Cause and Effect

See also under Locusts, Absence of.

(Thanks, Wil.)

Transgender Day of Remembrance

Today marks the 10th annual Transgender Day of Remembrance:

The Transgender Day of Remembrance was set aside to memorialize those who were killed due to anti-transgender hatred or prejudice. The event is held in November to honor Rita Hester, whose murder on November 28th, 1998 kicked off the “Remembering Our Dead” web project and a San Francisco candlelight vigil in 1999. Rita Hester’s murder — like most anti-transgender murder cases — has yet to be solved.

The Transgender Day of Remembrance site has a list of those who were killed in 2008 because of anti-transgender bias. The most recent was Teish (Moses) Cannon, shot in Syracuse, New York, November 14, 2008.

Because this is a parenting site, I must once again highly recommend Cris Beam’s Lambda Literary Award-winning book, Transparent: Love, Family, and Living the T with Transgender Teenagers, which tells the tales of four homeless transgender teens she first met while teaching at a school for LGBT youth in LA. One of them, Christine, became her foster child. It is not only a book offering insight on an important topic, but a wonderful read, weaving personal tales with broader themes into a gripping narrative. (I’ve written more on it here.)

Two practical guides worth a read are The Transgender Child: A Handbook for Families and Professionals, for parents with transgender or gender variant children, and The Kids of Trans Resource Guide, by Monica Canfield-Lenfest, for children of transgender parents. I reviewed both in July.

My thoughts are with the trans community today.

Kindergarteners and Marriage Equality

Paige Schilt at Bilerico today reflects on what she calls “my latest obsession: insinuating gay marriage into the kindergarten curriculum.” It’s a wonderful tale about her son’s first foray into a classroom, and a great example of something I’ve been saying for some time (most recently at 365gay.com), that curriculum or no, children will learn about LGBT families because our children are sitting in the classroom, too. And it won’t phase them a bit.

Thanks, Paige, for sharing your story.

Speaking of Bilerico, stop over there Thursday night at 7:00 p.m. ET where they’ll be hosting a liveblog with Kate Kendell, Nadine Smith and Barbara McCullough-Jones, who led the efforts to defeat marriage amendments in California, Florida, and Arizona. Bil Browning of Bilerico explains:

They’ll be answering questions and taking comments live about the amendment battles. Topics will range from “What went wrong?” to “Where do we go from here?” It’s an amazing opportunity for the average Joe/Jane to directly ask questions to these leaders – something I don’t think has ever been done before to such a large scale. Pam Spaulding will be my co-host for the evening’s chat. Pam, Kate and Nadine are Bilerico Project contributors and Barbara is a frequent guest blogger.

TV Alert: Lesbian Moms on Discovery Health

Discovery Health will feature lesbian moms Karen and Janice tomorrow (Tuesday) on Five Under 5 at 8:00 p.m. ET. The moms have a four-year-old daughter and twin sons, and are preparing to welcome another set of twins. I feel exhausted just thinking about it—but they seem to be quite the happy family.

If you want to jump ahead and see what’s happening in their lives right now, check out their blog, Role Playing with Kids.

Discovery Health seems to have a thing about lesbians with large families. Last June, they aired Quads with Two Moms (which I reviewed here), about a couple with one child who then each got pregnant with twins at the same time. All this gives a slightly skewed view of our demographic as a whole, but if Quads is any indication, their coverage is positive and well balanced. I really can’t complain.

I suppose it’s progress when LGBT families are noted for the number of the kids rather than the gender of the parents. Two lesbians having a single child just isn’t news anymore.

(Thanks to reader Tracy of Twins & a Toddler for the heads up.)

Five Years of Marriage Equality, No Locusts

Today marks the fifth anniversary of marriage equality in Massachusetts, and I’m happy to report no locusts have been spotted in the Bay State. This bodes well for GLAD’s plan to have all six New England states enact marriage equality by 2012.

Helen and I are also celebrating our Massaversary today. We’ve been together for over 15 years, and celebrate our real anniversary on another date, but made it legal exactly two years ago. I’d like to say we planned the symbolic date, but really it was just a coincidence, based on my need for health insurance when Helen got a job in this state.

Happy Massaversary, honey! I’d do it again, locusts or no!

Healthy Fast Food Still On the Menu

We’re not a fast-food type of family. When I do need to stop for an on-the-road sort of meal, I’ll look first for a sandwich shop like Subway. My son likes a turkey sub with extra olives and pickles.

I was delighted, therefore, to read that activist Mike Rogers (with whom I partnered for Write to Marry Day) had written to Subway’s corporate headquarters when he found that a Subway franchise in a Merced, California had made a $2,500 donation to Yes On 8 campaign. The gift (listed on HRC’s Web site) was in the name “Subway-Merced Mall, M. Page Enterprises, Inc.,” i.e., the business name, not just the personal name of the franchise owner.

Rogers asked Subway to repudiate the gift and add sexual orientation and gender identity to the corporation’s non-discrimination policy. To Subway’s credit, they did, and chided their franchisee for using the company name for a political purpose. In fact, they will be writing to all their franchisees around the world to remind them of the policy regarding political donations.

The franchisee has called Yes on 8 and asked for a refund of the gift, said a company spokesperson. PageOneQ also reports that the company “has a history of contributing to various causes supported by the LGBT community including food for charitable events.”

This is a nice win for equality, and a reminder, as Rogers says, that “We have a handle — a handle on a spigot of money.” More details over at PageOneQ. Right now, I’m going out for lunch. Somehow, I feel like a sandwich . . . .

What’s Cooking?

Iron Chef and lesbian mom Cat Cora, in an interview with the Food Gal, has spoken out against Prop 8. She also mentions that she and her partner Jen Cora are expecting their third child in April. Congratulations! (Thanks, After Ellen.)

This is as good an excuse as any to move from politics to domestic matters:

What are you cooking for the holidays?

My brother and his wife are hosting our family Thanksgiving this year, so I’m just doing a few side dishes. I’ll be making a cranberry-pecan rye bread that’s a riff on a King Arthur Flour recipe. I use regular rye flour instead of pumpernickel (just because it’s easier to find), and substitute dried cranberries for at least half, if not all, the raisins.

I’m also making the fiery cranbanero sauce I’ve been doing for a few years now.

What about you?

Cynthia Nixon on Marriage Equality and Stepparenting

It’s been a weekend of protests for the LGBT community. The New York Times, among other places covered them, as did most LGBT news channels. Pick your favorite; I won’t list them all here.

Instead, I’m going to highlight the interview that actor and lesbian mom Cynthia Nixon did on Friday with Joy Behar, who guest-hosted Larry King Live. In it, Nixon talks candidly about Prop 8 and LGBT rights. I have to question, however, one of her legal reasons for wanting to marry her partner, Christine Marinoni. Nixon has two children from a previous, opposite-sex relationship. She and the children’s father are therefore the legal parents. Nixon said that if she got hit by a truck, Marinoni would have no legal rights to the children, even though she (Marinoni) is currently their stay-at-home mom. Nixon claimed that if she and Marinoni were married, Marinoni would have legal rights as their stepparent.

Fact is, as I understand it, even for a married, opposite-sex couple, the stepparent would have no legal rights unless the non-custodial biological parent had given up his rights and allowed the stepparent to adopt the children. Nixon and her ex could do this even now, I believe—although it seems they have a good relationship and Nixon doesn’t feel any need to revoke his rights. Would Nixon and Marinoni’s marriage, without Marinoni adopting the children, give Marinoni any legal standing in relation to the children if Nixon died, though, making her and the ex the legal parents? I think not, but I’m not a lawyer. Anyone from the audience? Is this a state-by-state matter?

If I’m correct here, this should be a warning for us not to put all our eggs in the marriage basket, as Nancy Polikoff has said before. As important as marriage rights are, there are a host of additional legal issues that arise when it comes to parenting, and which shouldn’t necessarily be tied to marriage. (Note that Nixon and her male ex never married.)

[Update: Nancy Polikoff, an expert in LGBT family law, confirms my analysis in her comment below.]

Joining the Impact?

Going to one of the nationwide protests today? Join the Impact is collecting your stories, photos, and videos. If you post something there, please leave a link in the comments here, so we can go see what your experience was like.

Weekly Political Roundup

• Dan Savage says the Arkansas ban against adoption or fostering by unmarried couples is even more of a threat to LGBT equality than the marriage bans:
  

  Most ominous, once “pro-family” groups start arguing that gay couples are unfit to raise children we might adopt, how long before they argue that we’re unfit to raise those we’ve already adopted? If lesbian couples are unfit to care for foster children, are they fit to care for their own biological children?

  The loss in California last week was heartbreaking. But what may be coming next is terrifying.

• Tomorrow, November 15, will be an international day of protest against Prop 8 and other anti-equality measures. 365gay.com reports that all 50 states have at least one city hall location for the rally. They also interview Seattle activist Amy Balliett, the organizing force behind the protests. Read the rest of this post »