No Aversion to Conversion

My spouse Helen, whom I’ve lured into blogging, has just posted about the opportunity for lesbian and gay stay-at-home parents to convert a traditional IRA to a Roth. Because Uncle Sam still doesn’t recognize a partner’s income when we file our federal taxes, most of us lesbian SAHM’s (and gay SAHD’s) end up in a very low tax bracket, so the income tax we’d pay on the transferred money is minimal.

Why might you want to transfer money from an IRA to a Roth? What if you’re staying home for a few years? And why are there still financial disadvantages for lesbian and gay SAHM’s/SAHD’s? Go read Helen’s post for the details.

Obviously, each person’s financial situation is different, so this isn’t for everyone, but it’s something to consider and discuss with your own financial advisor, if you have one.

No Surprises Here

From the “fun with scientific conclusions” department:

A new study in the journal Child Development has found that babies who are the result of unplanned or mistimed pregnancies “had fewer resources [including parental support and learning materials] than intended siblings” and “Parents’ emotional resources to older children decreased after the birth of a mistimed sibling.” (H/t, Lilsugar.)

Given that most lesbian pregnancies are planned with more logistics than it takes to move an Army battalion (yet another reason they should welcome us in the military!), wouldn’t it follow that the children of lesbians have way more parental support and other resources than children of opposite-sex couples?

New Blog on Gender and Pop Culture

A friend whom I’ve known since college has launched a new blog with her husband, in which they offer their perspectives on gender and popular culture. They’ve only been at the blog, The Two Body Solution, for a short time, but they’re both English professors and have been writing about this sort of thing in other venues for a while. So far, the blog has covered topics such as The Bachelorette, Sarah Palin, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Urban Dictionary, the running of the bulls, obesity, and the “he-cession.”

They explain:

This is a blog about gender and American popular culture, written by two English professors. We both see the world through the lens of cultural studies, which means that we think that things like advertising, television, mainstream films, popular music and the internet are worthy of serious academic study and commentary. Our goal here is to focus on the way gender is constructed in the mass media. . . .

Our two body “solution” is to offer two distinct yet coordinated narrative voices, sometimes individually, sometimes collectively. Professor Moss (a woman) may comment on masculinity and Professor Bean (a man) may comment on femininity. Our point is not to provide a woman’s opinion on femininity and a man’s on masculinity (or at least not always to do so) but rather to open up gender for discussion on any terms we think are appropriate. We may post together, and usually we will comment on each other’s posts, but we also want to create a space in which each of us is free to stake out her own territory. We see this as a joint venture, but one that still allows for individual commentary.

You will find that each of us has a distinct way of positing a problem, analyzing a text, etc., but you will also notice the ways in which we see our shared, and often perplexing, culture similarly.

We talk a lot about gender in the LGBT community, but we certainly don’t have an exclusive on such matters. I think, in fact, that our understanding of gender can only benefit by including all perspectives, LGBT and not. Profs. Bean and Moss are also among the strongest LGBT allies I’ve ever met, in any case. If you’re interested in issues of gender and culture, check them out.

Thanks, Curve!

Thanks to Curve magazine and contributing editor Sheryl Kay for profiling me in the “Out in Front” section of their July/August issue. It’s an honor.

The issue is not yet online, but you can view the PDF here. If you subscribe, you can find me on p. 19.

TV Alert: Lesbian Moms on Nurse Jackie Tonight

A few weeks ago, I mentioned that Showtime’s new series, Nurse Jackie, would be featuring Blythe Danner and Swoosie Kurtz as the lesbian moms of Dr. Cooper, one of the main characters.

Well, tonight’s the night. It airs at 10:30 PM ET/PT. I’ve seen the episode already, and while I won’t reveal any spoilers, I will say that this is one of the few shows—even including The L Word—that goes beyond the obvious clichés of lesbian parenting (wacky antics in search of sperm!) and pedantic political points, and instead shows something subtle about the relationships between lesbian parents and our children—our grown children, no less.

There’s a small promo clip here, but it omits the more interesting exchange between Dr. Cooper and one of his moms.

Helen and I will have more about this in our vlog this week, so stay tuned. (And please leave your own comments on what you thought of the episode.)

Pixar’s Up: A Lesbian Mom’s Perspective

(Originally published in Bay Windows, June 17, 2009.)

Disney Pixar’s new animated feature, Up, is a good movie, better than most children’s fare. My kindergartener and I both enjoyed it—but it left me with a few lingering qualms about its depiction of parenting and gender roles.

The story revolves around 78-year-old Carl Fredricksen, who is determined to see to his deceased wife’s last wish and move their house to an idyllic locale in South America. He does so with the aid of thousands of helium balloons and an accidental stowaway named Russell, a young boy who is working on his Wilderness Explorer “Assisting the Elderly” badge.

The film tackles more serious topics than previous Pixar films. The opening sequence shows Carl and his wife-to-be Ellie from their first meeting as young children through their falling in love, marriage, and growing old together. It is a perfect balance of humor and pathos. The couple’s struggle and ultimate failure to have children will touch people of all orientations who have gone through this process. Carl’s personal challenge to find meaning in his life after Ellie’s death is a tearjerker of the first order, although it seemed to affect the adults in the audience more than the kids. The kids will likely prefer the parts that show Carl and Russell’s adventurous trip to South America, complete with flying house, talking dogs, mysterious birds, and fantastical chase scenes.

While the film is a fun romp tempered with a few serious themes, and well deserving of most of its glowing reviews, it still has some obvious flaws. Linda Holmes of NPR has already written about wanting Pixar to make a story with a girl protagonist, and one who, unlike her Disney compatriots, is not a princess. Carl’s wife Ellie is as spunky and independent and non-princess-y a heroine as one could imagine, but she is seen only in passing and disappears after the opening segment.

I agree, but would add to Holmes’ critique the parental stereotypes perpetrated by the film. Russell’s parents are divorced. He lives with his mother and bemoans the lack of time his dad has to spend with him. Fair enough. What irks me, however, is the scene in which Carl discovers that Russell, for all his Wilderness Explorer training, does not know how to pitch a tent. Carl blames Russell’s dad for not teaching him.

Really? What makes Carl, married to the adventurous zookeeper Ellie for decades, think that Russell’s mom has no idea how to put up a tent? What makes him so sure his dad does? Even though the Pixar writers were able to make Ellie an independent, capable, non-traditional woman, they fall back into gender stereotypes when it comes to what parents teach their kids. Read the rest of this post »

More on Utah Custody Case

I wrote yesterday about the Utah court that just denied parenting rights to non-bio mom Gena Edvalson. The court said the parenting contract she had signed with her former partner Jana Dickson “directly offends the state’s public policy that parents retain the fundamental right to exercise the primary control over the care and supervision of their children.” Dickson’s lawyer, you may recall, is connected with the ultra-conservative Alliance Defense Fund.

After I wrote the piece, the Salt Lake Tribune did an article about the case. Interestingly, they report: “An attorney who defends parents in abuse, neglect and custody cases, Dickson said she is a ‘stronger believer than ever’ in the right of lesbians to marry and adopt—if the biological mom wants her partner to do so.”

Nope. Sorry. Any same-sex couple that decides to become parents together must do so with an understanding of equality between the partners. Going into parenthood with the belief that the biological parent somehow has more rights will lead to inequalities in the relationship and trouble down the road. Yes, the law often gives the biological parent the upper hand. The law also often does not recognize the parents’ relationship with each other. That doesn’t mean we aren’t free to define our own relationships to our partners and children with more equality than the law provides. That’s called integrity.

Weekly Political Roundup

Yee hah. Another huge week in LGBT political news.

• Massachusetts Attorney General Martha Coakley filed a lawsuit in U.S. District Court challenging the constitutionality of Section 3 of the federal Defense of Marriage Act. The suit claims that DOMA “unfairly excludes more than 16,000 Massachusetts married same-sex couples and their families from critically important rights and protections based on marital status” and “violates the United States Constitution by interfering with the Commonwealth’s sovereign authority to define and regulate the marital status of its residents.” From where I sit, this is a kickass way of turning around the argument that marriage should be left to the states and the federal government should stay out of it. I’m no constitutional lawyer, however, and look forward to seeing the legal analysis on this one.
• The House subcommittee on the Federal Workforce, Postal Service, and the District of Columbia held a hearing on the Domestic Partner Benefits and Obligations Act, which would give same-sex domestic partners of federal employees access to health insurance, retirement, and disability benefits.
• Rep. Patrick Murphy (D-PA) became the lead sponsor on the Military Readiness Enhancement Act, which would repeal Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Murphy is a former paratrooper and captain in the Army’s 82nd Airborne Division. Visit his new Web site, LetThemServe.com, for updates on the bill.
• The U.S. Department of Justice said it will not appeal the decision of a federal district court that said Library of Congress officials violated federal sex discrimination law when they withdrew a job offer from a transgender woman because she was transitioning.
• Despite reversing its initial position and saying it would count the number of married same-sex couples instead of counting them as unmarried partners, the Census Bureau says it may have some technical problems doing so. Read the rest of this post »