No vlog this week, I’m afraid. Busy with extended family matters. Instead, I’ll ask you all a question:
When did you first know you wanted kids?
I was late to the game. In my mid-30′s, after having a stable job and a house for a couple of years, I began thinking about it. I knew Helen wanted children; I was a bit overwhelmed by the concept. It was the tragedy of 9/11, however, which made me realize that carpe diem was a very good philosophy indeed—and if nothing else, we weren’t getting any younger. (Here’s my post with more detail about my experience that day.)
What about you?
It’s an interesting question. I knew when I was six years old and it is related to a doll I was given. I was a major tomboy much to the disgust of most of my family, and I refused to play with dolls, but I was given Jamie (I named her after the bionic woman) and told that I had to look after her very carefully and that she was my responsibility. In retrospect I can see it as a scheme to get me to behave in a more gender appropriate manner, but it didn’t work as well as they thought. I continued to refuse to play with dolls and stop climbing trees and fighting etc. but I looked after Jamie and was fiercely protective of her.
This developed into a desire for children but I never wanted the conventional family and always envisioned myself being a single parent, adopting and fostering all the waifs and strays. As a teen I wondered how much of this was just the socialisation of being female, but accepted a need to pass on something of myself as a natural part of being human. As it turned out I haven’t ever been pregnant but our son is my partner’s biological child. The waifs and strays thing has transferred to cats.
Always, always, always. There was never a doubt in my mind or soul that I wanted to have children and would have them. In most of my serious relationships we discussed who and how and when ad naseum but for a long time I was still in school so we waited. Then I had a partner for 3 years who didn’t want children and it felt like my soul was dying. As soon as that relationship ended I knew that wanting/having children had to be #1 on my list of what I wanted in my next partner.
For as long as I can remember, I knew I wanted to have kids. How they’d join my family, etc etc, has varied over the years, and still does occasionally, but I always knew I wanted them. It’s all I’ve ever wanted out of life. Which is, perhaps, a lot of pressure, but family is important to me, and I feel that our children are what we leave behind, here.
I’m turning 28 this month; my wife turns 31 next month. Our daughter is 8 months old. I have always wanted kids, always wanted to experience pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding. Maybe it’s a function of growing up in the 90′s, but when I realized that, no, I didn’t like guys at all, it never fazed me or made me rethink that. One ex broke up with me because she didn’t want kids ever, and I so obviously did.
We’ve been together 7 years, bought a house 4 years ago… All we were waiting on was our wedding. Once we did that in September 2007, we started trying in October and were successful in March :)
I always knew I wanted kids. I was the oldest of four and a second Mom to my younger sisters. Somehow, despite knowing I was gay since I was about ten, I was always certain I would have children. I just read the other day a statistic that there are only 270,000 children of gay parents – could this be true?
My now ex-partner of 20+ years were together for about ten years before we had kids. She was a nurse and brought one home from the hospital. A few years later I had a biological child and then my ex had one as well. Breaking up with tough for both of us and the kids, but we’re on the right track right now.
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Never wanted kids. Never wanted marriage. Then I met my wife. Together nine years. Married for 7 years. It tooks a few years of talking about it and I started to think “mmm, kids, maybe”. This grew into a real yearning to have kids for both of us. We’ve been trying to become parents for 5 years now via adoption and birth. To no avail. Just had our first and last IVF fail. We’re approved to adopt from the foster care system in our province, but since we’re lesbians, they don’t want to give us boys (which cuts our odds by half) and don’t want to give us any kids who’ve been exposed to churchgoing either in birth or foster family. We live in the most conservative province in the country. Church is big here. So I don’t think we’ll be getting kids. We’re trying to let go of the dream gracefully, and are trying to envision a wild, travelling, exotic childless life together. Some days it works. Most it doesn’t.
i always wanted children. married to a man by 19, tried to get pregnant at 24, divorced at 25, came out 26, and searched for the right woman to have children with–thought i’d found her, so finally adopted 2 wonderful girls at around age 41, separated from “right woman” but still so, so thankful to her for helping us adopt these girls into our lives.
I always wanted kids- but did not allow myself the hope of parenting when I first began identifying as lesbian in the mid 80′s. That changed when I met my partner 16 years ago. She let me think about that hope for children again– and the world was changing then too.
Exactly one month after our ceremony 15 years ago, a male couple we know adopted a daughter and had a big baptism ceremony. It was on that day I became certain my partner and I would eventually have a family with children together. We adopted our 4th child (and likely final) child last year.