LGBT Parenting Roundup

Tragedy:

• GLSEN reports, “An 11-year-old Massachusetts boy, Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover, hung himself Monday [April 6] after enduring bullying at school, including daily taunts of being gay, despite his mother’s weekly pleas to the school to address the problem. This is at least the fourth suicide of a middle-school aged child linked to bullying this year.” Sara Whitman went to the funeral, and wrote about it for Bilerico. Worth a read. Have tissues handy.
• Making the tragedy even more poignant, GLSEN is preparing for its 13th annual Day of Silence this Friday, when hundreds of thousands of students will take part in peaceful activities to encourage schools and classmates to address the problem of anti-LGBT behavior.
• The New York State Assembly passed a sweeping anti-bullying bill that “was recently amended to cover the broadest categories of students who face harassment and discrimination in our state’s schools. While the amendment explicitly added weight, it also clarified that protections should not be limited to the categories listed—actual or perceived race, color, weight, national origin, ethnic group, religion, disability, sexual orientation, gender, or sex.” More such measures are clearly needed, but as Walker-Hoover’s death shows us, education of school officials and students needs to go hand in hand with legislation.

Read the rest of this post »

Family Voices International: IX

Here is the ninth interview in this phase of the Family Voices series. This time around, I am teaming up with Julieta of Ju, An y el Perro Activista to extend the series to include non-U.S. LGBT families. Julieta has also done Spanish translations of all the interviews, which you will find after the English below, and at her blog.

Eugenia, María, and their son Coco live in Spain, but have extended family—in great diversity—in Argentina. Below, Eugenia discusses the difference between kids and cats, trying not to be perfect, and changes she’s seen over the past 20 years. Read the rest of this post »

Same- and Opposite-Sex Couples May Have Different Adoption Preferences

Many prospective adoptive couples don’t care about the gender of their children, found Dr. Abbie Goldberg, Assistant Professor of Psychology at Clark University, in a new study. Gay men are, however, more likely to have a preference, and heterosexual men are least likely. Opposite-sex couples are more likely to prefer girls than those in same-sex relationships.

The interesting part of this study for me is that there seems to be no strong correlation between the gender of the parents and the preferred gender of their child. Some lesbians wanted girls, others boys, and the same for gay men. (News coverage of the study is sketchy on the exact numbers, however.)

Goldberg also noted, “This study represents the first investigation known to date that explores the child gender preferences of both heterosexual and sexual minority preadoptive parents.” I commend her for looking at both and tracing our similarities and our differences, giving us a fuller view of parenting overall. I’ve seen far too many parenting studies that assume heterosexuality but look at areas where one might hypothesize that sexual orientation makes a difference.

Goldberg’s previous work (see my 2007 interview with her) looked at how biological and non-biological lesbian moms negotiated their family roles and how couples were successful in doing so. She has also studied adults who grew up with at least one lesbian, gay or bi parent, and in particular, how they come out about their parents.

White House Egg Roll Liveblog

LGBT families and non-LGBT families alike are participating in this year’s White House Egg Roll. Dustin Kight from the Family Equality Council is liveblogging the event over at Bilerico, bringing us his insights as well as stories from other LGBT families in attendance.

Much as the point is really that LGBT families are much like any others, it is a big deal that President Obama reached out specifically to invite our families this year. NPR even covered it in a short piece yesterday.

Again, if you have photos or stories from the event (this year or in the past) that you’d like to share, please let me know.

Twelve-Year-Old’s Testimony for Marriage Equality In Vermont

Twelve-year-old Evann Orleck-Jetter, the daughter of lesbian moms, testified at the public hearings on marriage equality last month before Vermont’s Joint Senate and House Judiciary Committees. Democracy Now! spoke with her a few days ago and reported, “Many legislators later told Evann and her parents that her testimony had moved them to support the bill.”

I’ve written before about how we must reclaim the ultra-right argument that what they are doing is in the best interests of the children. Orleck-Jetter says it even more convincingly:

The opposition said ‘We’re all about the kids,’ and that just didn’t make any sense to me. If you’re all about the kids, then why don’t you support people who are trying to raise them and have a great family instead of saying that they’re not qualified, and I felt it was so important for me to get up there and say what I felt because I don’t think they really knew what they were saying when they put that out. I think it was a lack of information to say it was about the kids. It hurts me that they are so against my parents getting married. If you think about the kids, then you should think about the kids whose parents just want equal rights and whose kids just want equal rights and to feel accepted in their schools.

Here’s the full interview:

Chickens and Eggs

The White House Egg Roll is coming up on Monday. I wrote last week about the Obama administration’s groundbreaking outreach to LGBT families while also questioning their continued reluctance to grant us full equality.

For another perspective (not so different, when you come right down to it), here’s a piece at HuffPo by Alisa Surkis, one of the two moms who brought the idea of organizing LGBT families to attend the White House Easter Egg Roll en masse to Family Equality Council (then Family Pride) in 2006. She asks, “Does society change in response to the signals sent by legislative changes, or do changes in people’s attitudes push forward legislation?”

It’s a good question. I think her answer (which I’ll let you go read at HuffPo) is particularly apt.

If any readers are attending the Egg Roll, feel free to send me photos or stories of your experience. I’d be happy to post them. (Please limit to three photos.)

Happy Holidays

We’re having a bit of a family emergency here right now, hence the lack of vlog yesterday. I’m also going to skip the Weekly Political Update today; I’m assuming that this week of all weeks you’ve been keeping up with the political news, and that many of you have left for the long weekend already in any case. (I will, however, note that amidst all the marriage hoopla, the New Hampshire House passed a transgender anti-discrimination bill, which now goes to the Senate. The Washington legislature passed a similar bill, which heads to the governor. Good for them.)

Happy holidays, no matter what you’re celebrating this week!

The Most Powerful Lesbian Moms in America

Out magazine just published their third annual list of “The Power 50: The Most Powerful Gay Men and Women in America,” which means it’s time for my third annual list of The Most Powerful Lesbian Moms in America.

The definition of “power” is subjective, of course. For the purposes of this list, I considered it to mean someone who is known by a large cross-section of the population, within or outside the lesbian community, is at or near the top of her chosen profession, or who is in some other way a well-known personality and long-time influencer. I aimed for inclusion rather than exclusion, but tried to pick those whose impact in their fields or in the world at large is widespread and lasting. I intend this to be a fun list, not to be taken too seriously, so let me know if I’ve missed anyone you deem worthy.

I’m including the names of partners, even if one person is not as well known, in order to acknowledge the contributions of both people to their households and to each others’ achievements. (I may have missed a few partners, however, if their names are not public, and blurred matters if one partner came along when the children were older. I was not able to find last names and professions for a few others. Someday I’ll be able to hire that research staff.)

Out only has 12 women on their list, two less than last year, so I’m hoping my suggestions may help them find a better balance. If I can come up with the names of over 50 powerful people who are not only lesbians but also moms (a few less if we omit less-known partners), surely Out can add some more lesbians to its Power 50. Out gave more weight to political clout in all its picks, whereas I looked at overall clout, political or professional. And yes, the balance of power still swings male in our society, so maybe it’s not Out’s fault. But still, I can’t believe the balance is so skewed.

I’ll also add that we must each define success for ourselves. It may mean choosing to stay home with one’s children, or to forgo career advancement for the sake of one’s family. For those who strive to achieve in both career and family, however, these moms are inspirational.

Of course, the thing about motherhood is that your kids always think you’re the most powerful mom(s) in the world, and it’s their opinions that really matter.

In alphabetic, not rank, order by last name of the generally more well-known partner: Read the rest of this post »