Teen Sexuality: Hard Truths and Warm Love

I’m very pleased today to bring you a guest post by Lori Hahn, who has blogged at Hahn at Home for several years, and is now also a co-editor of the new GLBT blog Our Big Gayborhood.

Lori writes below of teen sexuality—an area in which I have no expertise as a parent. I’m grateful for hers.

I’ve marveled over the past few years as I grew my three beautiful, loving, delightful multi-racial adopted kids through their junior high years and then high school years, where one is gone and two are closing in on that mortarboard and tassel. Always knowing in my logical mind that sex and sexuality are part and parcel of parenting at this tumultuous age and there would be no denying it despite my desire at times curl into a fetal ball and wish it all away. Read the rest of this post »

World AIDS Day

Today is World AIDS Day. AIDS has impacted many people we know and many communities of which we are part. Since this is a parenting blog, however, I want to do what I have done in previous years, and highlight some recent statistics about AIDS and children. The numbers, of course, don’t capture the personal stories, the parents who must watch their children die, and the children left orphaned, but the data is devastating in its own way:

• According to UNAIDS estimates, there are now 2.1 million children under 15 among the 33.4 million people living with HIV. The number and percentage of children is down from last year (2.5 out of 33.2 million), but is still a staggering number.
• In 2008, around 430,000 children were born with HIV from mother-to-child transmission (MTCT). [The international AIDS charity Avert notes that about 90% of the MTCT infections occurred in Africa, "where AIDS is beginning to reverse decades of steady progress in child survival." They have a great page of information about MTCT, covering prevention, care, and various initiatives. Well worth a read.]
• In 2008, only 38% of children in need of treatment in low-and middle income countries received it.
• Young people (under 25) account for around 40% of all new adult (15+) HIV infections worldwide.
• Sub-Saharan Africa is the region most affected and is home to 67% of all people living with HIV worldwide and 91% of all new infections among children.
• In sub-Saharan Africa the epidemic has orphaned more than 14 million children.

After the jump, a slide show from UNAIDS with more sobering statistics. Read the rest of this post »

Dr. Susan Love Recruits a Gay and Trans Army Against Breast Cancer

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. I haven’t posted much about it because I tend to take a skeptical view of the pink bandwagon that gets rolling this time of year. Nothing wrong with raising awareness and money, but some breast cancer survivors feel companies are trying to exploit them and pretty up what is a horrible disease, as Kris Frieswick’s article in the Boston Globe makes clear.

Dr. Susan Love, however (who happens to be a fellow lesbian mom), is taking what I view as one of the most effective and interesting approaches to finding the causes of breast cancer. Some of you may know her from her guest appearance during Season 3 of The L Word. I had the honor of interviewing her for 365gay.com, and the article, “Dr. Susan Love Recruits a Gay and Trans Army Against Breast Cancer,” is now up. I can’t crosspost it yet, but I hope you’ll go have a read.

Free New York Workshops for LGBTQ Parents

I’m judicious in my posting of press releases, especially about purely local events (otherwise, I’d do nothing but post press releases), but this one is in a major city and runs for several months, so I’m passing it along. I know nothing about the organization or their programs, but they have a good group of speakers, which bodes well. Any further questions, please contact ihi as below.

ihi (the institute for human identity) Announces its 2nd, Annual Family Q Workshop Program for LGBTQ Parents
This year, the Grounding-Breaking, Affirmative Family Q Program Includes a Broader Spectrum of Free Workshops, Starting in October 2009, in NYC

ihi (the institute for human identity), the pioneering, professional mental health service, proudly announces the launch of its second, annual, free Family Q support program (www.ihi-therapycenter.org/familyq/about.html). This year, Family Q includes a wider range of workshops and counseling for LGBTQ parents and prospective parents.

The program takes place at ihi’s Manhattan office (322 Eighth Avenue, at West 26th Street, Suite 802). Starting at 7:00 PM, workshops are held on the third Wednesday of each month from October through May. Reservations are requested (212-243-2830, ihi-lgbt@juno.com).

The Family Q workshops are led by esteemed mental health experts, most of whom combine their expertise with their own practical experience of being LGBTQ parents themselves. Consequently, the program is singularly designed to alert participants to the emotional issues they and their children will face and give them the insights and tools needed for productive family building.

Family Q also provides free-of-charge, follow-up counseling for workshop participants who would like more support in handling some of the emotional complexities with which LGBTQ parents must deal. Ihi is pleased that this program is available without cost to our community through the generous funding of the New York State Department of Health.

[Program schedule after the jump.] Read the rest of this post »

New Books Showcase Stories of LGBTQ Youth

(I’ve been meaning to write about these books for a while, and back-to-school time is giving me the motivation I need.)

Ongoing incidents of students (and teachers!) harassing LGBTQ students, students perceived to be LGBTQ, and children of LGBTQ parents are one of the scariest and most frustrating things for me as a parent. I take hope, however, not only in the fact that more parents are organizing to prevent this, but that these students are sharing the stories of their experiences.

Two recent books have compiled many of these stories, and are highly recommended resources for parents, schools, libraries, religious congregations, and anyone involved with youth today. Read the rest of this post »

Organizing for Safe Schools in Minnesota

I posted a blurb in my last LGBT Parenting Roundup about the Anoka-Hennepin School District in Minnesota, which agreed to pay a $25,000 settlement to the family of a high school junior after two teachers harassed the boy in the classroom about his perceived sexual orientation. I received the e-mail below from a local mother who is taking matters into her own hands and working for change, even though she has “never done any type of activism” before.

While I don’t often post about purely local events, I thought this one was a good example of community organizing and helping to create positive change in our schools, which seemed especially relevant this time of year.

Hi Dana,

Thanks for running a blurb about the situation in my school district. Monday evening was the first School District Board meeting after the incident hit the papers. The board room was full with parents and concerned citizens that wanted to let the board know their dismay with the incident and with the way it was handled, and in response to a public letter the board sent out minimalizing the occurances of such incidents. Two students, two district employees and several concerned citizens addressed the board during the period open for public comment with personal stories and experiences. They made it very clear that the largest school district in the state of Minnesota has been hiding its head in the sand, and frankly, we as citizens are fed up with it.

I have opened my home to concerned citizens and parents for a round table discussion on how to organize and get some changes implemented in our district. Phil Duran, the staff attorney for Outfront MN is planning on attending, and so far I have heard from about a dozen parents and district staff that will also be attending. I have never done any type of activism, but this to me was so aggregious, that I could no longer say that attending the PRIDE parade was enough to show support for GLBT issues.

Anyways thanks again for blogging this!

Take Care.
Robin Mavis

http://www.facebook.com/robin.mavis
[Ed. note: Personal Facebook page. Event Facebook page is below.]

After the jump: The invitation to the discussion Robin is hosting. Read the rest of this post »

How Do I Talk to My Kids About Safe Sex?

[Editor's Note: A reader left a comment on a post I wrote last fall about LGBT resources for teens. She wanted to know about safe-sex resources for her bi daughter. Blogger Serena Freewomyn, who has been a youth counselor and founded the Feminists for Choice site was kind enough to write a whole guest post on this topic when I asked her for suggestions. Here it is. (Readers may also want to peruse Lesbianstd.com, which isn't youth oriented, but has relevant information about STD's for women who have sex with women.)]

Has your teenager approached you with questions about safe sex? Are you looking for a little nudge in the right direction to figure out what to say? Planned Parenthood has a new guide available (PDF) to help parents talk to their kids about sex.

In my experience as a youth counselor, one thing that I tried to create was an atmosphere where the teens in our after school program felt comfortable talking about their issues. Teens can sniff out bullshit pretty quickly, so I didn’t think it was worth it to lie and pretend that I had all the answers, because it would affect the credibility of everything else I had to say. If I didn’t have an answer to a question, I would admit it and then the group could research an answer together. Sometimes we would invite a guest speaker to come talk to the group. And sometimes we’d go to the computer lab together to look up an answer. But sex talks were always natural, and we tried to keep it fun. Read the rest of this post »

New Film Explores How Gender Stereotypes and Homophobia Affect All Teens

(Originally published, with slight variation, as my Mombian newspaper column.)

“I felt that teenagers in particular were really affected by anti-gay prejudice,” said Academy Award-winning filmmaker Debra Chasnoff, “but so much of the conversation that’s been had to date about that prejudice has been solely focused on how homophobia affects youth who are self-identified as LGBT or questioning. While that’s incredibly important, it was leaving out the whole majority of the population.”

Her new documentary, Straightlaced, aims to change that. “I wanted to make a film that would open up dialogue about how everybody is really boxed in by homophobia and anti-female prejudice,” she explained.

The tragic suicide last month of 11-year-old Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover in Springfield, Mass., after prolonged anti-gay bullying, followed a week later by a similar suicide in Georgia, reinforced for Chasnoff exactly why Straightlaced was needed. Read the rest of this post »

LGBT Parenting Roundup

Safe Schools

• After reviewing the suicide of 11-year-old Jaheem Herrara, Thelma Wyatt Cummings Moore, a retired Superior Court judge in Fulton County, Georgia, said the boy was “emotionally ruined” by the recent murder of his uncle and the death of his grandmother, and his school was not responsible for his death. The boy’s mother, Masika Bermudez, disagrees and is suing the district for not stopping the anti-gay harassment that she had reported to administrators. SoVo also reports that Moore found few students knew what “gay” means, and that teachers had been telling them it means “happy.”
• Kevin Jennings, founder and former executive director of the Gay, Lesbian, Straight Education Network (GLSEN) has been appointed to become the assistant deputy secretary of education for the Department of Education’s Office of Safe and Drug-Free Schools.
• Dr. Jill Biden, wife of Vice President Joe Biden, spoke at the GLSEN Respect Awards in New York, and reaffirmed the administration’s commitment to safe schools for all.
• A California superior court upheld a law stating that schools cannot discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity, among other categories.
• Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty (R) vetoed the LGBT-inclusive Safe Schools for All Bill, although his office had worked with the bill’s authors on a compromise version and confirmed it met all of his requirements. You can sign a pledge here stating your support for the bill.
• The Oregon Legislature passed the sexual-orientation-inclusive Oregon Safe Schools Act. It now goes to the governor.

Read the rest of this post »

Kids of Lesbians Less Likely to Have Mental Illness

Children with lesbian mothers have a lower risk of developing mental illnesses than those growing up with a father and a mother, according to a new University of Copenhagen study. The researchers found that during a 16-year period, five percent of children from traditional families in the study developed conditions such as depression or anorexia, versus two percent among the children of lesbian parents.

The researchers theorize that the challenges of lesbian parenthood may have given the moms and their children a certain resilience. “Resistance makes you stronger, and that could be passed on to their children.”

For all of the ultra-right angst that how children will develop poorly with same-sex parents, research like this indicates the truth is far different.

And here I thought Legos were the best thing to come out of Denmark. . . .