Teaching All Teens About LGBT Issues

I wrote this a few months ago (with slight modification) for Vanessa Van Petten’s Teens Today blog. She had asked me to share some resources for her audience of mostly straight parents who want to talk with their teenagers, LGBT and not, about LGBT issues. I realize most of my readers at Mombian are more up to speed on things queer than her audience, and may find some of the below old hat. At the same time, I know there are non-LGBT parents who stop by here in search of information, as well as LGBT parents wanting resources to share with non-LGBT friends, or seeking words to help explain to our children matters that we know inherently.

The piece below only scratches the surface, but I mean it as a start, not an end. Feel free to leave additional suggestions in the comments. Read the rest of this post »

A Few for the Children

Here are a few recent items of interest for children of LGBT parents, and one (mostly) for children of non-LGBT parents:

• The 2002 film Our House: A Very Real Documentary About Kids of Gay & Lesbian Parents has been re-released on DVD. I haven’t seen it myself, but Abigail Garner recommends it, and that’s good enough for me. The documentary won Best Documentary jury awards at both the Los Angeles and New York Lesbian & Gay Film Festivals.
• COLAGE has published a first-of-its-kind Kids of Trans Resource Guide (PDF), written by and for kids of trans parents.
• The Ottawa Citizen ran an article last week profiling several children and adult children of LGBT parents. It’s a nice balance to all of the stories (important as they are) showing the smiling lesbian couples talking about finding sperm donors. It even includes children whose parents came out when they were teens and tweens, and a child who was adopted. “As a child of a gay person, you’re on the front line of homophobia even though you’re heterosexual,” says one interviewee, who also speaks of the difficulty of finding a place in the LGBT movement.

Also from up north is an article in Canada.com about explaining same-sex parents to children. The article is aimed at children of non-LGBT parents, but much is applicable to parents of any type explaining families, love, and (later) sexuality to their children. Among other things, it quotes Dr. Justin Richardson, author of Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid They’d Ask), who says:

We’re hesitant because as adults we think that to talk about gay families is to talk about gay sex. Therefore parents are squeamish. I can promise you that while an adult might think of a gay couple and think of them having sex, a second grader will not think that abstractly. They’re just thinking that they’re two people in love who happen to be same sex—who aren’t that different from Mom and Dad.

Richardson is, of course, also the co-author of the same-sex penguin classic And Tango Makes Three.

It’s the Little Things

Having preschool teachers who make sure your son brings home two handmade flowerpots for Mother’s Day?

Priceless.

Melissa Etheridge on Motherhood

Somebody bring me some water . . . in a sippy cup.*

MomLogic (part of the AOL Living network) just published the article “Melissa Etheridge: Superstar Mama.” The lesbian icon talks about having twins, explaining her cancer to her children, celebrating Mother’s Day, celebrity babies, the most important lesson to teach your children, and her new tour. She also offers this advice to other “non-traditional” families:

I would tell them they have all the power. That feeling inside, that desire, follow that, that’s what life is all about it. Just put it out of their mind that there is some sort of normal out there because there’s not. They may portray it on the television like Leave it to Beaver that there’s a perfect thing, but that does not exist, everyone’s doing the best they can to raise families, and find happiness, and find many ways to love, and there are many ways.

Bravo, Melissa! Bravo to MomLogic, too, for not just sticking to “traditional” families during this period of pre-Mother’s Day maternal celebration. Not all mainstream parenting channels are so bold.

*If you’re not an ME fan, that reference will be lost on you.

Loving Tribute

Mildred Loving, a black woman whose marriage to a white man led to the seminal U.S. Supreme Court that overturned Virginia’s ban on interracial marriage, died today at age 68. NPR has a good interview with her from last year, on the 40th anniversary of the Court’s case. Pam at the Blend observes that Loving is also a beacon of hope for supporters of same-sex marriage:

Those of us eagerly waiting for the day when same-sex marriage is finally legalized across the land owe a debt of gratitude to Mildred Loving, whose 1967 case (Loving v. Virginia) resulted in a landmark Supreme Court decision that broke down a major social and legal barrier – interracial marriage.

A moment of silence for a woman who once said she wasn’t trying to change history; she just fell in love.

Teaching Teens About LGBT Issues

I just did a guest post for Teens Today with Vanessa Van Petten, a site for parents of teenagers. Van Petten, 22, wrote You’re Grounded!: How to Stop Fighting and Make the Teenage Years Easier while she was still in high school, basing it on dozens of interviews with teens, parents, and teachers. She continues to offer insights from a teen or near-teen perspective through her blog and speaking engagements. She asked if I would help those of her readers who want to talk about LGBT issues with their teens (LGBT or not), but didn’t know where to start.

My post offers a number of resources for non-LGBT parents of teens, but is not meant to be a comprehensive treatment of this complex subject. If you know of additional books, articles, or other guides, feel free to leave a comment here or at Teens Today. Thanks to Vanessa for reaching out to build acceptance and understanding.

Words from Mrs. King

I posted this quote from Coretta Scott King, wife of Martin Luther King, Jr., last year at this time, but I think it bears repeating. Mrs. King was speaking at Lambda Legal’s 25th Anniversary Luncheon in 1998:

As Martin once said, ‘We are all tied together in a single garment of destiny… an inescapable network of mutuality… I can never be what I ought to be until you are allowed to be what you ought to be.’

Therefore, I appeal to everyone who believes in Martin Luther King, Jr.’s dream to make room at the table of brother and sisterhood for lesbian and gay people. Gays and lesbians stood up for civil rights in Montgomery, Selma, in Albany, Georgia, and St. Augustine, Florida, and many other campaigns of the civil rights movement. Many of these courageous men and women were fighting for my freedom at a time when they could find few voices for their own, and I salute their contributions.

I’ll note that much the same could be said again today about the bi and trans communities with respect to the gay and lesbian communities. It’s a big table; there are lots of different dishes. Please pass the salt.

And Now a Word from Our Allies

Tonight begins the first of Seven Straight Nights for Civil Rights, a coordinated campaign of overnight vigils led by straight allies across the nation who will “come out” as supporters of equal rights for LGBT Americans. Atticus Circle and Soulforce are organizing the events, important opportunities to show that support for LGBT rights extends beyond the LGBT community. Visit the Seven Straight Nights site for more details and to learn how people can get involved. (You may also want to check out my interview with Atticus Circle founder Anne S. Wynne.)

In honor of the occasion, I’m going to share a few of the posts contributed by non-LGBT allies for Blogging for LGBT Families Day back in June. I hadn’t re-read them in a while, and found myself marveling again at the outpouring of support from outside the LGBT community—though “outside” seems too black-and-white a term to use for people whose acceptance and understanding crosses so many boundaries. Read them and take heart.

The Ice Floe:

I believe in GLBT families because I believe in children having families.
I believe in GLBT families because I believe in equal rights of all types.
But mostly I believe in GLBT families because of Angela. . . .

Angela (don’t call her Angie) lived with her daddy, her papa, and her brother Eddie. They had a big pale blue house right on the waterfront in the small town where I did my seminary internship. . . .

And when Daddy adopted Eddie and Papa adopted Angela , the little family was complete. The day after Eddie’s adoption was legalized in the US, Daddy and Papa brought their offspring to the church to be ‘bap-a-tized’ in Angela’s words. . . .

Because Angela was 4, she got to answer some of her own baptismal questions. The pastor crawled down to her level and interviewed her. He skipped the microphone. Only a few of us could hear her voice, at first.
“Do you want to be baptized?”
“YES!”
“Why do you want to be baptized?”
“I love Jesus”
“Do you want to be in the church family?”
“uh-huh.”

Silence.

“Daddy and Papa and Eddie and Me and Jesus, too. That’s our family.”

The pastor broke into a huge grin.

“And you can be in the family, too,” she offered.

Then she shouts,
“Everyone can be in our family!”

. . . . Every time I baptize a child, I remember Angela and Eddie and their parents, little Angela that showed us all that there’s plenty of room in the family of God.

Read the rest of this post »

Add LGBT Voices to New Parenting Encyclopedia Babblepedia

Parenting megasite Babble has just launched Babblepedia, a Wikipedia-like “Encyclopedia of Parenting Knowledge” that “anyone can edit.” It’s a great idea, though the usual cautions apply about doing your own thorough research before believing anything you read online.

Here’s the action item: Go contribute to Babblepedia to make sure LGBT families are well represented. Many of the existing categories (e.g., Sex During Pregnancy) could certainly benefit from a lesbian perspective, and topics like Daycare Options bring up special concerns for all LGBT parents. Even if you’re not talking about LGBT issues per se, it’s useful to indicate that LGBT parents are there and contributing to the general parenting community, e.g., “when my partner and I were potty training our son . . .”

It looks as if Babblepedia isn’t the editing free-for-all Wikipedia is. For the initial categories that Babblepedia launched with, Babble heads each category with its own opinion and then adds “Expert Opinions” of various medical organizations, well known doctors like Dr. Spock, and major health Web sites. Users’ opinions are added comment-like after that. Users can also create new categories for themselves and others to write about; it’s unclear if Babble will offer its own opinion or experts on any or all of those as well.

Show where we’re the same; show where we’re different. Mostly, show that we’re there.

Honoring Loving v. Virginia

Today marks the 40th anniversary of Loving v. Virginia, the historic U.S. Supreme Court decision that struck down the remaining interracial marriage bans in 16 states in the U.S. I needn’t belabor the parallel between the struggle to end interracial-marriage bans and our current fight to legalize same-sex marriage—most readers here know it all too well.

Loving Day has much more in celebration of the Loving decision, including a neat interactive map that lets you see which states restricted interracial couples during every year from 1662 and 1967, a courtroom history of the cases that led to the Supreme Court, and stories of real couples affected by the ruling. It’s good reading for anyone, including children old enough to take an interest in civil rights and history.

Tying it in with the struggle for LGBT rights, Freedom to Marry has joined with a number of groups, LGBT and not, to celebrate Loving:

1. as a milestone in the fight against racial inequality,
2. for its importance in securing the freedom to marry as a civil right,
3. for its embodiment of the importance of social justice activism and independent courts, and
4. for its relevance to today’s ongoing battles against unfair exclusion from marriage.

Here’s to those who went before us in the fight for marriage equality.