Here is the third in my series of quotes from Who’s Your Daddy? And Other Writings on Queer Parenting. I’ll be running them for a couple of weeks courtesy of the book’s editor, Rachel Epstein. I’m choosing the quotes I feel are most intriguing and thought provoking; I don’t always agree with the sentiments, but I hope they will spur some discussion in the comments and encourage you to seek out the book for yourselves.
For more on how to get this Canadian-published volume (and you should!), see my original post about it.
Today’s quote is from Tobi Hill-Meyer, a genderqueer, trans dyke, colonized meztiza, transracially inseminated queerspawn, who serves as a board member of COLAGE and blogs at Bilerico.
It is tempting to make a judgment call as to whether or not white queer couples should adopt across race or continental lines. Indeed, this is where a lot of discussion focuses, yet it’s not a particularly productive discussion to have because it distracts from the structures that create inequities as well as the individual choices that people face when dealing with discriminatory systems. . . . A person who chooses not to adopt transracially because it is the politically correct thing to do, yet who refuses to examine the racist dynamics in adoption systems or other systems in their life, is still perpetuating institutional racism. And a person who adopts transracially and takes the time to investigate the ways racism influences every aspect of their life is in a good position to provide their child with the anti-racist tools that they will need.
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Lori Hahn
on Nov 12th, 2009
@ 9:47 am:
Adopting transracially was something our adoption agency required us to think about – really think about – what neighborhoods we’d live in, schools, mentors, our friendships, the whole shebang. In fact, we worked up a plan should we be fortunate to adopt another child.
I have spent the past 19 years living in richly diverse neighborhoods with diverse schools. I’ve established friendships with folks I might not have had I lived in an upscale ‘burb. When the kids bring friends home, they could be Pakistani or Vietnamese or African-American or Asian.
Given access to a fully culturally-rich rearing, the kids have been able to form a racial identity that fits for them.
But, is the system flawed and rife with racially charged dynamics? Absolutely. Social workers, Human Services, courts – they are all made up of people with t heir own thoughts on the subject. There have been innumerable studies done on why African-American families don’t adopt through the “system” in the numbers whites do but rather favor informal adoptions, long-term fostering of family members, etc.
We can talk about the ideal all we want, but when so many kids languish in the system because of some resistance to placement with a ethnically different family, who ultimately loses? I’m not big on theories when an actual child suffers by not being placed in a loving home of any stripe.
All I know is there wasn’t a big line of people waiting to adopt my extremely premature twins who were guaranteed to have any number of medical and learning disabilities. We were it. And, I think that’s the bottom line.
Steven Bush
on Nov 12th, 2009
@ 12:10 pm:
Yes! Very well said.
And we really agree with what Lori comments on here too!
Dana
on Nov 12th, 2009
@ 2:23 pm:
As always, well put, Lori. Thank you.