“She Got Me Pregnant”: Episode 98

Helen and I tackle financial literacy for kids and the origin of piggy banks. We then explain why indie rock band They Might Be Giants is becoming the Schoolhouse Rock for a new generation—and why the band has a special connection to LGBT families. On a somber note, we mourn the death of Brendan Burke, the gay son of Brian Burke, general manager of the U.S. Olympic Hockey Team. Brian Burke had several months ago spoken out strongly in support of his son and against homophobia in sports.

(If the embedded video above doesn’t work for you, try it at Dailymotion.)

Work/Life Balance and the LGBT Community

A couple of weeks ago, I had the pleasure of participating in Fem 2.0’s “Work/Life in Our Communities Blog Radio Series” as part of a panel on “Work/Life and LGBT Families: Reimagining Policy for ALL Families in the 21st Century.” The radio series is part of their larger 2010 Wake Up! Campaign, which also includes a blog carnival running through Saturday.

This is my contribution to the carnival.

My personal story of work/life balance as an LGBT person is pretty boring. My employers and my spouse’s employers have all offered full recognition and benefits to same-sex partners. We’ve never had any trouble with co-workers about our orientation. Heck, my co-workers threw us a baby shower. Sure, there was the amusing issue of sitting in a meeting, obviously flat-stomached, and having to mention that I might have to leave early because I was having a baby any minute now—but my straight, about-to-adopt co-worker was in a similar situation. (They threw her a baby shower, too.)

My work/life issues therefore are mostly the same as those faced by people of all gender identities and orientations—finding the time for both work and family, dividing household work with my spouse, and so forth.

There is some evidence, however (ably analyzed by sociologist Abbie Goldberg in her Lesbian and Gay Parents and Their Children), that same-sex couples as a whole divide household work more equitably than opposite-sex ones. Indeed, when I tell straight moms that my spouse gave birth to our son, and stayed home for the first eight months or so, at which point we switched because of shifting job opportunities, they look at me like I’m from Mars.

It’s nice to have that flexibility.

At the same time, the flexibility has limits. Read the rest of this post »

Even the Mulleted Deserve Equality

Sometimes, in our efforts to correct one instance of intolerance, we forget others.

Two weeks ago, a Miami-Dade judge declared Florida’s anti-gay adoption law unconstitutional and allowed Vanessa Alenier to adopt the one-year-old she and her partner Melanie Leon have been fostering.

The ultra-conservative Orlando’s Florida Family Policy Council (FPC) sent out an alert to its members last week, describing the ruling. It included a photo of a lesbian couple sporting mullets the likes of which I haven’t seen for many years. Neither woman is smiling, and I doubt most people would consider it a flattering photo.

The couple in the picture, however, is not Alenier and Leon. Orlando Sentinel writer Scott Maxwell rightly calls the Family Policy Council to task for this, and offers up a strong endorsement for allowing loving same-sex couples to adopt.

He calls the mulleted couple “abnormal-looking,” though, and says: “The couple look so odd (you literally can’t tell whether they are male or female) that one might wonder how any judge could place a young child with such a disturbing-looking duo.” Read the rest of this post »

Teen Sexuality: Hard Truths and Warm Love

I’m very pleased today to bring you a guest post by Lori Hahn, who has blogged at Hahn at Home for several years, and is now also a co-editor of the new GLBT blog Our Big Gayborhood.

Lori writes below of teen sexuality—an area in which I have no expertise as a parent. I’m grateful for hers.

I’ve marveled over the past few years as I grew my three beautiful, loving, delightful multi-racial adopted kids through their junior high years and then high school years, where one is gone and two are closing in on that mortarboard and tassel. Always knowing in my logical mind that sex and sexuality are part and parcel of parenting at this tumultuous age and there would be no denying it despite my desire at times curl into a fetal ball and wish it all away. Read the rest of this post »

In Memoriam: Brendan Burke

Last November, I posted about Brian Burke, the gruff president and general manager of the Toronto Maple Leafs, who very publicly supported his gay son Brendan, a hockey player for Miami University. Today I just learned of the sad news that Brendan was killed in a weather-related two-car accident in Indiana Friday afternoon.

My deepest condolences to Brendan’s family, who loved him unconditionally.

Weekly Political Roundup

• Joint Chiefs of Staff Chairman Admiral Mike Mullen told a Senate committee he is in favor of repealing Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Mullen and Defense Secretary Robert Gates said they have appointed a high-level working group to report, by the end of the year, on how the military can implement such a change if Congress repeals the law.
• President Barack Obama used his speech at the National Prayer Breakfast, run by fundamentalist group The Fellowship, to denounce the proposed “Anti-Homosexuality Bill” being considered in Uganda.
• The U.S. Tax Court ruled in favor of GLAD client Rhiannon O’Donnabhain, stating for the first time that treatment for gender identity disorder qualifies as medical care under the Internal Revenue Code, and is therefore deductible. Read the rest of this post »

They Might Be Allies

I was thrilled to hear indie band They Might Be Giants performing the theme song for Rosie O’Donnell’s recent HBO special, A Family Is a Family Is a Family.

Unfortunately, the song, “And Mom and Kid,” isn’t yet available online. I give you instead “Roy G. Biv,” from their generally awesome album Here Comes Science. At least it has a rainbow theme. (It’s from their weekly podcast, so there’s a short spoken intro.)

This also serves in lieu of our vlog for the week, which won’t be happening because of unforeseen circumstances. Stay tuned for one next Thursday. (And please leave a comment if there’s a topic you’d like to hear us address!)

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LGBT Parenting Roundup

Schools and Youth

• The Tennessee General Assembly’s House Education subcommittee referred to another subcommittee two bills that would ban the teaching of any sexuality other than heterosexuality. That means the bills’ fate is uncertain, although the head of the Tennessee Equality Project said he would have preferred a vote to defeat them.
• Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell is getting all the headlines, but the Department of Defense is also reviewing a decision to give DOD teachers in same-sex relationships the same status and consideration as heterosexual married teachers when they request a job transfer together. The decision would also apply to opposite-sex couples in domestic partnerships.
• The L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center is collaborating with Opportunities for Learning, a charter school with 34 locations in Los Angeles and Orange counties, to open a school where LGBTQ youth can learn in a harassment-free environment.
• Twenty-six members of Congress sent a letter to the Boy Scouts of America urging them to stop their anti-gay discrimination.

Law and Politics

• Nancy Polikoff reports on a custody case involving a former opposite-sex couple. The father was given custody by a lower court because the mother was now a lesbian. An appeals court overturned the ruling, and in the process overturned a 25-year-old ruling that had said the burden of proof was on a gay or lesbian parent to prove that the child would not be harmed by being exposed to their parent’s same-sex relationship.

Personal Stories

• The Advocate interviews Thomas Moore, husband to fellow transgender man Scott, who is not really the “second pregnant man” despite media reports stating so. Thomas discusses the prejudices and hurdles they’ve faced in finding a doctor, plus some universal issues of pregnancy and preparing for parenthood.