Interview with Sherron Mills, Reproductive Pioneer, Part II

Yesterday, I ran the first part of an interview with Sherron Mills, founder and CEO of Pacific Reproductive Services. Here is Part II.

I asked Mills what advice she would offer those considering parenthood. She first cautions, “There’s not enough knowledge out there in the general population about how soon fertility begins to decline in women. It actually starts declining about age 29, or in some people, 27. Some women are infertile by the time they’re 33, and usually by the time they’re 35, there’s a 50% chance women will be subfertile. That doesn’t mean infertile—it means they can get pregnant, but they might need the help of fertility drugs. If you are at all able to start having children when you’re younger than 35, then do that.”

Despite this advice, Mills recognizes that social change has made starting early more difficult. “65% of our clients are over 35 years old, which is sort of amazing. What’s happened with us culturally is women are getting more educated, they’re wanting to get their careers going, so by the time they’re about 35, they’ve completed their education, they’ve got their careers going and they feel like they’re ready to have children. They’re financially able and that kind of thing, but their bodies have passed the time when it’s a prime time to start to have kids.” Read the rest of this post »

Working Mother vs. HRC

Last week, the Human Rights Campaign released its 2008 Corporate Equality Index, which rates major U.S. companies on their LGBT friendliness, based on inclusive benefits, anti-discrimination policies, marketing, and philanthropy. A record 195 businesses earned the top rating of 100 percent. I didn’t blog about it last week, however, because I saw Working Mother magazine was this week releasing its own 100 Best Companies list, measuring companies on their “workforce profile, compensation, child care, flexibility, time off and leaves, family-friendly programs and company culture.” I thought a comparison would be more interesting than a rehash of the HRC press release.

The comparison of Working Mother’s Best to HRC’s 100-percenters can’t be apples-to-apples, however. Unlike HRC, which only includes relatively large companies, and not colleges or universities, Working Mother includes private and public firms of any size, including educational institutions, except for those “in the business of providing work/life or child-care services.” They also limit their list to 100 picks, whereas HRC will include any company that meets the 100-percent requirements.

Having said that, I think it’s worth noting the 50 companies that make both lists: Read the rest of this post »

Free Museum Admissions this Saturday

This Saturday, September 29, is Museum Day, when participating museums and cultural institutions across the U.S. will be offering free admission. (Special exhibits may not qualify.) Simply print a pass from the Smithsonian Web site.

Time for Action on Two Key Family Bills

Two bills expected to come before Congress this week could have a direct impact on many families across the U.S. The first, the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA), adds protections on the basis of sexual orientation, gender identity, and disability to existing anti-discrimination laws. The House will likely vote this week. Openly gay Representative Barney Frank predicts it will pass there, but face a tougher battle in the Senate. To contact your members of Congress about the bill, you can use one of the handy Action Centers from HRC or the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force.

On a non-LGBT-specific note, Congress is also expected to vote on the reauthorization of the State Children’s Health Insurance Program (SCHIP), a program intended to help families not poor enough to qualify for Medicaid, but without the means to pay for their children’s medical needs. USA Today reports:

Democrats and some Republicans in Congress last week agreed to add about $35 billion more over five years to the $5 billion-a-year program—enough to cover about 4 million more children. The House and Senate are scheduled to vote on the package this week. Without any more federal funds next year, nearly 1 million children and adults in 20 states would lose coverage.

Bush wants to limit CHIP enrollment to families earning less than 250% of the poverty level—$51,625 for a family of four.

Bush has said he will veto the bill and ask for a simple extension of the existing program. In February, a bipartisan group of governors asked him to approve it, arguing that in areas with a high cost of living, going above twice the poverty limit is necessary. Families USA, a nonprofit, nonpartisan organization advocating high-quality, affordable health care for all Americans, has more information and ways to take action. Elizabeth at Half Changed World also has a number of good talking points.

If you don’t like going through organizations’ action centers, and prefer to craft your own message for these bills (or even against, though I hope not), you can look up your Representatives’ and Senators’ e-mail addresses on the official government sites.

Interview with Sherron Mills, Reproductive Pioneer, Part I

Sherron Mills, founder and CEO of Pacific Reproductive Services (PRS) in California, is a trailblazer in helping lesbian couples and single mothers create their families. She’s been doing so for nearly a quarter century. Mills took a break from running PRS to speak with me about the past, present, and future of her work, and to offer advice for those considering parenthood themselves. I’m splitting the interview into two parts, because Mills was generous with her time. Stay tuned for Part II tomorrow.

In 1979, Sherron Mills was one of the founders of the noted women’s health clinic in San Francisco, the Lyon-Martin Clinic. She explains how this led to her involvement in reproductive services: “Several of us involved in getting that clinic going had always wanted children. We wanted to have a donor insemination program at Lyon-Martin, but our board of directors back then was a little wary of it and we never got it started there. I left there in 1983 and started working in a private practice and doing it on my own in that practice. I met a woman who agreed to be a donor recruiter for me. She recruited donors from San Francisco State University and that was how we got going.” Read the rest of this post »

Son Speaks of Moms’ Civil Union in Ocean Grove

Jan Moore and Emily Sonnessa have been fighting the Methodist Ocean Grove Camp Meeting Association in New Jersey for the right to have their civil union on an Association-owned pavilion in Ocean Grove. It’s not a clear-cut case of the Methodists having the right to do what they want with private property, because the church group owns all the land in the town, and received a tax break (recently rescinded) after promising to open all its facilities to the public. Moore and Sonnessa had their ceremony last week on a fishing pier near the pavilion, however. Their son, Scott E. Moore, wrote a moving piece in the Asbury Park Press about the event. It’s worth a read:

Jan and Emily took the high road and got married on the pier, not the pavilion. They were not angry or resentful. They chose and embraced love, as they always have. And now they will continue to fight for their rights and the rights of others who will follow. And they will win. . . .

This is not about politics. This is not about religion. This is about love. This is about family. This is about fairness. This is about respecting others for who they are, while always believing in yourself. This is about embracing what is wonderful, kind and good in life, and sticking together when life tries to knock you down. These are the values Jan and Emily taught me, and they taught me in the best way possible: by example. Why would any just God have a problem with that?

(Thanks to To Form a More Perfect Union: Marriage Equality News.)

Weekly Political Roundup

Lots of news this week, some of which I covered in a roundup of parenting-related posts on Wednesday. Here’s more:

• The AFL-CIO and other unions are coming out in support of the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA), which the U.S. House of Representatives should vote on within a week. Openly gay Representative Barney Frank predicts it will pass there, but face a tougher battle in the Senate.
• The House federal workforce subcommittee split along party lines over proposed legislation to ban discrimination against federal employees and job applicants based on sexual orientation
• The Washington, DC mayor and a majority of the City Council have pledged to support legislation legalizing same-sex marriage in the District, saying it could pass easily. The Gay & Lesbian Activists Alliance, however, says D.C. should not move ahead with the bill now because Congress would likely overturn it. Read the rest of this post »

Lesbian Moms More Satisfied with Partners than Straight Moms

A new study of families in the Netherlands indicates children raised by lesbian couples “do not differ in well being or child adjustment compared with their counterparts in heterosexual-parent families.” This is consistent with the findings of many American medical organizations. More interestingly, the study found:

Lesbian biological mothers were significantly more satisfied with their partners as a co-parent than were heterosexual mothers. The partners of lesbian biological mothers “are more committed as parents than are heterosexual fathers, that is, they display a higher level of satisfaction with their partner as co-parent and spend more time on child care and less on employment.” Lesbian couples were significantly higher on strength of desire to have children than were heterosexual couples. There were significant differences in the division of family tasks, with both of the lesbian partners spending more time on household work and childcare, and less time at work outside the home, than the heterosexual fathers. The differences between lesbian mothers and heterosexual fathers seemed to reflect known differences between women and men as parents rather than reflecting parents’ sexual orientations.

Robert-Jay Green, director of Rockway Institute, a national center for research and public policy on LGBT issues, says the study begs the question “Will gay fathers’ parenting styles turn out to be more like those of heterosexual fathers, heterosexual mothers, or some combination?” and plans to investigate that in the future. Might I also suggest looking at bi and transgender parents, who could lend further shades to the parenting spectrum?

Middle School Reality

Another guest post today by Sara Whitman of Suburban Lesbian Housewife. I talk a lot about toddlers and preschool-age children, because that’s where my personal experience is. Sara reminds us, however, that the challenges of parenting change, but don’t ease, as our children grow older.

My son Ben came home today and told me he has been given half credit for both his social studies and science homework.

I forgot to finish it, he said.

But I asked you last night if your homework was done…

I know, I know, don’t have a fit!

I was not having a fit. I was incredulous that he lied to me the night before, but I was being very calm.

I need you to go do your homework now.

OKAY OKAY, IT’S NOT A BIG DEAL, Ben shouted. It is clearly a big deal to him.

Ben is a kid who wants to do well but doesn’t want to work at it. He wants to be famous but won’t try out for a theater club. He wants to be rich but doesn’t save his allowance- ever. He wants to get great grades but he doesn’t put any time in the work. He is, without question, a kid who could get straight A’s. It would not be easy, but he could do it.

Newton is a very competitive public school district. The level of intensity has been written about in the New York Times. Most parents in this high-pressure suburban school want their kid to get A’s. to be first chair in the band, to get the solo part and to be class president. Problem is, not everyone can be the best.

But I feel it creeping up for me now my son is in Middle School. Before when he did a school project and it came out looking less than stellar, I was proud of myself for not helping, except to buy the supplies. I wasn’t going to be one of those pushy parents who created a perfect to scale version of the pentagon for the monuments of Washington, DC project. Instead, when Ben said, I want to build the Jefferson Memorial out of marshmallows, I went and bought marshmallows. Tooth picks and glue.

Walking around the classroom, you could see who helped their 4th grader and who did not. I loved Ben’s project even though it was leaning to one side and the play dough covered action figure turned Jefferson was not even close to the right scale, it was his work.

As I reviewed his social studies project, I heard come out of my mouth- this isn’t very good. I think you could try a little harder in your drawings. It doesn’t look like an island, and what’s with the squiggly pen lines? Read the rest of this post »

Book Recommendation: Kids Cook 1-2-3

At our local library the other day, I flipped through Kids Cook 1-2-3: Recipes for Young Chefs Using Only 3 Ingredients, but didn’t expect much. I assumed it told how to mix chocolate chips and raisins into a pre-made cake mix and the like. Instead, I was surprised to find recipes from fresh ingredients and an approach that neither patronizes nor omits a certain sense of fun. Author Rozanne Gold, three-time winner of the prestigious James Beard Cookbook Award, has written several volumes using her simple 1-2-3 approach, for adults as well as children. She’s not dumbing down recipes for kids, but rather stripping foods down to a few essential ingredients and flavors, an approach that should please time-strapped adults and kids alike. Buttermilk biscuits or mac and cheese with only three ingredients each? Even pre-packaged foods don’t get much simpler than that—and never taste as good.

The recipes cover every meal and in between. There are plenty of desserts, like “Chocolate-Pecan Fudge” and “Simple Butter Cookies,” but also main course dishes like ‘A Simple Roast Chicken” and “Fillet of Flounder with Lemon Butter,” plus sides like “Green Beans Almondine” and “Steamed Broccoli with Stir-Fried Pecans.” The few pre-made ingredients are ones even serious home cooks would not scorn, such as frozen puff pastry. Gold also tries to instill a sense of culinary experimentation, by offering variations such as “Carrots, Three Ways” and “A Can of Tuna Fish . . . Four Things to Do with It,” the last of which involves using the can as a mold or cutter for other foods.

Gold’s panel of recipe testers were mostly in the 10-12-year-old range. With a little supervision and reading help, however, the recipes would work for the younger set, too—or even for busy parents. Check it out from the library or buy it with a set of measuring spoons as a birthday present for an aspiring chef!