Did any of you watch Gary and Tony Have a Baby, the story of two gay men starting a family, last night on CNN? What did you think?
There have been a variety of opinions about the show (even leaving aside the far-right nonsense)—but if you haven’t read them yet, I hope you’ll leave a comment with your own uninfluenced opinion. Then go read what others have said and let us know if anything has changed your mind.
I think it’s all healthy debate. I’ll write up my own thoughts on the show shortly—but I have a gaggle of rising second-graders coming over tomorrow for a birthday party and have to go bake a cake. In the meantime, please talk amongst yourselves. . . .
Well much as I want to, I’m suppressing the urge to read commentary on other sites first. ;) I thought it was interesting that they played up the country mouse/city mouse aspect of the process so much for this family. Gary and Tony are a very cute couple, but as affluent gay men who live in a one-bedroom apartment in Manhattan, they’re hardly typical of LGBT families, and I think choosing them for this segment just reinforced some stereotypes of what a gay couple looks like. But of course there’s no way to pick one couple that represents us all, and I thought they were pretty great. On the country/city thing, I also thought it was weird how much their families and surrogate played up the “well that’s okay in New York City but it would never fly here”. I’m curious if that was based on leading questions that CNN was asking, or if it was just a coincidence that so many people made statements like that. I think it would be cool if CNN did a follow-up piece on LGBT families outside of major urban areas on the East Coast.
I also was a little surprised at the donor and surrogate’s efforts to not reveal their full identities but still be willing to appear on a CNN special. I’m glad that the surrogate mother and her husband felt comfortable working with a gay couple and appearing on the show, but I’m not convinced that their use of fake names is going to hide them from any drama that may brew in their hometown. But for their sake, I certainly hope there is no drama.
Why wouldn’t this couple be affluent? Or at least have a bit of cash set aside? Surrogacy isn’t cheap.
This couple isn’t representing the gay community. They’re representing themselves. They shouldn’t have to apologize for what they have or for the way that they chose to create their family, IMHO.
I think you’re absolutely right about the couple not representing the whole community, Jon.
As for their affluence–from what the show tells us, they are not affluent, but received a small inheritance that they put towards the costs of surrogacy. Judging from their apartment, they are making ends meet in Manhattan, but are not at all wealthy. (If they were of greater means, they’d have an apartment larger than one bedroom.)
I enjoyed watching this special, insofar as I took it for what it was: the specific story of one specific couple. They were sweet, and I’m glad that things worked out so well for them.
There is another part of me that wants to sigh because this is the story that gets picked to be the public face of gay parenting on CNN. The show itself noted that gay men using surrogates is a rare form, relatively speaking, of gay parenting. I’m not saying they should have to represent anyone other than themselves, or that they have anything to apologize for. I’m very happy for them. I just wish the diversity of the gay community was represented more thoroughly in the media.