Cat Cora on Cover of Working Mother

Funny how things happen. Just days after my family and I ate at Cat Cora’s new restaurant in Disney World, I find out (thanks, Debbie!) that she’s on the cover of the current issue of Working Mother. While it’s just her and one of her sons on the cover, there’s a nice picture of her, her partner Jennifer, and all four of their kids in the full article.

Go read—Cora talks about growing up with a working mom, being a working mom, making her way in a male-dominated field, meeting Julia Child, coming out, and creating her family through shared egg donation and IVF with Jennifer (similar to what Helen and I did, though we stopped after one child).

Kudos to Working Mother for a great profile of a lesbian mom. Not every mainstream publication can do it in such an informative and balanced way, neither shying away from her orientation nor making it seem like the primary focus of her life.

Going to the Out and Equal Workplace Summit?

I’m honored to announce that I will be moderating a discussion panel on LGBT parenting at this year’s Out and Equal Workplace Summit. The Summit runs October 5-8 at the Los Angeles Convention Center. The parenting session, “Our communities, our careers and our families: Being an LGBT parent in the workplace,” will be October 6, 3:00 to 5:30 p.m.

If you’re going, drop me a note or just drop by the session! I hope to see some of you there.

Here’s the description:

In many ways, our stories as working parents are no different than those of our straight colleagues. Being a parent who is also lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender, however, has aspects that are unique to our community. Listen to a panel of LGBT executives discuss how they experience the issues facing all parents who work—and those of special concern to those who identify as LGBT.

My own brief workplace story is that I was working at Merrill Lynch (leading the LGBT employee group, in addition to my regular marketing job) when Helen and I decided to start our family. The company’s health insurance helped pay for our IVF; I received parental leave like anyone else (Helen was the pregnant one); and my coworkers threw us a baby shower. Say what you will about corporate America (and there are certainly criticisms to be made), but many companies have been leaders in extending benefits to LGBT employees and setting an example for others to follow.

Not everyone is that lucky, however. I’m looking forward to talking with the panelists—Renee Brown of Wachovia, Michelle Smith of Boeing, Stacy Smithers of Wells Fargo, and Mike Syers of Ernst & Young—about their personal parenting stories and their experiences, good and bad, as LGBT parents in the workplace. What would you ask such a panel of two lesbian moms, a transgender parent, and a gay dad?

The 10 Gayest Things from Our Disney Vacation

My family and I took a last-minute vacation to Disney World last week. We had been planning to go later in the year, but got a good end-of-summer deal and decided to go for it.

I make it a habit not to blog about vacations while actually on them—to me, it’s like putting up a big sign saying, “My house is empty, come and get it.” Now that we’re back, though, I thought I’d share the 10 Gayest Things from Our Disney Vacation. (OK, some of them are a stretch, but I had fun putting this together.)

10. Labrys decorations topping many of the buildings in the Magic Kingdom.

9. Pirate Tinkerbell. In a place where the “girls = princesses and boys = pirates” motif is pervasive, it’s nice to see this small acknowledgement that some of us live outside gender expectations.

8. Abraham Lincoln, featured in the Hall of Presidents show in the Magic Kingdom. (Well, maybe.)

7. My Mickey Mouse rainbow pin. Because ya gotta represent.

6. The “Stop AIDS” sign and protesters shown briefly as part of a series of images about twentieth-century activism during “The American Experience” presentation at Epcot. (No, AIDS isn’t specifically gay. But the movement to stop AIDS has been driven in large part by the LGBT community—and this was the only mention, however oblique, of LGBT activism in the context of other American civil rights movements.)

5. k. d. lang’s image in the montage of famous Canadians at the “O, Canada” show in Epcot.

4. “Ellen’s Energy Adventure” at Epcot: a fun but fluffy tour of fossil fuels and the importance of alternative energy sources.

3. The male cast members who would give us knowing smiles when Helen, our son, and I walked by holding hands.

2. Eating at Iron Chef and lesbian mom Cat Cora’s restaurant Kouzzina—and meeting another two-mom couple and their one-year-old in the lobby while waiting for our tables. If you happen to read this, say hi! (And if a lesbian is judged by the quality of her hummus, Cat ranks right up there—although I have to give the place points off for the waiter who didn’t bring our appetizers until after our entrées.)

And the number one gayest moment of our vacation, after the jump: Read the rest of this post »

Back on Tuesday

My son’s school starts next week, so I’m taking today and Monday off from blogging in order to do all those back-to-school things that need to be done—including, I imagine, a marathon Lego session with said son. (Not that that really has to do with going back to school, but it’s quality time together to finish out the summer.)

Hope those of you with kids in school (or in school yourselves) are having a good transition into school time!

Choosing Children Showcases Pioneering Lesbian Families

Debra Chasnoff and Kim Klausner, directors of Choosing Children, in the editing room in the early 1980's. Photo credit: GroundSpark

(Originally published in Bay Windows, August 30, 2010.)

With Eric Stonestreet winning an Emmy Sunday for his portrayal of a gay dad in ABC’s Modern Family, and the summer movie about two lesbian moms, The Kids Are All Right, garnering early Oscar buzz, it is easy to forget what things were like just 25 years ago. Then, people both inside and outside the LGBT community assumed that “you gave up the ability to have children,” if you came out, said Academy Award-winning filmmaker Debra Chasnoff. In her 1985 documentary, Choosing Children, however, she profiled six pioneering lesbian families who were defying this assumption.

The film, made with her then-partner Kim Klausner, helped inspire many lesbians to become parents. Now, years after the film’s negative was lost, Choosing Children is being restored, and Chasnoff hopes it will inspire the next generation of LGBT parents—as well as teach people about a key part of LGBT history.

Neither Chasnoff nor Klausner had ever made a film when they began Choosing Children, but both were intrigued by stories they had heard of lesbians becoming parents after coming out (in contrast to those who had children from previous heterosexual relationships). “It was a big topic of conversation in our social circle,” Chasnoff explained in an interview. They didn’t know any such parents personally, but decided to find some, “and ask them all the questions that all of us were talking about.” After placing classified ads in feminist and women’s newspapers, they drove around the country to meet the women who responded.

The families they chose showcase the diversity of our community from many angles. The children were created through known donors, unknown donors, and adoption. They ranged in age from infant to early teens. One mother was still pregnant when filming began. The women are white, black, and Hispanic, and include two interracial couples. In addition to three couples, there was one woman co-parenting with a gay man, a single mother, and a group of five women co-parenting together. Attorney Donna Hitchens, one of the founders of the Lesbian Rights Project (now the National Center for Lesbian Rights), provided legal commentary.

Chasnoff said that the one thing all the women had in common, however, was their courage. “They were the first in every single community to take their kids to school or go into a doctor’s office and say ‘I want to inseminate.’ They were all so brave, to face great societal opposition with very little resources.”

When the documentary was first shown at film festivals, Chasnoff recalled, “People would come to the screenings and you could see these little light bulbs going on over their heads, saying, ‘Oh my god, I could have a child if I wanted to?’ People would turn to each other and say, ‘Honey, what do you think?’ Over the years, I would get letters of so many people who said ‘I never thought I could have kids until I came to see the film. Now we have a four-year-old.’” Read the rest of this post »

Reading, Writing, ‘Rithmetic, and Reaching Out

(Originally published as my Mombian newspaper column.)

Back-to-school time is upon us once again. We LGBT parents with kids in school are busy buying pencils and notebooks, rulers and knapsacks. We’re not that different from any others.

For many LGBT parents, however, the start of the school year brings up concerns about our children’s inclusion and safety. To begin, we may wonder about how and whether to come out to our children’s new teachers. How do we get a sense of whether they will create an inclusive classroom?

There are three basic approaches one can take. First, one can wait until any questions or issues arise. Some parents may feel most comfortable with this least intrusive method. For parents of older students, too, this may be the way to go, allowing the children to take control over how and when to come out about their families.

Others may choose to be more proactive, setting up a time to meet with the teacher, get a feel for their commitment to inclusion, and answer any questions they may have. If you think there may be issues, this could be the best way to bring them into the open. On the other hand, it might be overkill—for all you know, the teacher could be LGBT her/himself, or a strong ally.

A more middle-ground approach would be to find a way—without making a special appointment—to let your children’s teachers know you are an LGBT family. If you are a two-parent family, for example, make sure both of you take your child to school on the first day or go to a start-of-year parent gathering. Make a point of introducing yourselves as “So-and-so’s parents.”

There is no one right answer for every family. Parents may even mix methods as they deal with homeroom teachers as well as music, art, and physical education specialists. Read the rest of this post »