A Gift Guide to Media for LGBT Families

2010 brought us a number of excellent films—and a few books—about LGBT families. Here are some you may want to add to your holiday list.

Mom’s Apple Pie: The Heart of the Lesbian Mothers’ Custody Movement, a documentary by Jody Laine, Shan Ottey and Shad Reinstein, gives us a look at early custody cases involving lesbian moms and their ex-husbands—and shows how the activism they spawned in the 1970s has had a direct impact on LGBT people and organizations today. The film was released in 2006 but is now out on home video.

Also newly out for home viewing is No Secret Anymore: The Times of Del Martin & Phyllis Lyon, by filmmaker JEB (Joan E. Biren). It also touches on the custody movement, putting it into the broader context of early lesbian rights and the lives of two pioneers and mothers. It is available through Frameline.

Lisa Cholodenko’s The Kids Are All Right has garnered early Oscar buzz and is now out on DVD. The film, starring Annette Bening and Julianne Moore as lesbian moms Nic and Jules, and Mark Ruffalo as their rediscovered sperm donor Paul, has provoked strong opinions among some lesbians. Some, upon learning that Jules has an affair with Paul, feel it is a rehash of the old cliché that a lesbian really just needs a man. Others (including myself) feel that Cholodenko has upended this myth by never having Jules question her lesbian identity and by having her end the affair—citing her identity, her love for Nic, and her commitment to their marriage. It is more about the universals of human relationships than anything else. Love it or hate it, though, chances are someone on your gift list will want it if only to see Annette Bening rockin’ a lesbian ‘do.

Off and Running, a documentary by Nicole Opper, tells the story of Avery, an African American high school student adopted as an infant by two Jewish lesbians, who also adopted her two brothers, one black and Puerto Rican, and one Korean American. Searching for her own racial and cultural roots, Avery writes to her birth mother. The response sends her into an emotional crisis, which jeopardizes her future in college and track—but the ending is ultimately positive. Her adoptive moms don’t always come across as understanding—but there are lessons to be learned from that, too. The film raises some tough but important questions about family, identity, and race. Read the rest of this post »

LGBT Parenting Roundup

Politics

• The Pentagon report on the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell says that same-sex partners of servicemembers would still not be entitled to the same benefits as opposite-sex spouses. Apparently, the military is worried that unmarried opposite-sex partners would want benefits, too. Until such time as it realizes there are workable solutions, Nancy Polikoff notes that a number of “member-designated” benefits that are not specific to spouses may at least offer some benefits for same-sex partners. Of course, if the repeal doesn’t pass, it may all be a moot point.
• South Australia’s Legislative Council voted in favor of a bill allowing both the bio and non-bio moms to appear on the birth certificate of their child. It must now pass the House of Assembly.

Custody Cases

• The New Mexico Court of Appeals ruled that a same-sex partner of an adoptive mother can’t seek child custody of the child they raised but may request visitation. Nancy Polikoff provides details and analysis. In brief, Bani Chatterjee and Taya King became a couple in 1993, and in 2000 adopted a toddler from Russia. Only King became a legal parent, because same-sex couples cannot adopt in Russia and because there was prejudice against Chatterjee because of of her race. When they split two years ago, King cut off contact between Chatterjee and their child. Polikoff notes that the New Mexico ruling contradicts how the state handles cases of a bio and non-bio mom, where the non-bio mom is presumed to be a legal mother.
• A U.K. court ruled that a lesbian couple must give partial custody of their two children to the gay man who was their sperm donor. The man claimed he had an active role in the children’s lives.

Outrage of the Week

• Members of the Belmont University women’s soccer team say coach Lisa Howe was forced to resign because she was about to have a baby with her same-sex partner.

Entertainment

• CBS sees how many LGBT parents they can put on-screen at once when new dad Neil Patrick Harris speaks with The Talk, including co-host and lesbian mom Sara Gilbert. The full episode is here; Advocate has a summary of NPH’s part.

What Helps LGBT Youth? Family Acceptance

It may seem obvious to many of us: LGBT youth whose families are accepting of their LGBT identities are more likely to become happy, healthy adults, and less likely to have depression, suicide risk, substance abuse, and similar problems.

But Dr. Caitlin Ryan of the Marian Wright Edelman Institute at San Francisco State University, in a study appearing this month in the peer-reviewed Journal of Child and Adolescent Psychiatric Nursing, notes that most previous research has looked only at the negative aspects of the relationship between LGBT youth and their parents. And most health care providers, social workers, and educators who work with LGBT youth tend to serve them alone and through peer support, not by engaging their families.

Ryan and her team have provided strong evidence, however, that youth experience better outcomes when their families are involved in their lives and when they express acceptance through specific behaviors such as advocating for their children when they are teased about being LGBT.

The Family Acceptance Project (FAP) that Ryan and colleague Rafael Dìaz developed in 2001 aims to apply the results of their research. The FAP has worked with a variety of community organizations, care providers, and advocates to create culturally diverse educational materials, including a downloadable guide for parents, caregivers, and health care providers (in English and Spanish), and a video series showing the paths of an ethnically diverse group of families toward acceptance of their LGBT children. The FAP is also offering free family support services — from general information to crisis assistance — in English, Spanish, and Cantonese throughout the San Francisco Bay Area.

LGBT youth have been much in the news lately because of the ills that may befall them. It is heartening to see someone not just telling them it will get better later in life, but that it can get better now, with their families—and providing tools to help them navigate the journey together.

After the jump, the first FAP video, “Always My Son.” Read the rest of this post »

Songs to Get You Moving from Erin Lee

Photo credit: Mark Bergin

Children’s musician Erin Lee Kelly bring us the next of her regular posts with thematic recommendations for kid-friendly music, plus activities to make the songs an interactive experience for the whole family.

I’ve created links to Amazon for the full albums (click the album name), plus links to Amazon MP3 downloads, when available, for those who want only the singles. (Click the song name.) I also have a widget after the jump that will let you preview most of the songs without leaving Mombian.

Children are born dancers. They have natural rhythm and no qualms about expressing themselves kinesthetically to the best of their ability. My band sees it all the time at concerts—at a show in the park we’ll notice a preschooler eating his picnic in time to the beat. Even babies will be sucking on their pacifier in rhythm. Walking down the streets of NYC, I’ve watched kids dance to the beat of the pile driver at the construction site and bop to the blaring car alarm’s repetitive blasts. However, we grownups seem to need more encouragement! And in this month of excessive cakes, pies, and gingerbread, we need to dance more than ever. So here are some songs to get you and your family moving! Read the rest of this post »

Weekly Political Roundup

• The Pentagon’s top four leaders testified to the Senate Armed Services Committee in favor of repealing Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. John McCain and some Republicans, however, weren’t convinced.
• U.S. 9th Circuit Court of Appeals Judge Stephen Reinhardt declined to recuse himself from the Prop 8 case. Opponents of marriage equality had asked him to withdraw because he is married to Ramona Ripston, head of the ACLU of Southern California, which has filed amicus briefs in the case.
• A national task force dedicated to suicide prevention among LGBT youth will be part of the new National Action Alliance for Suicide Prevention, a public-private partnership supported by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. (A piece I did for Keen News Service.) Read the rest of this post »

Harry Potter: Get a Clue

One of the joys of the holiday season around our house is new board games, because we’re geeky like that. We spent the entire first night of Hanukkah (after the candles and an obligatory dreidel round) playing Clue: Harry Potter Edition. Now, I’m usually a skeptic when it comes to movie-tie-in versions of games. Just because a character is slapped on the box doesn’t necessarily make the game any better.

In this case, however, it works. Hogwarts provides a perfect replacement setting for the original mansion of Clue—whereas, say, Harry Potter Monopoly might seem forced. The game plays mostly like the classic version, except that instead of Col. Mustard doing it in the drawing room with a lead pipe, Draco Malfoy does it in the Owlery with an Impedimenta curse. Or Bellatrix Lestrange does it in the Divination Classroom with a Sleeping Draught. You get the idea.

There are also a few changes to gameplay that will keep things fresh for fans of the original. Four turning wheels under the gameboard change the hidden passages that lead from room to room, and cause some doorways to close unless a player has an Alohomora spell card. The wheels and a special die may also reveal the Dark Mark, which can cause players to lose House Points unless they have cards showing the proper allies or counter-curses. Lose all your House Points and you’re out of the game. All told, it’s a more dynamic game than the earlier one.

While we love us some newer strategy games like The Settlers of Catan and Dominion, there’s always room for the classics, especially a well done update.

What games are you and your family playing this season?

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Happy Hanukkah!

Happy Hanukkah to everyone celebrating tonight!

And what better way to celebrate here than with lesbian klezmer music? (Think of it as Jewish jazz.) Please enjoy this video from the Isle of Klezbos!

World AIDS Day

Today marks World AIDS Day. AIDS continues to impact many people we know and many communities of which we are part. Since this is a parenting blog, however, I want to do what I have done in previous years, and highlight some recent statistics about AIDS and children. The numbers, of course, don’t capture the personal stories, the parents who must watch their children die, and the children left orphaned, but the data is devastating in its own way:

• According to 2009 UNAIDS estimates, the latest available, there were 2.5 million children under 15 among the 33.3 million people living with HIV, up from 2 million in 2001. Of the 2.5 million, 2.3 million are in Sub-Saharan Africa.
• There are now an estimated 16.6 million orphans aged 0-17 because of AIDS, up from 10 million in 2001. 14.8 million are in Sub-Saharan Africa.
• The good news, such as it is, is that new infections among children are decreasing as access to services for preventing mother-to-child transmission has increased, UNAIDS reports. An estimated 370,000 children were newly infected with HIV in 2009, down 24 percent from 2004.
• Additionally, deaths among children under 15 declined 19 percent between 2004 and 2009, from an estimated 320,000 to 260,000. This reflects not only an increase in our ability to prevent mother-to-child transmission, but also an increase in access to treatment for children.

May today not be the only day we think of those affected, or try to do something to help them. Over at Change.org, Brie Cadman lists five ways to do so. It’s a start.

(Addendum: I was just informed that Positively Aware, a leading magazine devoted to HIV treatment, has published a striking photo essay, “A Day With HIV In America.” The description reads, “Taken in cities and towns around the country on September 21, 2010, this series of 100 photos of which only 26 were selected for the print edition—puts a human face on AIDS by depicting a diverse range of HIV-positive Americans as they live their everyday lives.” Worth a look. Make sure to mouse-over the photos for captions.)