I was pleased to see many grown children of LGBT parents participating in Blogging for LGBT Families Day. Here are some of their words:
Abigail Garner of Damn Straight, who spent many years as a full-time advocate for children of LGBT families, writes of the recent difficulties she had when her new employer “discovered” her blog on the subject, although she had never tried to hide it:
This blog post is written in honor of “Blogging for LGBT Families Day” as a reminder that being outspoken always carries a risk — even when you think you are over all the hurdles of coming out. Even when you think you are as out as you can be. Even when you are certain it is a non-issue.
This Spring, I left my job for the freedom to blog for LGBT Families.
Read her post for the rest of the story.
Dawn at Growing a Pair writes of her parent’s divorce and how attitudes towards LGBT people have affected her, even though she is straight:
You see, during my parent’s divorce, my mother’s “orientation” was of great interest to my father, and my father’s lawyers…. At different times, I was asked to testify in court as to the nature of my mom’s relationship, who slept where, who parented whose children. I was 19. There was a lot I didn’t know then about how the world works, and shouldn’t have been expected to….
I rail against a machine that refuses to recognize same-sex couples, and yet I benefit from the same machine that sees my own relationship as “legitimate.” But the law and our nation’s attitude has cost me plenty, beyond the basic rights that my friends and family cannot enjoy. It was a part of the reason that my mom and I did not have a relationship for almost three years….
Today I’m writing for families like my own. Families like those we love. (We often note that our kids think a heterosexually-headed family is the anomaly, because we have just as many single and same-sex families in our sphere.) The best thing we can do is keep teaching our children, keep pushing our government, and keep telling our stories.
Meredith, program director at COLAGE, who blogs as Fairymere, writes of the recent California marriage ruling, and how far we still have to go:
As a member of the COLAGE/queerspawn movement, I recognize that whether I want there to be or not, there is something validating that comes with having a relationship honored by marriage. And that for many of the youth with whom I work, marriage has long been a concept they understand that sets their families apart since their parents can not access it….
Furthermore, I get extremely angry when people declare that now that we have marriage equality in California that now “we are equal!” … As individuals and as the LGBTQ community we still face homophobia, transphobia, racism, classism and a litany of other problems that manifest themselves through employment discrimination, the pathologization of transgender individuals, harassment of youth in their schools, and the treatment of LGBTQ prisoners just to name a few.
So while it’s important to celebrate that it feels good and just that while marriage is a mark of how we protect our families, that ALL families are able to access it, it’s also crucial we recognize that this does not mean we are equal. The struggle for true social justice remains a long road in front of us. But as a part of the COLAGE movement- a movement for social justice by and for children, youth and adults with LGBTQ parents, I feel engaged and committed to the struggle.
Whittles writes about her father and AIDS:
It’s funny to realize as an adult that I had no idea how different my family was when I was a child….
It wasn’t until my father got very sick with AIDS that I started to have any awareness that something wasn’t normal. Sure, other folks had sick parents ever, but I wasn’t supposed to talk about mine. Bad things might happen if people know about mine. I didn’t know why, and I wouldn’t have known what to call it, but shame and fear were the waters we swam in when it came to people knowing about our family.
It was really after he passed away that I began understanding both his queerness and his illness and why they were such a big deal….
Looking back I realize how much that history has shaped me…. I have found a real passion and a real community with COLAGE, and I am forever grateful. They helped open my eyes to a part of my identity I didn’t even realize could be reflected in the world. I’ll never forget the day I first met another adult who had lost a father to AIDS. It was like a revelation to me.
My personal story is complicated and at times painful, much like most folks’. I know that personally, I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. I stand here today, stronger and more fully alive because of the experiences I’ve had.
LOweetzieLIbatTA at DeviantART writes of the fabulous part of gay culture, traditional dad stuff, and maintaining a relationship with her biological mother, a single mom:
“In a word, having a gay dad is fabulous. Many daughters learned to dance standing on their father’s feet; I learned to do the Macarena before it became a big hit. My father used to take me to gem shows with an equal enthusiasm for sparkly things. Dad, his partner Pete and I bond while watching What Not To Wear and making fun of how terribly some people dress….
Although they do not allow themselves to be constrained by the social masculine norms, gay men are still men at heart. For my family that meant few and far between mushy discussions about feelings, sports fanaticism, and toilet seats constantly being left up. In addition to doing some non-traditional father-daughter activities, I didn’t miss out on the traditional ones either. We played backyard baseball, which consisted of my dad pitching, me hitting, and our border collie Tux chasing and bringing back the ball while his son Buster herded him. We also went to hockey games because I refused to accompany him to any other sporting event he had tickets to….
However, unlike some of my fellow queerspawn, I have the added bonus of maintaining a healthy relationship with my biological mother since I came to be through a divorce. In fact, a lot of my upbringing involved living with my single mom, which is also frowned on in some parts of society. There was a time when I thought no child should be without a mom and a dad. But there was also a time when I thought there might be monsters under my bed.
I’ve put only extracts here in the interest of space and copyright, but I encourage you to read the full posts.