Mombian » Blogging for LGBT Families Day 2008

“She Got Me Pregnant”: Episode 32

Dana — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 14:48:07 +0000

Helen and I bring you the scoop on a mainstream TV documentary about lesbian partners who each had twins—at the same time. Plus: a film by the same filmmaker about single moms by choice, including one lesbian mom. (This is a recap of my previous post on the same.) We then share some of the more than 170 entries from Blogging for LGBT Families Day, a variety of voices from around our community. Hear how LGBT parents and our children are both surviving in and transforming the world around us. A very special thanks to all who contributed. We couldn’t quote you all in our vlog, but we hope we sent some new readers to those we did.

Online Videos by Veoh.com

Brought to you in partnership with After Ellen.

Words from Our Children: Blogging for LGBT Families Day

Dana — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 20:40:08 +0000

I was pleased to see many grown children of LGBT parents participating in Blogging for LGBT Families Day. Here are some of their words:

Abigail Garner of Damn Straight, who spent many years as a full-time advocate for children of LGBT families, writes of the recent difficulties she had when her new employer “discovered” her blog on the subject, although she had never tried to hide it:

This blog post is written in honor of “Blogging for LGBT Families Day” as a reminder that being outspoken always carries a risk — even when you think you are over all the hurdles of coming out. Even when you think you are as out as you can be. Even when you are certain it is a non-issue.

This Spring, I left my job for the freedom to blog for LGBT Families.

Read her post for the rest of the story.

Dawn at Growing a Pair writes of her parent’s divorce and how attitudes towards LGBT people have affected her, even though she is straight:

You see, during my parent’s divorce, my mother’s “orientation” was of great interest to my father, and my father’s lawyers…. At different times, I was asked to testify in court as to the nature of my mom’s relationship, who slept where, who parented whose children. I was 19. There was a lot I didn’t know then about how the world works, and shouldn’t have been expected to….

I rail against a machine that refuses to recognize same-sex couples, and yet I benefit from the same machine that sees my own relationship as “legitimate.” But the law and our nation’s attitude has cost me plenty, beyond the basic rights that my friends and family cannot enjoy. It was a part of the reason that my mom and I did not have a relationship for almost three years….

Today I’m writing for families like my own. Families like those we love. (We often note that our kids think a heterosexually-headed family is the anomaly, because we have just as many single and same-sex families in our sphere.) The best thing we can do is keep teaching our children, keep pushing our government, and keep telling our stories.

Meredith, program director at COLAGE, who blogs as Fairymere, writes of the recent California marriage ruling, and how far we still have to go:

As a member of the COLAGE/queerspawn movement, I recognize that whether I want there to be or not, there is something validating that comes with having a relationship honored by marriage. And that for many of the youth with whom I work, marriage has long been a concept they understand that sets their families apart since their parents can not access it….

Furthermore, I get extremely angry when people declare that now that we have marriage equality in California that now “we are equal!” … As individuals and as the LGBTQ community we still face homophobia, transphobia, racism, classism and a litany of other problems that manifest themselves through employment discrimination, the pathologization of transgender individuals, harassment of youth in their schools, and the treatment of LGBTQ prisoners just to name a few.

So while it’s important to celebrate that it feels good and just that while marriage is a mark of how we protect our families, that ALL families are able to access it, it’s also crucial we recognize that this does not mean we are equal. The struggle for true social justice remains a long road in front of us. But as a part of the COLAGE movement- a movement for social justice by and for children, youth and adults with LGBTQ parents, I feel engaged and committed to the struggle.

Whittles writes about her father and AIDS:

It’s funny to realize as an adult that I had no idea how different my family was when I was a child….

It wasn’t until my father got very sick with AIDS that I started to have any awareness that something wasn’t normal. Sure, other folks had sick parents ever, but I wasn’t supposed to talk about mine. Bad things might happen if people know about mine. I didn’t know why, and I wouldn’t have known what to call it, but shame and fear were the waters we swam in when it came to people knowing about our family.

It was really after he passed away that I began understanding both his queerness and his illness and why they were such a big deal….

Looking back I realize how much that history has shaped me…. I have found a real passion and a real community with COLAGE, and I am forever grateful. They helped open my eyes to a part of my identity I didn’t even realize could be reflected in the world. I’ll never forget the day I first met another adult who had lost a father to AIDS. It was like a revelation to me.

My personal story is complicated and at times painful, much like most folks’. I know that personally, I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. I stand here today, stronger and more fully alive because of the experiences I’ve had.

LOweetzieLIbatTA at DeviantART writes of the fabulous part of gay culture, traditional dad stuff, and maintaining a relationship with her biological mother, a single mom:

“In a word, having a gay dad is fabulous. Many daughters learned to dance standing on their father’s feet; I learned to do the Macarena before it became a big hit. My father used to take me to gem shows with an equal enthusiasm for sparkly things. Dad, his partner Pete and I bond while watching What Not To Wear and making fun of how terribly some people dress….

Although they do not allow themselves to be constrained by the social masculine norms, gay men are still men at heart. For my family that meant few and far between mushy discussions about feelings, sports fanaticism, and toilet seats constantly being left up. In addition to doing some non-traditional father-daughter activities, I didn’t miss out on the traditional ones either. We played backyard baseball, which consisted of my dad pitching, me hitting, and our border collie Tux chasing and bringing back the ball while his son Buster herded him. We also went to hockey games because I refused to accompany him to any other sporting event he had tickets to….

However, unlike some of my fellow queerspawn, I have the added bonus of maintaining a healthy relationship with my biological mother since I came to be through a divorce. In fact, a lot of my upbringing involved living with my single mom, which is also frowned on in some parts of society. There was a time when I thought no child should be without a mom and a dad. But there was also a time when I thought there might be monsters under my bed.

I’ve put only extracts here in the interest of space and copyright, but I encourage you to read the full posts.

Blogging for LGBT Families Day: Best Timing

Dana — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 22:10:06 +0000

I’m reading my way through the Blogging for LGBT Families posts, and am once again awed by the strength and diversity of our community. Many thanks to all of you who participated.

I’ll be doing a few posts in the next week or so highlighting and contrasting some of the contributions, or suggesting some emerging themes. One post in particular I wanted to point out right now, however. C at Liquid Baby wrote:

how’s this for a blogging for LGBT families post??
Homestudy complete last Friday.
Potential birthmom match this Friday.
Meet and make it an official match Saturday/Sunday.
Baby Today. (she is doing very well, just needs a little help with breathing)

Can’t top that. Congratulations and best wishes to the newly enlarged family.

Blogging for LGBT Families Day: Still Accepting Posts

Dana — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 10:10:06 +0000

Did you wake up this morning and suddenly realize you had forgotten Blogging for LGBT Families Day yesterday? Was your child sick or did he or she require an emergency batch of cupcakes at school for an end-of-year party? Did you have a non-child-related emergency?

Never fear—I’m still accepting contributions through today. Call it a concession to “Parent Standard Time” (though you needn’t be a parent to participate). Leave a comment or send an e-mail to lgbtfamilies@mombian.com with the link to your post.

Thanks for taking part!

Blogging for LGBT Families Day: Contributed Posts

Dana — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 04:25:37 +0000

Welcome to Blogging for LGBT Families Day! Below is the master list of contributed posts.

I’ll be updating this with latecomers on Tuesday (I’m all about inclusion here), so it’s not to late to participate! Just post on your own blog and send me the link or leave a comment here with the link.

Thanks to everyone who contributed already. A special thanks to the Family Equality Council for their sponsorship of the event. Thanks as well to The Bilerico Project, COLAGE, Freedom to Marry, PageOneQ, Pam’s House Blend, PFLAG, Queercents, and the many others who went the extra mile in encouraging participation.

I hope you take the time to read other people’s posts and enjoy the diversity of the LGBT community and our allies. Over the next few days, I’ll be reading through all the entries myself, and writing up some posts that pull together various related themes that emerge.

[UPDATED: June 4, 12:45am Eastern.] Posts are alphabetical by name of blog. Starred (*) posts are new since last update. Putting them after a jump since the list is getting long now.

Tomorrow’s the Day

Dana — Sun, 01 Jun 2008 14:41:05 +0000

Tomorrow is Blogging for LGBT Families Day! Posts are already starting to come in. If you want your link to appear here early tomorrow, send it early! Full details are here; the short version is: blog in support of LGBT families on or before June 2, and send me the link or leave a comment here.

Please also download a banner and promote the event on your site. The more people who participate, the more impact our voices will have.

Here are a few frequently asked questions:

Do I need to be LGBT? No, just supportive.

Do I need to have kids? What about my cat? Define “family” as you will.

What if I always write about my LGBT family? Great! Just do what you normally do, and send me the link. Or write a special post for the occasion if you want to, but don’t feel obligated.

What if I never write about LGBT issues? If you want to say something in support of LGBT families, then this event gives you an excuse. Feel free to tie it into your regular blog theme, e.g., if you write about kids’ literature, write about an LGBT-inclusive kids’ book.

What if I want to share a photo or video? That’s fine. Post them on your blog or a photo or video sharing site. If you use a sharing site, make sure to set them to be public. Then send me the link.

What do I do if I don’t have a blog? If you don’t have a blog, you may also leave a comment on the master Blogging for LGBT Families Day post I will put up on June 2. If you only post on Facebook or MySpace, you may add me, Dana Rudolph, as a friend to notify me of a post there. (Here’s my Facebook page and my MySpace page. If you do a search for my name, though, make sure to look for the event banner image, as there are multiple Dana Rudolphs.) If you do have a regular blog, I much prefer that you post there, since then your post will be readable even by those who don’t have Facebook or MySpace accounts—and the whole point here is to share our posts.

Thanks to the Family Equality Council for their sponsorship of this event.

Less Than a Week Until Blogging for LGBT Families Day

Dana — Tue, 27 May 2008 16:26:25 +0000

A gentle reminder that it’s now less than a week until Blogging for LGBT Families Day. Full details are here; the short version is: blog in support of LGBT families on or before June 2, and send me the link.

I’m already starting to see some posts trickle in; I’ll start posting the links on June 2 as soon as I get them, so if you want your link to appear all day as people visit, get it in as early as possible.

Please also download a banner and promote the event on your site. The more people who participate, the more impact our voices will have.

Here are a few frequently asked questions:

Do I need to be LGBT? No, just supportive.

Do I need to have kids? What about my cat? Define “family” as you will.

What if I always write about my LGBT family? Great! Just do what you normally do, and send me the link. Or write a special post for the occasion if you want to, but don’t feel obligated.

“She Got Me Pregnant”: Episode 27

Dana — Thu, 08 May 2008 14:28:06 +0000

Helen and I do a special Mother’s Day vlog in response to a viewer request about our decision to become parents. What made me finally break down and decide to have a child? Why did we choose the method we did? Was our cat really involved in the selection of our sperm donor? And what was that about dating Ellen DeGeneres and Sharon Stone?

In many ways, this vlog is a precursor to the post I did about the medical and legal details of creating our family. Now you’ll know the whole story.

We also invite all bloggers and vloggers to post on June 2 in celebration of the third annual Blogging for LGBT Families Day. (Yes, videos and photos are welcome, too. Put them on your favorite image-sharing site, make sure they’re public, and send me the link.)

Online Videos by Veoh.com

If the Veoh video above isn’t working (sometimes their server can be flaky), you can try it at Daily Motion.

Brought to you in partnership with After Ellen.

Blogging for LGBT Families Day 2008

Dana — Mon, 05 May 2008 21:18:30 +0000

The third annual Blogging for LGBT Families Day is fast approaching on June 2. Bloggers of all orientations and identities are invited to post about LGBT families that day or shortly beforehand, and then to notify me (see below) so I can compile and showcase the posts.

I know many readers write about LGBT families every day, but I hope you’ll take advantage of this occasion to join in the community spirit and perhaps gain some new readers. Write a special post or just your usual; whatever strikes your fancy.

I also encourage those who don’t usually post about LGBT families or LGBT issues. Give it a spin based on your usual blog topics. There’s no set formula or format.

Photos and videos are also welcome. (Post them on your own site or an image-sharing site, however; don’t e-mail them to me.)

Please also download a banner and promote the event on your site. The more people who participate, the more impact our voices will have.

Further details below:

Blog on a topic related to LGBT families on or before June 2, 2008.
Leave a comment on this post, or send an e-mail to lgbtfamilies@mombian.com with the permalink to your post. (If you know how, you may also add the tag “blogging for lgbt families day” to your entry.)
If you only post on Facebook or MySpace, you may also add me, Dana Rudolph, as a friend to notify me of your post. (Here’s my Facebook page and my MySpace page. If you do a search for my name, though, make sure to look for the event banner image, as there are multiple Dana Rudolphs.) If you do have a regular blog, I much prefer that you post there, since then your post will be readable even by those who don’t have Facebook or MySpace accounts—and the whole point here is to share our posts.
I’ll compile the posts and highlight them here on June 2. Come back and read the stories and insights of our community and allies.

Thanks to the Family Equality Council for sponsorship of the event.

I hope many of you will be a part of this.

Save the Date: Blogging for LGBT Families Day Is June 2

Dana — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 12:59:38 +0000

It’s almost that time of year again, so mark your calendars now. The third annual Blogging for LGBT Families Day is coming up on Monday, June 2. (Yes, I’ve held it on the 1st in previous years, but it seemed best not to do it on a Sunday, a low-traffic day in the blogosphere.)

Last year, over 150 bloggers participated, including lesbian moms, gay dads, adult children of LGBT parents, members of the transgender community, LGBT individuals without children, and straight allies. Countries represented included the United States as well as Australia, Canada, and the UK. Some bloggers told stories about their paths to parenthood, or tales about their children; some wrote about LGBT relatives or friends; others discussed current political events; and several spoke of why their faith obliges them to support LGBT rights. This year’s writings should be equally diverse and compelling.

Here’s how it works:

Blog on a topic related to LGBT families on or before June 2, 2008.
Leave a comment on this post, or send an e-mail to lgbtfamilies@mombian.com with the permalink to your post. (If you know how, you may also add the tag “blogging for lgbt families day” to your entry.)
I’ll compile the posts and highlight them here on June 2. Come back and read the stories and insights of our community and allies.

Any blogger who wants to support LGBT families is welcome, LGBT or not, parent or not. I encourage those who don’t usually post about LGBT families or LGBT issues, as well as those for whom every day is Blogging for LGBT Families Day. Give it a spin based on your usual blog topics. There’s no set formula or format. Photos and videos are also welcome.

The list of last year’s contributions is still online for your perusal.

Please also download a banner and promote the event on your site. The more people who participate, the more impact our voices will have.

Thanks to the Family Equality Council for sponsorship of the event.

I hope many of you will be a part of this.