Gay and Lesbian History for Teens

(Originally published as my Mombian newspaper column, October 2009.)

October is, among other things, LGBT History Month, which makes it the perfect time to write about Gay America: Struggle for Equality (Amulet: 2008), by Linas Alsenas. The book is a history of gay men and lesbians in the U.S. from the mid-nineteenth century through 2005. It fills a much needed gap, not because of the subject (there are a small but a growing number of LGBT-specific histories), but because of its audience: teens.

LGBT histories for that age group have been sorely lacking, consisting mostly of Becoming Visible: A Reader in Gay and Lesbian History for High School and College Students (Alyson: 1994), by Kevin Jennings. (Yes, the same Jennings who is now heading up the U.S. Department of Education’s Office of Safe and Drug-Free Schools). Jennings’ volume is useful, but is more a source book than a narrative like Gay America. Both are needed. Read the rest of this post »

Happy Turkey Baster Awareness Day!

A very happy Thanksgiving to all of you celebrating it this week. Remember to make the turkey baster jokes before your relatives do.

Posting will be light here for a few days as our family will be stuffing ourselves with poultry and pie.

Hockey Dad, Gay Son

This ESPN story is apparently breaking all over the sporting news today and will surely hit the LGBT news soon. Brian Burke, president and general manager of the Toronto Maple Leafs, “a most public example of hockey machismo,” has a gay son, and accepts him. Not only that, but the son, Brendan, plays hockey for Miami University, and is helping break down the walls of homophobia in sports.

Here’s what Brian Burke had to say: Read the rest of this post »

What’s Cooking?

It’s Thanksgiving week once again, which means it’s time for me to be whipping up a batch of my family-famous Cranbanero Sauce. Not for the faint of palate. (Recipe after the jump, along with a milder one.)

What are you cooking and/or looking forward to eating for the holiday? Read the rest of this post »

It Takes a Queer Village

The Canadians are on a roll. Hot on the heels of Who’s Your Daddy?, the volume of LGBTQ parenting essays I wrote about a couple of weeks ago, comes And Baby Makes More, a similar volume from a Canadian press, but one that focuses on the experiences of those who have used known donors, those who have themselves donated sperm or eggs or been a surrogate, and the children created by these acts.

I have a full review up at Bay Windows, so you can go read it there. Bottom line: Go buy this book, along with Who’s Your Daddy?. Both are the kind of rich explorations of LGBTQ parenting we need more of today. (And despite their origins, both volumes include writers from the U.S. and Australia as well as Canada.)

You can also visit editor Susan Goldberg at her blog, Mama Non Grata, and editor Chloë Brushwood Rose at her York University faculty Web site.

Like Who’s Your Daddy?, though, the book is not yet available in the U.S. (The publisher says it’s coming next March.) It may, however, be ordered from the Canadian publisher, Insomniac Press, or Canadian online bookstores such as chapters.indigo.ca and amazon.ca. Or use it to justify that ski trip up north you’ve been wanting to take.

(And no, I’m not getting any referral fees from those links, although I do for the links to Amazon.com on this site. But the book is so good I didn’t want to keep anyone waiting for the U.S. publication. If you feel guilty, go and do some other holiday shopping at Amazon.com through this link (for which I will get a small fee) and help me justify the time I spend on Mombian.)

LGBT Parenting Roundup

Here’s a quick roundup before everyone takes off for the holiday:

Politics and Law

• Nancy Polikoff offers her expert analysis of the decision this week in the Jenkins-Miller custody case I mentioned Saturday. Nancy has read through the ruling (she’s a lawyer, and has access to this sort of thing before us mere mortals), and notes that the court detailed every one of the many instances of Miller’s non-compliance with visitation orders. The judge found that “Ms. Miller’s non-compliance with court orders and willingness to provide false promises under oath, cast doubt upon her ability to provide proper guidance for IMJ.”Bottom line? If you’re a liar who flaunts the law, don’t expect a court to think you’ll be a good parent.And, in proof that these sorts of battles rock entire families, not just the parents and child, she notes:
  

  The judge also found that Lisa interfered with visits by Janet’s parents, who live in Virginia, and that she asked them not to refer to themselves as “Mom-Mom” and “Pop-Pop” to Isabella. (Isabella’s middle name is Ruth, after Janet’s mother). In addition, Lisa changed Isabella’s name to eliminate “Jenkins” without any notice to Janet. . . .

  Read the rest of this post »

The Daddy Question, Adoption Style

Sometimes people write to me with questions about parenting. I make no claim, however, to be an expert in all aspects of this grand adventure. I figure that collective wisdom has something to recommend it, though, and so I offer this one to you, readers, for your input.

Tonight, our 2 1/2 year old, adopted son asked what his daddy’s name was. I said I didn’t know and tried to change the subject. He said my daddy lives far away. I said yes and then we began talking about Dora. Any wisdom?

I admit, most of my thinking about “the daddy question” has been with regard to children conceived through donor insemination, because that is how we created our family. At this point, our son hasn’t started asking questions about reproduction, although I’m guessing some of his animal books may have raised them in his mind. Right now, we’ve stuck with, “All families are different. Some people have a mother and a father, others have two mothers or two fathers, some have only one parent.” As our son starts asking, we will get into more specifics about how we needed a special cell from a man and found a donor—but it’s not our preference to call him a daddy.

I’m wondering where others see similarities and differences in handling the question with adopted children. I suspect much of the answer  depends on how a family talks with a child about her or his birth mother as well.

Thoughts? Personal experience?

Breaking: A “First-of-Its-Kind” Ruling in Jenkins-Miller Custody Case

In what the Vermont Rutland Herald is calling “a first-of-its kind parent custody change,” Judge William Cohen of the Rutland Family Court yesterday granted sole custody of 7-year-old Isabella Miller to her non-biological mother, Janet Jenkins. Jenkins has been fighting her former partner Lisa Miller for visitation for years now. Miller says she is no longer a lesbian and has enlisted the far-right Liberty Counsel to argue her case.

Now, the court has ruled in favor of full custody for Jenkins, even though she had earlier been willing to have only visitation rights, because of Miller’s continued refusal to allow Isabella even to visit Jenkins. Miller only brought her to see Jenkins twice in the last two years. The Rutland Herald reports:

“In the long term, the change in custody will be in (Isabella’s) best interests as she will have the opportunity for maximum continuing physical and emotional contact with both parents,” [Judge Cohen] said, adding that both parents were equal in terms of stability, financial resources, emotional availability and other considerations required for child rearing.

Where they weren’t equal, he said, was in their willingness to work together. While Miller has repeatedly and consistently blocked Jenkins’ access to Isabella, the judge said Jenkins has agreed to allow Miller access and would allow Isabella to continue to attend church events with her other parent.

Although Miller’s lawyer says they will appeal, Carl Tobias, a professor of law at the University of Richmond, says he doesn’t believe courts in either Vermont or Virginia (where Miller had tried to get the courts to rule in her favor) will overturn yesterday’s decision, as courts tire of people litigating when they have no valid case.

Let us hope for Isabella’s sake that this spells the end of the matter. May she finally settle into a routine, living with the one parent who, with amazing compassion and understanding, will allow her to have access to both of the parents whom she loves.

Let us hope, too, that the many other capable and loving non-bio mothers will soon no longer have to argue for the rights to continue parenting the children they have helped raise. Although this case may set no formal precedent in other states, I think it is a good sign (as are other recent decisions) that sentiment is changing.