School-Lunch Monitoring

Should parents be able to prevent their children from buying certain items in the school cafeteria? Newsweek reports on a new cafeteria checkout system that monitors what each child eats so that parents can view the information online. This could provide the opportunity for discussion about healthy eating choices, although it does seem a bit Big Motherish.

The system also allows parents to specify foods children can’t have, and then alerts the cashier if their kids try to purchase them. As the article notes, however, kids can easily find their way around this by trading with friends. There’s also a lesson about trust that gets lost here. Still, the system may have some use if it prevents children with allergies from buying certain foods.

One wonders, too: Why don’t schools just work harder to provide healthy choices in the first place? This is an issue of both financial and personnel resources, and I don’t want to make it seem like there’s a simple solution. Still, some schools are making efforts and finding that the benefits include increased academic performance because students are calmer, more focused, and feel better physically. This makes any cost increase seem more like an investment.

If you’re interested in learning more about what’s being done (and what you can do) to improve school lunch programs, take a look at Healthy School Lunches, a campaign sponsored by the Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine (PCRM), the School Foods Tool Kit, and “Can School Lunches Be Sustainable?,” which also has links to many other resources.

Allied Against the Mommy Wars and for LGBT Rights

Like most observers of a war that doesn’t directly involve them, I thought I was safe. The “Mommy Wars” pitting employed mothers against stay-at-homes, accusing the latter of betraying feminism, didn’t seem to apply to me. While I was indeed a stay-at-home mom, I thought that by doing so as a lesbian I was transforming the institution, and thus had a special protection against any claims of feminist sell-out.

Now today’s New York Times points out the opinion of playwright and City University of New York professor Sarah Schulman:

As a teacher, she said, she sees a lot of younger gay people, especially women adopting the heterosexual fantasy that even Barbie has distanced herself from — “that someday they will meet the right person and they will get married and they will have children.” She fears that lesbian mothers are embracing a “poverty model” and taking themselves out of the running to be the next George Sand or Emma Goldman.

Oh, please. Let’s stop the lesbian version of the Mommy Wars before it starts. A quick tour around the lesbian-mom blogosphere would show Schulman that many of us are creating our own types of family roles and relationships, not merely imitating a tired heterosexual stereotype. Furthermore, far from stifling our creative juices, motherhood gives many of us an inspirational jolt. One example of both points is the well-written essay collection Confessions of the Other Mother: Non-Biological Lesbian Mothers Tell All. Several of its contributors continue to delight and enlighten us with their blogs on lesbian parenting. Whether their work will be compared to Sands or Goldman is a matter for history to decide, but they are not “taking themselves out of the running.”

While Schulman may be lending credence to the media-hyped “Mommy Wars,” organizations like Moms Rising, the Motherhood Project, and the National Association of Mothers’ Centers (NAMC) are calling for a cease-fire and a refocus on issues that can really help moms, such as improved childcare and healthcare benefits, expanded after-school programs, and more flexible work schedules.

All good things. For me, though, a large part of the burden associated with being a mom stems from my unrecognized relationship to my partner. We pay extra taxes on the health insurance I receive from her employer. This means less for our son’s college-savings account, not to mention the everyday necessities. I cannot contribute to an IRA while staying at home, like women with employed husbands can. This means I may have to go back to work sooner in order to save up for retirement. And we’re among the lucky ones, with a court order stating that we’re both the legal parents of our child.

Despite their claims to be fighting for the rights of all mothers, there is little, if any, information in the above mothers’-rights sites about lesbian moms. Expanded childcare, healthcare, and family leave options are only good, however, if a mom is recognized as a mom and can partake of the options. It’s unfair, too, if some mothers are taxed on those benefits while others are not.

It seems to me, therefore, that there is an opportunity here for both lesbian and straight moms to join together to improve the lot of all—really all—mothers. Part of this will involve working towards parental and relationship recognition for lesbian moms. Part of it will involve addressing common needs.

How do we begin? Visit the above sites, get involved, be out, start a dialogue. I make no claims to brilliant solutions here, but I do know that women working together are a powerful force. Your comments and suggestions are welcome.

Weekly Political Roundup

This week’s headliner was the unfortunate Washington marriage ruling, about which I wrote earlier. It’s on to the legislature for our friends in the West.

In other news:

• In politically relevant religious news, the Episcopalian Bishop of Arkansas has endorsed “blessing ceremonies” for same-sex couples. He notes that no formal rites exist for such ceremonies, so they will be local observances in each church. They will also have no legal standing in Arkansas, which has banned same-sex marriages. Still, this is a nice show of support for our relationships.
• Maryland’s Supreme Court has agreed to hear a case challenging the state’s definition of marriage as one man-one woman. The Court will hear arguments in the case in late November or early December.
• The Massachusetts legislature overrode a veto by Governor Mitt Romney and created a new commission on gay and lesbian youth. The new group will operate away from the control of the governor’s office. Romney then abolished the state’s 14-year-old governor’s commission on gay and lesbian youth, saying two such groups were unnecessary. LGBT activists had moved to create a separate commission after they disagreed with Romney about the goals and activities of the organization.
• Oklahoma gained its first out legislator when Al McAffrey won the democratic primary. Like Arkansas’ first out legislator, Patricia Todd, who won her primary last week, he faces no Republican challenger in November, and so is the presumed winner of the seat.

And two international notes:

• Britain’s Law Lords will hand down a decision next week in a pivotal case involving a British lesbian couple. The pair were legally married in Canada, and wish to have that marriage recognized in the U. K. The U. K.’s Civil Partnership Act says that same-sex marriages from other jurisdictions will be treated as civil partnerships, not as marriages. Supporters say this is a landmark case, not only for same-sex marriage rights in the U. K., but also as part of the movement to secure global recognition of Canadian same-sex marriages.
• The Law Lords earlier this week, however, handed down a judgement that shows little understanding of same-sex families. In a custody case involving a separated lesbian couple, they overturned an earlier ruling that had awarded custody to the non-biological partner. This week, they concluded that “A child should not be removed from the primary care of his or her biological parents without compelling reason.”

Writer Seeks Stories on Outings With Kids

From ParentHacks comes a note about writer Barbara Aria, who is seeking stories about how to take young children on “grown-up” outings—to museums, restaurants, shopping, etc. She’s using them in an article for an unspecified women’s magazine. I think it’s important for us lesbian moms to have our voices heard on general parenting issues, as well as LGBT-specific ones. Helps break down the barriers. If you want to contribute, you can e-mail Barbara at b.aria@earthlink.net.

HRC Redesigns Site, Adds Resources

The Human Rights Campaign launched a redesigned Web site this week, going for a cleaner, bolder look, with news items front and center. It’s more, well, blog-like. Truth be told, I kind of miss the organization by issue—work, family, community, coming out—that they used to have. These topics are still there, in a “Hot Issues” dropdown on the side, but aren’t quite as central. Maybe it’s a good thing, though, that people are coming to HRC for daily news, and not just resources when they have a problem or specific concern.

Some sections of the site, including portions of the HRC Family Project, are still in the process of switching over to the new design. Having worked on Web site redesigns myself a number of times, I appreciate the time it takes to convert an entire site to a new look and feel. I applaud HRC for working continuously to improve their site and keep it fresh. Some other LGBT organizations could take a lesson from this. We’re here, we’re queer, and we’re obsessively online. Fresh, well organized content will drive traffic and concomitant donations. (Even HRC isn’t perfect in this regard, though. Their Elections page still highlights the 2004 congressional elections.)

New content includes an updated Coming Out resource guide and a new section titled “Justice for All: The Importance of a Fair and Balanced Judiciary to the GLBT Community.” Check it out, if you’re interested.

Ways to Avoid Domestic Boredom

There’s been some buzz around the blogosphere today about moms who are either bored by their children, or (less controversially) by the domestic tasks accompanying motherhood. Both Blogging Baby and MotherTalkers already have good comment threads going on the subject (and opinions are strong), so I thought I’d take a different approach, and share some ideas for avoiding boredom with domestic tasks.

• Engage your children in household chores. You’d be surprised how early you can do this—pretty much as soon as they can walk. Having your non-boring child help with boring chores is one of the best ways to make an old task seem new. Play train as you drag the laundry basket down the hall; play basketball as you shoot the clothes into the washer. Have them help in the kitchen. This takes more time than doing it yourself, but it’s a whole lot more fun.
• Start a blog. If it’s not about motherhood, then you’ll have an excuse to think about something else during naptimes and in the evening. If it is about motherhood, then every domestic chore becomes blog fodder. View them as a reporter, not as a worker. Find points of broad interest. Find funny angles.
• Switch tasks with your partner once in a while. If you usually cook and she cleans up, have her cook one night. A change in perspective can fend off boredom.
• Find a new way to organize your tasks. Lifehacker is full of good ideas for time management, electronic to-do managers and other productivity tips. While much of it is geared towards those employed outside the home, a lot is applicable to stay-at-homes as well. More organization means less time spent.
• Take a day off. The world won’t end if you don’t do laundry for a day (though I recommend making sure you have an extra pair of underwear first). Take your child to the park, do a special art project, or find something else you enjoy doing together. Step away from the clutter and remember that parenting isn’t about how many loads of laundry you do, but about how many games you play, books you read, and birds you see together.

Overdoing It

Word to the wise: Never work out the day of a marriage-equality defeat. Doubly so if you watched Workout the night before.

Creaking to the bathroom to pop some Ibuprofen. . . . Will post again later, if my arms still work.

Monopoly Offers Visa Debit Card Instead of Cash

A fun, somewhat nostalgic post to take our minds off the dismal Washington marriage ruling.

If you’re in the U. K., you can now buy a version of Monopoly with a Visa debit card reader instead of cash. (Thanks to Boing Boing for the tip.) The electronic version is priced around twice as much as the paper one.

I don’t know about this. I played a lot of Monopoly as a kid. For me, part of the fun of the game was the ritual of counting out the cash and passing it back and forth during the game. It was nice to gain something tangible when someone landed on my railroads. I learned about money and counting, and used the game to help teach my younger brother the same.

I understand the need to keep up with the times. My son has seen me use my credit card more than cash. By the time he’s grown, paper money may be something only for collectors. Still, I hope Monopoly continues to offer paper versions, at least for younger players. A card reader can teach about modern finance, but won’t provide the same chance for arithmetic practice. Games should be fun—but why not throw in a little education when you can?

Scrabble is another game that comes to mind in this regard. What games do you play with your kids to slip in learning among the cards and dice?

Washington Supreme Court Upholds Same-Sex Marriage Ban

Well, they’ve done it again. Just like the New York Court of Appeals, the Washington state Supreme Court upheld the state’s same-sex marriage ban, citing “the State’s legitimate interests in procreation and the well-being of children.”

News flash: We’re here, we’re queer, and many of us are procreating. In some cases, we’re raising children other people have procreated— but whom they cannot themselves care for. Doesn’t the state’s legitimate interest extend to this? What message are they sending to our children? (Leaving aside the whole issue of what should be done about childless opposite-sex couples or divorcing opposite-sex couples with children. . . .)

It’s not over yet, however. The Court, while upholding the right of the legislature to ban same-sex marriage, also said:

We see no reason, however, why the legislature or the people acting through the initiative process would be foreclosed from extending the right to marry to gay and lesbian couples in Washington. It is important to note that the court’s role is limited to determining the constitutionality of DOMA and that our decision is not based on an independent determination of what we believe the law should be.

As in New York, therefore, the Washington Court believes that same-sex marriage is a legislative, not a judicial issue: “But, while same-sex marriage may be the law at a future time, it will be because the people declare it to be, not because five members of this court have dictated it.”

Advocacy group Equal Rights Washington is on the ball, saying, “This ruling shifts our focus to the state Legislature, where we will seek to change state law so same-sex couples can legally marry.”

More power to you. In the meantime, our next, best hope is New Jersey. I’ve been receiving e-mail from Garden State Equality saying they expect a ruling any day now.

Washington to Announce Same-Sex Marriage Ruling Tomorrow

Tomorrow, the Washington state Supreme Court will announce its decision in Andersen v. King County, a consolidated case regarding Washington’s Defense of Marriage Act. (Thanks to Pam’s House Blend for the heads up.)

Equal Rights Washington has information on events and gatherings around the state, which they will keep updated.

As lesbian moms, we’re used to waiting: for pregnancy results, prospective adoptees, adoption papers, labor. . . . but I’m not sure if that makes it any easier. My thoughts are with those of you in Washington.