Now I Know Who All These People Running Around My House Are

A family includes same-sex couples with children, as well as married gay and lesbian couples.

That’s the belief of “a majority of Americans” who now include the above in their definition of family, according to a study by Brian Powell, a sociology professor at Indiana University, Bloomington.

The New York Times has a piece this morning about the study and Powell’s new book, Counted Out: Same-sex Relations and Americans’ Definitions of Family. The book’s conclusion, as stated by the NYT, is that “Framing the equality of same-sex couples in terms of ‘the best interests of the child’ might prove to be a more successful political argument than others.” I’ve long argued the same.

Indeed, the article also quoted David Blankenhorn, president of the Institute for American Values and witness for the defense in the Prop 8 case, who told the paper, “I like the standard definition of family: two or more persons related by blood, marriage or adoption.” Interesting that he didn’t use the “one man-one woman” definition. Combine this with his statement during the Prop 8 trial that “I believe that adopting same-sex marriage would be likely to improve the well-being of gay and lesbian households and their children,” and it’s no wonder the ultra-right is finding it harder and harder to come up with witnesses to support their positions. Even their “experts” seem to be moving towards equality.

More troubling (although believable) is Powell’s finding that “most Americans do not consider unmarried cohabiting couples, either heterosexual or same-sex, to be a family—unless they have children.” While that may also be a reason to extend marriage to same-sex couples, it seems unfair to exclude couples who do not, for whatever reason, wed or have kids. My opinion? A family should be defined by those who are in it.

I am a member of the Amazon Associates program, and get a small referral fee from all purchases made at Amazon.com via links on this site. You are under no obligation to purchase through them.

Another Gay Adoption Allowed in Florida

Yes, that’s right. Just days after lesbian moms Vanessa Alenier and Melanie Leon spoke before the Florida Third District Court of Appeal to try and preserve Alenier’s adoption of her young nephew, comes news that a Broward County judged has approved Robert Lamarche’s adoption of a teenaged boy Lamarche—who is gay—has fostered for about two years. The judge wrote that the adoption, “is in the minor’s best interest” and that the state law banning adoption by gay men and lesbians is unconstitutional.

The Miami Herald reports that the state is not objecting to the adoption, but doesn’t explain why. The state is objecting in the Alenier case and in the case of Frank Martin Gill, who is trying to adopt the two brothers he and his partner have been fostering for more than five years. When a Monroe Circuit judge in 2008 let Wayne LaRue Smith adopt the boy he and his partner had been fostering since 2001, however, the state did not appeal, because Smith had already been named the boy’s legal guardian.

With news that Florida Gov. and U.S. Senate candidate Charlie Crist (I) has issued a statement affirming support for a range of LGBT rights, including adoption (Miami Herald covered it here; Raw Story broke the news earlier), is it possible there could be a little more sunshine soon for lesbian and gay families in the Sunshine State?

What Fictional Parent Are You?

It’s Monday, so let’s do something light and fun.

Which fictional parent do you most resemble (in character or appearance)? Alternatively, which fictional parent would you most like to resemble?

I’m afraid that reading Harry Potter with our son of late—and now starting the movies—has made me unable to think of anyone other than Mrs. Weasley. I’m not nearly as domestic as she is (I manage, though it’s not a gift), but at least we’re both redheads. She’s also constant in her affection for her children and strong in their defense—qualities I hope I possess in the same measure.

In Memoriam

I posted this last year, but it seems appropriate to do so again.

In honor of all the victims of the tragedy of September 11 and its aftermath, their families, and their friends.

I will always remember, as will many of us, where I was the morning of September 11, 2001. A lucky change in job the day before kept me away from Ground Zero at the time of the attack.

I was a vice president at Merrill Lynch (before the recent debacle and sale to Bank of America). For a year, I had been commuting on the PATH train from New Jersey to the World Trade Center, arriving around 8:45 a.m. every day. I then took an escalator and sky bridge over to my office at Two World Financial Center.

On Monday, September 10, 2001, I started a new position in the company’s Princeton, New Jersey office. At 8:46 a.m. on Tuesday, when the first plane hit, I was pulling into a parking lot in suburbia, not in a crowd of panicked commuters underneath the WTC. The first sign that something was amiss was when my NPR signal went out. (WNYC had a transmitter on top of the WTC.) The “could have been” occupied my thoughts for weeks.

I don’t want to overstate my experience versus those who were killed, injured, or knew those who were. It affected me, though, in more ways than I realized at the time. It is perhaps not coincidental that shortly after September 11, Helen and I began to talk seriously about having a child, after more than eight years together. Unseized opportunities took on new immediacy. Yes, it gave us pause, wanting to bring a child into a world where “detonate” is a reflexive verb. But when we lose our faith in the future, the terrorists have already won.

May we all work in whatever way we can for a safer, more peaceful world for our children.

(The tall building with the flat black top just to the left of the WTC in the photo is Two World Financial Center, where I worked.)

Weekly Political Roundup

• A federal judge ruled that “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” the military’s ban on openly gay and lesbian servicemembers, is unconstitutional. The decision is likely to be appealed, which is why we must continue fighting the policy from a legislative angle as well, as I explain in a piece at Change.org.
• Colorado Gov. Bill Ritter appointed deputy state attorney general Monica Marquez to the Colorado Supreme Court, making her the first lesbian and first Latina in the post.
• Three of the seven justices on the Iowa Supreme Court are facing “retention votes” this year. Some conservatives are trying to use the justices’ votes in favor of marriage equality against them—but former U.S. Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor spoke out in support of the justices and against judicial elections in general.
• Maryland Gov. Martin O’Malley hinted that he would sign a marriage equality bill if reelected and if such a bill passed the state’s General Assembly. (As I read his remarks, he’s still more on the “civil unions” side of things, but the Washington Posttalked with an O’Malley spokesperson, who said the remarks were consistent with previous statements that he would sign a marriage bill if it passed. Big “if” there, still.
• MetroWeekly’s Chris Geidner profiles Maryland House of Delegates candidate Dana Beyer, who could become the first transgender member of the state legislature. Read the rest of this post »

“She Got Me Pregnant”: Episode 114

Helen and I are stunned to realize we now have a second-grader. We also share tips and stories from our recent trip to Disney World (and invite you to share your own tips for Disney or other destinations).

Mombian: She Got Me Pregnant, 09-09-2010
Uploaded by drudolph. – Watch more LGBT videos.
(If the embedded video above doesn’t work for you, try it at Dailymotion.)

Brought to you in partnership with After Ellen.

LGBT Parenting Roundup

A few items from round and about—but check out the bonus deal after the jump.

Schools and Youth

• Amanda, an incoming freshman at “a tiny high school in a tiny town in Massachusetts,” writes a letter about being the daughter of two moms and committing to creating change at her school and in her community.
• New York Gov. David Paterson signed the Dignity for All Students Act, making New York the 10th state to enact an anti-bullying law that includes specific protections based on sexual orientation and gender identity/expression, among other characteristics.
• The Irish organization Marriage Equality has issued a new report called Voices of Children, documenting the experiences of 12 children growing up in Ireland with lesbian parents.

Personal Stories

• Christopher Nordquist of Domestic Daddy writes at the Advocate of coming out—again and again—as a gay dad. (Thanks, Ryan!)

Custody, Visitation, and Parentage Cases

• Lesbian moms Vanessa Alenier and Melanie Leon spoke before the Florida Third District Court of Appeal, fighting to preserve Alenier’s adoption of her young nephew. The Department of Children and Families has requested the adoption be overturned because of the state law that prevents any lesbian or gay man from adopting. In January, a Miami-Dade circuit judge allowed the adoption, saying the ban was “unconstitutional on its face.” The more well known Florida adoption case of Frank Martin Gill was heard by the same court last August, and a ruling is still pending.
• The North Carolina Supreme Court heard oral arguments in the case of Julia Boseman, the only openly gay member of the state legislature, who is fighting with her ex-partner Melissa Jarrell over the second-parent adoption Jarrell had consented to before the couple broke up. Jarrell now claims that state law prevents second-parent adoptions when one person is the biological parent. WWAY reports, however, that the state has allowed more than 200 such adoptions, and that if the Supreme Court upholds the lower court decision in the Boseman case, “more district court judges could allow these adoptions to take place.” Read the rest of this post »

TV Alert: Off and Running

Tune in to PBS tonight for Off and Running, a film about lesbian parents raising a multiracial family. It’s part of “POV Adoption Stories,” itself a subset of the POV (Point of View) documentary series. If you can’t catch it tonight, it will be streamed on the Web for three months starting tomorrow.

I haven’t seen it yet myself, but here’s from the marketing information:

The films explore the challenges of adoptees forging new identities while holding on to their cultural roots. . . . The film premieres on PBS on Tuesday, Sept. 7 at 10 p.m. (check local listings) In addition the TV premiere, POV will be streaming Off and Running in its entirety beyond the broadcast, from Sept. 8 – Dec. 7 at www.pbs.org/pov/video to commemorate National Adoption Month in November. You can find embeddable trailers, art, press releases and more at www.pbs.org/pov/pressroom.

Off and Running, by Nicole Opper, is the story of Brooklyn teenager Avery, a track star with a bright future. She is the adopted African-American child of white, Jewish lesbians. Her two brothers are black and Puerto Rican and Korean-American. Though it may not look typical, Avery’s household is like most American homes—until Avery writes to her birth mother and the response throws her into crisis. She struggles over her “true” identity, the circumstances of her adoption and her estrangement from black culture. Just when it seems her life will unravel, Avery begins to make sense of her identity, with inspiring results.

If you do watch, leave a comment and let us know what you think!

Trailer after the jump: Read the rest of this post »