Neither my son nor this blog would be here without the benefit of modern technology, and for that (mostly the former), I am grateful. I’m a minimalist when it comes to childcare technology, however, although I’ve found a baby monitor to be a useful gadget. The New York Times, however, takes a look at several new “babytronics” designed to make life easier for new parents and better for their children.
Most had me rolling my eyes. I think a battery-operated nasal aspirator would have freaked out my son to no end. I don’t think an electronic device that helps me track “how long it has been since the baby has gone to sleep, been fed, had her diaper changed or taken her medicine” has much advantage over the pencil and paper I used to track the last of the four. My son was more than willing to inform me when sufficient time had passed since the first three.
My winning pick for the “Most Useless Gadget” award is the LENA System (only $399!), a credit-card sized “language measurement tool” that slips into the front pocket of a specially designed outfit for your child. Several days a month, you use it to record conversation between parent(s) and child, then plug it into your computer so the special software can analyze “how many words you have spoken to your baby, how often your baby responds, and where you match up against the rest of the American population, to ensure your infant is getting that all-important verbal edge on other infants.” Apparently, the system is based on “research demonstrating a correlation between the amount parents talk to their babies during their first three years and their professional success later in life.”
“Yes, I know little Bessie’s going to get into Überelite Nursery Academy. I said 1287 words to her today but Sally only said 1123 to her Johnnie. Too bad he won’t be going to Harvard with her. Maybe he can stuff envelopes for her presidential campaign.”
What are your contenders for most-useless baby products? What are some gadgets you’d like to see invented that would in fact be useful for parents?
11:44 pm
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lakay
on Feb 28th, 2008
@ 12:52 am:
I just wanted to say that you might be slightly less critical. My sister recently purchased the device that tracks when you last fed, changed, and etc. the baby. Wanna know why? Because she didn’t like all the paper she was using to keep track of it – the trees being wasted and all that. And why does she need to keep track of it? Because we believe that family extends beyond immediate parentage and biology and we all help raise our kids together – the fact that on any given day, her son is with 3-4 different “primary” caregivers while various others work makes this gadget a life saver for all of us. It has also helped my 6 year old daughter learn a lot about babies and how often then need to eat and sleep and etc. And if it’s time to feed the baby and we are all around, she’s thrilled to let us all know so she can have her turn.
Dana
on Feb 28th, 2008
@ 1:08 am:
Fair enough, and I won’t debate the merits of a small notebook of recycled/recyclable paper vs. the energy needed to make a device of plastic and silicon. I don’t have the data to know which is really best, environmentally. If you’ve found a system that works for you and your family, though, then that’s the important thing.
Liza
on Feb 28th, 2008
@ 9:50 am:
Hilarious! And while I’m sure there are some parents for whom these gadgets are life-changingly useful, I could not agree more that for most of us, they scream “I have too much money!”
My favorite apparently standard but I don’t get why gadget is the wipe-warmer.
April
on Feb 28th, 2008
@ 10:18 am:
As the parent of a child who is on the Autism Spectrum, I would have to disagree with you on the LENA. I could see the use of it if you are concerned about whether your child’s language is developing on track. It would not have helped us much because it can’t distinguish the quality of language (our son used to communicate through phrases of dialog used in Thomas the Tank in Engine DVDs), but for those children who have language and then suddenly begin to lose it, it could be helpful for tracking purposes.
Dana
on Feb 28th, 2008
@ 11:08 am:
Oh, good point about using the LENA for a child with special needs (or potential special needs). I have no problem with that. My objection was the fact that it seemed to be marketed to parents in that fear-mongering, competitive “if you don’t use this, your child may not get into Harvard” way. At least that’s how the NYT presented it. The LENA Web site itself seems to focus more on its use in detecting legitimate language delays, and that’s certainly a valid use.