Write a Novel About LGBT Families

November is National Novel Writing Month, when aspiring novelists are challenged to write a 50,000-word work (about 175 pages) in 30 days. In 2006, over 79,000 people participated and nearly 13,000 reached the 50,000-word goal. The organizers say:

Valuing enthusiasm and perseverance over painstaking craft, NaNoWriMo is a novel-writing program for everyone who has thought fleetingly about writing a novel but has been scared away by the time and effort involved.

Because of the limited writing window, the ONLY thing that matters in NaNoWriMo is output. It’s all about quantity, not quality. The kamikaze approach forces you to lower your expectations, take risks, and write on the fly.

Now, while I’d love to take up the challenge, I’d have to put this blog, my family, or my sanity on hold for the duration, and I’m reluctant to give up any of them (though the last is slipping already). I hope, however, that at least one of you out there will make the attempt. If you do, and if your work is about LGBT parents or children thereof in some way, let me know and I’ll publish the first chapter (or the first 1500 words, whichever is shorter) here at Mombian. Novels for either grown-ups or young adults are welcome. (You’ll retain all rights to the work. I just reserve the right not to publish anything that in my opinion promotes hate or is anti-LGBT.)

Regardless of your topic, let us know in the comments if you are participating, so we can send some encouragement your way over the course of the month. The NaNoWriMo organizers also have a slew of community resources to support writers in their ambitious endeavor. (And don’t forget to register with NaNoWriMo so they can add you to the official list of participants.)

Product Review: Care.com

Last spring, I interviewed the founder of CareSquare, an online service that matches families with caregivers (babysitters and nannies) in their area. Now, a new entrant joins this field, Care.com.

As with CareSquare, the usefulness of the service depends largely on where one lives. In a small town or remote location, there may not be as many providers from whom to choose, especially while the services are still ramping up. Still, if you can find a provider in your area, both services let you view profiles and review recommendations for care providers, as well as submit your own comments (and I recommend that LGBT families always include a comment when they find an LGBT-friendly—or hostile—provider). Read the rest of this post »

The Decline of LGBT Culture?

Famous LGBT enclaves like the Castro District in San Francisco, Key West, Florida, and West Hollywood “struggle to maintain cultural relevance in the face of gentrification,” claims the New York Times. “In the Castro, the influx of baby strollers—some being pushed by straight parents, some by gay parents—is perhaps the most blatant sign of change,” they say.

Oh, great. Not only are same-sex parents being blamed for the downfall of traditional American culture, now we’re blamed for the downfall of our own culture as well.

No, I’ll put a more positive spin on that: We’re responsible for the creation of a new sub-culture (or is that a sub-sub-culture?) of LGBT families. We take a little from LGBT culture, a little from traditional family culture, some legal and/or biological machinations to hold it all together, and stir well.

Where you live, do you feel more tied to the general parenting community or the LGBT one? Are you happy with the balance?

How Academic Should Schools Be?

Continuing the theme of education from earlier this week:

In the U.K., the Commons education committee has warned that creativity is a “second-order priority” in the country’s schools, but should be a fundamental part of learning, with adequate funding. “We believe that the best education has creativity at its very heart,” they say.

I couldn’t agree more. I’m concerned, however, about their suggestion that “there should be an assessment of creative skills alongside academic tests.” How does one measure creativity? “Here, kid, show us what you can make with these Legos”? I’ll concede there has to be some evaluation to determine if the teaching is effective; I just hope it does take the form of a broad “assessment” rather than a grade, and considers the many ways people can be creative. My mom, for example, is a fine watercolor artist, but not so good with the Legos. My dad is a great photographer, but couldn’t paint anything more complicated than the kitchen ceiling (and I’m talking Sherwin Williams Bright White, not a reproduction of the Sistine Chapel).

On a related note, the New York Times discusses the movement for universal prekindergarten (UPK), and tackles the question of what the goals of such a hypothetical program should be. Writer Ann Hulbert notes a socioeconomic split, with well-educated (and thus likely to be more affluent) families preferring the “‘whole child’ end of the pedagogical spectrum.” Their children are already learning the ABCs, so the parents favor classrooms with “individualized exploration and creative classroom collaboration to promote social and emotional growth. That entails having well-trained teachers at hand to comment and facilitate, like attentive parents, rather than overtly direct. Not cheap, it’s what many child experts consider developmentally correct.”

In contrast, she says, lower-income families and families from other cultures may “expect more work than play in school. Bolstering kids’ deference to adults, not just boosting kids’ confidence, is also valued in many families. Early reading and math readiness often counts most of all, and teachers hold the key. It’s an invitation to ‘direct instruction,’ which appeals to school administrators eager for a cost-effective jump-start on “skilling” for the No Child Left Behind testing that starts in third grade.”

Hulbert takes the middle ground and feels that “at each end of the spectrum there are pedagogical lessons the other end wouldn’t get otherwise and that everyone could benefit from.” She notes, however, that although many (including Hillary Clinton and John Edwards) are touting the benefits of affordable and available (though not necessarily mandatory) pre-K, “There is little mention of, say, pretend play in the pitch for government-subsidized pre-K.”

Elsewhere in the Times, Sara Rimer looks at stress levels throughout elementary and secondary education. She points out that in Needham, Massachusetts, “school officials had responded to youth surveys indicating troubling rates of alcohol and drug use and depression—rates like those at other affluent high schools—by establishing an initiative, starting in elementary school, to help students develop better emotional and social skills.”

Again, what say you? Are programs for creative, emotional, and social development a perk for the rich, or a fundamental part of any education? To what extent should schools, rather than parents, teach these skills? Thoughts from both homeschoolers and those with kids in traditional education are welcome.

Red Sox, Red Blood

Living near the capitol of Red Sox Nation, it’s hard not to get caught up in the collective euphoria over our sweep of the Colorado Rockies in the 2007 World Series (and yes, for true fans, the first-person plural is warranted).

Sunday’s victory had another meaning for me as well. The winning pitcher was Jon Lester, who in 2006 was treated for lymphoma, a form of blood cancer. My father is also a two-time lymphoma survivor, and got out of the hospital the second time only two days before my son, his first and only grandchild, was born. The tie with Lester’s illness would be enough to give me pause this week. The Red Sox have also, however, been long-time supporters of the Jimmy Fund, the fundraising organization behind Boston’s Dana-Farber Cancer Institute, where my dad went for care. In fact, according to their Web site, “The relationship that the Red Sox and Dana-Farber Cancer Institute share is the longest standing, most extensive, and significant team-charity relationship in all of professional sports.” The two organizations have worked together for 54 years. (It’s also worth noting that third baseman Mike Lowell is a testicular cancer survivor, and both pitcher Curt Schilling’s wife, Shonda and Dustin Pedroia’s wife, Kelli are melanoma survivors. The Schillings founded the SHADE Foundation in 2002 to to educate people about melanoma prevention and detection.)

Despite my allegiance to the BoSox, I’ve never owned any team paraphernalia. (I’m also one of three lesbians in the U.S. who has never played softball.) I cheer for them, but prefer to spend my money supporting women’s pro sports teams, which need it more. (I can’t wait until the new women’s professional soccer league launches next year, with a franchise in Boston.) Still, I can see one of these 2007 World Champion holiday ornaments from the Jimmy Fund making its way to our house this year. (Heck, maybe I’ll even celebrate both our heritages and order eight of them.)

The World Series may be “just a game” to some, or a celebration of athletic prowess and community spirit, or a ridiculous display of overpaid egotists, but if it can bring more money and awareness to the Jimmy Fund and some of the other charities supported by the Sox and their players, then it’s served more than its purpose.

Family Voices XIV

Here’s this week’s post in my Family Voices series. COLAGE (Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere) member Isabel talks about having a mother who came out, the importance of being yourself and letting your children be themselves, and why COLAGE means so much to her.

Tell us a little about the family in which you grew up. Who was in it? Anything particular you’d like to share about yourselves?

The first seven years of my life my family consisted of me, my brother, my mother, and my father. When I was seven years old my parents got divorced and my mother came out as a lesbian. A few months later, my mother’s partner at the time moved in with me, my mother, and my brother, with her three children. A few years later, my mother and her partner at the time adopted a son together. My father has always been part of the picture. My mother is no longer with her partner but they still remain close, as my mother and father have.

What has been the most challenging thing you’ve faced as the child of (an) LGBT parent(s)? How did you handle it?

I didn’t really face many challenging things as a child because of my mother. I guess telling some people was a little awkward because you never know how people are going to react, but I didn’t get much negative feedback.

What, if anything, did your parent(s) do to help you understand their sexual orientation or gender identity, or to help you deal with any issues this raised at school or elsewhere? Any resources (groups, books, movies, Web sites, etc.) you found particularly helpful?

I think the best thing my mother did was to not make it a big deal. There wasn’t a big discussion about how she was now a lesbian and what that really meant. My father moved out and my stepmother moved in. Thats pretty much how it went.

The most helpful group to me was COLAGE. COLAGE is honestly the best thing that has ever happened to me. It provided me and my family a safe place to discuss how we feel, and to hear other peoples experiences. I developed many friendships and relationships that will probably last me my whole life. What other kid can say that they love to go away for a week every summer to go to workshops and meeting and teen panels? I don’t know of any. Read the rest of this post »

The Amazing Race: Lesbian Mom Edition

CBS’s The Amazing Race will feature a lesbian couple for the first time when it starts its new season November 4, reports After Ellen. The couple, 49-year-old Kate Lewis and 65-year-old Pat Hendrickson, are both Episcopalian ministers, and should be fun to watch, especially as they compete against couples half their age and a pair of “dating Goths.”

Still, I don’t have to turn on the TV to find an amazing race with lesbians in it. And the mom factor adds a few degrees of difficulty. A sample day last week, for instance, went something like this:

• Get up and attempt to complete shower before son wakes.
• Still dripping water, go into his room when he calls and herd him into the bathroom for his morning routine. Gently put aside the three books and four toys he picks up along the way.
• Dash back to own bathroom and try to finish dressing before son does.
• Hope there’s milk in the fridge for breakfast. Keep son from dumping entire box of granola into his cereal bowl.
• Realize there are only 15 minutes left in which to brush teeth (own and son’s), use the facilities, make sure son washes his hands after doing the same, and drive to son’s music class.
• Dance. Sing. Generally make like the Red Sox bullpen. (Go Sox!)
• In the next 45 minutes: Wrangle now-dancing son back into car. Drive into town to grab bagels for lunch. Find parking spot two blocks away. Shepherd son on random walk to bagel shop. Order bagel, eat, make another bathroom stop, and get son to school only three minutes late.
• Drive home. Throw laundry in washer. Blog for two hours.
• Grab keys to go pick up son. Realize laundry is still in washer. Bolt to laundry room and throw into dryer.
• Drive back to school (obeying all traffic regulations). Explain to son that we can’t stay and play on the playground in the rain.
• Back home again. Check e-mail while son has snack. Assist on Lego spaceship construction project, treasure-map drawing, and major fire-and-rescue operation involving Tonka action figures and a teddy bear.
• Nuke leftovers for dinner. Partner is out of town on business, so we don’t have to wait till she gets home.
• More Lego creations, a video, and upstairs for another round of toothbrushes and toilets. Make mental note to clean up cat hairball in the hallway.
• Read bedtime story. And another. And one more.
• Sing bedtime song, a form of musical improv based on son’s whim of the evening. (“Mommy, I want a song about a pumpkin, a magnifying glass, and an airplane.”)
• Sit down to blog again while watching the Sox beat the stuffing out of the Rockies. Breathe a sigh, knowing I’ve made it through another day of the Homosexual Agenda.
• Remember there’s unfolded laundry in the dryer.

Does Your Toddler Know the Mona Lisa?

This Sunday’s Boston Globe Magazine had an exposé on the Better Baby Institute, which claims to have created a method for accelerating babies’ development. Physical therapist Glenn Doman founded the Institute to help brain-damaged children recover function, and he (along with daughter Janet) is now applying his findings to well infants and toddlers. “We are persuaded that every child born has, at the instant of birth, a greater potential intelligence than Leonardo da Vinci ever used.”

It’s a statement full of promise, but when it leads to three-year-olds being drilled with flashcards of the Mona Lisa, Maria de Medici, and other famous works of art (or animals like the two-spotted ladybird beetle and the periodical cicada), or a one-year-old wearing a pedometer so her parents can see how her daily distances match up to the Institute’s benchmark of half a mile in 18 minutes, one wonders if the supposed boost is worth the cost.

In contrast, Globe author Neil Swidey cites a number of studies showing that children with the earliest letter, number, and word skills are not necessarily those who do best in the long run. Pushing too hard can in fact hinder development. If we ask children to do something for which their brains are not ready, says Maryanne Wolf, professor of child development at Tufts University, “You run the risk of making a child feel like a failure before they’ve even begun.”

I’m a skeptic when it comes to special “methods” for improving a young child’s intelligence. Titles like the Domans’ How To Multiply Your Baby’s Intelligence, How To Give Your Baby Encyclopedic Knowledge, and How To Teach Your Baby To Be Physically Superb make me cringe. Read to a child. Expose them to a variety of objects and experiences. Incorporate letters, numbers, and music into your daily activities, but don’t obsess about it. Make sure they play and socialize. Beyond that, I don’t think there is much we can do to stack the deck.

One of the many other things that bothers me about programs like the Domans’ is the focus on rote identification and a selectivity about what constitutes intelligence. Is a child who can identify Claude Debussy really any smarter than one who can identify Cinderella or Thomas the Tank Engine? Does it matter that the child can’t put the former into any kind of context, but can relate to Cinderella or Thomas as characters in stories they’ve heard? In a toddler, knowing Debussy or the Mona Lisa is not intelligence, but mere parroting. Yes, they’ll learn some language skills through that process of parroting, but unless they also have a Mona Lisa doll and friends with similar toys, they’ll get a lot more practical use from knowing Thomas or Cinderella. (I hate the whole mass-marketing approach to children’s toys, I really do—but I also realize there’s social value in being able to talk about these characters with the kid next door.) In some ways, Doman’s method is the memorize-for-the-test approach engendered by No Child Left Behind, taken to its early extreme. If your children memorize enough, they will pass. If they start early, maybe they will even become geniuses.

What say you? Are intelligence-improvement programs like the Domans’ (or the Baby Einstein DVDs) worth it? How can we make reasonable efforts to ensure our children are learning, and challenge them to fulfill their potential, but not push them beyond where they are mentally and physically ready to go?

Weekly Political Roundup

• The Baldwin Amendment, which would have added gender-identity and -expression protections back into ENDA, is dead, and a vote on ENDA has been delayed.
• Presidential candidate Barack Obama incurred the wrath of many LGBT advocates when he scheduled an appearance with homophobic gospel singer Donnie McClurkin. Obama countered by also scheduling openly gay minister Andy Sidden to speak at the concert as well. Pam has a few choice words about this, noting that Sidden is white, and is perhaps not the best choice to deliver a message of tolerance to black people: “Coming from a white pastor under these circumstances, [this] can only be seen as paternalistic and patronizing; the shields of defensiveness will go up, the message will be ignored.” She also has links to other LGBT bloggers who have weighed in on the matter.
• The Senate confirmed former Mississippi appellate court judge Leslie Southwick to the Fifth Circuit U.S. Court of Appeals, despite complaints that some of his rulings have been homophobic and racist. One involved a case in which custody was denied to a mother largely because “she was living with another woman in a ‘lesbian home.’”
• Attorney General nominee Judge Michael Mukasey said he disagrees with current restrictive Department of Justice policy around LGBT recruitment and Gay Pride activities. Read the rest of this post »

Lesbian Worms

When scientists at the University of Utah flipped a certain genetic switch in the brains of female worms, it caused them to be attracted to other female worms, further proof that sexual orientation is genetic.

Now the nematodes are forming a softball team and planning a music festival.

(What does a lesbian worm bring on a second date? —A U-Crawl.)