Comments on: Pixar’s Up: A Lesbian Mom’s Perspective

By: Dana

Dana — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 13:32:40 +0000

I am not saying that fathers are not important for children who have them, Jay. I think there are important things that fathers can teach their children, as I say in my article–the range of things it means to be a man. And even though I am a woman, I still learned plenty of things from my father. I was not criticizing Pixar because they assumed a father should go to scout camp with his son. I think Russell’s father was indeed to blame for his lack of involvement with his son. I was criticizing Pixar, instead, because they assumed that a father’s involvement was the only way Russell could have learned skills like pitching a tent, and his mother was incapable of teaching them. As I wrote, a father’s purpose is less about the practical skills and more about the abstract qualities you list. For a boy like Russell who has a father, it is indeed a shame the father is not around to teach him those things.

For other children, such as many children of lesbian moms or of single straight moms (by choice or by death of the father), then the reality is that they will need to find male role models elsewhere. As the many happy, well adjusted children of such families prove, however, this is not an insurmountable obstacle. Furthermore, it does not take away from the need for fathers to be involved when they do exist in other families.

By: Jay

Jay — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 06:21:47 +0000

Maybe its because I am a man, but I am offended. How about the important bond that exists between a father and son? Is it not politically correct to assert that maybe, just perhaps, a father should be a father and that a “diverse” group of male role models is NOT a father. My relationship with my father was/is important to me. I see how unhappy my younger brother is because of a lack of relationship with our father (he quasi-abandoned us) and the diverse group of men: coaches, boy scout leaders, male teachers, etc. that my brother tried to bond with were not fathers to him.
It is in no form homophobia (my family is heavily populated with gay cousins and uncles, and I love them all) that I am compelled to dislike your ragingly politically correct, gender neutral, change for the sake of change attitude. It is not upsetting that a son bemoans the lack of a father. It is not upsetting that a an man is unnerved to find out a boy was not taught certain things by his father.
I was raised by my mother to cook, clean, garden, do the laundry, etc. Things to this day which I continue to do. But it was my father that taught me to shoot, build a fire, use tools, polish shoes, fold a suit, argue the law, run a household, and in the end BE A MAN. That is a father’s penultimate job, to usher a boy into manhood with all the responsibilities and virtues that that entails and I can assure you that is something no army of lesbian mothers, no matter how butch (including my own truck driving, work boots wearing mother) can do. I take it as a point of pride that it is my duty to teach my sons the qualities of men: honor, convictions, fortitude, self reliance, a responsibility greater than one’s self. And for you to carp on Pixar because of they made the assumption that a father should be a father and go on a boy scout camp out with his son they way so many fathers have done proves, that you can’t see past your politically correct, gender neutral opinion. There are too many adult boys in this world for you to tear down whatever remaining characters that remain who build men.

By: Dana

Dana — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 00:23:22 +0000

Oh, good point about the stepmother, G. I guess I saw the tent episode as symbolic of a whole range of activities that only a father could teach a son, in Pixar’s eyes. Maybe I was reading too much into it–but the line did annoy me. I might just have been in one of those moods that day.

By: G

Mon, 13 Jul 2009 23:24:59 +0000

I loved the movie UP. I don’t think the pitching the tent thing was that big of a deal. I think they presented it in the context that Russell was part of a group that did son/father activities. Russell spoke of his father helping him (or not) earn his badges. Russell was specifically looking for a father figure/ male role model. So, in showing that his dad didn’t teach him to pitch a tent falls into that context.. it’s not saying that his mother couldn’t have.. but instead that Russell wanted/needed his dad/male to teach him. Don’t forget that it was Ellie who showed Carl how to do many things that his own father/male role model failed to teach him.

I think the biggest yet subtle stereotype was the line about his stepmother (She says I take up too much of his time. and the She’s NOT my mom). Once again, a step mom being portrayed in a negative light.

By: Theresa Swayne

Theresa Swayne — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 18:59:53 +0000

I love Pixar’s work in general, but I think that films and TV shows often get stuck in old-fashioned storytelling conventions.

I get a little angry whenever I see the old story of “a boy needs a father” in any form, even though the research contradicts the old story. Boys and girls need men and women in their lives, period.

Haven’t seen “Up” yet, but it sounds like the writers wanted to show a tangible consequence of the boy’s spending too little time with his dad — which as you say is a legitimate issue — if you have a dad, he should spend time with you. As you say, being a parent or a role model is not just about imparting specific skills. But the abstract benefits of family continuity and male role models don’t translate well into a simple plot point. So the writers leaned on a stereotype, and this stood out more glaringly because the “problem” was unlikely (that the kid wouldn’t have learned to pitch a tent from someone else, like scout leaders or his mom).

I like the philosophy that having male role models is “less about specific skills … more about showing him that someone of his gender can do a wide range of things.” I try to follow this with my son and, hopefully, will also do so with my future daughter (due in the fall).

By: Maryl

Maryl — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 18:26:40 +0000

Personally I believe that the whole tent thing isn’t really something to dwell on too much. The fact of the matter is that when people talk about male scouting matters, most people tend to think “father helping son”. Times are changing though, so we’ll see if that’s the case ten years in the future. Another point to mention is that the mention of the boy’s father moves helped move the story further and thus was important.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that Pixar isn’t purposely trying to be discriminatory, but rather both realistic and plot driven. Most people would have this point roll straight over their heads anyways. I don’t think people (kids and adults) who don’t fit in gender norms will suddenly feel left out, after all, Ellie was defiantly a character that was a typical housewife.

I honestly think it’s not that big of a deal.

By: Hope

Hope — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 17:11:55 +0000

Dana- I’ve been following your posts on Facebook and my partner and I enjoy your perspective on a great many topics.

I agree that Disney is coming along, albeit slowly, from the days when all the princesses had fathers, but NO mothers. Belle, Jasmine, Cinderella, etc. Honestly, it’s refreshing to see their male counterparts in a similar situation.

Perhaps a solution to the ‘tent-dilemma’ should’ve been Carl remarking about his lack of tent raising knowledge in general and avoiding whether it was Russel’s mother or father that did the teaching. Or lack thereof.

I find it interesting that you post about this as my partner and I were just camping over the July 4th weekend and are excited about taking our 2 toddler daughters.

And as you said, it matters not whether the activity is camping, ballet, cooking, or karate. What matters is that we’re involved with our children’s lives in all aspects be it traditionally male, female, etc.

Thanks again for your perspective.

By: Dana

Dana — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 14:32:58 +0000

Maybe I wasn’t clear. My point was indeed what you said–that the boy does have a male role model. I don’t think I was dwelling on his lack of a relationship with his father, except to make the point that children without fathers (or without involved fathers) can indeed find male role models elsewhere, as you say. (Which is not to say that fathers should abandon their children–if a child has a father to begin with, then it is generally best if the father remains involved (cases of abuse and neglect excepted)–but the lack of a father (whether from divorce, as in Russell’s case, or because the child has two moms or a single mom) doesn’t necessarily mean the child will have no good male role models.)

By: Anastasia

Anastasia — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 12:38:42 +0000

Ok if that’s how YOU see that. then it’s your opinion. Funny just reading your comment on the issue makes me wonder is it better to dwell on the LACK of relationship with the father or to dwell on the fact that the boy DOES have a male role model after all, however grudgingly, oddly acquired or whatever you wanna call it. Carl’s acknowledgment of the fact can be seen as anything you want it to. However you want to see it. Can’t wait to see the movie btw, but we have to wait til it comes out on video, bummer. -s who DOES pitch a better tent then her hubby, it’s a magic thing called patience baby!