(Originally published in my Mombian newspaper column.)
What do you get when you take two moms and five kids of assorted race and ethnicity, place in a home, sprinkle the neighborhood with other parental figures, and stir well? The answer is ABC Family’s The Fosters, which finished its second season in August. It remains not just a show about a lesbian-headed family, but one of the most thoughtful family shows on television. Here are some of the things I liked best about this season.
The relationship of Stef and Lena, as a couple and as parents. For me as a lesbian mom, seeing role models of two women living and parenting together every week on television, through both the good times and bad, is inspiring on a very deep level. This season we saw them struggling over their own relationship hurdles but managing to overcome them. In a world where support for same-sex relationships can be lacking, it’s great to see them survive, even through hardship.
On the parenting front, they don’t always agree, but manage to balance their different styles—Stef’s no-nonsense but still loving attitude and Lena’s more thoughtful and sympathetic one. Some of the best scenes of the season were heart-to-hearts between one of the moms and one of the kids. Sure, there have been plenty of other models of good television parents (the Cosbys come to mind), and one doesn’t have to have the same family structure to learn from them. At the same time, it still gives me an extra boost of confidence (even after I’ve been parenting with my spouse for 11 years) to see two moms making their family work. Perhaps it’s that their family problems are overdramatized for television, so my concerns seem tame by comparison—but that works for me.
The continued exploration of what it means to be a family. The Fosters is more about two moms who happen to be lesbians rather than about two lesbians who happen to be moms. (In contrast, see Bette and Tina of The L Word.) Nevertheless, the show regularly comes back to the important question of what it means to be a family. Mike, Stef’s ex and eldest son Brandon’s biological father, still works with Stef and is involved in their lives. The birth mother of the moms’ adopted twins is nearby and wants to see them, despite problems in her own life. And foster daughter Callie begins to know her real biological father and her half sister this season. All of these relationships have their own challenges, but they cannot be denied.
We thus get great scenes like the one in the season finale between Lena and her adopted daughter Mariana, in which Mariana is upset about being connected to her birth mother, whom she views as irresponsible. She’s also confused by Lena’s recent (and unsuccessful) attempt to have a biological child, and wonders if a biological connection is more important. “You only carry a baby for nine months,” Lena tells her (and perhaps reminds herself), “but you carry your child in your heart forever.”
The fact that a show featuring same-sex parents can also touch on race and ethnicity. In a similarly deft manner, the show gave us a scene in which adopted daughter Mariana, who is of Mexican descent, is taken to a Mexican festival by her boyfriend of Asian descent. She’s offended that he assumes she likes Mexican culture, when she’s been brought up with little connection to it. He insists he used to go to this festival before he knew her and really likes the music. Turns out that part of Mariana’s objection is that the festival reminds her of her birth mom—but she still makes a good point about cultural assumptions. It’s a nice treatment of the many complexities of our identities.
The intro. “It’s not where you come from, it’s where you belong,” sings Kari Kimmel in the show’s theme song, as the camera pans across everyday details of the household—kitchen pots, school books on the stairs, a kids’ growth chart on the wall, rubber ducks in the bathroom, syrup pouring over pancakes (breakfast being the meal we almost always eat at home), Stef and Lena’s hands clasping in their cozy, afghan-covered bed. It’s a pitch-perfect paean to home and family.
The only part of the show that doesn’t sit right with me is the on-again, off-again romantic relationship between Brandon and his foster sister Callie. Technically, it’s legal since Callie is not yet adopted. They also didn’t grow up as siblings. Still, I find their attraction unsettling (and potentially off-putting to parents considering fostering older children). Judging by comments on the show’s Twitter feed, however, many of its teen fans are in favor of the pairing, although others favor different choices for each of the two. Myself, I hope the writers give up on this relationship and let the characters move on.
At the same time, I do think that part of the show’s brilliance is that it can offer angsty teen storylines like that to attract a teen audience, while also giving Stef and Lena storylines focusing on their own relationship to encourage us parents to watch. The moms are more than just foils for their children. Just as the show may offer a bridge between lesbian families and others, it may offer a bridge between teens and their parents. I’m not sure which we should be more thankful for.
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