time with them were more likely to show bullying behavior. The author, Andre Christie-Mizell, said, “What this research shows is that while it’s equally important for kids to spend time with both parents, fathers need to make an extra effort.” He suggests fathers should make sure to schedule time with kids rather than leave their time together to chance.

I’m just waiting for the first right-wing group to use this as evidence that kids need both a mother and a father—and then to say that if LGBT groups are serious about stopping bullying, we need to realize this. My take on it, however, is that children need to have time with both parents (if they have two), regardless of the gender of those parents. Parental inattention seems damaging no matter what.

Your thoughts?

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Oh, great. So as same-sex couples are allowed to marry, gay men will start living in squalor while we gals will begin channeling June Cleaver?

• How to set a homework schedule. Also useful for us bloggers and writers.
• Kids Freeware Bonanza. From games to education.
• Copy TV shows to your iPod. Perhaps good for car trips, waiting at the doctor’s office, and other moments when you’ve exhausted all other means of entertainment.
• Teach kids valuable lessons with free Sesame Street iPod videos. Over 35 years old, and still going strong.

And for busy parents:

• A guide to freezer cooking. No, not actually roasting a chicken in your freezer, but rather how to cook and freeze a month’s worth of meals in a single cooking session.
• Can I freeze that? A guide to freezer do’s and don’ts. A link to information from The National Center for Food Preservation. (I didn’t even know there was such an organization. I wonder if donating a few things from my fridge would get me a tax write-off.)

Tip #1 for keeping a house clean for buyers yet tolerable for pre-schoolers: Buckets. Lots of buckets. I favor the 35-pound cat-litter pails from our local warehouse store. (In truth, I’d been saving the empties for a while without knowing exactly what to do with them.) Sort out all your child’s toys into the buckets and stash in a closet. We’re using the bottom of our kitchen pantry since the kitchen is where most of the daily play occurs. You can take out a bucket at a time and quickly throw things back in if a Realtor calls with a prospective buyer.

We even took his precious Thomas train set and put it into a bucket. The train table went into the basement for the duration, but we kept a train play mat rolled up in the pantry. It’s easy to set up a track layout on the mat and break it down in a jiffy.

A few things don’t fit into the buckets. We have a temporary fire station set up in the bottom of our coat closet, with two hook-and-ladders and a pumper truck. So far, our son doesn’t seem to mind the rearrangement too much, and in fact seems to enjoy rediscovering his “hidden” toys. Let’s hope we sell the house before the excitement wears off.

Not my lifestyle, apparently. Whirlpool asks those who are interested in attending to “email your first and last name, email address, gender, phone number and whether you believe you are a ‘washer’ or a ‘folder,’ to the appropriate address below.”

Presumably they’re asking gender so they can make sure the number of men sitting around looking awkward matches the number of women doing the same. Shouldn’t they also ask sexual orientation, though? Or don’t they believe lesbians and gay men do laundry? Oh, that’s right. We dykes don’t wash our flannel shirts. They look more rugged that way. And gay men send everything out to be dry cleaned.

Overall, combining appliance sales pitches with dating seems like a bad marketing idea. But for a company that rated a perfect 100 in HRC’s Corporate Equality Index last year, the assumption of heterosexuality seems an oversight. Or maybe their research that “washers” tend to seek out “folders” (and vice versa) didn’t wash (!) for the LGBT community. Any insight from the audience? (I wouldn’t peg my partner or myself one way or the other.)

Regardless, if any marketing reps from Whirlpool want to advertise to a community of lesbian moms who do a lot of laundry, give me a shout.

(Thanks to Marianne Richmond at Blogher for the sighting.)

I spend entirely too much time taking care of my family’s nether regions.

• Engage your children in household chores. You’d be surprised how early you can do this—pretty much as soon as they can walk. Having your non-boring child help with boring chores is one of the best ways to make an old task seem new. Play train as you drag the laundry basket down the hall; play basketball as you shoot the clothes into the washer. Have them help in the kitchen. This takes more time than doing it yourself, but it’s a whole lot more fun.
• Start a blog. If it’s not about motherhood, then you’ll have an excuse to think about something else during naptimes and in the evening. If it is about motherhood, then every domestic chore becomes blog fodder. View them as a reporter, not as a worker. Find points of broad interest. Find funny angles.
• Switch tasks with your partner once in a while. If you usually cook and she cleans up, have her cook one night. A change in perspective can fend off boredom.
• Find a new way to organize your tasks. Lifehacker is full of good ideas for time management, electronic to-do managers and other productivity tips. While much of it is geared towards those employed outside the home, a lot is applicable to stay-at-homes as well. More organization means less time spent.
• Take a day off. The world won’t end if you don’t do laundry for a day (though I recommend making sure you have an extra pair of underwear first). Take your child to the park, do a special art project, or find something else you enjoy doing together. Step away from the clutter and remember that parenting isn’t about how many loads of laundry you do, but about how many games you play, books you read, and birds you see together.

I took a look, though I was peeved the site wasn’t gender-neutral. I never like the assumption that all the housework (in straight families) is done by the woman, nor when gay dads are completely invisible.

What really surprised me, however, was the app’s list of “typical” hours per week that moms spend on various tasks. Apparently, “typical” SAHMs spend 54.5 hours per week doing housekeeping, cooking, and the like, and just over 30 hours on child-rearing activities. (For employed moms, this drops to 24.5 hours on housework and 13.5 on childcare.)

Is it just me, or isn’t the primary responsibility of a SAHM (or SAHD) to take care of the children? Do we really get sidetracked into so much housework? I don’t, but maybe I’m particularly lax. (We don’t live in a pig sty, but I can’t say housecleaning is a strength.) I also wonder if LGBT parents tend to split the housekeeping more equally, since it doesn’t fall into the traditional role of one gender vs. the other.

Luckily, you can enter your own hours into the MSW rather than use their estimates. I’d be making six figures if I got paid for my daily work. I always take such calculations with a bit of salt, though. Should teaching my son to help with dinner be paid as housekeeping or child rearing?

Still, the assumptions in the MSW, if they’re true, say a lot about our society. I feel sorry for the “typical” moms who have such a burden of housework in addition to child-rearing. I hope the kids aren’t shortchanged. I feel sorry for the SAHDs who aren’t acknowledged, and for the invisible gay dads. Of course, the feminist in me thinks it’s good for someone to think about the economic value of the unappreciated work women have historically done. But calling this the “Mom Salary Wizard” reinforces the stereotype.

I’m not employed by Oxo or in any way affiliated with them. I just admire smart design. (I’m also a sucker for IKEA.) As a mom, I’m all in favor of anything that’s faster, safer, and more efficient. Now if Oxo would put their minds towards diaper pails and strollers, we’d really have something.

While the overall concept is a good one–allowing people to use fresh ingredients but cut down on shopping, prep, and cleanup time, I’m skeptical about the time efficiency. Both major national chains of “make and take” meals, Dinner and Dish and DreamDinners, say it takes two hours to assemble the twelve meals in their kitchens. Let’s assume it also takes the average customer ten minutes each way to travel to the stores. That’s about twelve minutes per meal. I can easily prep a meal at home in that time, especially if I’m doing it the make-and-take way of prepping several meals in advance and freezing what I won’t use right away. (As I’ve mentioned before, it helps to have a good sharp knife, and practice your chopping skills. ) If you’re worried about cleanup, there are plenty of one-pot meal recipes out there, not to mention a “pots and pans” setting on most dishwashers. As far as reducing shopping time, I still have to go to the store to buy diapers, toilet paper, and toothpaste, so I might as well throw some food in the cart at the same time. Yes, it saves a bit of time having someone else do it, but not that much, especially if you think through your meals in advance and make a list.

I realize I’m a bit of a cook-it-yourself snob. It’s probably an overreaction to our prepared, pre-processed, pre-cooked culture. I also think it’s useful for kids to be involved (in an age-appropriate way) with all the steps of food preparation. It gives them a better understanding of what’s involved, and teaches them useful skills for later in life. (And yes, take them to a farm, too.) I do see value in make and take during the holidays or at other times when getting the food prep done and keeping the house clean is of the essence. And for those of you who simply hate chopping and might find make and take useful, I’m happy to pass along the information. Happy cooking, however you do it.