Halloween Open Thread

It’s Halloween, even though the snow on the ground here in the Northeast is making it seem more like Christmas. I thought I’d celebrate with an open thread on all topics Halloweeny, so jump in with a comment on your kid’s (s’) costume(s), your costume, your favorite costume from childhood, best Halloween recipes, or what scares you more than zombies.

Also, because my “Are Boys in Princess Dresses the Scariest Thing on Halloween?” post has gotten a number of comments, I want to recommend Jeffrey Self’s “Little Boy Witches” over at HuffPo. It’s an inspiring personal story on the same theme.

Hope you all have a sweet, spooky Halloween!

Weekly Recap

I’ve posted a few longish pieces recently, How to Help Aging LGBT Parents and Are Boys in Princess Dresses the Scariest Thing on Halloween?, along with information about a couple of major new reports on LGBT families, “Expanding Resources for Children III: Research-Based Best Practices in Adoption by Gays and Lesbians” and “All Children Matter: How Legal and Social Inequalities Hurt LGBT Families.” Instead of doing my usual political round up this week, then, I’m going to sit back and encourage you to read some of those pieces, if you haven’t already.

The full research reports are long—but you can at least browse the key points, which I’ve extracted for you. Even if you don’t need convincing that our children need equality, it’s good to have some of the details and data at your fingertips to persuade others. (You might be surprised by some of the findings, too. Did you know Mississippi is the state with the largest percentage of same-sex couples raising children? It’s also the only state to explicitly bar only same-sex couples from jointly adopting.)

Happy weekend, all!

Lesbian Moms Among Plaintiffs in Servicemembers’ Lawsuit Against DOMA

This morning, eight current and former members of the U.S. armed services filed a lawsuit challenging the constitutionality of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) and “seeking equal recognition, benefits and family support for equal sacrifice and service in the U.S. Armed Forces.”

Three of the plaintiffs are lesbian moms, including lead plaintiff, Major Shannon L. McLaughlin of the Massachusetts National Guard, along with Chief Warrant Officer 2 Charlie Morgan of the New Hampshire National Guard and Lieutenant Colonel Victoria A. Hudson of the U.S. Army Reserve. Plaintiff Airman First Class (A1C) Daniel Henderson said he and his partner plan to become parents within a few years. It is clear their parental roles and responsibilities are among the factors driving their lawsuit.

Servicemembers Legal Defense Network, which filed the litigation on behalf of the plaintiffs, noted that Morgan’s spouse’s “inability to receive a military identification card prevents her from taking their daughter, who is a dependent with her own ID card, on post to take advantage of facilities and services otherwise available to families. ”

Morgan, a breast cancer survivor who has been recently diagnosed with a recurrence, said herself, “I worry every day that my health may take a turn for the worse, and Karen would be unable to receive the survivor’s benefits to help take care of our daughter.  We are only asking for fair and equitable treatment as a recognized family.”

McLaughlin said that her spouse “is not eligible for health insurance and is unable to come onto post to make use of facilities, services, and family support services that would otherwise be available to us if we were of the opposite sex.”

And Hudson said, “I know our military places a high premium on the family.  I know it is our spouses who keep the family together when we are deployed and and in harm’s way. We go, focused and mission ready, trusting our families are cared for. Gay and Lesbian service members are denied that trust.”

Repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell was a first step towards addressing the inequalities for lesbian and gay servicemembers. But as I reported for Keen News Service a few weeks ago, DOMA still means many benefits are denied to their families, and children are among those affected.

Are Boys in Princess Dresses the Scariest Thing on Halloween?

Halloween is almost upon us, the holiday that underscores like no other that society has certain gender expectations for boys and girls. Girls, by and large, are princesses; boys tend towards the violent as superheroes, Star Wars characters, soldiers, or pirates. But each year, it seems, at least one family makes the news because their child wants to defy those boundaries.

This year, the Los Angeles Times reported October 22 on the story of Anna and Louisa Villeneuve, two California moms whose four-year-old son wants to be a princess for Halloween. They have mixed feelings about this, the Times said. On the one hand, they want him to be himself and make his own choices. On the other, many of their fellow townspeople voted in favor of Proposition 8, which bans marriage for same-sex couples in California. The moms don’t want someone to open the door and express disapproval to their son’s face.

Last year, mom blogger Sarah won widespread recognition, including television appearances, when she wrote at Nerdy Apple Bottom about the intolerant comments from other moms at her son’s preschool when her five-year-old son dressed up for Halloween as Daphne from Scooby Doo.

Mom Cheryl Kilodavis, however, found more support at her five-year-old son’s school when he wanted to wear a princess Halloween costume to class last year. Several of the male staff dressed up and performed as princesses, too (in a respectful way, not a teasing one). But such tales of support seem outweighed by those of taunting and fear.

It’s infuriating. On the most basic level, isn’t Halloween supposed to be about dressing up? In costumes? Which may or may not have anything to do with reality? Even if one believes (as I do not) that there is something wrong with a boy dressing up as a girl (there seem to be far fewer concerns about girls dressing up as boys), can’t we put such restrictions on hold for a day that is all about make-believe?

Apparently not.  Read the rest of this post »

New Report Shows Inequalities for Children with LGBT Parents

A major new report, “All Children Matter: How Legal and Social Inequalities Hurt LGBT Families,” was released today by the Center for American Progress, the Family Equality Council, and the Movement Advancement Project, in partnership with COLAGE, The Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, and the National Association of Social Workers (with a foreword by the Child Welfare League of America).

It’s well worth your time to have a read. (And if you’re viewing this post right away, you can still catch a livestream of the event announcing the report, which is running until noon ET.)

Here are a few facts to whet your appetite:

• Children of same-sex couples live in 96% of U.S. counties.
• Same-sex couples living in the South are most likely to be raising children (Mississippi has the largest percentage of same-sex couples raising children).
• LGBT families are twice as likely to be living in poverty as married, opposite-sex parents with children.
• LGBT families are more racially and ethnically diverse than the population as a whole.
• Decades of social science research show that children of gay and lesbian parents grow up to be as healthy, happy and well-adjusted as their peers. All major child health and welfare organizations support parenting and adoption by gay and lesbian parents.

Information on the inequalities these children face and recommendations from the report are after the jump. In the meantime, here’s a video the report creators have made to bring their findings to life:

Read the rest of this post »

How to Help Aging LGBT Parents

(It’s not fun to think about getting old. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, however, especially with the death of my father this summer. Even though my parents are not LGBT, it occurred to me that helping out aging parents can be even harder—or at least bring up some different issues—if they are LGBT. Hence this piece, which was originally published as my Mombian newspaper column.)

How do we help our parents as they age? For adults with non-LGBT parents, there are plenty of resources on how to help parents through the various legal, financial, and emotional issues of growing old. Search the Web or your favorite online bookstore for “aging parents,” and you’ll be swamped with results.

For adults who wish to help their LGBT parents, however, the resources are far fewer. And while many of the issues older LGBT and non-LGBT people face are the same, some are not.

Let’s not forget: LGBT parents have been choosing to have children together for over 30 years. Those who had children in previous non-LGBT relationships may have had them even before that. Those “children” now in their 30s or older have parents who, if not in their “golden years,” are at least starting to turn silver.  Read the rest of this post »

Weekly Political Roundup

• Sen. Carl Levin (D-Mich.) became a co-sponsor of the Respect for Marriage Act, which would repeal the anti-LGBT Defense of Marriage Act. Levin was one of the leaders in repealing “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”
• Michigan state Rep. Thomas McMillin (R-Rochester) introduced a bill that would eliminate LGBT people as a protected class under all local ordinances, as well as university, school, and state agency policies.
• Washington State officials have halted the release of the signatures of those who supported a petition to vote on the state’s domestic partnership law. An appeals court is considering whether the signers are likely to be harassed if their names are released.
• Lesbian attorney Beth Robinson was nominated to the Vermont Supreme Court.
• Tammy Baldwin (D), the out U.S. representative from Wisconsin running for Senate, picked up the endorsement of former Wisconsin Senator Russ Feingold.

Around the world:

• Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard may in the next few weeks call for a conscience vote on marriage for same-sex couples. She herself opposes marriage equality.
• Botswana’s former president, Festus Mogae, said his country should decriminalise homosexuality and prostitution in order to prevent the spread of HIV.

Major New Resource on Adoption by Lesbian and Gay Parents

The Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute has just released a major new 69-page report, “Expanding Resources for Children III: Research-Based Best Practices in Adoption by Gays and Lesbians.” While the report is intended for adoption professionals and policy makers, I urge you to read at least the press release, if not the Executive Summary (PDF). It’s a great new resource that compiles previous information, incorporates findings from new studies, and makes recommendations for policy and practice changes to benefit the many children who need permanent homes.

Here, for example, are some useful facts from the Institute’s previous work:

• Lesbians and gay men adopt at significant rates, with over 65,000 adopted and 14,000 foster children in the U.S. residing in homes headed by non-heterosexuals. Children growing up in such households show similar patterns of adjustment as those raised by heterosexuals.
• At least 60% of U.S. adoption agencies accept non-heterosexual parental applicants, and almost 40% have knowingly placed children with them – meaning almost any lesbian, gay man, or same-sex couple can find a professional to work with them.

And here are some fascinating new findings:

• About one-third of the adoptions by lesbians and gay men were “open,” and the birth families’ initial reactions regarding sexual orientation were very positive (73%). Interestingly, male couples more often reported having been chosen because of their sexual orientation than did lesbians, explaining that the birthmothers expressed a desire to remain the child’s “only mother.”
• Over 10% of the children adopted were 6 or older – a population generally perceived as more difficult to place – and 25% were at least 3 years old. Interestingly, the household incomes of respondents were high – and more so for the male parents, $212,380 vs. $115,467, indicating (among other things) that more lesbians adopted as individuals and more gay men as couples.

The report recommends, among other things:  Read the rest of this post »