Comments on: “She Got Me Pregnant”: Episode 46

By: Dana

Dana — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 04:57:59 +0000

Thanks, Marilyn and Halene, for sharing your stories.

By: Halene

Halene — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 21:23:36 +0000

hello, my partner and I had an experience similar to your in the deli/bagel counter, but for us it was in our son’s preschool. Last spring our son was enrolled in a mommy and me type preschool.. I was the one who accompanied him and got to interact with the class teacher and the other parents. I introduced myself and our family using the ‘my partner’ term which in my mind meant I outed myself to the group (teacher included). However, the term partner now has been so used by straight people often in an effort to embrace more all encompassing terminology so frequently also doesn’t necessarily always conjure up the notion of lesbian in people’s minds. Often what I think is obvious is not so, and I suppose I should have thrown in a few more.. ‘she’ pronouns when discussing my partner, or something, because when we signed up again this fall for the same class.. and got the same teacher, she was thrown for a loop seeing my (familiar) son enter her class with my (unfamiliar) partner. The teacher says, “I know you”, to our son, and “but you aren’t his mom”, to my partner. She replied, “yes I am”, then paused to let the teacher think a moment, then adds, “he has two moms”. I’m now curious to see whether she uses more fluid gender terminology for spouses/partners.. last term she kept referring to our “husbands” which was irritating last time! Thanks to you both for your thoughtful blog.

By: Marilyn

Marilyn — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 17:31:58 +0000

I think the issues you brought are great. Although I must say I haven’t had the bad luck in Western Upstate NY and getting pregnant. I think my attitude had alot to do with it. I didn’t carry, but went in there confident and placed myself in the position to ask questions and had in turn my needs met. We are now on baby 2 and still have no issues. Actually the nurses know me and speak to me as just the other parent.
As for school it’s the same think. I think if we display any sense of other people will treat us as such. Our child knows us as Momma, and Mommina, Italian for mother- yet he calls us both what ever he wishes. We now which one he want when.
When you start to be a parent it’s less about you and more about them, and so although I want to keep him safe from hatred. I also want him, and the future child to express inclusion, and acceptance.