Comments on: Of Ducks and Penguins

By: Family Pride’s Blog » New York Times Misses the point on same sex families

Sat, 22 Sep 2007 18:16:02 +0000

[...] as I wrote a couple of weeks ago for Bay Windows (and have said before), “it is ridiculous to imagine [...]

By: Shannon

Shannon — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 03:48:53 +0000

You know the best (not) part about that Lexington case? Those are the same kind of people who claim that we shouldn’t be raising kids because our kids will be harmed by having us as parents. Harmed yes. By us, no. By them.

Stupid.

By: Back-to-School Primer, Vol. 2 at LesbianDad

Back-to-School Primer, Vol. 2 at LesbianDad — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 07:51:11 +0000

[...] was reading Dana Rudolph’s recent piece Of Ducks and Penguins, a rumination on her son’s launch into preschool this past week, and about ducks, penguins, [...]

By: Polly

Polly — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 07:26:12 +0000

Basically, amen, sister. I have wondered about the animal kingdom stuff myself (mused a bit about that here). The attacks you remind us of, in Lexington and in Evesham Township, are chilling. But as you point out, by the same token it's sheer lunacy to imagine some kind of gag order in effect on the kids in our families. We have to be reaching a tipping point of some sort. The work to get there will indeed be hard, I'm sure. But as you say, of benefit not just to our families but those around us.

By: Dana

Dana — Fri, 07 Sep 2007 23:28:41 +0000

Thanks, David! Good question. I think it's important for families to be as open about themselves as they safely can, whether this means being open about one LGBT parent, two LGBT parents, or one LGBT and one not. Sharing the fact of various family structures, whatever they are, helps others better accept this variety. I also think, however, that Beth Teper of COLAGE has some excellent points about listening to children's concerns regarding "coming out" about their families. These would apply regardless of the number of LGBT parents. I could see that some children may be more comfortable introducing friends and teachers to their non-LGBT parent vs. their LGBT one. As Teper says (in relation to a same-sex couple, but I think it applies):

A child might ask his or her parents not to come to school functions, or to only have one attend so that the rest of the school community does not know the child’s parents are a same-sex couple. Teper said if a child tells their parents that he or she does not want to be open about their family, the last thing they should do is panic or take it as an indictment of their parenting skills. “The first thing I would say is if the young person is even having this discussion, that’s something the parents should be proud of,” said Teper. She said parents in this situation should talk with their child. Key questions to ask are, what are they experiencing in school that prompted their decision, what kinds of language are they hearing peers and teachers at school use to talk about LGBT people, and what consequences do they think they will face if they decide to be open about their family. In some cases they may find that they can alleviate their child’s fears. Teper said some children may believe that talking about their family at school could put their parents in danger by leaving them open to violence or by causing them to be fired from their job. Young people may believe that they are protecting their family by keeping silent. “Oftentimes young people are carrying the burden and their parents don’t even recognize it,” said Teper. She said parents should also ask their children if there is anything they can do to make it easier for their children to talk about their families.

Abigail Garner, a long-time advocate of those with LGBT parents, also has several posts devoted to mixed-orientation marriages in the Advice section of her site, Families Like Mine.

By: David

David — Fri, 07 Sep 2007 20:17:59 +0000

Great article — I read it in Bay Windows earlier in the week. I was wondering if you have an advice (or different advice) for kids who are from mixed families, that is children who have one parent who is straight and one parent who is GLBT?