Helping Kids Cope with Anti-LGBT Rulings

The New Jersey Senate voted to deny marriage equality yesterday and the Perry v. Schwarzenegger Prop 8 case starts next week. Anti-equality rhetoric is ramping up in Iowa and New Hampshire as well. No matter the outcomes, there will be much in the news about the issues, including commentary from the anti-equality side. Those of us with children of a certain age may wonder how to help them understand the coverage and the negative comments about our families.

It seemed a good time, therefore to repost a link to the practical advice from SFGate’s “City Brights” writer and internist physican Doc Gurley on how to help your children cope with the emotions they may have felt as a result of the Prop 8 ruling. I think her tips apply broadly, no matter the state.

Here’s a summary of her main points—but definitely go read the whole thing if you’re in California, New Jersey, or any other jurisdiction with anti-LGBT measures in the news.

1. Be tolerant of irritability, mood swings, anger, shame and grief.
2. Frame the issue to allow for hope.
3. Chart a path for the future that includes constructive acts, and and then take actual physical steps to achieve them.
4. Try to protect your child from being re-traumatized.
5. If you care about kids in a family that’s been affected, let your feelings be known.

“She Got Me Pregnant”: Episode 95

In our first vlog for the new year, Helen and I show off the new Wii Santa brought our son. (Clever Santa.) We discuss the communal nature of today’s video games, setting video game limits with kids, and violence in Legoland. Helen also talks about a wonderful and slightly gender-bending new children’s book about Emily Dickinson, My Uncle Emily.

I know we’re not the only ones out there who got new Wiis this season. (I’m looking at you, Deb, Liza, and Vikki.) Tell us if or how you’ve set Wii limits with your own kids—or yourselves for that matter. Or do you just stock up on Gatorade and play till you drop?

(If the embedded video above doesn’t work for you, try it at Dailymotion.)

Brought to you in partnership with After Ellen.

Ed. note: I am a member of the Amazon Associates program, and get a small referral fee from all purchases made at Amazon.com via links on this site. You are under no obligation to purchase through them.

Custody Dispute Escalates, but Courts Stay Faithful to the Law

The long-running custody dispute between Janet Jenkins and her former partner Lisa Miller made headlines again this week. I’ve written an article about it for Keen News Service, trying not only to cover this week’s actions but also to put it in the context of related cases.

Keen News Service is a news organization run by Lisa Keen, who was editor of The Washington Blade for 18 years. She’s a veteran, award-winning journalist with a focus on political and legal news. I’m doubly pleased to be working with her because I’ve also built the brand-new Keen News Service Web site. I hope you’ll check it out.

LGBT Parenting Roundup

Personal Stories

• The Iowa Press-Citizen profiles Iowans Dawn and Jen BarbouRoske, who talk about their 19-year relationship, their new legal marriage, and their children. Both the women and their two children—at the children’s urging—were plaintiffs in the case that won marriage equality in the state. The article gives us our Quote of the Week:
  

  More than anything, Dawn and Jen say this fight has been about their children.

  “That’s been big for us; to show the kids to stand up for who you are,” Jen said.

  Read the rest of this post »

Guest Post: Writing Social Commentary

Melissa Hart is the author of Gringa: A Contradictory Girlhood (Seal, 2009), a memoir of growing up in the 1970’s separated from her mother, who lost custody of her children after she divorced their father and came out as a lesbian. (More about it in my 2009 Review of LGBTQ Family Books.) She also teaches writing, and was kind enough to pen this piece for Mombian readers.

Melissa’s own social commentary has appeared in The Advocate, Curve, The Gay & Lesbian Review Worldwide, The Los Angeles Times, The Washington Post, and The Chicago Tribune. Her Web site is: www.melissahart.com.

As a journalism teacher at the University of Oregon, I ask my students to write a piece of social commentary and submit it to a newspaper or magazine. Usually, they complete the task without complaint. But last year, a talented young writer named Emily balked at my request. Read the rest of this post »

Songs About Hopes for the New Year from Erin Lee and Marci

Children’s musicians Erin Lee and Marci bring us the next of their regular posts with thematic recommendations for kid-friendly music, plus activities to make the songs an interactive experience for the whole family.

Look for Erin Lee and Marci here on the first Monday of each month, or visit their homepage, www.gottaplay.org.

I’ve created links to Amazon for the full albums (click the album image or name), plus links to Amazon MP3 downloads, when available, for those who want only the singles. (Click the song name.) I also have a widget after the jump that will let you preview most of the songs without leaving Mombian.

Happy New Year Everyone!

We can’t wait to see what the New Year will bring. We thought we’d start 2010 off with a bang and so we approached this month’s column a little differently than previous columns. We asked our musical friends at Kindiefest what their hopes, dreams and goals would be for 2010 and if they had any songs that reflected that. We were blown away by the songs that were shared with us. So we’ve an abundance of heartfelt tunes and wishes to pass on!

Enjoy! Read the rest of this post »

Breaking: Lisa Miller Fails to Transfer Custody of Daughter to Her Other Mother as Ordered

“Ex-gay” mom Lisa Miller has failed to show up at her ex-partner Janet Jenkins’ parents’ home in Falls Church, Virginia, to transfer custody of their seven-year-old daughter Isabella as ordered by a Vermont court. The couple had a civil union in Vermont before having their daughter, and although the girl was born in Virginia, the family moved back to Vermont and lived there until the women’s relationship ended. A series of court battles has determined that Vermont has jurisdiction in the case.

Miller has been incommunicado with her lawyers and apparently missing for more than a month. She was supposed to turn Isabella over to Jenkins at 1 p.m. ET today.

Judge William Cohen had granted sole custody of 7-year-old Isabella to Jenkins, her non-biological mother, because of Miller’s continued refusal to allow Isabella even to visit Jenkins. Jenkins, however, was willing to allow Miller to continue visitation. The judge felt that giving Jenkins custody was the only way to ensure Isabella would continue to have contact with both parents.

More to come, I’m sure.

Happy New Year!

A joyous 2009 to you and your families!

May the year be full of love, happiness, peace, and equality for all.

Special wishes to same-sex couples in New Hampshire who are now able to marry. (It is, however, rather cold here in New England at the moment. I suggest a Polarfleece theme for your reception.)

A nod, too, to Californians, who are welcoming three pieces of legislation that expand rights for LGBT people:

• The Marriage Recognition and Family Protection Act, which states that same-sex couples married in any state or nation anytime before the passage of Proposition 8 must be recognized as married spouses in California. The new statute also confirms that same-sex couples married outside of California after November 5, 2008, must be given all of the rights, protections and responsibilities of married spouses under California law, with the sole exception of the designation of “marriage.”
• The LGBT Domestic Violence Programs Expansion Bill, which expands access for LGBT service providers to a state fund within the California Emergency Management Agency, which supports LGBT-specific domestic violence programs across the state. The new law also allows for more than four organizations to apply for programmatic funding each fiscal cycle and eliminates the requirement for providers to offer shelter – impediments to many smaller LGBT organizations.
• Harvey Milk Day, which will be celebrated on May 22, 2010, the first time in the nation’s history that a state will officially recognize and celebrate the contributions of an openly LGBT person with an annual “day of special significance.”