Many of us LGBT parents have had someone ask us a rude question about our families, starting with the classic fumble, “Who’s the real mom?” Two recent videos — one funny, one clever — offer advice for helping people determine if a question about someone’s family or self is offensive.
First comes the funny yet pointed “If you wouldn’t say it about a boob job…” by Jesse Butterworth, the lead pastor at Rain City Church in Bellevue, Washington. Butterworth is in a different-sex marriage, but he’s an adoptive White parent of a Black daughter, and offers advice that works for same-sex adoptive couples as well. “If you wouldn’t say it about a boob job,” he advises, “don’t say it about adoptive families.” The parallels may not seem obvious, but he finds them and makes them into a memorable public service announcement. (Thanks to the Family Equality Council for the tip!)
Next, author and transgender activist Janet Mock interviewed Fusion TV’s AM Tonight host Alicia Menendez and asked her offensive questions about her cis identity and genitalia. The questions were all pre-planned with Menendez, who nevertheless said afterwards, “I didn’t realize how awful and invasive some of them would feel.” It’s a cautionary tale for anyone who might consider asking a trans person the same things. (Thanks to Media Matters for the tip!)