Weekend Reading on Transgender Parenting

Take a moment to go read Sometimes Daddies Do Get Pregnant (How I Do Queer Parenting), by Lucy Silva Marrero, at Hip Mama. It’s a rare but needed look at raising a child in a family with a transgender parent, and the challenges of painting a broader-than-usual picture of gender roles. “I love that my boy asked an ex-girlfriend of mine, ‘Are you a boy or a girl?’” Marrero writes, “and she answered ‘Neither/nor.’ And we talked about how people are boys or girls or a combination or something in between, and how everybody is different.” Wise words for all of us, as well as a reminder of the full breadth of the LGBT spectrum.

A Final Quote for Women’s History Month

From the incomparable Virginia Woolf:

I went, therefore, to the shelf where the histories stand and took down one of the latest, Professor Trevelyan’s HISTORY OF ENGLAND. Once more I looked up Women, found ‘position of’ and turned to the pages indicated. . . .

A very queer, composite being thus emerges. Imaginatively she is of the highest importance; practically she is completely insignificant. She pervades poetry from cover to cover; she is all but absent from history. She dominates the lives of kings and conquerors in fiction; in fact she was the slave of any boy whose parents forced a ring upon her finger. Some of the most inspired words, some of the most profound thoughts in literature fall from her lips; in real life she could hardly read, could scarcely spell, and was the property of her husband. . . .

One knows nothing detailed, nothing perfectly true and substantial about her. History scarcely mentions her. . . .

It would be ambitious beyond my daring, I thought, looking about the shelves for books that were not there, to suggest to the students of those famous colleges that they should rewrite history, though I own that it often seems a little queer as it is, unreal, lop–sided; but why should they not add a supplement to history, calling it, of course, by some in conspicuous name so that women might figure there without impropriety?

—A Room of One’s Own

The L Word Season Four, Episode Twelve: The Parenting Perspective

Season Four flew by with all the speed of a toddler after cookies. In this last episode, Paige’s son Jared says he doesn’t want his mom to be a “lez.” This seems rather crass of him given the lengths Paige (and Ilene Chaiken) went to to give us a sensitivity lesson back in Episode Seven. What he’s really saying, I think, is that he’s scared of anyone intruding on the relationship he’s forged with his mom since his dad left, and he’s scared of getting close to another parent who will leave. In this, he may have more insight into Shane than Paige does. Read the rest of this post »

Weekly Political Roundup

• Presidential candidate John McCain learned how important it is to hire good technical help. A staffer didn’t swap out the default images in the MySpace template he was using for the candidate, and didn’t credit the template’s creator. When the designer learned of this, he uploaded new default images to his own server, which were then pulled onto McCain’s page. The new images made it seem as if McCain supported same-sex marriage.
• After an Arkansas Senate committee rejected a bill to ban same-sex and unmarried couples from adopting or fostering, a conservative Christian group that backed the ban is threatening to revive it as a 2008 ballot initiative.
• Two LGBT-rights bills passed the California Assembly Judiciary Committee. One would add sexual orientation and sex (including gender identity) to the state’s non-discrimination laws. The second would let domestic partners change their surnames as part of the domestic-partnership registration process, instead of by separate and costly court procedures. The bill would also allow any straight man to take his wife’s surname without a similar hassle. (Thanks, PageOneQ.) Read the rest of this post »

Paying Children for Grades

Would you pay your child $100 for making the honor roll? Or $20 for each A? Some parents swear by monetary grade incentives, reports the Hartford Courant. Others say the practice sends the wrong message, and the good behavior will disappear if the reward does. They also worry it may cause parents to ignore the root causes of poor grades, such as depression or learning difficulties.

My immediate reaction is that I personally wouldn’t want to do this. I think children need to learn there are some things one should strive for because they have inherent value, not because there’s a cash reward. Paying cash for grades risks leading to an overemphasis on money as the most important goal in life. (Not that it’s insignificant, but one should strike a balance.) I also believe there should be as much reward for a good effort as for achieving any particular grades or honors. Lastly, I wonder how many of these parents giving their children large sums of cash are also instructing them in good financial habits (saving, shopping for the best value, etc.)

Having said that, I don’t want to be categorical about this. There are as many different situations as there are parents and children. I’m sure there are some cases where a monetary incentive—one-time or ongoing—has a positive effect in both the short and long term. Thoughts or experiences from anyone else?

Final Days to Help Family Pride Bring Home the Bacon

I wrote earlier this month about a charitable challenge offered by actor Kevin Bacon. Bacon’s Six Degrees organization (in conjunction with Network for Good) will give a matching grant of $10,000 to the six non-profits with the highest number of unique donors before March 31st at 11:59pm ET.

The Family Pride Coalition is battling for one of these spots, and is now in fourth place. Family Pride is the group behind events such as Family Week in Provincetown and getting LGBT families to participate visibly in the White House Egg Roll. They publish a slew of resources for LGBT parents and parents’ groups. Executive Director Jennifer Chrisler has also been a balancing voice when those on the ultra-right speak against our families in the media.

The contest is all about the number of donors, so contributions of even $10 (the minimum to pay by credit card) will help. (Multiple donations from a single individual only count once.) You can donate through the image in this post or the link in my right-hand sidebar. If you have your own site or blog, put up a badge and encourage your readers to participate.

Two more days—and remember, even small donations count!

Interview with Young Adult and Children’s Book Author Julie Anne Peters

Julie Anne Peters is the acclaimed author of numerous books for young adults and children. Several of them have LGBT protagonists, or, in one case, a protagonist with lesbian moms. Her young adult novel Between Mom and Jo is in fact a finalist in this year’s Lambda Literary Awards. Her 2004 book, Luna, about a transsexual teen, was a finalist for the National Book Award. Her other young-adult novels have won numerous prizes from the American Library Association and elsewhere, including several awards based on the votes of young readers themselves. She has also written a popular (non-LGBT) middle-grade series about “The Snob Squad.”

Peters wasn’t a creative-writing major who edited her school’s literary magazine before bursting into the publishing world, however. She first worked as a computer systems engineer, a fifth-grade teacher, and a concessionaire at a zoo. She holds a master’s degree in business information systems; a B.S. in computer science, and a B.A. in elementary education. She quit her job the day she decided to become a writer, though, and never looked back. Lucky for us.

Below, she talks about her writing process, her upcoming book, portraying parents, the musical adaptation of one of her works (complete with punks and goths), and what parents can do to ensure books like hers continue to make it onto school and library shelves. Read the rest of this post »

Grass-Seed Caterpillar

Gardening season is upon us, even here in the Northeast where winter tends to linger. To get in the spirit before you tackle tomatoes or cabbage, try making a grass-seed caterpillar with your kids.

The short instructions are to mix dirt and grass seed and stuff into an old nylon stocking, then water and wait. (I always knew the femme part of my wardrobe would come in handy.) See this page from the Claude E. Phillips Herbarium for full details. (I should give credit, however, to the April issue of my son’s Your Big Backyard magazine for first alerting me to the idea, though they don’t yet have this project online.)

Two Million GLB People Want to Adopt, Study Says

A major new study on GLB adoption and fostering has found that an estimated two million GLB people are interested in adopting. More than half of gay men and 41 percent of lesbians want to have a child. The study, Adoption and Foster Care by Gay and Lesbian Parents in the United States, by the Williams Institute at UCLA, also concluded that: Read the rest of this post »

Kid’s Toys from the Hardware Store: Level

My son loves to help with projects around the house, though at three and a half, he is often more earnest than useful. Still, my partner and I don’t want to dissuade him, so we’re always on the lookout for parts of the job suitable for his skills. Placing and reading a level is just the thing, more so because it means he can use a tool from the otherwise mostly forbidden Grownup Toolbox.

Just be warned you may have everything in your house measured for alignment once your young one gets started.

(One in an ongoing series.)