For Veterans Day, here’s a guest post from my favorite veteran — my spouse Helen Maynard, a former Air Force captain. When I asked her for a guest post, I didn’t know what she would write. I think I owe her cookies for this one.
November 11th is a day we set aside to honor our veterans. Since the repeal of “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” in 2010, we can also openly honor servicemen and women of all stripes — including those who are gay, lesbian, and bisexual.*
The world has certainly changed — mostly for the better.
In 1976, I was a sophomore in high school, and President Ford signed a law allowing women to enter the service academies. The all-expenses paid college degree was tempting, but when I was accepted into Cornell University, my father advised that I’d get a better education there than at the Air Force Academy. After all, Cornell has academic professors, whereas many of the Academy instructors are career military officers.
I ended up accepting an Air Force ROTC scholarship that paid for my Cornell tuition, and upon graduation I owed four years of service. Stationed at Wright-Patterson Air Force Base, I was a project manager on the development of a radar receiver system, and later on, I was an intelligence officer.
There weren’t many women in the service. For the radar receiver project, I organized technical reviews that would bring together 100 military servicemen and civilians. Exactly two women attended — myself and a civilian woman who worked in logistics.
Most men were uncomfortable working with women and uncertain about how to act around women officers. When walking with a superior officer, there was always an awkward dance when approaching a door. I would want to open the door for my superior, and he would want to open the door for me — a woman. We were lucky to get through the door with our egos and elbows unscathed.
After four years of service, I left active duty to attend graduate school. At the University of Wisconsin-Madison, I met and fell in love with Dana (our Chief Mombian). At the time I was still in the inactive reserves. My only military obligation was to attend an annual muster in Milwaukee. As a scientist, I was unlikely to be called up for active duty. During the Gulf War my mother asked: “Oh, honey. They wouldn’t be so desperate as to call you up, would they?”
It’s almost certain that the Air Force would never have found out about my relationship with Dana, but I knew it was inconsistent with what was expected of me as an officer, so I resigned my commission. It was a simple form. There was a small box that asked for a reason. If I could have fit this letter into that little box, I would have. But instead, I just typed “Personal.” I knew I couldn’t quit Dana, so I quit the Air Force.
Twenty years later, Dana and I are still together. We have a cozy home in Massachusetts where we are raising our son.
It’s worked out fine for me, but I’m so glad that folks today don’t have to choose between their love and their country.
*Our government hasn’t quite gotten around to including our transgender patriots, but we can hope that one day Uncle Sam will realize that gender identity has nothing to with one’s willingness and ability to serve and protect our country.