Living Adoption: Gay Parents Speak Live Streaming Today

Today, November 30, from 4 to 5 p.m. ET, the HRC Family Project is hosting a live streaming of the film Living Adoption: Gay Parents Speak, followed by a panel discussion with adoption experts and several of the parents featured in the film. RSVP for details of how to access the live stream and join the discussion.

Below is a trailer.

HRC also has a number of other resources for LGBT adoptive parents and prospective parents at www.hrc.org/adoptionmonth2010.

LGBT Resources for National Adoption Month

(Originally published with slight variation as my Mombian newspaper column.)

November is National Adoption Month. It seems a particularly good time to celebrate, since Florida has recently overturned its ban on adoption by gay men and lesbians. Here, then, are some resources for LGBT adoptive parents and prospective parents.

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services has special page for the month, and even includes information specifically for LGBT parents. See childwelfare.gov/adoption/nam and click the “Diverse Populations” tab.

The Human Rights Campaign (HRC) also has a special National Adoption Month page, with links to information and videos for both prospective parents and child welfare professionals, along with news and event listings. Many of the resources are taken from its ongoing “All Children – All Families” initiative that works with adoption and foster care agencies across the country to implement LGBT-inclusive policies and practices.

In Massachusetts, we are also lucky to have the Massachusetts Adoption Resource Exchange (MARE), which connects the Department of Children & Families, private adoption agencies, and prospective parents. They have held informational sessions just for LGBT people, and encourage us to attend general sessions as well.

In their listings of children available for adoption, MARE also makes a point of noting when children are open to two-mom or two-dad households, or even when they might thrive better in a home with parents of just one gender. One profile, for example, noted that the child “responds better to women than to men, and would prefer to be placed in an all female household.” Another said, “It has been recommended by his adoption worker that [child] be placed in an all male family as [child] struggles with female authority.” The picture that emerges is that the best interests of the child must prevail—and that including same-sex couples among prospective parents offers children more options. See mareinc.org.

And although not all of us are in the Sunshine State, I should mention—since it is new and exciting—Equality Florida’s page for LGBT people who want to adopt there. They’ll help you get answers and/or find an attorney. See eqfl.org/adoptequality/questionnaire. Read the rest of this post »

Happy Turkey Baster Awareness Day 2010

A very happy Thanksgiving to all of you celebrating it this week. Remember to make the turkey baster jokes before your relatives do.

Posting will be light here for a few days as our family will be stuffing ourselves with poultry and pie.

Pre-Thanksgiving Open Thread

Yes, we’re sliding towards the holidays, and I’m about to head into the kitchen to make my family-famous cranbanero sauce. (Cranberries . . . habaneros . . . hazmat labels.) I’ve always thought Thanksgiving should be one of those eight-day holidays, because between the preparation and the leftovers it always seems to last that long, anyway.

What are you cooking/doing/looking forward to/avoiding in the next few days?

Anti-Gay Bullying Article in Ladies’ Home Journal

Ladies’ Home Journal, the venerable women’s magazine that launched back in 1883 and has helped define the genre, has published a major article this month on anti-gay bullying, “Gay Teens Bullied to the Point of Suicide.” The sub-header hints at the broad range of political and religious beliefs held by LHJ readers: “It’s a shocking trend. Isn’t it time for all of us to encourage compassion and respect, no matter how we feel about homosexuality?”

It’s well worth a read, especially because writer Kenneth Miller has geared the piece to appeal even to the more conservative members of his audience. He cites experts from Minnesota, Nebraska, and Ohio, not exactly liberal bastions, as well as Warren Throckmorton, an evangelical professor who has at times advocated for helping people to overcome same-sex desires. Throckmorton is not as extreme or confrontational as many others associated with the far right, however, and in fact has developed for Christian schools an anti-bullying program based on “the Golden Rule Pledge”—treating others as we would have them treat us. An odd choice, perhaps, for those of us used to reading about bullying in more progressive contexts, but one that may carry more weight with LHJ’s audience of varied political persuasions.

Miller also cites clinical social worker Caitlin Ryan, head of the Family Acceptance Project at San Francisco State University, who has shown that the more parents reject their children for being LGBT, the more likely the children will suffer from depression, take drugs, or attempt suicide. Conversely, the more supportive the parents are, the better the kids do. Acceptance, Ryan explains, “doesn’t necessarily mean changing your deeply held beliefs. It means finding a way to balance those beliefs with the love you have for your child.” (For more on Ryan’s work, see my piece at 365gay.com.)

Miller succeeds here because he is not trying to convince readers that being gay is okay, or not sinful, or just another expression of human sexuality. He doesn’t opine one way or the other—but his very neutrality indicates to me that he is in fact being careful not to raise his audience’s hackles. Instead, he stays focused on the point that children are at risk, and politics and religion aside, we need to act to help them. It’s a great approach for a varied audience like that of LHJ.

I hope you’ll take a moment to sign the petition below and thank LHJ for publishing the piece. I imagine some readers will take offense at their support for gay youth, no matter what. (If the embedded petition doesn’t work, try it at Change.org.)

Family Finance with a Lesbian Twist: The Boston Globe Gets It Right

The Boston Globe this Sunday published an article titled, “Learning to adjust,” with a sub-heading explaining, “For millions of middle-class Americans, the recession has forever changed spending habits and forced a reconsideration of basic expectations—like retirement.” What makes this more than just another article on personal finance, however, is that the couple profiled consists of lesbian moms Liz Page and Marianne Stravinskas.  The fact that they are a same-sex couple is incidental to the main thrust of the piece, which is not about “gay” finance per se.

Yes, that’s right—same-sex couples have concerns other than “gay” ones, and LGBT people are able to speak out about any number of things having nothing to do with orientation, identity, or LGBT rights. It may seem obvious to us, but it’s a rare bit of media coverage that includes same-sex couples (other than famous ones like Ellen and Portia) in anything other than “gay” articles.

At the same time, author Robert Gavin acknowledges the fact that the women face an additional hurdle in retirement because federal law does not let one get Social Security survivor benefits from the other. He’s not avoiding the “gay” issues; he’s simply showing the couple as well rounded people.

Bravo.

A Day for Triple Remembrance

Today marks the Transgender Day of Remembrance, the National Survivors of Suicide Day, and National Adoption Day.

Three separate observances, perhaps, but I’m guessing most readers are already drawing connections.

Forty-one percent of transgender people in the U.S. have attempted suicide, according to a survey of more than 7,000 transgender people by the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force and the National Center for Transgender Equality. This compares to a national estimated rate of 1.6 percent. The survey also found that more than half of transgender and gender non-conforming people who were bullied, harassed or assaulted in school because of their gender identity have attempted suicide. And I’m sure I don’t need to tell readers here about the media attention given of late to the bullying-related suicides of LGBT youth and those perceived to be.

Let’s be clear, of course—the higher rates of suicide attempts among LGBT people isn’t because of anything inherent to being LGBT, but because of societal prejudices and pressures.

And while no state bans people from adopting because of their gender identity, biases exist that may still hinder the process. (HRC offers some tips for transgender people wanting to adopt.)

Not that it’s necessarily easy for any LGBT person to adopt against prejudices. And even though Florida recently overturned its ban on adoption by gay men and lesbians, Mississippi bans same-sex couples from doing so, and Arkansas, Michigan, and Utah ban unmarried couples (by definition, all same-sex couples in the state).

Let us use the day, however, not only to note the negatives, but to give thanks for the positives—the adoptive families that add to the varied tapestry of family life.

Whether you are honoring those lost, those who have survived, families created, or some combination of the three, may it be a day of both remembrance and hope for the future.

Weekly Political Roundup

• In the ongoing tennis match that is Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell repeal, the latest is that President Obama has told Senate Armed Services Committee Chair Carl Levin (D-MI) that he is committed to including repeal in the National Defense Authorization Act. Two Republican senators have expressed support for repeal—Lisa Murkowski (R-AK) and John Ensign (R-NV). And Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-CT) says he’s confident there are the 60 votes needed.
• Marriage equality might just be coming to Maryland this spring.
• Marriage equality is under threat from the new Republican super-majority in New Hampshire.
• Houston lawyer Phyllis Frye was appointed as an associate municipal court judge, making her the first transgender judge in Texas. Read the rest of this post »