• Retired Brigadier Gen. Keith Kerr surprised candidates at the Republican CNN/YouTube debate by revealing he is gay and asking “I want to know why you think that American men and women in uniform are not professional enough to serve with gays and lesbians.” He later said he felt he did not get an answer from the candidates. Kerr is a member of the LGBT steering committee for the Clinton campaign, although the campaign says he acted on his own. CNN omitted this segment in their rebroadcast of the event, and said they would not have included his question if they had known he had ties to Clinton. In a separate move to mark the 14th anniversary of the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy, 28 retired generals and admirals released a letter urging Congress to repeal the law.
• Two transgender members of the Human Rights Campaign Business Council quit, saying HRC’s support of a version of ENDA without protections for gender identity and expression put them “in an untenable position.”
• HRC claims House and Senate leaders may detach the Matthew Shepard Act, which includes hate-crimes protections based on sexual orientation and gender identity, from the Department of Defense bill to which it is attached. This could jeopardize the Act’s passage.
• A new poll found Hillary Clinton has 63 percent of the votes among LGB likely voters. (No trans voters were counted; no reason was given.) The Bilerico Project, however, has a series of posts with contributors explaining why they support other candidates, as well as Clinton.
• Presidential candidate Mitt Romney sent out a direct mail piece claiming he is the only candidate to support a federal ban on same-sex marriage. (He’s not; Mike Huckabee does, too.) Yup. Even those of us married in Massachusetts would be downgraded to some other form of recognition if one of these candidates gets elected.
• A study by UCLA’s Williams Institute shows that 20% of the more than 594,391 same-sex couples in the U.S. (PDF link) are raising approximately 270,313 children. An estimated 65,500 of the U.S.’s adopted children live with a lesbian or gay parent. The median household income of same-sex couples with children is $46,200, versus $59,600 for married parents. The average household income of same-sex couples with children is $59,270, versus $74,777 for married parents. While 51% of same-sex couples with children own their home, versus 77% of married ones.
• A gay Iranian business owner who has been living in Rockville, Maryland for 17 years has been jailed and faces deportation back to his native country, where he was earlier beaten by government agents wanting to know about his relationship with a member of the Revolutionary Guard. The U.S. government tried to deport him in 2001, after he had been duped by a fake lawyer claiming to help him gain asylum. He was instead placed on probation when the Iranian government refused him travel documents. His lawyer claims he as always complied with the terms of his probation.

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LGBT finance blog Queercents has added a parent to their roster of writers:

Dr. Jennifer Natalya Fink is a professor of English at Georgetown University, the author of two novels (V and BURN, both from Suspect Thoughts Press), and, most importantly, the mother of a gorgeous and hilarious baby girl. She and her family live in the DC area, and are interested in helping queer families prosper.

She’ll be covering issues of money and parenting, a topic I cover here on and off, but not as a sole focus. Her first post is titled “Lesbian and Gay Parents Cut Postpartum Expenses.” She offers some useful advice, like “Buy onesies and pants in a variety of sizes,” and “Find a good lawyer.”

I have to disagree somewhat, however, with her advice that “newborns need to be fed every 2-3 hours, and require constant skin-to-skin contact with their parents. . . . Instead of making a fancy schmancy nursery in which baby will be miserable and alone, we made a few adjustments in our bedroom so that our baby could have easy access to us.”

I agree that babies need skin-to-skin contact, but I don’t think that all of them need it to be “constant.” Helen and I put our son in his own room after a few days of keeping him in our room in a cradle (a handmade family heirloom; not an expensive purchase). He wasn’t “miserable” and we slept better, even though he was in the next room over and we could hear him when he needed us. I’ve written more on this in my own list of Baby Gear Recommendations.

Not that Jennifer’s way is wrong, per se. If it works for you and your baby, that’s great. My experience was different, but to each her own. If you’re not sure what you and your baby will prefer, I’d go with Jennifer’s advice to “consider holding off on elaborate baby furniture.” I’d then suggest getting a Pack N Play or the like, a portable crib (often with a bassinet attached) that you can set up in either your room or a nursery until you decide what works best. (Or, like we did, keep it on the first floor where you’ll all be sleeping until your partner’s C-section heals enough for her to climb the stairs.)

I do agree with Jennifer about keeping a rein on the fancy-schmancy stuff. Crib sets (sheets, quilt, and crib bumper) are my own personal peeve, as most doctors will tell you quilts and bumpers are SIDS hazards. Buy just the sheets. (If you get a whole set as a gift, you can buy a couple of curtain rods and some clips and use the quilt and bumper as wall hangings—well away from the crib.)

Despite a difference of opinion here, I hope it’s all in the spirit of friendly discussion. I look forward to Jennifer’s future posts and the financial light she will shed on LGBT parenting.

In this edition of our weekly video blog, brought to you in partnership with After Ellen, my partner Helen and I use Exes & Ohs insemination storyline as a jumping-off point to discuss similarities and differences between lesbian and straight parents. We also try to figure out which of us is the bio mom, debate the virtues of dumbing-down one’s résumé, and share some news about an upcoming movie restoration featuring lesbian moms from over two decades ago.

Online Videos by Veoh.com

If the Veoh video above isn’t working (sometimes their server can be flaky), you can try it at Daily Motion, though the picture quality isn’t as good there.

A reader just wrote to me with a question I thought I’d open up to your collective wisdom (with her permission):

She and her now-former partner created their family the same way my partner and I did: using one partner’s egg (hers) and having the other partner carry the child. They even petitioned their state to recognize them both as parents, as we did. Now they are divorced and sharing custody. While the state is giving her the same rights as any other divorced couple with kids, she says she now feels more like “the divorced dad,” paying child support but seeing the kids less than she’d like because she works full time. “I want to be the mom too! I know I am,” she writes.

Anyone else go through a similar situation? How did you handle it? Please share in the comments.

A Florida college is offering employees pet insurance after denying them insurance for same-sex partners.

This of course begs the question of whether the pet insurance would cover gay penguins.

Right after the good news from Australia’s national elections comes the more worrisome news that the New South Wales upper house will likely approve legislation allowing reproductive donors “to demand their sperm or eggs only go to certain religious, ethnic or cultural groups or be reserved for heterosexual couples.” The bill would also require sperm donors to register their names so that when children turn 18, they could make contact with the donors. The office of the Health Minister, who supports the bill, said “it will not be in the child’s best interests to discover later in life that their genetic parent has a fundamental objection to their existence or the social and cultural circumstances in which they were raised.”

Ugh. Discrimination (if not eugenics) couched in the “best interests of the child.” Those who feel strongly about who should get their genetic material should be known donors for someone, not anonymous ones, or shouldn’t donate in the first place. Yes, it could be hard on someone to find out their genetic parent objects to their existence or upbringing—but those who seek out their donors have to be prepared for such situations. Otherwise, why stop at the categories above? There are a thousand other things in “the social and cultural circumstances” of a child’s upbringing to which a donor could object. “Your mother let you eat meat?” “She didn’t breastfeed you for at least six months?” “She let you play what kind of music?” “And why are you going to art school instead of becoming a doctor?” If we let donors choose some of the circumstances, why not let them choose all?

I also balk at requiring donors to permit contact upon the child’s majority. I’m all for such contact as long as both the child and donor have agreed—but think it should be a matter of choice for each of them. Not requiring contact does make it harder for those who want a willing-to-be-known donor, but I think it would lead to a drop in the number of donors—and more donors mean a more diverse gene pool. Yes, let’s encourage donors who are willing to be known, and let’s educate prospective parents about how using such a donor impacts their children, but let’s not turn away those who want to remain forever anonymous. (See also my interview (Part I and Part II) with Sherron Mills of Pacific Reproductive Services, which has the largest selection of known donors in the U.S., for Mills’ perspective on the benefits of willing-to-be known donors.)

I imagine some of you have views on the matter. Please share in the comments.

(Thanks to PageOneQ for the link.)

There’s a bit of a food obsession going around the world of LGBT women at the moment. Since parenting and food seem to go together like peanut (or soy) butter and jelly, I thought I’d do a quick roundup.

• After Ellen has a lengthy feature piece on Iron Chef and lesbian mom Cat Cora.
• Author, performer, lecturer, and bisexual mom Susie Bright, best known for her writings about sex and politics, has launched a new blog, Little Susie Homebreaker, “Good Cooking, Fine Sewing, and the Leisure Hours.” Although her focus is somewhat different in the new venue, she brings as much passion and edginess to food as to sex—and anyone who suggests adding diced fennel bulb to Thanksgiving stuffing or starts her recipe for The Best Spaghetti You Ever Had with homemade roasted tomatoes and peppers (”roasting like fallen angels”), is clearly no novice in the kitchen. Lots of fun.
• Out lesbian and former Top Chef contestants Josie Smith-Malave and Sandee Birdsong, as well as bisexual Tiffani Faison will be appearing on Bravo’s Top Chef Holiday Special, Thursday, December 6 at 9 p.m. ET/PT. Another Sapphic chef, Elizabeth Falkner of Citizen Cake in San Francisco, will be one of the judges. (On a more somber note, police arrested two women just before Thanksgiving for a September anti-gay attack on Smith-Malave.)
• Maybe it’s this culinary vibe that made me buy my new mixer last week. (It works great on this recipe for Raisin-Pecan Bread by King Arthur Flour—though in a seasonal spirit I substituted dried cranberries for the raisins, and just used more rye flour instead of pumpernickel. It also makes whipped cream in about three seconds flat. Yee hah.)
• Several of you have also been active in the kitchen, as evidenced by your contributions to my Holiday Recipe Exchange: Riding the Gus Bus makes turkey with fresh herbs and pancetta; Jero at House of Jero does a traditional green-bean casserole as well as bacon-wrapped green bean bundles; and Jen at Addition Problems whips up simple, savory sweet potatoes. I did variations on cranberry sauce in my original post, so it looks like we’re well on our way to a complete holiday meal. Anyone care to share some pie recipes for dessert? Or holiday cookies?

Here’s the adorable theme song and opening sequence from BuddyG: My Two Moms and Me, the new animated show I reviewed last week. If it doesn’t put a smile on your face, you’re probably reading the wrong blog:

The song was composed and sung by Curt Bright of The String Beans. (How can you not love a band that records songs like “Gophers in Loafers”?)

Making international headlines this week is the defeat of Australia’s prime minister, John Howard, a Bush ally, and the triumph of Labor’s Kevin Rudd. Reader Mace, who founded the Lesbian Parents Australia Yahoo! group, wrote “we no longer have a conservative government in Australia … and that is a new beginning with lots of renewed hope for equity for same sex families.” Bloggers and new moms The Muriels, however, express their disappointment that Rudd’s acceptance speech omitted an explicit mention of LGBT Australians, although Labor’s national platform includes legal equality and relationship recognition for same-sex couples. Prominent gay advocate Rodney Croome also takes a cautious approach, noting “the last few months have seen the beginning of a crusade by the religious right to extend its influence over Kevin Rudd and limit Labor’s already limited reform agenda.” (Thanks to Mace for the link.)

Let’s hope Labor’s win does in fact signal a positive change for Australia’s LGBT community. I also think that as more and more of the U.S.’s ally countries enact laws recognizing same-sex couples, it puts pressure on the U.S. to do the same. Here’s to all the LGBT Australians and allies who played a part in this week’s victory and who will continue to work towards equality for all.

Even if you haven’t yet read my rather lengthy review of The Daring Book for Girls, I thought it might be interesting to take the book’s basic premise—a compendium of activities and information across a range of subjects, things every girl should know—and see if we could give it a lesbian twist. (I’d do a parenting riff on it, too, but Parent Hacks seems to do that every day, and rather well.)

What are the essential skills (PG only, please), historical references, famous people, and other tidbits every dyke should know? What would you put in a volume to give to someone just coming out in order to ensure her lesbian cultural literacy? The U-Haul joke? Melissa Etheridge? Ellen DeGeneres? Audre Lorde? Martina Navratilova? How to find your way around a Home Depot? Ten tips for surviving a women’s music festival? How to respond when someone calls you “sir” or asks about your non-existent husband? How to play softball? How to feign interest in a softball game? (Input from non-U.S. readers especially welcome; I realize most of the above references reflect our heritage here in the States.)

(The title of this post is meant as a joke; I acknowledge the copyrights held by the authors of The Daring Book for Girls and The Dangerous Book for Boys.)