Conservatism, Apathy, and Other Scary Things

Today is Halloween, but it’s also one week before the U. S. elections. I thought it was appropriate, therefore, to write about a few things that scare me.

Less than 40 percent of those eligible have voted in midterm elections during the past 20 years. I’m scared Democratic voters will see Republicans reeling from the Mark Foley scandal and growing discontent over the war in Iraq, and assume the battle is won. The stakes are too high for that, especially since Democrats have a real chance to regain control at many levels. They need six seats for control of the Senate, and 15 for the House. A net gain of four seats would give them a majority of governors’ mansions. In fourteen state legislatures, a shift of five seats or fewer could mean a difference.

I’m also scared because eight states have ballot initiatives to ban same-sex marriage. Since the New Jersey ruling, President Bush has added gay marriage to taxes and terrorism as key issues with which to motivate Republican voters. He railed against judges who “legislate from the bench,” forgetting that the New Jersey Supreme Court left it up to the state legislature to decide whether to use the term “marriage” or “civil union” for legal same-sex partnerships. I don’t believe Bush will win many new converts by this, but he may motivate existing supporters to get to the polls in a week.

I’m scared my son will grow up in a world that tells him his parents’ love is worth less than that of other parents, that his family faces additional financial burdens because of this, that we have to carry paperwork every time we travel to prove our relationship to each other, that there’s no guarantee a hospital wouldn’t prevent one of his moms from visiting him because they question the validity of our legal bond. I’m scared he will grow up viewing the United States government as an entity that takes away rights and freedoms, rather than protects them.

As parents, it’s easy to skip the little extra tasks that intrude into our schedules. Make a point this year to get to the polls or send in an absentee ballot. Talk with your neighbors and other parents at playgroups and schools—not the ones with the “Limbaugh ‘08″ bumper stickers, but those who are generally accepting of you and your family. They simply may not have thought through the direct impact of their votes on your lives. Talk with your children, if they are old enough, about the democratic process. If they are grown, make sure they vote, too. Let’s make Halloween night, not the morning of November 8, the last scary time of the year.

National Novel Writing Month

A trashy lesbian romance? A dark allegory about modern life? A young-adult mystery? If you think you have it in you, give it a try during National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo), in which participants attempt to write a 175-page (50,000-word) novel between November 1 and November 30. The object is not necessarily to produce a good novel, but rather to let go your inhibitions and complete one:

It’s all about quantity, not quality. The kamikaze approach forces you to lower your expectations, take risks, and write on the fly.

Make no mistake: You will be writing a lot of crap. And that’s a good thing. By forcing yourself to write so intensely, you are giving yourself permission to make mistakes. To forgo the endless tweaking and editing and just create. To build without tearing down.

Last year, 59,000 people participated and over 9700 completed their novels. The NaNoWriMo has more information on how to participate and have your novel counted. Finishers get an official “Winner” web icon and certificate. There are numerous support forums and resources, so you won’t feel like you’re going it alone. Lifehacker also offers useful advice in the comments on their announcement of the event.

All ages are welcome, and there’s even a special site for those 12 and under (who must get a parent’s permission to join). NaNoWriMo says children can gain fluency, confidence, creativity, and time management skills from the exercise, though they urge parents to ensure rest, ergonomics, and appropriate prioritzation in their writing progeny.

If any readers are participating, let me know if you’re putting excerpts online. I’ll post links to them so others can send you messages of encouragement. Write on!

The Cost of College: Cheaper for the Rich?

“For the wealthy with lots of financial assets, college costs less than it used to. For those who depend on their jobs for income, the opposite is true.”

That’s the conclusion of the College Board, a research firm, as reported in Saturday’s New York Times.
When expressed as weeks of pay needed to finance four years of college, costs have more than doubled in the last thirty years for both private and public institutions. When expressed as units of the Standard & Poor’s 500 Index, costs have dropped by more than half. In dollars, the costs are daunting no matter how you fund them, the average price of a private four-year college this year was $30,367; a public one was $12,796. Both were up almost 6 percent from last year, higher than the rate of inflation.

Past performance being no guarantee of future results, I think it makes sense both to work hard and invest for our children’s education. (Not to mention the fact that most of us need to work to have money to invest in the first place.) If you’re considering a 529 college savings plan or want tips on other options for college savings, try Savingforcollege.com. They do not sell investments or offer individual investment advice. Instead, they offer lots of information including savings-plan basics, ratings, calculators, news, links to enrollment forms, and more.

The Cash Value of Legal Unions

The New York Times has an article today on the financial impact of the New Jersey same-sex union/marriage ruling to couples in the state. (Registration required.) Featured in the article are partners Cynthia and Lucy Vandenberg, who ennumerate the thousands they have spent to secure rights and benefits that married couples rarely have to pay to receive. Although in my opinion, the New Jersey ruling stops short of full equality, it will ease financial burdens on same-sex couples—and their children—and should be praised as far as that goes. The article is a good one to share with acquaintances who may not have thought through the financial issues surrounding same-sex unions.

The Vandenbergs’ story is also interesting because they are raising their son in conjunction with a gay male couple. One of the men is the boy’s biological father, and the other will father a second child for the Vandenbergs. Yet another example to show how ridiculous it is to rule (as New York did) that children should be raised by a mother and a father. I’m sure this isn’t what the justices had in mind. Point is, children thrive in many different types of families, and to legislate that one is best flies in the face of current examples, history, and cultural variation.

Job Searches for Lesbian Moms and Other Niche Groups

The headline on Tech Crunch caught my eye this morning: “Simply Hired, Now for Senior Gay Mothers Who Love Dogs & the Environment.” The post was about job search engine Simply Hired, which offers specialty searches of gay-friendly companies, mom-friendly companies, eco-friendly companies, and even dog-friendly companies. Now they also offer a search for senior-friendly companies. The results are based on various external corporate rankings, such as HRC’s Best Places to Work list.

Despite the headline suggesting cross-referencing, the company has yet to institute a way for people to search across the various categories, though it’s apparently working on that. If you want to find companies that are friendly to both lesbians and moms, you’ll have to compare results by hand.

Even once you can search across categories, though, it may pat to do additional research. I’ve written before about the limitations of the various “Best Places to Work” lists, and how a company that rates well on one list can fail in other areas. Still, a search engine like Simply Hired is a good place to start your investigations.

I should note, too, that much of Simply Hired’s funding comes from Fox Interactive Media, which is owned by News Corp, parent of the right-slanted Fox News. (Having said that, there are rumors that News Corp’s chair, Rupert Murdoch, is swinging left in his political views, and taking Fox News with him. Personally, I think Fox has made enough of a name for itself as the conservative news network that it’s not about to change.) Whether their connection to Simply Hired is close enough to affect your use of the service is, of course, up to you.

Weekly Political Roundup

The New Jersey marriage decision dominated the political news this week. Time didn’t stand still elsewhere, however:

• The Human Rights Campaign has fired a “junior” staff member after that person admitted to the first—and unauthorized—Web publication of sexual e-mails sent by then-Congressman Mark Foley to former House pages.
• Polls in Arizona and Virginia show opposition to proposed same-sex marriage bans is increasing. In Arizona, the opposition has a slight majority. In Virginia, supporters of the ban still lead, but by a narrowing ten-point spread.
• Republicans in Indiana plan to push for a second vote to ban same-sex marriage. This vote, confirming one held last year, is a prerequisite for amending the state constitution. 365Gay reports that the amendment would also ban civil unions and threaten domestic-partnership benefits and other legal protections for unmarried families. State Republicans also want to bar lesbians and gay men from fostering or adopting children.
• In a meeting with LGBT leaders in New York City, Hillary Clinton says her view on same-sex marriage has “evolved.” She now seems to take a position identical to that of the New Jersey Supreme Court, believing in equality in everything but name: “I believe in full equality of benefits, nothing left out. From my perspective there is a greater likelihood of us getting to that point in civil unions or domestic partnerships and that is my very considered assessment.” (Steve S. also wrote to point out this article on Clinton’s talk.)
• The Washington State Supreme Court said it will not change its endorsement of Washington’s same-sex marriage ban. Gay and lesbian couples had asked the justices to reconsider their earlier ruling upholding the Defense of Marriage Act. The move was a long shot, given that the Court rarely reconsiders previous decisions.

Around the world:

• In Canada, groups are lobbying Parliament on both sides of the same-sex marriage debate, hoping to sway MPs before an expected vote on the issue later this year. The vote could overturn the groundbreaking legislation that legalized same-sex marriage throughout the country. (Thanks, April!)
• In Vancouver, postal workers walked out after refusing to deliver an anti-gay pamphlet that their union regards as “homophobic” and “hate mail.”
• Opposition to the World Pride March continues in Israel. Some conservative activists have threatened violence if the march goes ahead as planned on November 10.

If there’s ever LGBT political news in your locale that you’d like me to consider covering, please drop me a note.

Welcome, Queercents Readers

Welcome to those of you visiting today from Queercents, and thanks to Nina Smith for asking me to participate in her “Ten Money Questions” feature. Finances and parenting are intertwined, no matter how much we wish they weren’t, and this goes double for LGBT families.

I hope those of you visiting for the first time find something of interest here. I write about parenting, LGBT politics, books and activities for kids, lesbian culture, women’s and children’s health, and anything else that seems relevant to lesbian families. Much is also applicable to gay dads, and even straight families, and I always welcome your comments and perspectives, too.

If you’re a regular Mombian reader, but haven’t yet discovered Queercents, I recommend popping over and having a look around. Nina and the other talented writers there make personal finance both fun and useful.

Quotes about Motherhood in Honor of LGBT History Month, IV

Audre Lorde is the next author in my series of quotes about motherhood in honor of LGBT History Month. Again, these quotes are meant to represent a wide variety of views. I hope they spark a bit of interest in reading some of the lesbian authors of our past.

I see the nurturing principle as also one of the saviors of the human race, whether it occurs in women or whether it occurs in men. I am very much in touch with mine. I think we are all mothers in that sense. You see, what we have done essentially, is relegate to that word “mother” a whole set of feelings and patterns of relationships with other human beings that are basically nurturing, that are basically helpful. We’ve said, those belong to mother and nowhere else. I believe that the word “mother” needs to be fed into the grinder and come out M-H-T, whatever, come out initials, or come out just pap which we can then spread, because I believe it is part and parcel of us all, and I think it’s one of the saving principles of human relationships, that we do help each other, that we do respond in terms of survival and teaching. And that’s what motherhood is all about.
—Conversations With Audre Lorde

Travel Guide: San Francisco Bay Area

As promised, here’s a thread for our next travel guide installment. This week’s location of choice is the San Francisco Bay Area. (Boston was last week, and I’ve been writing about New Jersey for two days, so it’s time to switch coasts.) If you live in the Bay Area or have visited, please leave comments about things to do and see (especially, but not exclusively, LGBT- and/or family-friendly activities). What are the famous sites that are worthwhile? What are the obscure gems the guidebooks forget? For kids’ activities, what age range will find them most attractive?

Marriage and Semantics: More on the New Jersey Decision

I’m left with very mixed feelings about the New Jersey marriage ruling. On the one hand, the ruling means definite progress and protections for same-sex couples in New Jersey. As Pam of Pam’s House Blend writes:

The judges in this case may have split hairs over the word “marriage,” but in doing so provide a ruling that goes out of its way to define fairness and equality under the law, which is the crux of this battle, which has often been muddied in blather over tradition, religions, procreation and all sorts of matters that are irrelevant to whether discrimination is occurring (see the NY decision on this for insanity over). Again, from the ruling:

The State does not argue that limiting marriage to the union of a man and a woman is needed to encourage procreation or to create the optimal living environment for children. Other than sustaining the traditional definition of marriage, which is not implicated in this discussion, the State has not articulated any legitimate public need for depriving committed same-sex couples of the host of benefits and privileges that are afforded to married heterosexual couples. There is, on the one hand, no rational basis for giving gays and lesbians full civil rights as individuals while, on the other hand, giving them an incomplete set of rights when they enter into committed same-sex relationships. To the extent that families are strengthened by encouraging monogamous relationships, whether heterosexual or homosexual, the Court cannot discern a public need that would justify the legal disabilities that now afflict same-sex domestic partnerships.

Pam’s absolutely right. The New Jersey ruling is vastly superior to the New York one, which was largely rooted in a worldview that defined marriage by children and a mother and father as the best pair to raise them. New Jersey categorically said same-sex couples must have the same rights and protections as opposite-sex ones.

On the other hand, I find myself agreeing with the dissenting opinion of Chief Justice Deborah T. Poritz and Justices Virginia Long and James R. Zazzali: Read the rest of this post »