Back to School Conversations

My son is starting preschool in two weeks, and I’m viewing the event with a mixture of excitement and hesitation. As a reformed academic myself, who always saw September, rather than January, as the real start of the year, I can’t help thinking that he’s embarking on the first steps of an adventure that will fill the next twenty years or so of his life. I hope he gets as much out of it as I did. At the same time, I’m very much of the belief that the most important things he can learn at this age are social skills and a love of learning, rather than specific academic abilities.

I also know that starting school will bring a greater awareness of our family’s difference. I am preparing myself, as are many LGBT parents, to talk with teachers and administrators about our family structure and make sure they are not only inclusive in their language, but also know what to do when other children have questions or, worse, harass our children.

I thought it might be useful for all of us, therefore, if parents who have been through this before (at schools, camps, or daycare centers) could share some approaches you’ve used that worked well (or not). Did you make a special appointment to talk with the teacher? Catch them before class on the first day? Wait until the issue arose? Please leave a comment with your experience, or questions for others.

Below are also some school-related resources from various LGBT organizations:

• The Safe Schools Coalition. An international public-private partnership in support of LGBT youth. A plethora of resources, many of which are applicable to children of LGBT parents, regardless of the child’s sexual orientation or gender identity. Lots of useful handouts for educators.
• The Rainbow Report Card from the Family Pride Coalition. An interactive tool that generates custom recommendations for your family’s school situation.
• The Family Pride Coalition Publications Page. Scroll down to the “Making Schools Inclusive” section for more brochures on what you can do in your community. (No direct link.)
• Tips for Making Classrooms Safer for Students with Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Parents Includes a glossary of terms to share with educators and other allies. From Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere (COLAGE).
• Advice on school-related topics at Answers from Abigail, by Abigail Garner, the daughter of a gay dad.
• Evaluating Schools How to determine if a school is LGBT friendly. From the Human Rights Campaign (HRC).
• School Safety Resources What to do if your child has been the victim of harassment or discrimination, or has in any other way had his or her education interfered with because of your sexual orientation. From HRC.
• Safe Schools Resources From Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG).
• All Families Welcome: Making Your School Safe for Students with LGBT Parents (PDF) A short brochure from the National Center for Lesbian Rights (NCLR) and the California Safe Schools Coalition.
• Be and Ally & Friend guide, including information on Teen & Student Allies and the concise 10 Ways to Be an Ally and a Friend. From the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD).

Also useful are the general resources of:

• Gay Lesbian Straight Alliance Network Ensuring safe schools for all LGBT students.
• Gay-Straight Alliance Network A California-focused, youth-led organization that connects school-based Gay-Straight Alliances (GSAs) to each other and community resources.

Finally, for anyone homeschooling or considering it:

• GayHomeschoolers An online discussion list.

May this school year be full of learning, friendships, and joy for all our children.