Back after a short summer break, this week’s Family Voices interview is with California dads David and Clay. Below, they talk about the importance of dinnertime, storytime, and time off, and share a bit of parenting haiku.

As with the previous families highlighted in this feature, they are members of the Family Pride Coalition’s OUTSpoken Families program, and committed to speaking with their local communities and media about their lives and the need for LGBT equality. Read more »

The room was dark. “Lumos!” said the witch, and a glowing orb of light illuminated the bookshelves. The woman searched for a few minutes and then cried out in surprise. Behind a well-thumbed, leather-bound volume of Hogwarts: A History and a fraying copy of Parent Hex, was a tome covered in cruelty-free fabric (woven by a local witches’ cooperative out of organic fluxweed), written on recycled paper using soy-based inks, and promising that 10% of profits from all sales would go to the Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare.

She read the first few lavender-hued pages and knew she had found it: a copy of the long-lost Serious Spells for Sapphic Belles, by Sofie T. Ball.

Herewith, an excerpt of the top 13:

• Vehiculumotum Spell: Causes the appearance of a large vehicle for transporting household goods. Most effective when cast after the Dentispurus toothbrush-creating spell.
• Ex Hex: Makes the victim view all women but the spell caster as irredeemably ugly. Side effects include fits of remorse and bouts of uncontrollable sobbing.
• Dormamortis Revivo Charm: Brings a bed back to life, as it were.
• Processus Finito Spell: A cure for the Processus Adinfinitum curse.
• Nail-Trimming Charm: For last-minute grooming.
• Nail-Growing Jinx: Causes a person’s fingernails to grow to unnatural size. Often used in conjunction with the Ex Hex.
• Bigot-Bogey Hex: Causes the victim’s nasal excretions to grow and become cemented across his or her mouth. Effective against the Defenso Matrimonium curse.
• Defurreo Charm: Removes cat hair from one’s robes or furniture.
• Scriberosie Spell:
  casting this spell
  will make u
  or ur victim
  write like this
• Sensibilio Charm: Transforms uncomfortable footwear.
• Mensumsensum Spell: Causes the victim to become incapable of casting hexes, jinxes, and curses while PMS’ing.
• Etheridgeridoo Spell: Increases the victim’s musical prowess. Side effects include the desire to hang out with ex-members of the Ministry for Magic and talk about climate change.
• Fantasia Gymnasia Charm: Causes the victim to transform her appearance to resemble your fourth-year Quidditch coach.

(With apologies to J. K. Rowling and MuggleNet. No Harry Potter stuff tomorrow. I promise.)

I’ve spent much of the past few days reading the U.K. “adult” edition of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. (”Adult” refers only to a difference in jacket cover, not content.) The photo of author J. K. Rowling on the back of the dust jacket, the same one that’s been used in the past, shows her standing in front of a bookcase that includes a copy of Radclyffe Hall’s lesbian classic, The Well of Loneliness, just to the left (viewer’s right) of Rowling’s head. In searching for further information about this (is it Rowling’s bookcase? has she mentioned Hall before?), I discovered that Pinknews.co.uk posted about this same photo last Wednesday.

It’s not a stretch, of course, to see a theme of social justice running throughout the Harry Potter books. Many readers have also seen a strong gay subtext in the works. My take is that it’s a mark of the works’ universal appeal that the LGBT community, among others, sees itself reflected in them, both in Harry’s “coming out” as a wizard and in the fight for the rights of Muggles, house elves, werewolves, and other creatures. I don’t believe Rowling wrote them with LGBT rights specifically in mind, however, at least no more so than the rights of other oppressed groups. Parallels with Nazi Germany stand out throughout the series, especially towards the end, as Voldemort rises to power and seeks to create a world for the pure of blood. The LGBT community was only one of many that the Nazis persecuted.

Still, it’s nice to think that Rowling included at least a dash of LGBT awareness in her epic. One more thing for those who wish to ban the books to complain about—but one more reason I’m looking forward to passing on the series to my son.

The U.S. military has discharged 60 Arabic language translators for being gay. It is no surprise, therefore, that they are now turning to technology to make up the deficit and evaluating “prototype, real-time, two-way translation systems.”

That’s a computer to you and me. And the father of modern computer science is widely regarded to be English mathematician Alan Turing, who was—wait for it—gay.

Ha.

• “Capitol Hill sources” say the Matthew Shepard Act, an LGBT-inclusive hate crimes bill, will remain stalled in the Senate until at least September. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi indicated, however, that she expects the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) to come to the House floor for a vote in September.
• The American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) reminded us of the thin line between anti-harassment measures and censorship. They told the Sixth Circuit U.S. Court of Appeals that an anti-harassment school policy for protecting LGBT students impeded the free-speech rights of religious students who wanted to express opposing views on same-sex attraction. The policy had, interestingly, been implemented in the settlement of an ACLU lawsuit on behalf of several high-school students whose school prevented them from forming a gay-straight alliance (GSA). The ACLU is now telling the court it is possible for the school to craft an anti-harassment policy that also protects students’ right to free speech.

Read more »

Lesbian non-bio mom Keri Jones announced she will not appeal a February Utah Supreme Court ruling that said planning and raising a child with her (now ex) partner (and obtaining a court order designating both of them as co-guardians) was not enough to give her visitation rights. Jones says she fears a federal court would rule the same way, and “Having that kind of ruling on a national level would be horrific.” Already, other Utah families are feeling the impact of the state ruling. At least one other bio mom has denied her ex-partner visitation because of it, though the non-bio mom still hopes a court will rule in her favor.

The National Center for Lesbian Rights adds that in 2004, a Utah trial court had granted Jones visitation. It was Jones’ partner, Cheryl Barlow, who now identifies as an “ex-lesbian” and is represented by an anti-gay legal organization, who appealed this decision to the Utah Supreme Court. (The Utah Chief Justice dissented from the February ruling, however, writing “While this case is, in part, about parental rights, it is also about whether children in nontraditional families, with nontraditional but nonetheless real parents, are entitled to have their interests addressed just as if they had been born into traditional families.” Amen.)

If I was denied visitation of my son, my instinct would be to fight it as long and as hard as I could. Jones is keeping the bigger picture in mind, and for that, deserves our thanks—as well as our recommitment to winning equality for all our families.

Two articles caught my eye today, on two different issues. I was going to write about them separately, but then realized they in fact relate to the same matter—our identities as both LGBT individuals and parents.

The first is an article in the Huffington Post by Evan Wolfson, head of Freedom to Marry. Wolfson says that Americans are ready to accept clear leadership on marriage equality, without the wishy-washiness of candidates who say they are for equality but support civil unions instead of marriage for same-sex couples. He pulls out data to support this claim, showing that “To date, every state legislator, including those running in conservative districts, who voted to support the freedom to marry and ran for re-election won,” and that when pro- and anti-marriage candidates run against each other, the pro-marriage candidate most often wins. When the pro-marriage candidate loses, it is not because of his/her stance on marriage equality.

The second article is by Roger Sinasohn at ParentDish. He points out a new study by the University of Chicago showing that after the No Child Left Behind Act passed, the middle 70% of students improved their test scores, the highest 10% did not change, but the bottom 20% showed a drop in test scores. The Act is not helping those most in need of assistance.

Not only that, but as NPR reports, Congress wants to cut funding from Reading First, one of the few parts of NCLB that teachers say is working. The program has come under attack for conflicts of interest, but the Department of Education claims it is now clean. Whatever the truth is, it is a sad statement on NCLB that one of its more effective components is tangled in controversy.

Where’s the connection? In the ballot box. For me, LGBT equality is a touchstone issue, but not an exclusive one. I would never vote for a candidate who did not espouse LGBT equality, just as I would never vote for one who was anti-choice. The choice gets trickier, however, when all of the viable (let’s be honest here) Democratic presidential candidates tout some fuzzy form of LGBT rights, i.e., “equality” sans marriage. How do I weigh this fuzziness (and the likelihood that the candidate really does believe in full equality, but doesn’t think that will get him or her elected) against other issues such as education reform, near and dear to my heart as a parent? What about environmental policy, or any of a dozen other matters?

In a way, it’s a good problem to have. I don’t have to eliminate any (Democratic) candidate from consideration because of his or her stance on a basic—if incomplete—set of LGBT rights. That’s a sign of progress. It means that other issues will predominate in determining my vote. If one candidate heeds Wolfson’s words and takes the plunge to full marriage quality, however, I just hope it’s the one whose plans for education, the environment, etc. I also feel are best. Otherwise I’ll face a tough choice. Then again, no one ever said democracy was easy.

And I thought finding a sperm donor through a search engine was pretty high-tech:

Scientists at the University of Tokyo are building a “womb-on-a-chip” to increase the success of in vitro fertilization (IVF). The two-by-one-half millimeter device is similar to a computer chip, but its microscopic channels conduct fluids, not electricity. The ultimate goal is “to create a fully automated artificial uterus in which egg and sperm are fed in at one end and an early embryo comes out the other, ready for implanting in a real mother.” The chip also grows endometrial cells, to better mimic the environment of a real womb.

Experiments in mice indicate the chip has a better success rate than traditional IVF, not only in creating implantable embryos, but also in creating ones that develop into healthy fetuses.

Gives the phrase “a chip off the old block” a whole new meaning.

(And yes, my partner is a semiconductor engineer. No, we’re not expecting again.)

(Warning: Spoilers below.)

In the third episode of Rick and Steve: The Happiest Gay Couple in All the World, lesbian couple Dana and Kirsten receive some surprising news: Despite all their efforts to impregnate Kirsten, it is Dana who, through a series of improbable events, is with child. To the best of my knowledge, this is the first instance of lesbian pregnancy on television (outside of a documentary) where the more butch partner is pregnant. Hurrah for breaking multiple levels of stereotypes.

The writers also plumb another truth of lesbian parenting as Kirsten bemoans that Dana will be seen as their child’s “real mom,” while she will remain merely the “lesbian lover.” The writers wrap it in a coating of farce, however, that will amuse some but offend others. Dana, who never intended to become pregnant, considers an abortion. Kirsten talks her out of it. It then dawns on her that this has cemented her claim to motherhood: the child will “realize she owes her life to me just as much as you.” It’s a ridiculous argument, but on one level, that’s the point. Kirsten doesn’t—or shouldn’t—need to do any such thing in order to be considered the child’s real mom.

No, it’s not necessary to push to boundaries of political correctness in order to convey that. Happiest Gay Couple’s approach will not appeal to everyone. As I said before, however, I think it’s a sign of confidence in our community that we can poke well-intentioned fun at LGBT parenthood, knowing it can withstand the jibes. One thing is certain: You’ll learn a whole lot more of the truth about LGBT families by watching Happiest Gay Couple than by watching Fox News.

Having just undergone the thrill of bringing my son to his four-year-old physical (complete with three injections), I offer you my list of ways to pass the interminable time between when the nurse shows you in and the doctor shows up. My preference, because I’m one of those who doesn’t carry a handbag and my son is now out of diapers, is not to schlep a whole bag of toys, but rather to find amusement on location. I’ve found we can get pretty far with a bear, a book, and a writing implement.

• Weigh and measure the teddy bear.
• Read a book. (You can bring one yourself if you don’t want to touch the germ-laden ones in the waiting room. I’ve always found, though, that my son wants to read the ones there, regardless.)
• Take out a pen or crayons and draw pictures on the exam-table paper.
• Re-read the book.
• Play “I Spy.”
• Unroll more exam-table paper. Trace outline of child’s hands. Advanced level: Trace outline of entire child. (This might in fact be good practice for getting her or him to lie still for the exam.) Let child draw on face and clothes.
• Sing songs. Let child use doctor’s stool for drum. Exam-table paper makes a good sound, too.
• Make ghost puppets from tissues. Draw on eyes and put on a show!
• Finally, the classic: Blow up an exam glove into a balloon. Use as a ball, a demonstration cow udder (fingers down), or a dancing chicken (fingers up).

Be prudent with the materials you use, of course. No need to add to the skyrocketing health-care costs in this country. Still, I figure it’s better to distract a child with a glove than have him knock down the opthalmoscope. Also, making clucking noises to the tune of “The Blue Danube Waltz” while waving a rubber glove will guarantee the doctor walks in at that moment.

Any other exam-room ideas (or stories) out there?