In this edition of our weekly video blog, brought to you in partnership with After Ellen, my partner Helen and I offer a few specific ideas and some general advice for parents and others buying gifts for children over the holidays. Plus: tattoos of your children’s names, regendered dolls, and sparkly boas!

Online Videos by Veoh.com

If the Veoh video above isn’t working (sometimes their server can be flaky), you can try it at Daily Motion, though the picture quality isn’t as good there.

I’m bringing you a guest post today by Beren DeMotier, author of The Brides of March, a memoir of the brief period of legal marriage for same-sex couples in Multnomah County, Oregon. (I reviewed it in June.) Her piece below continues the tale as she ponders the upcoming legalization of domestic partnerships in the Beaver State.

Domestic Partnering in the New Year

My wife and I were out to dinner last night with two of our fellow Brides of March—another couple who married on that fateful morning in March three years ago when Oregon briefly opened the door to same-sex marriage—when suddenly one of the women said, “We should make plans for January 2nd.”

At first, flustered with the parking machinations necessary to arrive at the restaurant in the Pearl District of Portland, a fashionable part of town replete with purse dogs and Priuses, I was clueless about the allusion. Then, when she went on to hint to her spouse that she was ready for another ring—waggling her third finger suggestively, and her spouse good naturedly griped about her wife’s new desire for sapphires and diamonds, I got it—she was talking about the news that Oregon had survived an attempt to stall the domestic partnership bill from becoming law in 2008.

Naturally I knew—Basic Rights Oregon is on my daily rota of Web-sites-to-visit, and even if I’d forgotten to check up on my civil rights that day, my wife had forwarded along an e-mail announcement sent by the glbtq group at work. What my spouse thought of the decision I didn’t yet know, the last time I’d brought up the issue (mentioning the opponents’ claim that they’d gathered enough signatures to stall the legislation), she metaphorically told me to talk to the hand—she couldn’t jump on another emotional roller coaster like the last time we had faith that equality was possible in our time.

Once burned, far more than twice shy. Read more »

One of the contributors to Blogging for LGBT Families Day just wrote a great article for the Syracuse Post-Standard, on finding God’s love and community as a lesbian family.

I’m not particularly religious myself, but it makes me sick when the ultra-conservatives try to frame LGBT rights as a matter of the religious vs. the godless. It does a disservice to those who believe in their religions’ values of love and acceptance, and, as others have argued, infringes upon the religious freedom of those with different views.

Here are a couple of additional excerpts from Blogging for LGBT Families Day entries, with a religious perspective on LGBT rights:

• “I want to draw attention to the fact that there are those of us who bear the name of Christ who support full equality – who marry same-sex couples, who rejoice at baptizing their children, and who speak out against the campaign of hate currently being waged against these families today. I want to salute the LGBT parents who are doing such a splendid job of raising loving children.” —Thoughts at Large from a Bishop at Large
• “The . . . more important reason I’m such a loudmouth about welcoming LBGT people into all areas of church and civil life is that Jesus asks us to. . . . If you reject the idea that LBGT people deserve civil rights and family protection, go back and read your Bible. . . . Reread the Gospels. It’s right there, laid out in every story, every parable, every big and small thing Jesus said.” —Moxie
• Finally, while his Blogging for LGBT Families Day entry doesn’t talk specifically about religion, Jim’s Straight, Not Narrow blog is all about “Advocating for GLBT equality in the church and politics.”

Please visit the links above to read the full posts of the original authors.

Many straight allies submitted entries to Blogging for LGBT Families Day, proving once again that LGBT rights is not merely an interest-group issue. (Unless, of course, you count all those in favor of equality an interest group.) Here are some extracts:

• “I am a heterosexual, ten-years-married mother of two who cannot understand how anyone’s loving, committed relationship could be in any way a threat to my family or to families in general.” —RedMolly Picayune Democrat
  
• “Now you might ask why would a straight woman care about lesbian and gay families. Because an attack on any type of family is an attack on all families. Including mine. I’ve found that g&l families tend to be excellent families. Maybe because they have to fight for being recognized as a family, they take it more seriously.” —One Odd Goose
• “As a straight, married female, I take a lot for granted. No, I don’t have kids, no, I don’t want them, but that’s my choice. It hurts my heart to see people who want children be denied them because of such a stupid reason. I raise my glass to the families who face all odds to just love each other.” —Vamprayne
• “The two things I see my heterosexual self doing that are beneficial are a) speaking up when I hear someone making homophobic comments and b) voting. One other thing I work hard at doing is erasing the default questions and answers.” —Cheaper Than Therapy
• “From my perspective, which is that of a functionally heterosexual woman. . . . what I see happening is a lot of bullshit. I see amazing women building great families, with or without children, and not having those families recognized in most basic ways by the state. I see these women having to fight, litigate, and make awful choices just to get the recognition that those of us who are not in same-sex partnerships take for granted. And it really, really sucks.” —What If No One’s Watching?
• “I absolutely adore all of my two-mama-family friends, and I vote, dammit!” —Katebug31

Please visit the links above to read the full posts by the original authors.

For me, one of the great pleasures from Blogging for LGBT Families Day has been reading posts that make me think. Matt over at The Q-Triad Blog wrote something that seems particularly appropriate today, as all the major (and many minor) American LGBT Web sites are urging us to contact our senators and stop the Federal Marriage Amendment.

Matt, who is not a parent, writes:

I can imagine that many LGBT families don’t have the time that I might have or other activists might have in order to play the political game and do all that activist-type things. I can imagine, from my experience of seeing my mom, that many LGBT parents are too busy taking care of their kids - feeding them, clothing them, taking them to and from school, extra-curriculars and sports - in order to take time off to go to dinners of LGBT advocacy groups or go to lobby days or go pimping out a petition to their local or state governments. I can imagine that thoughts and notions of equality and justice are secondary in the minds of many LGBT parents and that their partners and children are always first. . . .

The only thing I worry about, especially since I am now heading up a (small, but growing) advocacy group, is if these activists and groups are missing a very important and vital part of the LGBT and allied community? Are we hearing the voices of LGBT families and parents, or are we too busy with our jobs and families too busy with their family life to even cross paths?

It’s a good question. I’ll answer for myself, but urge you to leave comments here or on Matt’s blog with your own thoughts. Read more »

the U. S. Senate debate on the Federal Marriage Amendment today, here are some selections from Blogging for LGBT Families Day, on the topic of what makes a family.

• “What children really need is love. The source of that love does not matter. It can be the stereotypical nuclear family or it can be a single parent household. It can be two mothers or two fathers. It can be a grandmother and a grandfather or an aunt and uncle. Those who fear this redefinition of family are missing this point.” —The Space Between
• “Family shouldn’t be a question of politics, but a question of love.” —All the Little Things
• “I’m a firm believer that there are two families to which we belong, the one we were born into, and the one we choose.” —Cheese and Whine
• “I think that being adopted really has given me an openness to creating the family I want and need, rather than feeling overly tied to conventional definitions of family.” —Then Again, Maybe Not
• “In some respects, that which I call my family is very unique. We have 4 people in our household, my wife, myself, our ‘daughter’ and her daughter. I would challenge anyone to tell me that we are not a family . . . we laugh together, cry together, feel each others pain, help one another. Everything any other ‘family’ does that is recognized by our government.” —Eagle Eye View
• “I am very fortunate to belong to many families. . . . My birth family. . . . My extended family. . . . My close friends whom I consider my family. . . . The wider gay and lesbian family. . . . But most importantly, Tanya and Baby G are the most important family to me, and come far above all others. I would die for them in a heartbeat. . . .” —BYO Baby
• “Family isn’t about legal or biological connections, it’s about love, support and commitment, and I’m very lucky to have one.” —Navigating the Maze: Foster Parenting and Life
• “I think it’s important to remember that Queer families (by which I mean families with one or more LGBT parent) already exist, it’s not some new idea.” —La Familia Brophy

Please visit the links above to read the full posts by the original authors.

This post is in honor of National Child’s Day, a time declared by President Bush to “reaffirm our commitment to America’s children” and “to take an active role in helping nurture the minds and character of our Nation’s children.” It draws upon entries from Blogging for LGBT Families Day.

• “Being a parent isn’t about sex, gender, race, color, creed, sexual preference, religion, social class, education level, or any other cross-section. It’s about raising a child to be the person they want to be, whatever that is.” —Individual Results May Vary
• “My opinion being that a gay family is the same as a straight one. In both situations, the parent is responsible for instilling in the child confidence in his or her self and the morals as they see fit. Like queer parents, straight parents have the same opportunity to raise their children with fewer prejudices than they were taught. We can do better for our kids.” —2c Sundrie
• “Beckett has some amazing role models in his life. Strong moms, resilient grandmas, handy and loving grandpas, fashionable uncles – he’s luckier than a lot of babies with both a mother and a father.” —The Boys in Our Life
• “Ultra-conservatives who oppose the mere existence of gay families wring their hands asking what about the children? It is unfair to subject children to this lifestyle. At the same time, they conveniently refuse to acknowledge that these families already exist. The laws they try to pass to invalidate gay families erode children’s sense of dignity and security.” —Damn Straight
• “We have families some big some small some just beginning the journey. We all have the common bond of wanting to be parents. Our children reflect a greater part of what and who we are. Our children go through the same thing every child does. Why on Earth would anyone want to ostracize these kids?” —Ker’s Korner
• “Natalie wants you to know that babies with two moms scream and fuss and want their moms to pay attention to them instead of the computer just like babies with straight parents.” —Addition Problems
• “You are what I was put here for. To spend time with you, sing to you, laugh with and at you, play soccer and softball and basketball and hockey and what ever else you want to play with you. . . . I had no idea I would feel this way. I had no idea that you would infuse my life with so much meaning that when I look at your faces, I know I can quit searching for I have found my home. I thank your Mommy for making you possible and for knowing what I perhaps did not then, that I was meant to be your Mama. And you are meant to be ours.” —The Baby Juggler

Please visit the links above to read the full posts of the original authors. They give me hope for our children and our world.

Over 130 blogs took part in Blogging for LGBT Families Day, sharing thoughts and experiences about what it means to be a family.

Contributors represented every part of the LGBT spectrum, straight allies, those with LGBT children, children with LGBT parents, non parents, expectant and prospective parents, biological and non-biological parents, adoptive parents, foster parents, those dealing with infertility, those with disabilities or chronic diseases, multiracial families, those writing from a religious perspective, and more. Most belong to more than one of these groups, which makes us part of a wonderful overlapping tapestry.

One frequent theme was that in many ways LGBT families are just like any others. Many wrote of the legal and financial burdens that make us unfairly different. Not all bloggers agreed on what to do about this, though, or how these concerns ranked in the overall scheme of world injustices. These are important discussions to have, and I hope we continue, through our blogs, listservs, and in person.

I wrote in my own entry that my main reason for creating this event was to share our stories with each other and with the world. Two contributors elaborated on this particularly well. Steve at Adamant Sun wrote:

It will be much harder for our political adversaries to use our families as political footballs and demonize us, if we put faces on LGBT families. Let people see us, see who we are and then they will see we are just like everybody else.

Families come in all shapes, sizes, colors and makeups. It’s just a great day when we all get together and celebrate that. Being part of a family, any part of it, is the best part of living, and we as a society should be rewarding and celebrating that in any way we can. So here’s a big “Hooray for families!” of all shapes and sizes, existing and soon to be.

Polly at Lesbiandad.net said:

Reading the entries . . . has been like—hmm—like sinking my chops into a juicy, foil-wrapped, plastic basket-bedded Mission District burrito after a long sojourn away from the California homeland. Would that be it? Or like dropping into a hot tub (or a Hot Tub; whichever) after a 12 hour-long moving day. Or like, well, like reading all about other queer parents’ experiences, here in the rosy dawn of my (de facto queer-o) parenthood, and at a moment of enormous national growing pains over the struggle for lgbt civil and human rights.

I will probably not be able to thank you all personally, so please accept this thanks for taking part. I’ll write several posts in the next few days highlighting entries and issues that caught my eye.

A footnote: President Bush has declared this Sunday, June 4, to be National Child’s Day, a time to “reaffirm our commitment to America’s children.”

We’re a tad early, but I think we’ve done our part.

Here is a full count of the blogs that contributed to Blogging for LGBT Families Day on June 1. I am honored that so many of you were willing to share your thoughts and stories for the event.

I am now going to bed, as it’s far too late for the mother of a three-year-old to be up.

I will be updating the participant list through Friday, June 2, in deference to bloggers in other time zones and those who were busy Thursday. Don’t hesitate to send in your entry, even late. Here are details on how to contribute. I will write a full wrap-up Friday evening.

One last note: DC Comics just announced that the new Batwoman is a lesbian. I say that all of you who took part in Blogging for LGBT Families Day are superheroes in your own ways. Batwoman is going to have some tough competition.

I thought the most appropriate post for me to write in honor of Blogging for LGBT Families Day would be about my reasons for organizing this event. Read more »