What Do You Think of Valentine’s Day?

Take our completely unscientific but perhaps slightly amusing poll.

Cynthia Nixon and Christine Marinoni Add to Their Family

Actor Cynthia Nixon and her financée, education activist Christine Marinoni, welcomed a baby boy yesterday, reports People magazine. The couple already have two children, 14 and 8, from Nixon’s previous relationship.

If you missed Nixon’s long interview last year with the Advocate, go read. She talks about meeting Marinoni, how her kids responded to their relationship, butch-femme roles (don’t assume), and more.

Congratulations to the whole family!

The Trojan Guinea Pig?

OK, no Trojan guinea pigs here really, but Sarah Brannen, author and illustrator of Uncle Bobby’s Wedding, about two gay guinea pigs and their niece (see my longer piece on it here), has illustrated a new book, Digging for Troy: From Homer to Hisarlik.

Brannen didn’t write this one—the authors are Jill Rubalcaba and Eric H. Cline—and I don’t think there’s anything LGBT related in it at all, but I wanted to pass the word along because it looks like just the thing for young historians and archeologists. (It’s recommended for ages nine to twelve.) Full disclosure: I almost became a professional historian once upon a time, so I have a particular penchant for stuff like this.

I haven’t read it myself, but the publisher’s blurb says:

Jill Rubalcaba and Eric H. Cline first offer an abridged version of the Iliad before delving into the many archaeological expeditions at Hisarlik, the modern-day site believed to have been ancient Troy. They recount everything from Heinrich Schliemann’s quest for glory and renown to Manfred Korfmann’s controversial picture of Troy as a political entity with Anatolian—not Aegean—ties. Whether the legend of Troy is fact or fiction remains up to the reader to decide.

And it’s bound to be better than that dreadful Brad Pitt movie.

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Want to Get Married?

No, that’s not a proposition. I’ve been happily and legally wed for a few years now. But I am passing along this message from the folks at Freedom to Marry, who are looking for same-sex couples who want to marry:

The battle to end marriage discrimination is being fought on many different fronts: in legislatures, in courts, and at the ballot box. A key to victory in all of these places is winning over the hearts and minds of Americans so they understand why marriage matters to same-sex couples.

One of the ways Freedom to Marry is building public support is by featuring profiles of gay and lesbian couples in long-term relationships, to show that gay couples want to marry for reasons similar to straight couples: love, commitment, and family.

If you’d be interested in sharing your story, Freedom to Marry would like to hear from you. Share your story at http://www.freedomtomarry.org/page/s/shareyourstory.

You can see some recent Freedom to Marry profiles here.

Weekly Political Roundup

• The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force and the National Center for Transgender Equality (NCTE) released a new report, “Injustice at Every Turn,” that demonstrates the extent of discrimination against transgender and gender non-conforming people in many areas, including education, health care, employment, and housing.
• Thirty-three members of Congress are calling on the departments of Defense and Veterans Affairs to extend veterans benefits to servicemembers discharged under Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.
• The California Supreme Court could decide next week whether to respond to the U.S. 9th Circuit Court of Appeals request on whether state law gives Yes on 8 Proponents the standing to defend Proposition 8 in court.
• Barbara Bush, daughter of former President George W. Bush, taped a video calling on New York to enact marriage equality.
• Matt Comer explains why next year’s Democratic National Convention in Charlotte, North Carolina could help improve the city’s poor record on LGBT rights. Read the rest of this post »

Bullies Come in Adult Size, Too

Some of you may remember the great post last November by “Cop’s Wife,” the mom who blogs at Nerdy Apple Bottom. She wrote about her five-year-old son, who wanted to be Daphne from Scooby Doo for Halloween, and the intolerant comments from other moms at the son’s preschool.

The son’s church preschool. Now, it turns out the church is upset. In a follow-up post, Cop’s Wife writes, “I was told that some members were worried that I was ‘promoting gayness.’ I don’t even know what that means. The words I had written were not promoting anything other than unconditional love and tolerance.”

She was also told she had broken the 8th Commandment for bearing false witness, and needed to do penance or would be forbidden from taking Communion. At no point was she asked about her son’s well being. “My blog post was calling out the actions of a few people that said some unkind things in front of my son,” she explained. “I asked for love and tolerance. Was I angry? Yes.  I feel I had a right to be. Did I bear false witness? No. I spoke out against bullying. Now I am getting bullied from church.”

As she wrote, though, her experience is not meant to be an indictment of religion in general or Christianity in particular. What it does show, however, is that bullies may hide behind religion (among other things) to try and justify their actions. As one commenter on her latest post said, though, they’ve messed with the wrong mom this time. Please read her story and share.

Studies May Shed Light on Opposite-Sex Parents; What About Same-Sex Ones?

Here’s a topic ripe for discussion: A recent study by Ohio State University researchers found that couples who share childcare duties equally are more likely to experience conflict than those in which the mother does more. The study only looked at opposite-sex couples, however.

In a guest post at the New York Times site, Amy and Marc Vachon, who wrote Equally Shared Parenting, take a closer look at the study and speak with one of the co-authors, Sarah Schoppe-Sullivan.

Schoppe-Sullivan told them:

To parent effectively in equal partnership takes a willingness by both partners to completely remake scripted gender roles. Mothers must separate their worth from their parenting prowess; fathers must redefine masculine success as far more than providing.

I’m sure you’re way ahead of me here. What about same-sex parents and how we define our roles, not to mention the impact of gender identity? The few studies that have been done on this seem to indicate that lesbian moms tend to divide household and childcare work evenly, and that gay dads tend to focus on parenting over career, at least when their children are young. Obviously, much more work could be done in this area to determine the effects of socioeconomic status, geography, race, and various other factors. The indications are, however, that perhaps same-sex couples do balance their roles more than traditional male-female couples.

The Vachons conclude their critique of the study by saying, “Perhaps for parents who are both happy to maintain separate family roles—typically Mom as caregiver and Dad as breadwinner—getting along can be relatively easy. For those of us who want something different, however, halfway to heaven is a tough place to stop.”

It just might be that studies of same-sex couples, aside from their value in understanding same-sex parents ourselves, will help opposite-sex couples who want that “something different” learn how it’s done.

On a related note, a recent study from Vanderbilt University found that children of opposite-sex parents who perceived that their fathers did not spend much time with them were more likely to show bullying behavior. The author, Andre Christie-Mizell, said, “What this research shows is that while it’s equally important for kids to spend time with both parents, fathers need to make an extra effort.” He suggests fathers should make sure to schedule time with kids rather than leave their time together to chance.

I’m just waiting for the first right-wing group to use this as evidence that kids need both a mother and a father—and then to say that if LGBT groups are serious about stopping bullying, we need to realize this. My take on it, however, is that children need to have time with both parents (if they have two), regardless of the gender of those parents. Parental inattention seems damaging no matter what.

Your thoughts?

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Son of Two Moms Speaks at Iowa Marriage Hearing

Zach Wahls, a University of Iowa student with two moms, spoke before hundreds of people yesterday at an Iowa House hearing about a bill to ban marriage for same-sex couples.

The House today passed the bill, which now goes to the Senate.