My son starts fifth grade today, making me one of the millions of LGBTQ parents seeing our kids off to school this time of year. For many of us, the new school year brings with it once again the question of how accepting and inclusive our children’s teachers and classmates will be. Here are four things we can do to prepare our children and ourselves for the coming year.
Connect with Our Kids
The most important thing we can do to get our children ready for the school year, I believe, is to ask them how they feel about it. Are they excited? Anxious? Apathetic? Concerned about particular classmates, teachers, or coaches, either because of anti-LGBTQ bias or anything else?
We may not be able to solve all of their problems—and it is often better to let them discover solutions on their own—but we can offer examples from our own experience, bolster their self-confidence, and ensure them we are there to provide emotional support and take action if necessary.
Also, we can make sure to do something frivolous and fun with our kids the week before school starts, so that summer ends on a joyful note!
Connect with the Teachers
Sometimes, especially with young children, it may help to meet with the teacher before the school year to introduce our family, get a feel for the teacher’s commitment to inclusion, and answer any questions they may have. Other times, we may choose a less overt method to let the teachers know we are an LGBTQ-headed family. In a two-parent family, for example, we might both take our child to school on the first day or go to a start-of-year parent gathering, making a point of introducing ourselves as “So-and-so’s parents.” A third approach is to wait until any questions or issues arise, trying to let the children (especially older ones) take control over how and when to come out about their families.
Being involved in the school’s parents’ association or other committees, as our time allows, can also make us visible and keep us tuned in to school happenings.
Inform Ourselves
Should we need to offer schools a hand in being welcoming and inclusive, there are many resources to help us do so. Check out my list of the ones I’ve found most useful.
At the end of the day, however, our best resources for LGBTQ-related issues at school may be other LGBTQ parents and parents of LGBTQ children—but also families who may have similar concerns about exclusion and/or harassment because of their family structure, race, ethnicity, religion, or other aspects of their identities. And we may find allies among “traditional” families where we least expect them.
Reach Out
We want our children’s teachers and classmates to be allies to LGBTQ families, so I believe we have a responsibility in turn to be allies to those with families and identities other than our own, however we each define “other.” My resource list has a few suggestions to help us do that, too.
We should also remember that much learning happens at home, and that our children are resilient, sometimes surprisingly so. We shouldn’t ignore problems if they arise—but nor should we discount our children’s ability to handle them, sometimes better than we can.
Here’s wishing all of our children—and ourselves—a school year full of learning, laughter, and love.