Two lesbian moms in Northhampton, Massachusetts, are raising their 10-year-old daughter exclusively on hummus and granola, a local news station reports — and the child is apparently thriving.
Bea and Ann Dyppe say their daughter has eaten nothing but hummus and granola since she was weaned. “These two food products have been associated with lesbian existence ever since the start of the lesbian rights movement. Perhaps even before,” said Ann, a history teacher. “After all, remains of chickpeas have been found at ancient sites in Greece — and Sappho was Greek. Granola’s simple mix of grains and sweeteners likely goes back that far as well.”
“Lesbian moms have been shown to raise children with high self-esteem and good citizenship,” explained Bea, a sociologist. “We figured that in addition to the values we lesbians have conveyed to our kids, perhaps there was something dietary at work, too.”
“We started her with a bland mash of chickpeas,” added Ann. “Once her teeth came in, we introduced seasonings and began giving her small bits of granola, too.”
Now, the fifth-grader loves heartier flavors of hummus such as Extra Garlic, Roasted Red Pepper, and Zesty Lemon. For granola, she is partial to blends with almonds and dried cranberries, but has been known to indulge in chewy bars with coconut and chocolate chips. Her teachers say the child seems healthy and energetic, playing on a local soccer team and getting top marks in most of her classes. The school dietitian, Vita Mann, said that she wished more kids ate the nutritious vegetable proteins and whole grains that hummus and granola provide.
Asked if she ever craved anything else, the girl replied, “Sometimes I sneak over to the gay dads down the street for brunch. But don’t tell my moms.”
For more hard-hitting Mombian news from past Aprils, see:
- DARPA Announces Next-Generation Gaydar System
- Lesbian Mom Running for President
- New Social App Helps Lesbians Find Sperm Donors
- New Research Shows Children of LGBT Parents More Likely to Win Nobel Prizes
- Utah Mandates All Children to Be Raised by LGBT People
- “Gay Positioning System” Navigates Roads and Rights