Here’s a topic ripe for discussion: A recent study by Ohio State University researchers found that couples who share childcare duties equally are more likely to experience conflict than those in which the mother does more. The study only looked at opposite-sex couples, however.
In a guest post at the New York Times site, Amy and Marc Vachon, who wrote Equally Shared Parenting
Schoppe-Sullivan told them:
To parent effectively in equal partnership takes a willingness by both partners to completely remake scripted gender roles. Mothers must separate their worth from their parenting prowess; fathers must redefine masculine success as far more than providing.
I’m sure you’re way ahead of me here. What about same-sex parents and how we define our roles, not to mention the impact of gender identity? The few studies that have been done on this seem to indicate that lesbian moms tend to divide household and childcare work evenly, and that gay dads tend to focus on parenting over career, at least when their children are young. Obviously, much more work could be done in this area to determine the effects of socioeconomic status, geography, race, and various other factors. The indications are, however, that perhaps same-sex couples do balance their roles more than traditional male-female couples.
The Vachons conclude their critique of the study by saying, “Perhaps for parents who are both happy to maintain separate family roles—typically Mom as caregiver and Dad as breadwinner—getting along can be relatively easy. For those of us who want something different, however, halfway to heaven is a tough place to stop.”
It just might be that studies of same-sex couples, aside from their value in understanding same-sex parents ourselves, will help opposite-sex couples who want that “something different” learn how it’s done.
On a related note, a recent study from Vanderbilt University found that children of opposite-sex parents who perceived that their fathers did not spend much time with them were more likely to show bullying behavior. The author, Andre Christie-Mizell, said, “What this research shows is that while it’s equally important for kids to spend time with both parents, fathers need to make an extra effort.” He suggests fathers should make sure to schedule time with kids rather than leave their time together to chance.
I’m just waiting for the first right-wing group to use this as evidence that kids need both a mother and a father—and then to say that if LGBT groups are serious about stopping bullying, we need to realize this. My take on it, however, is that children need to have time with both parents (if they have two), regardless of the gender of those parents. Parental inattention seems damaging no matter what.
Your thoughts?
I am a member of the Amazon Associates program, and get a small referral fee from all purchases made at Amazon.com via links on this site. You are under no obligation to purchase through them.
From a bi-sexual perspective. I think a large percentage of the conflict between male/female couples comes from women growing up with a princess complex. They’re expecting that some day this man will turn into a prince charming. They don’t see him as an equal let alone a human being really. The expectations for him are not based from love, understanding, and a companionship to work through this life together. Women seem to expect the man to give her everything she wants or needs and when he doesn’t or can’t she takes charge and begins degrading him. We’ve all seen it. At the mall, at the grocery store, even at the park. Both will have their hands full but she will curse him for not being good enough, fast enough, because God forbid she had to lift a finger in the first place. Women in straight relationships don’t seem to want to work together they want to be pampered. They want what they want, when they want. They don’t want men, they want mules. Maybe their men would listen to them more if they treated them like they could listen. Maybe men would respect women more all around if the women they were with respected them as equals and men have to accept it. Accept that they don’t have to over power women because we are not degrading them. I have listened to jokes from both sides. Men sexually degrading women. And women intellectually degrading men. Same sex couples have a different respect for each other as human beings. We are looking for partners, someone to enjoy life with, and someone to march through hell with. Not someone to carry us through it. And we’re not looking for a beautiful mate to evaluate our self worth with.