If This Keeps Up, Only Children of Same-Sex Parents Will Be Born in Married Households

More than half the babies in the U.S. born outside of marriage are born to women who nonetheless live with the child’s father, according to two new studies. This supports similar findings from the Pew Research Center, as I discussed a few weeks ago, that the number of those who do not marry, with or without children, is on the rise. Wouldn’t it be funny if by the time same-sex couples gain the right to marry, we’ll find ourselves all alone there without the straight people? OK, that’s overstating it. But in the world of lies, damn lies, and statistics, that’s where the lines are trending.

Non-married opposite-sex couples, though, can still use the “I’m her husband/his wife” ploy to see the person in a hospital, when even married-in-Massachusetts same-sex couples can’t, outside the boundaries of the Bay State. A biological parent, furthermore, will automatically have parental rights, with or without marriage or civil union. Maybe the opposite-sex parents who choose not to marry therefore feel less of a need for marital protections than do the same-sex parents who want them, but can’t get them. Ironic, no?

On a final note, the Boston Globe, which reported the new studies, gets points for a headline (“Marry, marry? Quite contrary”) involving a pun on that nursery rhyme and a discussion of non-traditional families, but no reference to a certain daughter of the Vice President. (Try Googling “mary cheney contrary” and you’ll see why this is refreshing.)

New Mexico Same-Sex Couples Can Marry in Massachusetts

Same-sex couples residing in New Mexico may now legally marry in Massachusetts. The Massachusetts Department of Public Health and Registry of Vital Records and Statistics last Thursday issued “a corrective notice to all Massachusetts city and town clerks authorizing them to allow same-sex couples from New Mexico to apply for marriage licenses,” according to Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders (GLAD). Massachusetts forbids out-of-state same-sex couples to marry in the Commonwealth if their home state explicitly bans same-sex marriage. New Mexico is now the second state, after Rhode Island, where this was found not to be the case.

Equality New Mexico has more, including this warning:

New Mexican couples who go to Massachusetts to marry should realize that the decision is not just a political gesture, but rather is about taking on all the responsibilities, legal obligations, joys, and wonder of being married. When couples who marry in Massachusetts come home, many of their marriages will be respected to varying degrees, but many married couples will also experience discrimination. Some but not all businesses, the state, and others may refuse to honor these lawful marriages, along with the federal government. Couples must be prepared to live with a level of uncertainty while we continue our work to end marriage discrimination.

They also recommend you call the GLAD InfoLine and read their marriage publications (in the process of being updated in light of this news) before making any sudden marital moves.

Still, if you won’t be deterred, flights from Albuquerque to Boston on Orbitz.comstart at $901. Stay for a few days (there’s a three-day waiting period on the license) and enjoy the mild summer weather, the Museum of Fine Arts, our smokin’ (figuratively) Red Sox, or the renovated Children’s Museum. If you hurry, you can even make it for Family Week in P’Town.

HRC State of the Workplace Report Points Out Progress and Gaps

The Human Rights Campaign (HRC) has just released its 2006-7 report, State of the Workplace for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Americans. The most striking news this year is the progress made towards transgender equality. Now, 25% percent of Fortune 500 companies ban discrimination on the basis of gender identity, versus 1 percent at the beginning of 2000. Several (IBM, Eastman Kodak, American Express, and Microsoft) provide “comprehensive transgender health benefits.” There is still obvious room for progress, but the trend is in the right direction.

The number of Fortune 500 firms offering domestic partner benefits is up to 267 from 250 last year, and almost 90% of the companies include sexual orientation in their anti-discrimination policies. It’s unfortunate, though, that with so many companies making a policy of non-discrimination, only 33 have stated their official support for the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA). What’s up with that?

Thirty-four companies back the federal Tax Equity for Domestic Partner and Health Plan Beneficiaries Act, which would exempt domestic-partner health benefits from employee income tax and employer payroll tax. This bill hasn’t gotten as much press as bills related to either relationship recognition or hate crimes—and perhaps rightly so, being neither so momentous or lifesaving, but would have a clear impact on many families’ take-home pay.

There’s more, including information on benefits and protections from state and local jurisdictions, law firms, and charities, colleges and universities. It may not be as gripping as Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, but it’s a must-read for anyone involved in workplace policies, employee resource groups, human resources, and politics or political activism. It may also serve as a partial buying guide for LGBT consumers who want to do business with LGBT-friendly companies—though of course an LGBT-friendly company may still be evil for completely different reasons.

Family Week Blogging Seminar

If you’re heading to Provincetown this weekend for Family Week, I hope you’ll stop by my Blogging Workshop, Sunday at 2:00 p.m. in the the Family Pride tent on MacMillan Pier. If you’re already blogging, please join us and share your experiences, pick up some new tips, or just say hi. If you’re not already blogging, come see if it’s right for you and how to get started.

I will discuss not only blogs but also other ways of using the Internet to build community, raise the visibility of LGBT families, and create positive change. I hope to meet many of you there.

Mom Denied Custody Because She Is a Lesbian

A judge in Madrid, Spain, denied custody of two girls to their mother based solely on the fact that she is a lesbian. He said her lesbianism would harm them and “raised the risk” the girls would also become lesbians. “It is understood that (a parent’s) drug addiction, child abuse, prostitution, belonging to a satanic sect or heterosexual affair would negatively affect the children and serve as a reason for a change of custody,” he said. “Well, it’s the same with homosexuality.” He said the woman could retain custody if she found another male partner. (Yes, living a sham and pretending to love someone you don’t creates a better family environment than a loving home with a mom who happens to be lesbian.)

Remember, Spain is one of the handful of countries that provides full marriage equality for same-sex couples. This case is a sobering reminder that while marriage may be a key issue in the battle for equal rights, it is not by itself sufficient.

(Thanks to PageOneQ for the tip.)

The Costs of Infertility

Nina at Queercents wrote today about her and her partner’s struggle to get pregnant. She discusses the costs, both financial and emotional, and the interplay between the two. Worth a read if you’re dealing with infertility yourself or know others who are.

On a related note, 365Gay.com reports on the overuse of intracytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI), an infertility solution that may help when sperm counts are low. Some doctors, however, are using the method even when sperm robustness is not the problem. ICSI may not be as effective in these cases, but may still add $1,500 to the $12,400 average cost of an in vitro fertilization (IVF) treatment cycle. Something to discuss with your own medical professional if you are considering the procedure.

Nina also recommends the book Conquering Infertility, by Alice Domar, even though it is written for opposite-sex couples. I know some other readers have also dealt with or are dealing with infertility. Are there any additional infertility books or resources, LGBT-specific or not, that you found helpful? Please share in the comments.

Parent Hex: Harry Potter Spells for Parents

I suspect traffic across the blogosphere will be low today as people lock themselves away to read through Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. I thought it would be appropriate, however, to publish a heretofore lost list of charms and spells that came to light only recently when a scholar journeying through King’s Cross Station, London found a manuscript crumpled next to the Information Booth in front of Platforms 9 and 10, apparently dropped by a fellow traveler. The folio is titled Parent Hex: Survival Spells for Parents and Other Caregivers.

• Cocodissimulatio Charm: Causes any food to taste like chocolate.
• Mucosus Recessum Charm: Causes nasal excretions to withdraw into a person’s nose.
• Ursinvenio Charm: When applied to a teddy bear or other stuffed animal, causes it to emit a loud growling sound when lost.
• Expecto Progenitum Spell: An elaboration of the Accio Summoning Charm, this spell causes one’s child to appear. Unclear at what distance this works or if it can operate using the Floo network or Portkeys.
• Fabulam Repetopeto Charm: Causes a book to read itself out loud over and over. Skillful wizards can make it inaudible to themselves.
• Vestitus Prudens Spell: Makes the victim appear to be wearing long pants and a sweater, although the person is unaware of the change.
• Immotus Spell: A lesser version of Petrificus Totalus, this stops victims from fidgeting, though they can still move slowly.
• Altitudo Monitio Charm: Causes flashing lights and a loud hooting sound to occur whenever the victim is near a dropoff like a staircase or cliff.
• Odoratum Desisto Charm: Removes the smell from an object.
• Dormitus Spell: Makes the victim fall asleep. An advanced spell, mastered by only a few.

Yeah. I’m a geek. Thanks to the Harry Potter Encyclopedia and MuggleNet for information about actual spells in the books (and with apologies to Parent Hacks).

Question for readers: What spell from the books would you have found most useful recently and why? Leave a comment.

BlogHer Meme: An Introduction

The fine women at BlogHer have started a meme for members to introduce themselves in 10 seconds. It’s a way for us to meet each other, whether we’re going to the big BlogHer ‘07 conference next week or not. Here’s me:

I publish Mombian, a lifestyle site for lesbian moms and other LGBT parents, offering a mix of parenting, politics, diversions, and resources. Mombian hosts the annual Blogging for LGBT Families Day each June. I also write for parenting humor site Offsprung and Bay Windows newspaper.

I live with my partner of 14 years, and am currently staying at home with our four-year-old son. I have over a decade of experience in online marketing and strategy, but almost succumbed to a career in academia.

I won’t be at BlogHer this year because I’ll be speaking at Family Week in Provincetown on Sunday, July 29. I’ll be reprising a seminar on blogging and online activism that I did in conjunction with Terrance of Republic of T on the R Family cruise last week. If you’ll be there, drop me a line. (Time and location to be posted in the full schedule. Check the Family Pride site for details in a few days.)

blogme2007

Weekly Political Update

• A vote on the Matthew Shepard Act, which would extend current hate crimes laws to cover sexual orientation, gender identity, and physical disability, was delayed when the Senate suspended debate on the Defense Authorization bill to which it was attached. HRC reports that a vote on hate crimes may not occur before Congress adjourns for its August recess.
• The Human Rights Campaign Foundation and LOGO will be hosting a debate among Democratic presidential candidates on August 9, hosted by Melissa Etheridge. The initial invitations omitted former Alaska Senator Mike Gravel, a longshot, but a supporter of marriage equality; he received one later after pressure from bloggers convinced HRC and LOGO to change their minds. Republican candidates did not respond to HRC regarding a similar debate.
• The American Medical Association amended their non-discrimination policy to include transgender people, addressing issues of discrimination including discriminatory insurance policies. Read the rest of this post »

Parenthood Brings Jodie Foster Out

Jodie Foster has long been the celebrity most rumored to be a lesbian but least willing to say so, at least to the world at large. After Ellen reports today, though, that after Foster gave a large sum of money to the Saban Center for Health and Wellness, her sons got to have plaques on the walls with their handprints embedded in them. The names on the plaques? Kit Bernard Foster and Charles Bernard Foster—Bernard being the last name of Cydney Bernard, the woman thought to be Foster’s partner.

As any lesbian or gay parent who’s ever been to a supermarket with their kids knows, it’s hard to stay in the closet when you have children. Maybe the supermarket clerks in LA are ahead of the rest of us on this one, or maybe Foster doesn’t do her own grocery shopping. It’s good to see she isn’t trying to make her kids hide their identities, though, even if she does keep most of her private life in lockdown.

An official welcome to being a lesbian mom, then, Jodie. I’ll add you to the Most Powerful Lesbian Moms in America list next time I issue an update.