Family Voices International: II

Here is the second interview in this phase of my Family Voices series. This time around, I am teaming up with Julieta of Ju, An y el Perro Activista to extend the series to include non-U.S. LGBT families. Julieta has also done Spanish translations of all the interviews, which you will find after the English below, and at her blog.

If you are interested in participating, please let us know. We’ll keep the series going as long as we have interviewees!

Natalia, Luciana and their two-year-old daughter Luna live in Buenos Aires, Argentina. Natalia talks below about their path to parenthood, the challenges that all parents face, and the particular legal issues for same-sex parents in their country. Read the rest of this post »

Family Voices International: I

I am very pleased to present the first of a new phase in the Family Voices series of interviews I launched back in 2007. This time, I am teaming up with Julieta of Ju, An y el Perro Activista to extend the series to include non-U.S. LGBT families. (Julieta’s network of LGBT families outside the U.S. is far bigger than mine.) Julieta has also done Spanish translations of all the interviews, which you will find after the English below.

Below is the first of our weekly series. Bärbel is German; Sarah is Canadian. They met in the U.S. and now live in Germany with their two-year-old son Nicholas. They discuss favorite family activities, rights for LGBT families in Germany, using a known donor, and good advice for parents of all types. [Update: Bärbel has posted a German translation of the interview on her own blog.] Read the rest of this post »

Family Voices, International Version

Are you an LGBT parent living somewhere other than the U.S.? Julieta of Ju, An y el Perro Activista and I are teaming up to extend my Family Voices interviews to include a series with non-U.S. LGBT families. (Julieta and several others were kind enough to write a guest post last year about lesbian parenting in Argentina.)

I will post the interviews in English here at Mombian, and Julieta will post them in Spanish on her blog. (She will translate, unless you submit your interviews in both languages.) We welcome contributions in other languages, too, and will do our best to find translators. U.S. expats also welcome.

We would like a varied group of people to participate. If you would like to join us, please send an e-mail with a sentence or two about yourself and your family. We will then e-mail you the list of 8-10 actual interview questions. Thanks!

Family Voices XVIII: LGBT Grandparents

Here’s the next post in my Family Voices series. This phase of the series is in partnership with Stonewall Communities, an organization dedicated to creating residential, educational, social and supportive opportunities among older LGBT people.

After you read their interview, go read the lengthy Web exclusive by Newsweek on LGBT seniors. It is an excellent piece (with a video bonus), and a worthy acknowledgment of the 30th anniversary of SAGE (Services and Advocacy for GLBT Elders), the nation’s oldest senior network. “Gay seniors confront unique challenges,” the article reports. “They’re twice as likely as straights to live alone, and 10 times less likely to have a caretaker should they fall ill.” At the same time, there are signs of progress: When SAGE holds its national conference next month, it will be sponsored for the first time by the powerful, 40-million member AARP (American Association of Retired Persons). Read the rest of this post »

Family Voices XVII: LGBT Grandparents

Here’s the next post in my Family Voices series. This phase of the series is in partnership with Stonewall Communities, an organization dedicated to creating residential, educational, social and supportive opportunities among older LGBT people. I’ll be posting the stories of LGBT grandparents (and the occasional grandaunt/uncle) once a week for the next few weeks.

Sarah describes herself as a “long time out lesbian feminist activist.” She and her partner have 11 grandchildren between them, including two who are of mixed race, making them a diverse family in more than one sense. Enjoy her story. Read the rest of this post »

Family Voices XVII: LGBT Grandparents

I’m very pleased today to bring you a new wave of posts in my Family Voices series, in partnership with Stonewall Communities. Stonewall Communities is an organization dedicated to creating residential, educational, social and supportive opportunities among older LGBT people.

Karen, the first interviewee, lies in Canada with an extended family across many time zones. She discusses being a gender variant parent and the social changes she’s seen since she was born in 1948, the year the California Supreme Court struck down the law prohibiting interracial marriage. She talks about male role models for her son, how being a grandparent differs from being a parent, and the influence of her own grandmother on her life. Enjoy her story.

Tell us a little about your family. Who is in your immediate family? Do you live together, nearby, far apart? Did you have to come out to them, or has your orientation/identity always been a part of their lives? Anything else you’d like to share about yourselves?

Our family consists of relatives by blood or marriage, and others whom we have acquired, or they acquired us over time. Family by genetics or marriage include: our daughter, son-in-law, and grandson; our son, daughter-in-law, and two grandsons and one grand-daughter, aunts, uncles, cousins, and our nieces and nephews, and my 93-year-old mother-in-law. Pam and I live in Alberta, while our daughter’s family lives two time zones east in Ottawa, and our son’s family lives in Anchorage, Alaska, two time zones west. Meanwhile many relatives live in Los Angeles, one time zone west, and far south of us. We have built an extended family here in town consisting of married couples (mostly guys, but a few lesbian couples as well), in addition to other couples who aren’t married but have been together for many years, some for more than 22 years.

Coming out to my wife’s family wasn’t as difficult as anticipated because I was not a stranger to them, having been involved in their lives since I was 15 years old. My mother-in-law shrugged her shoulders and said it explained my good taste in clothes. My now deceased father-in-law (bless his soul) said he didn’t judge anyone unfairly. For most people it didn’t seem to matter as long as my wife and I were both OK. Everyone of consequence offered support. Read the rest of this post »

Family Voices XVI

Here’s this week’s post in my Family Voices series. COLAGE (Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere) member Terrance talks about being the gay son of a gay dad, his many non-profit activities, and some of the lessons he’s learned over the years.

A big thank you again to COLAGE for asking their members to participate in these interviews. I’ll be taking a short break from this series for Thanksgiving, but back soon with more LGBT family voices.

Tell us a little about the family in which you grew up. Who was in it? Anything particular you’d like to share about yourselves?

I grew up with a family of five. My dad, mom, sister, cousin and myself. I am a black gay male.

What has been the most challenging thing you’ve faced as the child of (an) LGBT parent(s)? How did you handle it?

Well, I faced a lot of hardship because I grew up in the inner city. My sister told everyone that my dad was gay so it made it difficult for me. I basically denied his sexuality until I was about 16. My whole family always said my dad was gay so when he told me I was sad. My dad was a hairdresser, so a lot of the teachers knew him and so no teacher made me feel bad about his sexuality. Read the rest of this post »

Family Voices XV

Here’s this week’s post in my Family Voices series. COLAGE (Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere) member Asha talks about being second-generation queerspawn, how to survive when families get “messy,” and why COLAGE matters to her.

Tell us a little about the family in which you grew up. Who was in it? Anything particular you’d like to share about yourselves?

My family is really a melding of both biological and chosen family. I’ll start with my bio family. Like many COLAGE families, my mom came out later in life. Until I was 16 I lived with both my bio Mom and Dad who were married. Our family consisted of my Mom, Dad, and brother. At that time, my parents separated and it was a couple years into the separation that my Mom came out. Both of my parents have re-married after their divorce. My Dad and stepmom have had two children so now I’m blessed with two baby brothers! My chosen family includes my chosen sister, her bio mother, and some precious friends. I am second generation, being the queer daughter of a lesbian mother. In total, my family makes for 4 moms (3 are gay!), 1 dad, and three brothers, and many heart friends. I am an artist, drag king, femme, southern belle, sex radical, and drama queen. At heart though I’m a queer activist and have had the good fortune to work in the LGBT movement for the past 10 years.

What has been the most challenging thing you’ve faced as the child of (an) LGBT parent(s)? How did you handle it?

One challenge is when other adult queers freak out when they realize I’m second generation and ask me whether I think my mom contributed to my queerness. I feel like this reaction is an example of internalized homophobia. Why shouldn’t queerspawn end up with many different sexual orientations or gender identities? I really see my sexual orientation as immutable fact. I don’t think the sexual orientation of my many mothers are responsible. Read the rest of this post »

Family Voices XIV

Here’s this week’s post in my Family Voices series. COLAGE (Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere) member Isabel talks about having a mother who came out, the importance of being yourself and letting your children be themselves, and why COLAGE means so much to her.

Tell us a little about the family in which you grew up. Who was in it? Anything particular you’d like to share about yourselves?

The first seven years of my life my family consisted of me, my brother, my mother, and my father. When I was seven years old my parents got divorced and my mother came out as a lesbian. A few months later, my mother’s partner at the time moved in with me, my mother, and my brother, with her three children. A few years later, my mother and her partner at the time adopted a son together. My father has always been part of the picture. My mother is no longer with her partner but they still remain close, as my mother and father have.

What has been the most challenging thing you’ve faced as the child of (an) LGBT parent(s)? How did you handle it?

I didn’t really face many challenging things as a child because of my mother. I guess telling some people was a little awkward because you never know how people are going to react, but I didn’t get much negative feedback.

What, if anything, did your parent(s) do to help you understand their sexual orientation or gender identity, or to help you deal with any issues this raised at school or elsewhere? Any resources (groups, books, movies, Web sites, etc.) you found particularly helpful?

I think the best thing my mother did was to not make it a big deal. There wasn’t a big discussion about how she was now a lesbian and what that really meant. My father moved out and my stepmother moved in. Thats pretty much how it went.

The most helpful group to me was COLAGE. COLAGE is honestly the best thing that has ever happened to me. It provided me and my family a safe place to discuss how we feel, and to hear other peoples experiences. I developed many friendships and relationships that will probably last me my whole life. What other kid can say that they love to go away for a week every summer to go to workshops and meeting and teen panels? I don’t know of any. Read the rest of this post »

Family Voices XIII

Here’s this week’s post in my Family Voices series. COLAGE (Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere) member Sara tells us about her blended family, the influence of Ellen, and why it’s important for children of LGBT parents to remember that it’s okay not to be perfect. She also relates one of the best coming out stories I’ve heard in a while. . . .

Tell us a little about the family in which you grew up. Who was in it? Anything particular you’d like to share about yourselves?

My name is Sara Elizabeth Berger, otherwise known as Pumpkin, Mean Bean, and Sugar-Booger by my moms and dad. Yeah, that’s right . . . moms . . . PLURAL. Although for those who are reading, this is probably not a hard concept to grasp for obvious reasons. However, growing up in a small conservative town in North Dakota, I didn’t have what one might call an “easy” time explaining this to people. Then again, I’ll admit my family is just a tad bit complex. I grew up in two houses, my moms’ and my dad’s, with a plethora of siblings and more than my fair share of furry critters. My biological mom, Vickie, and her partner, Sherri, blended a family together after they both found themselves in the midst of divorce. My mom, who had been previously married before meeting my dad, brought Andy (my older half brother) and myself to Sherri’s old four-floor home in northern Mandan when she and my dad divorced; I was only six months old at the time. Sherri had been living in the old house for a few months with her three kids, Steven, Sara Lynn, and Joy after getting a divorce with her husband (which ironically enough happened to be my dad’s best friend). Mom and Sherri were not out at the time, neither to the community (due to custody reasons) or even to themselves; they struggled years before they were able to integrate their sexual “orientation” into their religious views. However, because I was so young, none of the “behind the scenes” struggles ever entered into my mind. As I grew up, I never questioned the fact that I had two houses and my friends didn’t, or that I had two moms and a dad when my friends only had one of each; in fact, I thought it was pretty dang cool to have two of just about everything.

As mentioned before, I had two of each sibling, too, all of whom were many years older than me. Stephen, who was 12 at the time of our “family fusing”, and Andy, who was eight years my senior, I considered from the beginning to be my brothers. Sara Lynn and Joy, 10 and eight years older than me respectively, were without a doubt my sisters. When I think about it now, however, I’m almost positive they didn’t see our situation in the same light as I did. Because they were so much older than me at the time, and didn’t literally “grow into” our queer family like I did, they probably viewed me more as the cute little girl they babysat once a week or the annoying “tweeny-bopper” who spied on them when their high school girlfriends and boyfriends came over. With the exception of my biological half brother who I had always been close to, I think it wasn’t until I was in high school when Sherri’s kids had “grown-up” lives of their own did they really start to consider me a sibling, an aunt to their own children, and someone they could call from states away to talk about problems. I think it was also the fact that I had grown up into the situation that allowed me to become the passionate queer activist that I am—I really got to know my moms (collectively) and their LGBTQ friends more than my siblings, and in the end, it has honestly made all the difference. Read the rest of this post »